How do you explain to Grandma that she can no longer live on her own?
How do you explain to Grandma why she can no longer live in her own home alone or why she can no longer keep her own checking account balanced. When we try to explain, she says things like..Haven't you ever forgotten anything? Is your house always perfectly kept?... She doesn't know what she doesn't know. She chose a new room in an assisted living faciltiy last year. Now that it is finished and we moved her in two months ago...she doesn't understand. She is angry and resentful. She chose this and this is the best for her. She should not be living alone anymore. She believes we are punishing her. We are trying to be patient. Her numerous phone calls range from angry and venomous to very depressed.
Expert Answer
The question is about your grandma's disease and the loss of independence; that is what she is really angry at. You have answered your own question without realizing it and have done so with compassion and good common sense. She can no longer live in her own home nor can she balance her checkbook therefore, she must have other living conditions and someone to take charge of her money. The fact that she chose the Assisted Living underscores her own wishes.
There may not be much you can do to reason with her or to try to get her to understand why these decisions were made. Lengthy explanations will most likely lead to exaggerated anger and resentment.
Keep your verbal interactions with her simple and consistent. The negative responses most likely will pass in time as dementia worsens and she becomes more adjusted to her surroundings. Try to remember this is not about being popular with grandmom - it is about keeping her safe and well cared for. It sounds like you are already doing a fine job at both of these. Don't be upset with yourself - pat yourself on the back for a job well done!