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Alzheimer's Support: Featured Caregiver Conversations
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Alzheimer’s Care: It’s Time for a Skilled Nursing Home
I will be placing my 75 year old mother in a skilled nursing home on Friday. I am very anxious and emotional. At work today I completely broke down in front of my boss. Everyone says it is the best thing for mom but they haven't had to go through what I have gone through. I am so exhausted from everything I have to do concerning mom. I am 36 but feel like I am 30 years older. Yesterday Mom was convinced that I was someone else pretending to be her daughter. After I left and stopped at kmart to pick up some school supplies for my son, her caregiver called and when my mom got on the phone she kept asking if I was the real deal and who was at her house. I was walkng around kmart in tears trying to console her when all I wanted was her to console me. This whole disease is so overwhelming. I felt so bad for mom. I could never prepare myself for this....never.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your to young to have to deal with this. Your 30's should be the best time in your life with raising your family. Most of us are 20 to 30 years older dealing with our parents. My heart goes out to you!!! Hugs, michelle
I felt and still do feel many of the same things you described. But I want to let you know that using good competent nursing care is a good decision. Not just for you but for your Mom. You'll see once she adjusts at the nursing care home. Get to know the care givers at the facility as well as the management. You'll find you still take care of your mother as an advocate for her continued care. I am 51 and still feel the loss of not having my Mom able to console me anymore. I am not sure we get over the need to have our Mom or Dad there to console us. No one knows us better and there is simply no one who can replace that. We don't get over the loss but we find a way to get used to it.
It is the hardest thing that you are facing. I am 45yrs taking sole care of my 83yr old Mom.(yep, I feel MUCH older also!, as it's draining!). I had to stop working, and put my life on hold. (Mom almost burned down her house, twice, yikes!). I am lucky enough to financially do it, and my son is 24yrs and on his own. If you feel that the home you've chosen will take care of your Mom with all the dignity and respect needed, then you're doing the best thing! I was never prepared for this at all either. Your Mom has no idea what is happening, and at times that makes her very afraid. Love her as you're doing, reassure her fears, and this is the part that really sucks, but it's your turn to console her, as she has always done with you. It's a role change, and no matter how old I get, it seems odd that I am telling my Mom when to take a bath! You are doing the best you can, and your love for your Mom shines through your post. Hugs to you! Tanya
I join TanyaK in what she is saying, and no matter how much it sucks to lose your mom in whatever manner it happens, there are bright spots to remember. One of them is that now you have the opportunity to pay her back for all the love comfort and consolation she gave to you early in your life. You are just being asked to do it at a younger age than most of us, but if you look, even when you are exhausted and angry and frustrated, you will see her through the fog. Truly you will. God Bless you. Mary M.
The task of taking care of an Alzheimer's afflicted parent rubs our nerves raw and exposes the many unresolved features of your relationship. Your mother's brain is severely compromised by the destructive effects of AD. She is living in a torment of confusion. Perhaps she will have the good fortune of having a doctor who knows how to cut through the confusion or even to calm her so that she is less tormented. You have lost the mother who was able to comfort you and she cannot be reached by your efforts to comfort her. This is the nub of the struggle that all of us have. But you have the essential responsibility to be there for your growing up daughter and you have done the best you can for your mother at this time. Keep writing to this group. You have found a nest of kindred spirits.
Big hugs and prayers. I am truely sorry you are dealing with this. We are here for ya no matter what. =)
Nothing to be ashamed of or worried about. I know easier said than done. Made that decision with our mom 8 months ago. Still have days and weeks where it tears me apart to see her decline. That being said, I now know and understand that mom is in the best place to have her needs taken care of better than at home where I would be questioning myself over my every move and reaction. dear one, grannymurf, and TanyaK are some of the best big shoulders and 'go to' people in this group. Continue to reach out to our group for information and solace. I have found this group to be supportive, informative, and loving. We share our ventings, our hopes, our own best solutions or experiences, and all too often the humor that we can find in being caregivers. You must realize that taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your loved one. So, please take the time to do that even if it means seeking counseling to get through it.
