Is it normal to be still grieving three years later?

3 answers | Last updated: Jul 31, 2017
A fellow caregiver asked...

My father committed suicide three years ago. I have been to counseling, but I still get to feeling sad and guilty. I miss him so much. Is it normal to still feel this way. I seem to be having a harder time with it than my Mom and even she has bad days.



Community Answers

Bleu232 answered...

My husband committed suicide and it is typicial to feel quilty and or have people blame others. People that committ suicide had some real issues.Just remember if you were that powerful to make someone committ suicide would you not have taken out a few since? people do not get people to kill themselvesl. Get some counsling and hug your mother and let her hug you


Alysandir answered...

It's small consolation, but many people who've lost loved ones experience guilt, regardless of how the loved one died; you're not alone or in any way atypical for having feelings of guilt. We feel like we could've, should've done something that would've changed the outcome, even if there is no rational way we could've done that. It's an unfortunate consequence of the brain trying to make sense of something it just can't make sense of, and that's the linear nature of our lives.

To that end, you have to keep reminding yourself that you are not responsible in any way, shape, or form for what happened. You cannot accept that kind of responsibility over your father's life or the disease he was fighting, even if you would've done so gladly. You could not have known about the disease he was fighting that made him see things the way he did, nor could you have cured it even if you had known. Blaming yourself for not being superhuman is not rational.


Jack98 answered...

I too am struggling and crying about the loss of my daughter's suicide 1 1/2 years ago. As a father, it is my responsibility to take care of my daughter. Although, as mentioned in this post, you can't blame yourself as how would you know. The guilt is unbearable as each situation is unique. I feel that I will never ne able to cope as I go into sessions of grief looking for answers. A friend helps and I go to a group, but it will never end. Those who rely on the bible and God mean well, but it doesn't help. The bible is what it is and the bible thumping hypocrites who do not allow others to think independently do more harm than good, regardless of their good intentions. I miss my daughter so much it hurts. Sometimes I can't bear to look at photographs and other times I listen to 2 voicemails 4 months prior and can't figure out how one can go from point A to point B in 4 months? There is a lot more, but I can see now that I will struggle for the remainder of my life. All I can say is that when you gave the mental clarity, pray for understanding and acceptance. I am still struggling with both understanding and acceptance. I hope others an easier road than mine. I hope and did not intend to offend any bible thumpers.