My father refuses to accept professional home care. How can I get him to accept more help?

It is such a worry when a parent is alone at night unable to be helped.  But many people are afraid of nursing homes, especially at night.  Others hate to pay caregivers to sleep.  

In a way you and your father are leading fear driven lives.   His fear of disability; your fear of responsibility.   If you can go through your fear and come out the other side, your courage will be of help to him. 

• When two people are at logger heads with each other, it helps to expand the family circle of care.   How can you relax?
• Before you visit, sit quietly in a comfortable chair.    Feel your love for your father and your irritation at his stubbornness.
• Contemplate the slogan, "See all situations as passing memory." 
• When you visit him take someone with you, a son or daughter or a friend who can act as a support.
• Don't dicuss his situation.  Instead, keep it light and social.   Does he have a favorite beverage or a special fruit.
• Don't try to get him to do anything.  Communicate with and support the nurses.  Do they leave him a drink by his bed.?  Does he have a urinal or a radio or a way to connect? 
• Try to always tell your father how much you value him.   Ask his advice.   Read short articles from the newspaper or professional journals or other papers of interest to him that can spark a brief discussion. 
• Play music.   Ask a musical friend to come to his house and play for him, flute, violin, bagpipes, whatever insturment that a friend might have. After the "concert" serve a glass of lemonade or tea. Enjoy.
• Watch a sports event with your father, a tennis match, a football game whatever is seasonal and of interest.   Make some snacks.  Share.
• Trust that when your father relaxes, he will be more willing to receive the help he needs.   But be very patient.  Repeat the slogan that I gave you every morning.
• When the time comes for overnight care, try to find a young person, a young man in his twenties who can be shown how to respect old age.    Young people are very good for overnight care and the cost is much less.