What course of action is appropriate when someone else has my husbands remains ?

2 answers | Last updated: Sep 14, 2017
A fellow caregiver asked...

im having a big problem with my step daughter going behind my back to get the cemetery to send her my husband's cremains. then she posted it on facebook offering them to certain memers of the family, i had plans for a very nice memorial spot by his parents in the river of souls and the other parts to make necklaces and other momentoms for all his children and his relatives who wanted them then the rest were going up in his friends helicopter, he alwyas wanted to fly a helicopter and scatter them over the coast he grew up on, the cemetery cant give me a straight answer why they sent them to her and the cornoners office said the cemetery had specific instructions to send his cremains to me, its breaking the younger 3 childrens heart and really has me hurt

Expert Answers

Rebekah Peoples, CFSP, CPC, Is a licensed funeral director and embalmer. She is passionate about serving others and believes that giving clients honest, accurate information empowers them to create tributes and services that are meaningful and appropriate. Her tips about funerals and life can be found at www.funeral411.com.

This is a hard thing for you to be dealing with, besides the loss of your husband. Please accept my condolences.

When you signed to authorize the cremation of your husband's body, there should have been a section on that document (or a separate form in some states) where it stated what the crematory was to do with his cremated remains. Check your paperwork. It sounds like the coroner knew they were to go to you, and the fact that you're not getting a straight answer from the cemetery sounds like they knew too and that someone didn't check the paperwork before sending them to her.

If she posted an offer on Facebook for family members to receive them, get a family member or two that you trust to get them from her and give them to you. You may try getting another family member to intercede for you to explain to her what your plans are his cremated remains and that she is included in those plans. Or contact her yourself and tell her that your plans for them also include a necklace or other item for her and other family members with a portion of his remains incorporated into it. Otherwise, contact an attorney. Many will offer a free consultation or a preliminary one for a small fee.

Community Answers

Leanne.denise answered...

Very good advice and thanks for your kind condolence, leanne : )