How do I overcome my grief and my guilt?

2 answers | Last updated: Sep 14, 2017
A fellow caregiver asked...

How do I overcome guilt from putting my mom in an assisted living. I never felt at peace about it and she cried all the time and wanted to come home. I had hoped she would find a friend or two, but she was not interested at age 91and had moderate dementia. She went down hill rapidly and died 10 weeks later. I think she died from a broken heart. I made her life so miserable the last few months by taking her out of her home.

Community Answers

Kidme56 answered...

Each Individual grieve differently.Oftentimes people don't socialize bec.going out appears like you are celebrating the passing of your love one most often the perception of others.When my mom died we did not go out much but our relatives & friends came to give support and we express our grieve,good memories together.

Tater answered...

Sometimes there are no perfect solutions to dilemmas, such as that you faced with your mother. Some of the issues we face as caregivers seem to be no-win situations. Suppose you left her in her home, and she inadvertently left the stove on, and caused a fire that might have killed her, and others?

You had no choice given that she had moderate dimentia. We are going through a situation with my father who needs skilled care, and my mother is unable to do it at home, and does not want to even try (she struggles to care for herself, and can take on no more).

My father is now angry about being in a "home," but I know that his level of care is better than he would get at his house or at mine, even with paid "helpers" which we tried. I also have guilty feelings, but I try to focus on the fact that I am forced to avoid the "worst possible" situation, realizing that none of my choices are "winners."

It is difficult to be happy when our parents suffer, but I hope YOU realize that you did what you HAD to do for her safety and for the safety of others. And I am very very sorry that she could not thank you for your concern and efforts, and for making a difficult decision that WAS in her best interest.