My ill mother refuses to live with us, what can be done?
My mother is 88 and lives alone in her house. She can't hear and can hardly walk, yet she refuses to spend money on a hearing aid or find out why her legs are so bad. We begged her to come live with us but she won't consider it. What can be done?
Expert Answer
You obviously care about your mom. It also sounds like you have probably tried a variety of approaches to address these problems, yet your tactics are just not working. It's time to try something new. If the issues are not life threatening, don't raise them for a while. and once you do, approach them from a new angle.
One novel approach may be to agree with her. "Yes mom, hearing aids are very expensive, but we enjoy visiting with you and just want you to be part of the conversation. I found some great devices at the drug store. They are light, comfortable, and will really help you enjoy your shows! I brought over a couple different kinds. Which one would you like to try first?"
The leg problems sound potentially much more serious and, depending on the cause, could create additional challenges for all of you. I'd strongly recommend a medical assessment. Quite possibly your mom is afraid if there is a real problem, she will have to rely on others or leave her home. It very well could be that your offers to have her come and live with you are actually making her dig in deeper.
If you suspect this is the case, help her understand that YOU want her to live independently as long as possible, so if there is a problem, such as she is experiencing symptoms of Peripheral Artery Disease, it is best to act now, before the situation worsens or forces her to become more dependent.