Pressed that button faster than I wanted. Just wanted to say in closing, you have found the best in support and true caring in our group. Welcome, and I hope you continue to return for companionship and support. Hugs, Joyce
You are too young to be saddled with alz. It is the right choice for you and your family big hugs to you and your family. I care for my 66 year old spouse and it is very hard for me. Give yourself a pat on yhe back. Hang in there. Pauline
It really will get better, though I was able to quit work an bring mom home , it was an is very hard on our whole family, if we had to place her that would have been ok too. Having worked in some very good nursing homes I can tell you that those residents become a extended family! An gives your mom a chance to blossom with people she can relate to. We send mom to respite for 5 days every 30 days an she loves an benifits from the added stimulation. Glad to have you join the group! We are family too! Love n hugs, kim
Agree, you are too young to do this. You have your own life right now. I am 61 and it isn't exactly how I pictured retirement, taking 24/7 care of my mom, but please don't feel bad putting her in a facility that can take care of her, and give you a chance to raise your family and enjoy them!
One of the promises my sister and I made to our mom as she was losing her battle with lung cancer, was that we would "take care of dad" He lived with my sister for five years before she started having stress-related health issues and at the time no one thought of him coming to live with me because I was living in another state and working full time, so we thought our only option was an assisted living facility. We did not like any of the facilities near my sister, but there is a very nice one near me, so we ended up moving my dad anyway. It was a very hard decision filled with guilt for not keeping our promise, but once he was there and thriving we realized we were keeping our promise. They were able to keep him active and engaged with activities and field trips. Hopefully you will have the same experience and see your mom being cared for by people that love her and you too will be able to let go of the guilt. Hugs and blessings to you and your mom during this transition.
So very true!
Did that 2&1/2 month ago. Let's just say break downs are so normal. Major understatement for what I went through. But it was the best thing I could do for mom. She is happy now. Yes at first it wasn't good just needed to communicate her routein amd we still go through its not her home. But she said that here too. For me I have so much more peace and if I would have known how good it was for her I would have done it sooner. She has sever dementia and the last 6 months I lost it completely.. Just was telling Sandy ( dear one of Mort) how good it feels to be a wife and mother again. She isn't but 5 minutes away but the time I spend with her I can be her daughter again. Have hope my friend. You will see in a short time how much better it is. In the beginning just to have a peaceful morning and evening was amazing. Spent the days with her. . The things I could get done because i actually learn how to sleep again. Still recovering and very tired from the long journey but everyone around me sees a change in me. Hang in there it is very hard but mom has friends and does things I never thought she could or would do. I pray for you peace now. Recommend that everytime you see what will change in your home to focus on that. That's what someone told me to do and it really helped not to break down AS MUCH LOL Many prayer for you xoxoxoxoxxoxxoxo dawn hey just went for 6 days to see my daughter and everything was perfect when I got back. Yes she missed me but I can spend all day with her and get a call in the evenings saying she hasn't seen me and am I coming. Have faith in the process and side note. What this site said and her care takers is to let her get use to being cared for by them. It took me almosts 2 months before I did that and it is so much better for her.she Luvs her care takers now and doesn't argue that Dawn will help go away. Last week took her to the beach and was helping her shower and she told me Cora can do this. I About fell over :))))
Thank you all for your comments. I actually cried reading them all. It helps to know I am not alone. Tomorrow mom moves to the nursing home. My sister flew in from Ireland to help out. I was not expecting her to come, she surprised me. I am so glad I have my sis to help me, I do everything else on my own and it helps so much to have her here right now. I am really scared about tomorrow but I know I will get through it...no way around it, gotta go through it right? Thanks again for all your compassion, no one really understands what we go through. God Bless you all.
Blessings today and remember what I said. I wish I would have the day I moved mom. Moved all her stuff brought her back to my house, then back to drop her off chad a complete break down stayed another couple hours then came home and cried for hours. So happy your sister came. I was happy to have hubby and a friend but when I came home hubby just let me cry and soak his shoulder. Friend left forcahile then came back and we all talked til 1 am about the benefits. Still spent about 8 hrs a day with mom for at least 1& 1/2 months until they said it would be good to let her get use to everyone. They were right!!! Mom is so much happier now. I did more harm than good. She started waiting for me at the door and wouldn't particapte in anything not even food. Said my daughters coming :(((((. The last month has been good. But also b/c I was there there were a lot of things that the care givers were not aware of and so we had to start training them in mom routine, needs and hiding places. I wish and pray for many happy peaceful days. Xoxoxoxoxox Dawn
See prayer and support works for those who reach out. It's awesome your sister came to help. What a nice surprise. Sending more prayers and hugs.
