How do I coordinate a move for an uncooperative movee?

1 answer | Last updated: Sep 14, 2017
A fellow caregiver asked...

My mother doesn't bathe, cut her toe nails or change her clothes. She has short term memory loss and lives alone one and 1/2 hours from me. I see her every weekend and call her three times a day and have neighbors that will check up on her if she does not answer the phone. I am her power of attorney, durable power of attorney and executor to her will. I have her on waiting lists here in my state for when I can finally convince her to leave or when she will become ill and will have no other choice. My question is basically this...I want her here NOW. I do not think I would be granted guardianship just yet, but even if I had that it would be very difficult to get her out of her house and into a safer facility where she would be clean, safe and well cared for. I met with a care manager and that is not an option since she would never allow a stranger into her home to help her. The best scenario would be for some type of professional to assist me with removing her from her home and have her transported to the assisted living here in my state. Any suggestions? What are my options at this point?? Please I am consumed with the thought of her on her own and her personal hygiene. Thank you for you time.

Expert Answers

Donna Quinn Robbins is the author of Moving Mom and Dad and On the Road of Life, Drive Yourself. She helps individuals, families, retirement communities, and corporations make successful transitions through her company, Ultimate Moves. Robbins is an active public speaker on the topic of senior transition services and has appeared on NBC's Today Show.

You didn't let me know where you live but if you want a professional to help you need to go to Then you would go to the state you live in and find a professional closest to where you live. Also do you have other siblings? Have you tried tough love? Calling 3 times a day may be too much. She probably just assumes you will take care of everything. Have you told her you can't be there all the time? When a child sees a real need to move a parent, then sometimes you have to make the decision for them, especially if they exhibit signs of dementia. Does she roam? Is she combative? Does she eat? Sometimes it could be better to wait and not press her if she isn't doing those things or if she is eating. I paid a neighbor a small amount of money to go over to my mother's house to check on her every day. Since my mother knew her she didn't think the person was checking on her. It worked pretty well. If you can become her conservartor it might make it easier for you. Eventually my mother just couldn't stay alone. I told her I couldn't be there all the time. We finally were able to move her.