When it happens
Middle of moderate-stage dementia
Why it happens
The ability to capture, retain, and retrieve recent memories (from a few moments to a few days ago) is mostly lost. But longer-term memories tend to remain strong the longest. Also, memories of children, work, childhood, and other past events tend to be happy ones, and thinking about them can make someone with dementia feel good.
Through much of moderate dementia, people are still engaged with the present, so they may talk about current activities as well as past ones. But they can't "capture" these current activities as memories that will be called up tomorrow.
What you can do
Indulge and encourage reminiscing; it's good for the person to talk, and sharing old memories usually makes one feel good.
Don't press the person to remember current events, and don't get angry when things are forgotten.
Try using a toy or other object as a prompt for conversations: a toy tractor for a farmer, a doll for a mother, old patterns for a seamstress, and so on.
Consider making a book or DVD that tells the person's life story in words and pictures; you can make it together and review it over and over.
If the person has always attended religious services, continuing to do so or providing recognizable music or readings can act as strong memory prompts.
Hello "potpot," I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing with your loved one. You may consider joining the Alzheimer's/dementia support group to share your question and receive advice from caregivers that are also caretakers of loved ones with Alzheimer's/dementia. You can read sample discussions and join the conversation here: http://www.caring.com/alzheimers-support (Please copy and paste the web address into your browser). I hope that you are able to find some support through this online support group so that you do not feel so alone. We're here for you! Kind regards, Sho of the Caring.com Community Team
Also we were married 32 yrs and his first wife 19 yrs. I was the care taker for his Mom when she was home, now95 yrs in nursing home. She turned on me just like I feel he is doing now. He cannot talk with out blowing up.I feel so alone.
I hear alot about his ex wife an kids,this is hard because he puts my family down all the time. These story's are heard over and over. My daughter was adopted and he says things like she was not your daughter she was adopted. He is very verble abussive and his drinking makes it worst .
I always feel so much better, more connected, after reading all the comments, whether sad or wise. This website is a truly wonderful place to be able to go when I feel sad and alone. Even when I feel frustrated to the nth degree because of my gentle husband's lack of co-operation I feel some relief after "connecting" with you all. Thank you and bless you all. You are all in my prayers.
re only the last hint : I find that John is very uncooperative no matter how gently or discreetly I try to encourage activities in the home (even doing things together), going out socially, or going to church (he was a regular and involved churchgoer 12 months ago, before surgery). Even when he himself has decided to go - say - to church, he changes his mind at the last minute. Yet he goes along to his medical appointments without too much argument (not for want of trying to get out of them). So although your hints would be helpful to some, in this case they wouldn't be helpful to me. to my situation.
Thank you, I MUST say truthfully that everything was helpful. I am already doing some of the tips!!!!!!!! But, I welcome all suggestions or comments from other caregivers.
I really appreciate this website. Its personalized and very helpful. I don't have to read things that aren't relevant to me right now and I can read what is relevant at my leasure. Things are broken down into layman's terms but is not sterile. It is very informative and compassionately written. I highly recommend this website!
i am currently dealing with my grandmother who is showing many signs of this and have not been diagnosed by a doctor but i sit and she will tell me the same story over and over again i mean up to 10 times in one day and it is frustrating because i always want to say yeah grandma you told me that yesterday but i dont i just walked into this and she is trying to care for my little 11 year old cousin and i am glad i am there because there is abuse on her part but then its like she acts as nothing has happened at all. i just wish i knew where to turn this is a lot more than what i bargained for
So thankful for the articles you provide for all of use.This is new for me. Thanks again
Funny...my mom talks a lot about a few memories of her childhood then turns to me thinking I was there saying things like "do you remember when we...". I think she may be getting me confused with her sister. I love hearing the stories. It just depends on the context of whether I go along or suggest it was my aunt not me...She always giggles and say "oh, that's right..."
this is what i am seeing about old times also todays times to for a short while
Just about to embark on some life-story work with mum, as she does have some very happy memories to draw upon. I'm sure this will be helpful to me and my sister, not least in providing a positive diversion from her current anxieties which, sadly, are becoming ever more frequent.
There are no happy moments in his childhood - so the memories are hurtful and hard to listen too.
Hugs Little Annie
Prayers Little Annie
I try and make projects and we have been going through all the closets, garage, everything and bringing everything out and finding places for it and we engage in all the great memories from it. either ones together or just hers. It is a good way to try and devert when they start feeling agitated, depressed etc. I told her we have to start writing all these projects down so we dont forget them. and so we can retrac our steps etc. So this is what I am going to start to do. that way I am hoping it will help remembering what we have done. and Im going to have her write it herself. And most of all I try and keep her laughing devert it all in laughter is good medicine. I hope it works. Thanks everyone, I am open for suggestions.
His past is very negative, so going there makes him angry. I try to get him to remember something good, but he is unable to come up with something.
Dialogue with patient helps him.
Grandpa always bowled, but couldn't remember where or with whom. He moved in with us after Grandma died, and thought he was still bowling with the same team he had before. We made him a "memory book" with pictures of his team with their names printed under them so he could reference it when he was bowling. For much of this time, though, we heard about the 1950's and all that happened in his bowling career then. His mind was like a steel trap when it came to remembering how many strikes he made and what his final score was. Amazing!