Thank you, ChgoMom, for sharing about your mom's change in living arrangements, and thanks to everyone who offered support and suggestions! I hope all went well with the move and adjustment for her, you and the family. Here is some additional information that may be helpful to you and others in similar situations...
Ask & Answer: "Mom has dementia - how do we move her to a nursing home?" <-- includes expert insights from Jytte Lokvig, who coaches families and professional caregivers and designs life-enrichment programs and activities for care facilities. Now that you've completed the move with your mom, perhaps you may also have some tips you'd share with the caregiver who asked this question (and others who visit the page later)?
When you're ready, consider posting a review of your mom's nursing home to help other families in their search for this type of care: http://www.caring.com/review_submissions/new?utm_source=community Hopefully it's been a positive experience, but if things should go sour, here's "What to Do if Things Go Wrong in a Nursing Home".
Caregiving for a loved one can trigger some damaging emotions that not only undermine your good work but also harm your health. Here are some strategies to help you cope: http://www.caring.com/articles/7-deadly-emotions-of-caregiving
You also mentioned that you're caring for a school-aged child. Here are some tips for explaining his grandmother's disease (and behavior) to him: http://www.caring.com/articles/explain-alzheimers-to-children We recently turned this particular article into a Facebook share photo with quick tips -- to help spread the info to the many "sandwich generation caregivers" facing this challenge: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151162905741894&set=a.124522116893.126586.10253871893&type=3&theater[facebook.com]
Please do let us know how things are going, and if we can be of further assistance to you and your family in caring for your mom. Thanks!
Caring for a Parent: It’s Like We’re Strangers
I feel very sad because, sometimes, I just don't know how to communicate with my mother.
Sometimes, it's like we are two strangers. I miss my mom very much!
Ahh...I'm sorry, cascada, that you're feeling such sadness and miss your mom even when she's here with you still. I can relate. Now that my mom is gone, I miss her but not who she became with Alzheimer's. Hugs, BJ
Cascada: Your mom is still with you. Don't feel bad, after a while you will communicate in different ways. Been there know how you feel. Just keep being positive and hopr for the best, that is all you can do. Every morning I wake up and say "what will tomorrow bring". Sometimes it is good, sometimes not so good.
cascada, can you communicate through old photo albums about the past? Old songs of her era ? Your mom is so fortunate you are still in her life. Be good to yourself. Okay? My dad is not there yet. I pray for peace. Take care.
Hi, I know what you mean. It is very hard when they do not remember what you do and your not sure what to do. If I could give you a hug I would.
I believe it is OK to go thru those stages of grief as if you are experiencing death. Because it is a death of the person you knew. I have been sad enough to cry a river, angry enough to hit anything in my way, and finally accepted that is in now my lot in life to care for a person I do not know who only bears my husbands name. It would be cruel to divorce him and I can't afford to put him in a facility. So, that is now my new job. Caregiver.
audacity, I admire you so much for sticking in there with your husband. I've learned from first-hand experience that the one you love is still there hidden inside. I hope for you he emerges at the end of this disease so you two can treasure remarkable deep loving moments. BJ
Audacity, my heart goes out to you. Believe in your soul as BJ says I also believe you have not lost that person but he's masquerading behind a shield. He's having a difficult time expressing himself the way he used to for these dogone protein tangels. I hope one day they find a cure and they are working hard for our gerontologist says it hits 1 out of 3 in people over 80-85. I know I need more help in the home, besides working and luckily am planning on getting it. I hope the same for you. Wish I could help you more. He is still there.
Yes, I can relate to everything said. My husband jabbers all of the time when awake. The only thing that comes out plan is the cuss words. I can't explain the pain we all feel. Its so hard. You know they have no idea what goes on in our world and we have no idea what goes on in thiers. I smile and hold his hand when he will permitt it. Hugs and prays to all of us Greatful
Hello Everyone, Thank you for sharing about your caregiving struggles with our community. If you are looking for referrals to free and/or low cost programs for seniors in your region, the Area Agency on Aging is a great place to reference. You may search for local Area Agencies through our Senior Living Directory here: http://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging
Many of you may also be interested in hiring an in-home caregiver to allow you to take a break once in a while. Search for in-home care providers in your area here: http://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care
When the time is right, we also encourage you to write and rate any care providers you had personal experience with to help caregivers in a similar situation: http://www.caring.com/review_submissions/new?utm_source=community
Please don't hesitate to be in touch with our team if we may help you find additional resources for you and your loved ones.
