How can I help my husband see that he needs to have some tests done to diagnose his Alzheimer's?
My husband's doctor is trying to get him to go to a psychiatrist for help with what we believe is Alzheimer's. My husband refuses to go. His doctor has had him on arricept for almost a year and after some dramatic issues has upped the dosage to 10mg. The latest issue happened when my husband called me home from work in a panic that he couldn't find our boys. He said he knew I had done something with them because he had looked everywhere and couldn't find them. I tried to calm him down over the phone but he became even more stressed that he couldn't find the boys. (our youngest is 36 yrs old. I went home immediately and it took me about 15 minutes to calm him down and make him understand the boys were grown. Then he told me he must have been sleeping and woke up from a dream. There have been a few bad times in the past two months after years of just repeating things and forgetting things constantly. He even insisted that we go visit his dad who died over 40 years ago. When I tried to make him understand that he finally said we needed to go see him to make sure. Most of the time when he is around someone he doesn't see often they think he is just a little forgetful. My stepchildren (all adults) are not taking this seriously and actually got upset that we wanted him to go to a psychiatrist. I am trying to work as long as I can but have cut down on my hours. I am already exhausted.My husband is retired law enforcement and has trouble not being in control but has slowly been turning over routine things he always did before such as paying bills and taking care of our dogs. Is there anything I can do to make his see that he needs to go to the psychiatrist and have some tests done?
Expert Answer
Oh my, this must be so incredibly difficult for you to be dealing daily with your husband's obvious cognitive decline and for you to be doing so without much support. There is definitely something organic causing issues with his memory and it certainly could be Alzheimer's (AD) or one of the other dementing illnesses that are neurologically based and marked by some of the manifestations you have mentioned such as not recalling ages of close family members and thinking his dad is still alive. Although these must be so frightening for you, they are hallmarks of these progressive neurologic dementia. The best possible scenario would be to have someone he trusts (perhaps your son or daughter?) talk to him about the need to 'rule out' diseases that may keep him from 'getting insured' or some such fiblet or white lie. This is a way of not having to say something is wrong with him but to imply some other factor needs to be addressed. The purpose of this seemingly covert conversation is simply to get him to the appropriate doctor for further evaluation as soon as humanly possible...time really is of the essence since no treatment plan can be devised until it is known what the diagnosis is...what really is causing the dementia? I would suggest you tell him that you also have to go for the same appointment - do accompany him and indicate your appointment was postponed after the doc sees hubby. Use whatever means you need; no matter how counter-intuitive fibbing may be, it may be the ONLY way to assure getting him to this much-needed visit. The best way you can plan for the future is to know for certain what is causing these less-than-normal behaviors. Your husband and his family's denial only leads to delay which may lead to dismay for everyone! I truly hope you are able to get this appointment ASAP. You really need to find ways to care for yourself. I hear your frustration and sadness. A support group for caregivers can be found by calling the local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association in your state. There are also online support groups for those caregivers who feel they can't leave their spouse alone to attend meetings. Either way, you will find needed relief in sharing with people who really DO know what you are going through and can give honest realistic support. Be well.