Should I put dad in assisted living?
My husband and i live in a 1500 SF. We took dad into our home and he is very difficult to care for. My husband had to quit his job as i am disabled. He is very stubbron and more work than we thought. He has COPD and bladder issues (which isn't so bad). He goes to an assisted living day care twice a week and it's still no enough for us. He plays on my sympathy, is use to his wife doing everything for him. Unfortunantely she is in a mental hospital with lewy body dementia, paranoia and parkinsons in CT. We are in Florida. I am feeling very trapped and falling into a depression. I haven't slept through the night since he moved in. I wake up a 2-3am and my mind is spinning on how to fix this and stay up for the day. Since his P/T stopped he stopped doing his exercises, does not want to go anywhere not even a car ride. He used to want to go for walks and now he does not. My heart breaks just thinking about assisted living, but my husband things my health will suffer more if i don't put my dad in one. Please Help!!!
Hi, I'm sorry to hear about the situation you described. Here are some resources on Caring.com that you may find helpful...
We have a variety of information about assisted living to help you explore if this type of care is a good fit for your dad. You can also call our family advisors line toll-free for help finding quality assisted living communities near you and your family: (866) 824-8174
Please explore the tabs at the top of Caring.com pages to learn about caregiving at home, money and legal matters, and connect with other family caregivers in online support groups. The Health A-Z tab includes information about caring for a loved one with COPD and solutions for sleeping issues.
Thank you for asking !
It is a big job and a very stressfull job be a caregiver. I am in the same boat as you except it is my spouse that had a stroke last year and has left-side neglect. I just spent an hour trying to get him off his knees because he missed the bed from his walker. I have bad back problems and he is 185 lbs and 6 3". I just posted an ad for a part time physiotherapist to come into the home to get him excercising some. I find since he left the hospital and theraphy there he is getting weaker. I am stressed to the limit and I get short with him and I get angry because he can't do much anymore. I am thinking I will haver to do something soon also. You are lucky to have your husband there for support, I am in this alone. Good luck and I wish you the best..
Thank You for your answer and yes i am very lucky i have my husband to help me. I am very sorry for you and your situation and believe me I understand the emotional toll it takes. You need to get someone in to help so you can take a break. If something happens to you both of you will be in trouble. I will pray for you and here is a huge hug <3
If it is possible to do so-then Yes. Assisted Living. You will feel guilty as everything when you do so, but take my advice and just Do it. Sometimes we have to make seemingly cold heartless decisions, but if the option is there for AL,do it Now before your own health is destroyed. And it Will Be. Believe it. I was a caregiver for both of my parents and the wife's mother as well for over a decade and it has, literally, wrecked both of us to do so. Don't throw your own life away trying to be Superman and do it all. You can't and no one Can. I wish we would have had the AL option-I would have went for it in a heart beat if I had only known what nightmarish life I had to look forward to.
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