Kind regards, Sho of the Caring.com Community Team
Hi, Thanks everyone for sharing about your experiences in caring for your loved ones. To add to the information and resource suggestions...
There is a video in the "Caregiver Confessions with Leeza Gibbons" series on the topic of anticipatory grief that you may be helpful to you: When You're Grieving . . . but Your Loved One Is Still Alive More information about anticipatory grief: http://www.caring.com/articles/anticipatory-grief-alzheimers
Caring.com also has suggestions for spending quality time with a loved one with Alzheimer's disease: http://www.caring.com/articles/alzheimers-activities or for more advanced/severe stage: http://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-spend-quality-time-with-someone-who-has-advanced-dementia
Thanks for reaching out about this concern!
Caring for a Spouse: In-Home Care or Assisted Living?
Wife has AD, her Dr. says start having someone come in and help. My children say move to an assisted living facility. We want to stay where we are until we feel we need help. I'm 79 and in good health. My wife is 77 and has had AD for 7 years and is in mid stage. Everyone wants to help by making us do something we don't want to do.
Stand up to them and do what you want to do, don't let them push you into something you don't want. I too care for DW stage 6 and diagnosed 6 years ago. I will continue to care for her and we get along just fine by ourselves. When and if it gets too hard for me to do alone I will get help but she will always be at home where she is familiar with her surroundings. I hear a lot of heartbreak stories about after they go into AL.
hello BP. i feel the same way as doug146. i take care of my mom 24/7. for about 7 years now. i will keepher here in her home as long as i am physically and mentally able to care for her. God is here with us and my family is supportive to us and our decision about keeping mom here with me. God bless you BP.
Me too, but I care for MIL (mother in law) diagnosed 6 years ago. I am 24/7 and my husband helps when he is home. It is tough sometimes but we know we are doing the right thing for us. Laura
There are advantages to both. Staying in your own home is obviously the one you favor, so why not try getting in some help and see how that works out for you? As long as your own health is good, this should be a viable option. My parents unfortunately were not able to go that route as they needed too much care. Assisted Living, in their case, fills the bill. Would they be happier at home? They think so, but they don't realize/remember how much they are no longer able to do for themselves. Mom (dem) has not cooked a meal in over a year and a half and was not able to keep their meds straight. Dad has vision and mobility issues. Even together, they needed someone around more often than an outside caregiver could offer. The AL gives them a certain amount of independence with the help that they need. ♥ Good luck with finding a good in-home caregiver! [see options/ideas at the top of this page]
Hello BP and welcome.
Always remember to thank people for their care and concern and their advice. However, it is up to you to decide whether or not to take it. My rule of thumb is, if they aren't rolling up their sleeves to help clean the toilet, they don't get a vote.
there's a good qualifier! ♥
sound advise especially about the toilet hehe ha ha.
Good point. I'll have to remember that when brother is here.
Hello BP and welcome! Absolutely, tell them what you and your wife want and don't want. Incorporate them now to be open for assisting you. It might be hard for you to allow someone, even family, to come in and care for your wife in your absence but if you refuse now, later you may need them. After all, this disease does nothing but get worse as it progresses. Allow family to come and stay with her even if for a few short hours while you go see a friend or just take a walk. I'm glad you've joined us. We have several members who are men caring for their wife.
Tizzy
Welcome BP. Of course you would love to stay in your home as long as possible. Please keep an open mind, speak your thoughts and also listen to the advice of your doctors and children (even if you do not act on it). They are all probably just concerned for you and your wife's health and safety. You are so fortunate to have such caring children. In-home care can be such a help, even if it is just several hours a day. My in-laws (mother COPD and father Alz) were at a place where they needed more help than home care could provide, but still resisted moving from their home of 54 years. It has been 7 months and they both adjusted so well to an indep living facility and are very happy.
Dear BP, Welcome...so many of the OWA's have said just what I would say. I care for DH at home. Our son and DIL sometimes think I need more help...I have help 2 days a week while I still have a part time job...and that is huge...getting out of the house while I know he is safe is so much help to me. But as long as I can physically care for him...her will be right here in our home. After all, he can't go to sleep unless I scratch his back! LOL!
