How can I help my mother deal with the lumps in her breasts?
My mom is 88 years old, and she has lumps in both breasts. She refuses to have an MRI done. Her doctor knows about these lumps, but mom has told her doctor that she does not want to do anything about them because she is too old. What should I do?
Expert Answer
It may be that all you really can do is nothing. You could respectfully express your unhappiness and concern about your mom's decision, but it may not change her mind. It is indeed unfortunate that without an MRI, you don't know if her breast lumps are benign or malignant, and if they are malignant, how aggressive the cancer is, or not.
It might help if you contact her doctor to ask for an opinion about the decision your mom has made. However, bear in mind that she is in charge of her own medical care, and is entitled to make decisions that may be unpopular to those who care about her.
Given your mom's age, she has probably witnessed what happens when an elderly person undergoes treatment for a life-threatening illness. She may have seen friends, neighbors, or relatives who've actually gotten sicker from treatment. This might leave her reluctant to face a similar outcome.
Unless you feel she is unfit to make such decisions about her own medical treatment, you may have to find a way to make peace with your mom's wishes. Perhaps she prefers to live the remainder of her life with as little medical intervention or invasive therapy as possible. If that's the case, it might be wise to turn your attention to making her remaining time comfortable and peaceful rather than engaging in conflict with her about this. This course of action might ensure better quality of life for both of you.