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I suffered PTSD after husband passed - don't have family support. Please help.

Shattred heart asked...

Husband passed from 11 yrs. of brain cancer. Went through 1 year of private counseling to deal with grief/PTSD. My mother has had surgery n only sibling has convinced her that her n her adult children are dependable, not myself. I have begged to let me be with her, but, all she wants is me to go to church/ lunch with her.These 2 ind. are severe controllers. I was starting to come out of my shell, and was informed, after 1 year of husband passing, because I didn't go to sisters house for all holidays, I am not considered family. Mom tells me I am her family only. I feel like I am getting thrown back into sever depression and can not afford private counseling. PLEASE HELP

Expert Answer

Linda Adler is the director of Pathfinders Medical in Palo Alto, California. She has dedicated her professional life to helping patients and their families find optimal ways to deal with medical challenges. She has worked in all facets of the medical establishment, including primary care, research, and policy settings at UCSF, Stanford, and Kaiser Permanente. Her current focus at Pathfinders includes crisis management, mediation, and advocacy.

Shattered Heart,

You certainly are facing some difficult challenges. My heart goes out to you.

I understand that private counseling is expensive, but it does sound like you need some support. So let's see where else you might find that. First, do you have friends you can turn to? Or perhaps their are members of your extended family that are willing to listen and to help? Or do you belong to a religious community? If so, is there someone there who could help you discuss your feelings?

If there are people who can help you think some of this through, I suggest you lean on them and ask for their help. However, if none of these options is available to you, perhaps you need to do a little research to find out if there are support communities in your area. Perhaps their are grief support groups that are free to the public? Or maybe there is a women's community center in your area? If so, ask if they have support groups you can join. You can also look into counseling options through your local mental health clinic; they usually provide assistance on a sliding scale.

Last, have you thought about joining community groups that meet weekly to do hobbies together, share a meal, or take a hike? Often these kind of groups provide a surprising level of support!

Sometimes depression is nurtured not only by our feelings of isolation, but our inability to find a little joy in our lives. I encourage you to find ways to avoid dwelling on your difficult family situation, and to spend time with people and to do things with them that "feed your soul".

Good luck to you!