Another welcome BP! I agree with everything above but want to add one more thought. My mom has lived us for almost six years. About 3 years ago my aunt (mom's sister, worked as a LVN) told me I should start getting help in sometimes so mom would get used to other people helping her and not become totally dependent on me. I didn't do it and now I am in the position that I need respite care but mom won't go anywhere or do anything without me. I know it will be more difficult for mom now because I "didn't need any help" earlier and didn't let her get used to other people helping her. You might want to think about what you both will need in the future and how the transition will be best for both of you. That said, it is your choice on what you are comfortable with and you get to make that decision.
Welcome BP. Is up to you, if you feel you can handle continue. You know what is best. Yes, is not easy for the transition emotionally & mentally. I am going through it.
Hi, BP. I have to agree with CalGal. Mostly because I'm where she is and my Mom is so dependent on me that it's driving me crazy. I have help in now on two afternoons a week but Mom hates it and if she thinks I'm in the house, insists on talking to me every five minutes. The reason I brought help in is because I needed time to do schoolwork and couldn't get it done under those circumstances. Now we're getting ready to move her to assisted living and I feel sorry for Mom and the staff for the first few days or weeks. I think it's going to be a difficult adjustment for her. She's only been here for two years, but she's 91 and never liked change much anyway.
Go with your gut but keep things like this in mind as you decide. It really is your choice to make.
Dear CalGal - this is excellent advice - and I will definitely try to incorporate this in my new routine (when I give up work in October!).
xx K
Hi, B P. It sounds to me as if you and DW are getting along just fine as you are. DH & I are in our 80's & able to live with our 3 generation family who want to be with us. And we have outside help for the family. But I still am the care giver 24/7, getting his very special meals, helping him bathe, taking him for walks with a helper along just in case. The thing I am aware of is that I'm 84 & in the medical field & very aware of all the things that could happen suddenly to me. I have to agree with others that getting you & your DW accustomed to having other people in the house to help in some ways might become really important to you at some point. A lot to think about.
CalGal has a really good point! Maybe you DON'T feel that you need the help right now, but none of us knows what the next day will bring, either, and it would be harder for her to adjust to someone new if something were to suddenly happen to you - I don't like using scare-tactics, but I am also quite practical. I hope we haven't confused you further.....hugs! ♥
Hi BP, Thanks for sharing about this decision you're facing in care for your wife! And thanks to everyone who shared their experiences and suggestions too! Unfortunately, I can't 'roll up my sleeves to help clean your toilet,' but I can pass along some info and resources to support you in this challenge nonetheless...
Everyone with Alzheimer's or most other dementia-causing illnesses will need increasing amounts of care over time. If you stay in your home, please keep these safety tips in mind: http://www.caring.com/articles/home-safety-for-alzheimers
Here are some considerations to help you decipher if a loved one with Alzheimer's disease needs assisted living: http://www.caring.com/articles/alzheimers-disease-assisted-living Also, some personality types do better in assisted living than others: http://www.caring.com/articles/difficult-adjustment-assisted-living
Many nursing homes, assisted living facilities, and other long-term care communities offer special care for residents with Alzheimer's or other forms of memory loss. Here's a directory that helps you find them in your area (and it includes ratings and reviews from other seniors and families to help in the selection process): http://www.caring.com/local/alzheimers-care-facilities
Given the doctor's recommendation, and your desire to stay at home, please consider how you will arrange breaks from caregiving (to stay well while caring for your wife): http://www.caring.com/articles/respite-care
You didn't mention why the doctor feels it's time for professional care, or why your children think assisted living is best. If it's due to increasing difficult behaviors or advanced symptoms of the disease, this information may be helpful to you as well: http://www.caring.com/alzheimers-behavior-problems Your Custom Care Guide can help guide you through specific symptoms you're seeing with your wife. Additionally, here's a general overview of the symptoms you may encounter with each stage of the disease as it progresses: http://www.caring.com/articles/alzheimers-stages
I hope these suggestions are helpful and you'll let us know if we can be of further assistance to you and your wife.
Respite Care: We All Need a Break from Caregiving
I am very excited today. Got the news that mom can have a week of respite care early February and now my sister's friend who winters in Manzanillo, Mexico offered to let me stay with her and she will show me around. There is even a pool!
