Does my mom think her husband is her father?
My mother in law has Alzheimer's/dementia. Her memory is back to when she was a young girl. She is very clingy to my father in law, always head on shoulder when they sit on sofa, asking him to hold her hand when they walk and a few times have heard her refer to him as her father rather than spouse. Wondering if it is possible she is thinking he is her father rather than husband. (She always states she is a daddy's girl)
Expert Answer
Your question is a very popular one. People with Alzheimer's disease (AD) or a related disorder have great difficulty storing new information but they recall, with great clarity, days of long ago. Therfore, they relate stories from childhood years as if they just occurred and yet cannot remember whether they have eaten breakfast an hour before. Your mom-in-law sounds quite typical of most AD folk. She most likely considers herself to be a young gal living with her father. Your dad-in-law therefore takes on the persona of her dad who dwells in her long term memory - a place that is easily accessible. This is a very comfortable time in her life and I'm sure she is quite happy to be re-living those days. As time goes on and the more recent memories begin to fade, you may find she travels back even further in time to earlier days. Since you can not bring her into current time, it is best to try to be with her in her new reality. Do not correct her or attempt to reason with her. Both will fail and lead to unhappiness. Support her pleasant memories by recalling events that you or other family members may be aware of ...places she may have visited as a young woman, friends she may have had, or family gatherings that may have taken place. Encourage her to converse about these treasured long term memories. Watch old movies with her (the early MGM musicals usually work wonderfully well), play music from earlier years and sing along with her to Mitch Miller or Bing Crosby, go through old photograph albums or better yet, put one together with her and remember it doesn't matter if she can not correctly name family members - it only matters that you have positive interactive time with her as her memories of good times surface. Your dad-in-law has been in her memory-bank the longest and so he becomes her connection to the reality she now holds. It surely sounds as if she is quite content. How lovely!