Is it normal to be still grieving three years later?

2 answers | Last updated: Oct 31, 2016
A fellow caregiver asked...

My father committed suicide three years ago. I have been to counseling, but I still get to feeling sad and guilty. I miss him so much. Is it normal to still feel this way. I seem to be having a harder time with it than my Mom and even she has bad days.

Community Answers

Bleu232 answered...

My husband committed suicide and it is typicial to feel quilty and or have people blame others. People that committ suicide had some real issues.Just remember if you were that powerful to make someone committ suicide would you not have taken out a few since? people do not get people to kill themselvesl. Get some counsling and hug your mother and let her hug you

Alysandir answered...

It's small consolation, but many people who've lost loved ones experience guilt, regardless of how the loved one died; you're not alone or in any way atypical for having feelings of guilt. We feel like we could've, should've done something that would've changed the outcome, even if there is no rational way we could've done that. It's an unfortunate consequence of the brain trying to make sense of something it just can't make sense of, and that's the linear nature of our lives.

To that end, you have to keep reminding yourself that you are not responsible in any way, shape, or form for what happened. You cannot accept that kind of responsibility over your father's life or the disease he was fighting, even if you would've done so gladly. You could not have known about the disease he was fighting that made him see things the way he did, nor could you have cured it even if you had known. Blaming yourself for not being superhuman is not rational.