Hey there! Wonderful news! I'm exited for you. You deserve it, too. I'll bet you can't wait to get going and have your summer vacation. My daughter's boss promised us one of his beach houses for next week-end. We're going to celebrate my daughter's 29'th birthday and invite some of our girlfriends. (NO BOYS ALLOWED!) ((Just kidding)). Hee hee! The house is super luxurious and has all the amenities. (Although this is one of his new ones which I have not seen yet. It is so beautiful. I just love the beach so much! OMGosh! I just googled where you'll be going! It is SPECTACULAR!!! Have you seen pics?: It's like a dream, girl. There's more than a pool! Looks like a beautiful ocean resort! You lucky lady! I'm only going to go to Galveston. It's a 50 mile drive from Houston and there's PLENTY to do there. I haven't been to the beach all summer. I can't believe I turned into one of those people who had an island so close and couldn't make time to get to the beach all summer. Then, the next summer...and the next. I don't know whatever happened to the girl I used to be. Always just wanted to be free. Anybody in or around the island welcome to join us! That's next week-end. Leaving Friday to go pick up the key whenever they call us and tell us it's ready. We'll stay until Sunday. Soooo relaxing. The sounds of the waves and the wind.. The salty smell in the air.... Ohh! It's going to be a party to remember! Can't wait! blou
Hi, Corry (or should I say "International Traveler)? Your destination sounds heavenly, girlfriend! I just bet you'll be counting down the days over the next few months. Good for you!! I'm a bit green with envy. But that's okay - I look pretty okay in green. LOL!! I'm excited for you, my dear friend. Thanks for sharing the good news. I shall live vicariously through you. :-)........♥♥
Corry, what exciting news! Our family spent 4 months in Mexico years ago & I loved it. Take your new laptop with you & let us share with you.
Warm weather in February and a swim in a pool? Oh Corry! Sounds too good to be true! How wonderful for you! You sure need this bit of respite. I'm so happy for you!
Tizzy
Do you have a LARGE suitcase? I wont take to much room, & I'll be good, I promise!
WOW! That is so wonderful! Warm weather in February and a little respite! Counting the days down with you! ♥
oh goody!!! something fun to look forward to and plan for!!! ♥ ha, ha, Germy!
Thanks for all your good wishes and yes, maybe I can take a very large suitcase and take you along, Germy. Wish I could take you all. We all need a break.
I kneew it another answered prayer! Hot diggidy dog! Corey I am so happy for you! a better trip I can not think of and just perfect! Bless you sweetheart! I just cannot keep from smiling as I am sure you are as well. Now just hold on til Feb!
Congrats on this upcoming vacation! It's so important that family caregivers get some respite, and your trip plans sound delightful! For those still struggling to find time away for self-care and respite, here are 8 ways to make it happen: http://www.caring.com/articles/respite-care Lots of additional ideas for caregiver wellness -- including diet and sleep strategies -- are here: http://www.caring.com/caregiver-wellness Sometimes it can help just to take a few hours away from the stresses of caregiving: http://www.caring.com/blogs/take-a-break Unfortunately, we can't all fit in Corry's suitcase to Mexico, but we can take a virtual vacation there, arrange our own breaks and retreats, or otherwise find a way to relax at home from time to time. I hope these ideas are helpful!
Being a Caregiver: Olympics are Over, but Caregiving Olympians Continue On
HI All,olympic is over but we the carer olympian is going on with our endurances and challenges that is incomparable but with love and support from OWA's we continue to smile between anger sadness, frustration and I dont know what to do situation.Will any of us win in the end?We have done everything and now we pray and hope
Amen ARH!! ♥♥
Well, I guess we can't win over this disease, but you are a champion, ARH...a first class gold medal winning loving husband!
Yes, ARH, we will all be winners if we continue to love one another as we would like to be loved.
And I like your Care Giver Olympians! The very best!
ARH--I feel like a champion because I helped my DH cross the finish line and every day we care and love,we are winners just like Piver said.To finish the race is the aim,not your position in it ♥
Avio--you are a true champion--you did a great job helping your DH cross that finish line with dignity. We all know how hard it is @ times, but we push on to finish & help our loved ones finish. Bless You
All caregivers are Winners !!! Giving of yourself to another ~ Reaching down and lifting another up ~ Sharing; Caring and Loving ~ Yup we're all winners ♥
@ Avio ~ You are a champion and you absolutely amaze me ♥ Love You ♥
You all are right all caregivers are Gold medalist. May be I get silver, coz I have just sent my dad to a NH. I feel a little iresponsible for my dad had care for me now his old age I have put him in a home.
