Alzheimer's Support Groups

My mom was soo happy in nursing home. It was such a blessing

Charlene Thank you so much. It'a amazing how much better I feel already & all those pains that were going through my body are gone. I will keep in touch. Gale

Gale, rest an enjoy. Mom go's next week for 5 days, love her .. But counting the days! I am exhausted , now that she is so hard to transfer my body needs the break too! Keep in touch. Hugs kim

Gale. Get your strength physically. And mentally back after your. Much needed rest. Pauline

Thank you Pauline.

Kim Enjoy your 5 days of rest. I know exactly how you feel & that's why I had to make this very hard decision. Gale

Yay for you, I will be in envy for a month lol. Snag me of that self TLC while your at it. It takes a wise person to take time ffor themselves. I am proud of you!

Me too. And you don't have persmission to spend time feeling guilty. You have too much else to do--like sleeping, relaxing, maybe having dinner with friends, family or your husband? Maybe just going shopping, walking the dog, playing with grandchildren or whatever. Just do enjoy this snapshot of freedom. It will be over before you know it.

Here here! For granny! Took me 6 months to have hospice talk me into respite, WHAT was I thinking! I had given myself a very bad ulser that almost Killed me! ( just got the call that it is all healed!) guilt is not a option... You need to recoup you mind an body! This is the hardest job anyone can face, weither your loved one is at home or in a care facility. An god bless those of you caring for a spouse! Don't know how you do it! Relax even if it's redoing the house or walking the dog, reading a good book without 20 interruptions, or just staying in the shower 5 extra minutes , we are the glue that holds our family's together and we must stand together on this , thank the lord for this site that brought us together! (David if your reading this I hope you get it) cause we need each other . We need to draw strength from each other , even in our differences , sooooo, rest, rest, rest! Hugs kim

Thank you all for your support & encouraging words. Slept well last night. Sending you all some of my TLC. Enjoy the Labor Day Weekend. Hope you all can find a little time for yourselves. Gale

Enjoy!!!!!

Kim - So happy that your ulcer is healed. That is great news. David, I miss your unique blend of kindness and comedy! Please return if you are still out there. Charlene

Good for you Gale!!!! So happy for you and PROUD :))))) you are possibly an inspiration to some very tired friends and fellow caregivers. Taking time for you. I know that was the biggest mistake I made in my 5yrs taking care of mom. If I would have only been on this site earlier in those days I would have started with day care. Introducing them as a friend that would eventually come in to stay with mom while I got some time with husband. Instead we just took mom everywhere with us and her becoming so dependant on me that no one could take my place. I know now that would have saved me from having to place mom a few months back. She didn't even like my sister coming from Hawaii to help me a couple times. Hope there are some who take this time with you to see the importance. Even if it are loose change we put in a glass to eventually come up with some money for a break. Our HOPE glass. I know that after a few months I can have up to 75 dollars before I take it in. I know this also is a hard financial roll for everyone but it is so important to have hope for a break. As important as anything else you write those checks out to each month. Possibly more since if you dont take time you may eventually no have anything because you break. When I finally made the decission to bring in my sister for my first break everyday thinking about it gave me a little light in my day. So putting change in a glass could be that everyday thing we need to help us dream at least of what we would do if we had the time. Most likely sleep. My first few days away that's what I did. My whole life I could never sleep 12 hrs always up the crack of dawn no matter when i we t to bed. The first break I slept 12 to 14 hrs the first two or three days before I had enough energy to enjoy what ever island I was on then. Many blessing for a beautiful restful much needed and deserved break!!!!! Xoxoxox Dawn

Thank you Dawn. I don't know what the future holds, but I am hoping that this much needed break gives me the strength to care for Mom when she comes home. I don't want to place her in a nursing facility for the rst of her days on this Earth, put is a possibility if I find it's just too much for me to handle any longer.

Hi Gale, Thanks for sharing about this transition in care for your mom while you get some much-deserved rest and respite from caregiving! I hope all continues to go well with her living arrangement this month, and that you'll share feedback about the provider to help other families in their search for care too: https://www.caring.com/review_submissions/new?utm_source=community

Looking ahead beyond September, here are more ways to find respite care: https://www.caring.com/articles/respite-care Caring.com also offers tips and strategies for managing caregiver stress and maintaining well-being: https://www.caring.com/caregiver-wellness Lastly, beware the 7 Deadly Emotions of Caregiving: https://www.caring.com/articles/7-deadly-emotions-of-caregiving

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you!

DGraab Thank you very much for the feedback. It is day 5 that Mom has been at the nursing home. It has been very hard for me not to go & see her everyday, but I have resisted because I have to. My son & daughter-in-law & husband have visited her. She did tell my husband to take her home, but he changed the subject & she seemed to be ok. I am planning on going there tomorrow to pick up her laundry & visit. I have been enjoying my free time, but there are moments when I think Mom is still here & I go to get up & check on her. Everything is a learning process. This respite thing is no different.

