Caring for a Spouse

Sending a big hug & lots of prayers. Know this isn't your wife but the disease talking.

Jean is right...it's the disease, not the person. It's hard to take all the negative talk, though. Instead of venting occasionally on here, you might want to join a thread. I'm on a thread of a dozen or so spouses of people with dementia and who've been sharing experiences for 3 years. It's a great place to vent and also to get and give support and encouragement to one another. I love that my online friends are only a few keystrokes away when I need to talk.

Sounds like your husband can use some counseling to help him live with his new infirmities and to get him interest in living life again. Sending hugs & prayers.

i agree but he won't go and I just don't know what to do to get him to go cause I don't know how much more I can take with his attitude about how everything and everybody is wrong or doesn't have common sense. I know he does it to make himself feel better but he doesn't see it

I am not able to communicate through my email address. Please do not send anything to that email address. Is it possible for me to communicate only when I sign in?

Is anyone there

Wow, went for minor issue came out with a big dilemma... do you have any recourse for the malpractice...yes friends come around and then slowly fade away... who knows why.. maybe it's hard to watch friends hurting... You might want to check with some social services in your area.. ask for their suggestion...DOctor's office might have some ideas, nursing schools might have aides help you out... Or get a pd caregiver to help a couple hours a week so you have some time to for yourself... time for yourself is important... otherwise caregiving will burn you out in no time... stay on this site we help each other with whatever comes our way.. and on a given day we rant and rave and on occasion have good laugh... wishing you the best

You may have to go the the county agencies. You live is such a small place, I know here we have to go to a larger town to get anything. Help is out there. Check with Area Agency on Aging. Churches, Do you have a Mayor. I do not know all the areas of help but your Dr. Might be able to help you. God Bless you. Almost all caregivers seem alone in the world. it is so sad. Hugs.

Sorry, to be in that place after so many years... but if he wants no help and all his troubles are your fault there is not much you can do... I have been there... until we got to the bottom of it all and now he knows nothing due to his ALZ. this is 13 years ago

Erna has a lot of wisdom. It's pretty common for people (men especially) who are beginning to slip cognitively to blame everything on others. Male pride thing maybe? Do you have children or a close friend who can at least keep an eye on him to be sure he's safe...like taking his meds, managing his diabetes, using his c-pap machine, eating properly? Mood swings/paranoia could signify mental illness such as depression also. My hubby is very healthy, but refuses to see any doctor for preventive care. I don't have to worry about him bringing up the past because he can't remember what he heard, said or did ten seconds ago and his past memory is pretty much shot, too.

HUmmingbird: Yes I have also received stupid/odd comments... my advice is ignore them... some mean well others say things for lack of better things to say. People use to say "i so admire you for sticking it out" well di I have any choice in the matter, I am not a hero or to be admired, I did not volunteer for this job... just won the Lottery in ALz care... don't reprimand or get angry at the people.. let it roll of your back or step away from the conversation...I had incident, I went to social event.. I was sitting with a bunch of ladies... the subject of my husbands illness came up .. one lady said "what are you doing here.. you belong at home taking care of your husband" for an instance I wanted to choke the lady, but I held back and considered the source of her ignorance...good day

I hate the word saint and could not agree with you more. I have been angry to at other people. Mine has gotten better stilk there but better. I just had to find a outlet. I bought a cheap stepper and do that ir read a book. I just have to scedule a half hour for me in a day. People mean well but it just seems they dont understand. That eas a main reason i joined this group to know Im not alone and can vent if needed

I am speechless and heart broken for you....I am not sure what area of Florida you are in, here is a link I found on line, it should be a good place to start: http://www.nwflaaa.org/ it is for the agency on aging....for help for your Mom, bless her....please try the DSHS in your area for caregiving help for both you husband and your grandchild.....check into a Big Brother/Big Sister or Kids Club for the kids for the summer....you need help! Our local agency on aging and disability in WA have provided me with 6 free counseling sessions, 20 hours a month of respite care, free classes and valuable friendships....my husband receives 78 hours of care a month, paid by the State....all of this took tenacity and persistence on my part and a lot of "cheer leading" on the part of this group...there were days I never thought I would get anywhere....there are caseworkers at the hospitals ( hubby? grandchild?) that should also be able to assist you...you need more hands....I am so very sorry for your situation...prioritize...if you are not healthy you can help no one and it sounds to me like they all need you....see if you can get some respite/care, start there so you don't have the continuous stress of is everyone okay while you are trying to work...keep coming back and venting here, you have a lot to talk about...support groups, both cyber and physical have saved my sanity....Hugs and Peace, hope to hear from you again! Michelle

WOW. Anon, I too am "gobsmacked". You have the world and his wife on your shoulders. I could cry myself just reading what you have written. I am SO SO sorry that life has dealt you this hand. I can't offer you anything in practical terms as I'm from UK and don't know how things work over there, but there has to be some kind of help available. What I can do is send a BIG, B I G hug and lots of love your way. Shirley (LC) xxx

Lately when my husband and I travel we've used the family rest rooms in airports. That way we're together and I can help him if needed. We never check luggage, so have access to extra clothes and wet wipes in our carry-ons. It would be a tough situation on a plane as the bathrooms are too small for two people. I always make sure we both go shortly before boarding, and we rarely need to use the bathroom on the plane on flights less than 3 hours. I assume your hubby would be wearing protective undergarments. We're not quite at that stage yet. Train travel or a cruise might be easier for you.

Thank you so much for your quick response. Train is a good idea. The cruise depends where it originates. We are planning on going to Florida. Will share the experience if we go.

Dear Anonymous: Welcome! Yes it is a unique challenge, perhaps only really understood by those of us who are spousal caregivers. There is a group (thread actually) on this site--Caring for a spouse with dementia--which has been going on literally for YEARS, with hundreds of pages of comments, which I've recently been participating in. It's very comforting to realize that I am by no means alone. I hope that you find a similar experience on this website. There is a great store of experience here, and we even find it possible to laugh...

dear Anonymous... yes life is though..whenever one has to do it all day in day out... stay on this thread... and you will feel right at home.. most of us deal issues of dementia .. care-giving can be a challenge and we share ideas plus rant and rave about daily grind.. we also share humorous experiences

I'm part of a thread on Caring where some of the spouses with Alzheimer's are in their 60's. We post entries at all hours, as some of us live in other countries. I recently discovered a blog site called missingjim.com. His wife may be able to direct you to a chat line. Jim is young and has young children, and she welcomes contact on her site.

Hi Lynne, Caring.com doesn't have a live chat feature at this time. Here's a link to the discussion that Linda referenced: http://www.caring.com/support-groups/caring-for-a-spouse/d9479723?page=340 That will plop you on the page with the most recent comments, and you can visit prior comments via links at bottom of discussion page. Linda is correct that there are folks online here at all hours. You may also find the free Steps & Stages resource helpful to you -- it includes a Custom Care Guide, weekly tips via email, and Alzheimer's groups online: Steps & Stages Hope this helps!