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How do we tell family members to stay somewhere other than my parents house?

A fellow caregiver asked...

My sister's son is giving her a surprise birthday party right after Christmas. A lot of people - friends and relatives are invited. It will be in a restaurant. Two of my relatives want to stay at my parent's house for a couple of nights instead of taking a hotel room. The problem is that both of my parents have dementia. These relatives have me not seen them for years. I hate the position that they have been put in, and worry about embarrassments, and gossip about them. I am trying to think of things to decrease contact. The worst thing is, that they did not contact my father directly. I am very nervous and upset about this.

Expert Answer

Monica is an occupational therapist and designer of adapted dementia products through her company MindStart. Activities for Persons With Memory Loss. In addition, she works with the Minnesota-North Dakota Alzheimer's Association and the University of Minnesota on dementia issues. MindStart provides age-appropriate and stage-appropriate dementia activities, such as games, puzzles, and books. The items are simplified to meet the needs of various stages of dementia while remaining dignified and familiar in appearance

They have put you in a difficult situation, which is unfortunate. Perhaps you could tell these relatives that your parents really prefer their privacy and own routines at the stage of life they are in and, therefore, a hotel would be best. This would not be an outright lie, but yet would keep the dignity and privacy that you are fighting for. Good luck.