Can I take my mother (who has dementia) on a 15-hour flight to fulfill her wish to visit the Sequoia National Park?
my mother has middle stage AD combined with vascular dementia. her one wish is to travel one more time to see the Redwood trees in Sequoia National Park in Calif. That is a 15 hour flight and another 6 hour drive from where we live now in Israel. Physically she is capable of making the trip - mentally I don't think so. we had a bad experience 2 years ago when travelling to L.A. for a wedding and she wandered out of the hotel room. Luckily she was able to come up with my brother's name who lives there and the police brought her back to the hotel. She was also quite confused most of the trip although she loved seeing family members. She believes that she can fly without any problems - "i've always flown before" and doesn't see any reason not to make this trip. I'm torn between granting her this wish (she cries everytime she mentions Sequoia and has fond memories of the place) and having to tell her it isn't possible. I think either way i'm going to feel guilty - if i take her i'm sure it will make her condition worse and if i don't I will be denying the one thing she really wants to do. As confused as she is at times this is one issue that keeps coming up and she really knows what she is talking about. what to do?
Expert Answer
You are faced with a very difficult decision. When individuals with your mother's condition are removed from their environment and daily routine the symptoms of dementia typically become significantly worse. You are correct in assuming the trip would be very difficult and your reluctance in well-founded. I am certain you wish to make your mother happy by making her travel wishes come true. However, individuals with dementia often talk about wanting to do something or visit someplace from their past with considerable regularity or repetition. Although this repetitive discussion can become an intense desire, that does not necessarily mean they would actually enjoy doing so. It is one of the many paradoxes of dementia. Leaving the security of their safe, daily environment often causes serious anxiety, and greatly increases their confusion and further impairs their ability to think. That is very difficult to handle on the road. It is a very scary experience for the person with dementia and very difficult for the family member traveling with them. When my patient’s families seek my advice on this type of issue I advice extreme caution in undertaking such a journey. I advise they weigh the actual necessity of such a trip with the significant potential for possible damage. I wish you the very best in making this difficult decision. Connie Lambert, PhD, PT, CCM