It is a strange mixture of being overwhelmed along with a grieving process for the loss of the individual (and their character) in this long walk through dementia and AD. You can be fine and strong on one day, and a blithering mess the next. Have been there also. Hold strong, don't lose your self esteem. You are a kind, caring, and empathetic person with a truly large heart and spirit to care for your mother and others, too. I am praying for you and all of the angels here on caring.com because it takes special people to do what we all have done and are still doing. Hugs

Overwhelmed: We care and will always be here for you. I care for my 86 year old mother who is in the 7th and final sdtage, and I cannot fathom taking care of my mother and then working with a bunch of seniors. God must have known how large of a heart you have and placed you where you are most needed. I cannot figure out why your other workers are not understanding what stress you are under. Perhaps they need to be educated about what it's like being a caretaker. Bless you heart and many hugs! Susan

I think all of us know what it's like to feel overwhelmed. But you need to help yourself before you can help anyone else. I hope you have a doctor who can help you

Rear overwelmed .I worked a fuull time nanny job and take care of my husband .I finally couldn,t after 10 years .I sometimes feel that people in a simlar situation don,t always get it it.Another thing is that is is hard to watch others upset .and sometimes others want to talk the pain away instead of listening or giving you the feeling they understand.People say odd things because they feel uncomfortable not always that they don,t understand.....I have found I have said to people I just need to go have a cup of coffee or have one hour to myself It is hard to ask but sometimes if you ask for what you need you might get .Once I told someone I wanted to go to chinese but could not leave my husband alone.The friend went with us and just having another person their made it work.It distracted me from my husband and he was delighted to have a bit of attention that was differant .Note this person did not get it but it helped.....

For most of us we do or have done the 24/7. Is there anyway you could find another type job. I know if I could have gotten help to work outside my home I would of chosen a job caring forchildren or an elderly that needed help but of sound mind. I know in the area I live in there are many seniors that have care takers to drive them do light house keeping cooking and they pay better that assisted living care takers make. Plus you have a little more flexibility than a 9 to 5. My prayer and hugs for you. I am so sorry for you feeling they don't care. We do. We understand anything that you may be feeling. This is a hard road and seeing my mom day to day suffering is emotionally draining. You have the worst of it when dealing with uncompassionate care givers and most likely people doing it with no heart just a job. I have become great friends with one of mom care givers. She is so tired and resntly taken a medial leave b/c of break down. Her heart is for her residents and working with individuals she just wants to punch in the face LOL Trying to pick up the slack for those lazy kind and it just took her out. Also problems with son at home so she never got rest anywhere. Please heed words of wisdom and try and ask for help. Maybe one of the caregivers you work with would be willing to come and give you a break for a smaller fee or blessing you with no fee. I will definitely life you up in prayer my friend. Xoxoxox Dawn

Dear overwelmed - We have all been there. Sometimes letting those tears flow can be a healing thing. I will pray that better days are ahead for you. Charlene

Blessings overwelmed, You are one in a million. Not not caregiving for dementia, but doing it overtime and at 2 different place. God is really needing to help you to do this or help you find a different job to do to make the money you need. This job can get you down, you do not say how far along your mom is. but she must still be in the early to mid if you are working outside the home and caring for her at home. (I may be misunderstanding) If that is the case you will be needing a lot of help in the future. Do not know what your plans are.
I will ask God to give you the knowledge, patience, wisdom, and strength to do the job he has for you to do. Lean on the Lord. I could not have made it through with out him. I also had a caregiving job but it was private and I made good money at it but had to give it up after 10 years with the same people. It was either that or pay someone to stay with my husband and It would have cost me more than I made so it did not make sense.
Continue to come here when you have time. You will find great support here. God Bless and Hugs.

Great idea Peggy. Staying home with mom and then Maybe another person as a day care giver so someone else who is caring for a family member. . Make more money per hr so maybe you can work less hrs. Or at least time and money to give you a break. We're one a roll. It is a much needed perfession. You have creditals and resumed bet by placing ad you can find someone who needs your service. Taking care of one other in your own home will at least be less of a challenge than a whole assisted living plus same amount or more money than now. I tell everyone who has the blessing of providing care and education with autistic kids or ADD ADHD senior care giver to go private and man have they been so blessed to make more money than working for someone.

Dear overwhelmed, I remember those days , mom was still walking around,falling everyday, never listened to me,it was so frustrating . Know she is in the late end stage, still ornery but it's easier because once I get her settled I can do some housework, the lifting is hard as she pulls the other way , but I lose my cool a lot less, as we were talking on another string, you need to somehow find time for yourself , an we are all good listeners ! Hugs kim

Thank you "overwelmed," for turning to this group for support -- as you can see, there are many people here who you can talk to and who do care about how you're feeling. Many thanks to all who shared their positive feedback and suggestions on this thread!

Here is some information and resources on Caring.com that may likewise be helpful...

