Mom doesn't want to go to hospice, but the dr's say it's the best place.

1 answer | Last updated: Sep 10, 2016
Mommaksgirl asked...

Mom doesn't want to go hospice but the doctors and I think it's for the best so they can keep an eye on her pain 24/7. The doctor's are letting the family decided. I don't want to send her somewhere she doesn't want to go, but I want the best care for her. One reason she doesnt want to go is because her mother died their two years ago. She feels like hospice is giving up. She has severe COPD.

They are pushing us to make a decision soon to get us out of the hospital. I am only 27 and I have never had to make such a hard decision before. She is tell aware of her surroundings, shes just tired all the time. Another words she would know if she was at hospice. With home care, I still would be afraid that something would happen at the middle of the night and we would be up to give her the meds she needs to calm her breathing. I do not want her to suffer because we were not able to give her 24\7 care.



Community Answers

Nancy khoury answered...

From personal experience and severe regret, I don't advise taking your mom to a hospice facility. I took the doctor's and nurse's advice to put Mother in Care Partners' s John Keever Solace Center in Asheville, NC, after caring for her myself for twelve years. First thing, the nurses there insisted on catheterizing her in spite of a painful, recurring UTI that the admitting MD acknowledged, as he agreed to forego catheterization. Then, for the last dreadful seven hours of Mother's life, the attending nurse refused to give Mother more than one milligram of morphine every four hours, despite my numerous requests, as Mother was totally locked-in with stroke by then. The nurse knew that Mother was dependent on morphine's vasodillation effect to keep from suffocating with her congestive heart failure. Mother was still conscious and communicating with me by barely raising her eye brows. For her last day of life, Mother lay totally paralyzed, panting for oxygen and crying the tiniest tears from dehydration for her last day, while the nurse continually "observed" while refusing to honor hospice standard of cate to provide a painless, "good death" for both patient and family. But neither the facility administration nor the nursing board found the nurse responsible for torturing Mother to death. And as a result of having to watch her die in such a cruel, horrible way, I've been diagnosed with PTSD. In my family's experience, this "Solace Center" is in reality, a HOUSE OF HORRORS. Beware !