When should Mom move in to a nursing home?

1 answer | Last updated: Nov 06, 2016
Momwacko asked...

How much is enough? Mom was very verbally abusive and acusing all day today, well the last few days, she has her third urinary tract infection in as many months but has been on her medication for 6 days. She asked me if I got electrocuted when I fixed the dryer, I said no, she said what would she do if I had and then told me she'd just have to go to my sister's in Dallas. She said I was mad at her all day,I wasn't. She has asked if I need a vacation (many times over the last 2 weeks) and when I say yes, sure she says maybe she'll go to the rehab center she was in last winter. I know her life isn't what it used to be, but she can't accept the stroke she had 15 years ago and she always lashes out at the people taking care of her. She is an enabler, 3 of my siblings are alcoholics and 2 are recovering alcoholics.The grass is always greener...Maybe I am just venting, but this situation with her keeps me tied to the house except for maybe 6-7 hours a week. When do I know, for my sake,that I have to move her to the nursing home. I know I may not be the best company, but I am busy with her laundry, she's incontinent, preparing her meals and taking her to the bathroom, she does not walk. I have a sense of humor, but she does all the dishing out and she can't, never has been able to, take it. I really don't have a life anymore like so many other caregivers, I feel like an employee not a daughter .

Community Answers

A fellow caregiver answered...

You sound like you need a great deal of support and caretaker information. I also have been involved in caring for my mom, and a month ago decided to start looking for alternative housing for her. I started to feel overwhelmed with no relief, and depression started again. There is so much we can do and provide. I recommend researching some of the caregiving agencies and getting some help from the Alzheimer's Association, who has been incredibly helpful for me. I'm, at this time processing my feelings, but feel it is the right time to make the change. There is a great deal of risk to our health as caretakers. I recommend dropping in on a support group for caretakers, to get you to share your feelings and know that many of us have been involved in looking after our parents. I call myself a reluctant caretaker because circumstances created the situation, not choice. It sounds like you need to reevaluate what is happening, and set a realistic plan and timetable to find a place for your mom.