• Consider enlisting the services of an elder companion or professional in-home caregiver to assist with caring for your mom and give you a break sometimes: https://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care Here are more ideas for finding respite care when you need a break: https://www.caring.com/articles/respite-care

• The "Caregiver Wellness" section (at the top of Caring.com pages) offers a variety of tips and ideas to help manage caregiver stress and maintain well-being: https://www.caring.com/caregiver-wellness It also includes a section to help you differentiate stress from burnout or depression (and what to do about each condition): https://www.caring.com/caregiver-stress

• Caring for a senior loved one takes a heavy toll on the caregivers' work life: in research we've conducted, 3 in 4 family caregivers reported that they had to change their job situation or do not work in order to provide care: https://www.caring.com/infographics/emotional-and-financial-costs-of-caregiving If you decide to continue working but change jobs to one that doesn't involve more caregiving, here are some ideas for job hunting after age 50: https://www.caring.com/articles/7-secrets-to-getting-a-job-after-50

• Your local Area Agency on Aging may also have suggestions to offer and can refer you and your mom to programs and services in your community: https://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging

Please do let us know if we can be of further assistance to you in your caregiving. Thanks!

It's no different than MIL crocheting what looks like baby skirts instead of hats....keeps her hands busy.

A friend of mine father-in-law favorite toy is a Slinky. He puts small toys into his mouth.

I love the idea of the oversized legos!!! ♥

Tell your husband you want to play with them and if FIL wants to join in - great!!

I agree, giving your FIL something he would enjoy using is a great idea. I used to think the same way but seeing how much my mom enjoys her life like doll and the little stuffed animals, I realized that it doesn't matter at all.

A large piece jig-saw puzzle? His sons are not being realistic about the stage of life he is really in. Yes, buy it for yourself - sounds like fun, actually! And leave it around for FIL.

Hi In-Law Caregiver, Thanks for posting this question, and thanks to all who offered gift ideas! Here are some more...

• Grandparents' Day is September 9th this year, and our senior editor, Paula Spencer Scott compiled these 10 Easy Gifts Kids Can Make: https://www.caring.com/articles/10-grandparent-gifts More homemade gift ideas for seniors (and their caregivers): https://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/homemade-gift-ideas-for-seniors-caregivers

• For dementia-friendly choices, Paula suggests focusing on these 6 key words: https://www.caring.com/blogs/fyi-daily/gift-ideas-for-someone-with-alzheimers More ideas for gifts for loved ones with Alzheimer's: https://www.caring.com/articles/gifts-for-people-with-dementia-alzheimers

• Our friends at VoiceQuilt also have some keepsake gifts to consider: http://www.voicequilt.com/[voicequilt.com] Gold Violin is another source of gifts for seniors: http://www.goldviolin.com/[goldviolin.com]

• Furry toys, animals, and dolls have been helpful to some older adults with dementia: https://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/toys-for-dementia The gift of music can also be therapeutic: https://www.caring.com/blogs/fyi-daily/the-wow-power-of-music-for-people-with-alzheimers

I hope these ideas are helpful to you, and you're successful in finding or making the 'just right' gifts for your FIL.

I found this time released melatonin 10 mg that helped to keep mom sleeping. I hope you get your whole 3& 1/2 hr time to nap. Xoxoxoxo Dawn

I give my mom melatonin every night. She may get up a couple of times, but then settles in for the night. At least for now!

I use melatonin, works good for me, and tried it for my hubby. I think for a bit it helped, but soon had to get sleeping pills and anti depressant to get sleep. He would do the same, up and down, up and down. Wore me out. YES.. call your doctor, and let him help you. I went from sleepless nights to 8 hours sleep for both of us!!!

I am so happy you have daycare and are able to take them power naps!! When Mamaw pulled this there was no relief for me the next day. I love your attitude!! Hugs and prayers =)

Most melatonin is not TIME RELEASED. So if u get a chance to try time released it worked better for mom. She actually didn't get up at the night and slept in a little longer. I got mine at a Walgreens only time released I have found. It 10 mg not the normal 3 to 5. I still use it if I amd restless of have a lot of pain. That way if I wake up at night I can go back to sleep. The lord only knows how much you all need sleep :))))))).

Thanks everyone. She's got a regular dr appt next week, so I'll bring it up with him. I do give her melatonin at dinner time, but it's not time release. I'm going to look for that tomorrow. We have a walgreens nearby.

Hi Kathy, I hope everything went well with your mom's doctor appointment and treatment for this sleep issue. Thanks to everyone who offered support and feedback too! Here are some tips we have on Caring.com for helping a loved one with dementia and sleep issues...

• Ask & Answer: How can I solve sleep problems for my mother with Alzheimer's? Another related Q&A: How do we keep Dad from getting up multiple times a night with out medication?

• 5 Ways to Regulate Sleep in Severe Dementia

• Better Sleep for Dementia Caregivers: Two Fresh Solutions

• Sleep problems info center

I hope these resources are helpful to you if this problem has continued, and helpful to others having this problem as well. Please do let us know if there's more we can do to support you in your caregiving. Thanks!