My auntie (dad sister) said my dad very pitty, he was a very caring son to his mother, he nurse his mother when she had cancer. She doesn't want her children to come and see my dad or tell them my dad is in a home fear that her children will do the same to her when she is old.
Am helpless, we just cant cope with dad, as myself is working full time and my sis (teach music on weekends only) now is teaching on weekday as well.
Yaw, You Are A Winner ~ A Gold Medalist right along side each and every OWA ~ never doubt that !!! You did the best you could for your Dad for as long as you could and you have found him a place where he will be well cared for. You will continue to see him as often as you can and you will keep a constant watch over him, even though he is not in "your" care 24/7, in order to insure he is being well cared for. You have been and will continue to be a very caring and loving daughter and your Dad's Angel here on earth ~ you will always be a OWA and a Winner !! {{{{HUGS}}} ♥
Very well put, ARH! The overwelming frustrations, anger, and heart-wrenching sadness that the 24/7 caregiver must endure in loving a spouse afflicted with Alzheimer's/Dementia. There is no way it can be explained to anyone who is not in the same boat. You are doing a first rate job, ARH! Please give R a hug from me.
Avio - you are one very special angel. You have certainly earned your crown in heaven, dear friend.♥♥
Thank-you Wantmymomback for your encouragement. We OWA all need prayer that we have the strength for this long haul run.
Yaw, you sound as if you are feeling guilty for "giving up" on Dad. Not true! You and sis are doing what you must do for the very best life for Dad. But you have lots of feelings right now, missing him even tho he isn't far away, wondering.... questioning.... I assume that is a normal reaction. A move is always stressful on everyone concerned. So you are dealing with stress. Take good care of yourself, love yourself. And no guilt.
I don't think i got Bronze yet. I am trying to run the race yet alone win it. I am jumping hurdles, skirting issues, dealing with sickness and pain, and whatever else comes my way. I hope to be there at the end to see the light and the finish line.
Frustrated member - Not so ! Look here it is a shiny gold medal
/\ / \ \O/
xx K
Oh rats it didn't come out : but have this one (without ribbon - even more special!!) O
Thank You all. I really love coming here and venting. You all understand the feelings and how to make me feel so much better. Mom is complaining and telling us she has to talk to her eye doctor and tell him she has problems with her eyeglasses. Its only the 4th pair and now she wants a new pair. I need a lot of patience for today. LOL
Frustratedmember The fact that your doing all you can with loving care, makes you a Gold Medal Winner !! Now let me put my sunglasses on & protect my eyes from all that glare :)
Frustrated mem: she may need a new RX but you have to really decide if the Doc is being honest or not. He wants to sell more lenses, of course. Diabetes, dementia, other brain problems can cause the senses to do crazy things. But an honest Doc will tell you whether her existing Rx is still ok or not. How long has it been since her last? Hugs & congrats on your Gold! Piver, retired O.D.'s wife & office manager.
You know after the appointment yesterday I realized that its not her vision, but just that she wants everything she sees. It does not matter that all our money should be spent on her. I am going on my bus trip at the end of the month and my youngest sister will be with her to take care of her every need. I can't do much else right now and I am not ready to handle all this. Thank You all for your help and support.
A bus trip?? Wow can we all come along? Where are we going?
xxx K
It will only be 7 hours away from home. I am going to a casino with my sister just to get away. I wish you could all come with me. I love my OWA's and I know you send me love each day. Thanks for asking.
WIN BIG!!! (we'll help spend it)
OK you can have a small amount from what I have left over LOL I really don't expect to win big at all. I just want to be away from my stress for awhile.
I will let everyone know how I did .
f/m it doesn't cost any more to dream BIG than to dream small so DREAM BIG!! You are a WINNER!! ♥♥
Yep, BIG DREAM, I like that. We should have dreams, "yong man see vission, old man dream dreams"
so sorry I missed this thread earlier!!! I love what ARH said at the beginning of it, and it was fun to read all the encouragement, from one to another, throughout the thread!!! ♥
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