Family Drama

This was very insightful. I love so many things about blogging. One of those things being; how we are able to share such things as thought on values, beliefs, and traditions. It offers us to be able to see similar scenarios from different viewpoints; and also helps us to better understand one another. http://haberqc.com/

How do I stop my mom for acusing my dad of having sex with someone else

What a deeply valuable article. Thank you for generously sharing your experience and expertise. This is a thought provoking and helpful piece with information I've never heard of. Will share.

Collie Dov - the book you are thinking about is "The Birth Order Book" by Dr. Kevin Leman. I read it years ago! It provides great insight into the personality traits/habits you may have due to the "pecking order" in your family. I am the youngest of 4, but there's 4 years between my closes sibling and I, so I have the traits of Only Child and Last Child. A great read for anyone that is interested! It is also good for caregivers to know where in the "birth order" their loved one is, as dementia seems to take you back in time to when you were younger, and these traits come out! My Dad is Last, Only, but has traits of First, Middle as well, as his parents had many miscarriages (as was common in the late 1800's, early 1900's. The spoiled child comes out a lot in him now - even though his family was "dirt poor", he got spoiled by his siblings, aunts and uncles….

Thank you very much for outlining these truly helpful "hints." My birth family floundered seriously at the passing of my father. There has been irreparable harm to most of our relationships. I don't know how we could have introduced these important points at the time/in time for the needed self-examination and good-willed and far better results. I've since concluded that much of the ill behavior indeed dates back to sibling rivalry feelings I didn't then fully register in my understanding. I wish I could recall the author I read a couple months back that may be helpful to others - - - a doctor, Kevin something, youngest in his birth family with attendant problems, has 2 or 3 daughters; he does a great job or explaining the needs/personality types of First born/"Only", Middle, and "baby of the family" positions that help form us all. Always new facts and learning help us for future situations we may encounter. Thank you again.

Any advice to offer about being restful of a sister that lives 300 miles away and did absolutely nothing to help care for our mother? She didn't even attend the funeral, but when the estate was sold, she called to ask when the money would be deposited into her account? I honored Mom's will as administrator by dividing the proceeds equally, but at the time the will was written my sister lived only 15 miles away and Mom figured that she would also be around to help. I haven't spoken to my sister for almost a year. The phone lines work both ways, though. She hasn't contacted me either. Money really isn't the issue. She and her spouse bugged me to death about the life insurance money and about the selling of the estate. I cleaned out the entire house and disposed of all of Mom's things. I got the house ready to sell and spent my own money and time handling everything. Has anyone else faced similar circumstances?

I have not gotten rid of my moms stuff . I let my brother take care of the house I had to take care of my husband( dementia/ and other health issues) and work She went from home to nursing home and past in 2010. My brother says when are you going to give he things away I am just beginning to deal with it. In time I will.

why is it when you mom attitude change against her daughter towards the daughter who stole her identity from her. I call both of them phoney . my mom tells my 16yrs. ok niece she is in charge of the house while we go shopping. my sons are 16yrs &14 & my nephew is also 16yrs. old . I think there is something wrong with that picture. but she don't& to say she was just playing. I feel she have always had her favorite grandchildren

Seem easier to kick the disruptive person on the butt with your right boot. Too much effort to make a perspnality disordered person to like or respect you.

very helpful article. thankyou

Examples and strategies for phrasing things in a challenging situation so that the sting of judgment is taken out but the message is conveyed.

I have been somewhat startled by the resurgence of "old business" among our children (3 each, all presumptive adults and actually well into middle age, at least chronologically!) since I was an only child. As my husband's dementia progresses, his children's "stuff" has become almost intrusive -- and I didn't even know him when they were growing up, but it's clear that there was a lot of pathology -- not that mine don't have theirs, too. I did manage this week to ask all of them (by e-mail -- they're all but one out of town) to contribute to our financial situation, which is fairly desperate though may resolve before long -- and 5 out of the 6 (the holdout not surprising) have responded promptly and positively. But I do feel a lot of the time like I'm walking on eggs.

where else could I read these helpful tips so accessibly?

Historically, when my mom or sister got mad at each other all communication was cut off for days at a time...i lived 500 miles away and i was even cut off a few time and it was always because they mis understood something i said on the phone. In 07 i went to visit mom which was not uncommon. I advised mom I was coming and in all the previous years, it was mom and dad who told my sister that I would be visiting. Guess mom didn't do that this time. Mom and I did all the things we normally do, shopping shopping and more shopping, lunch and to the bank. Brother in law came into the bank and saw us. We werent doing anything but the air became thick, although we exchanged hellos. Mom had a huge hernia making her look 5 mo pregnant. When mom and I got done for the day I called my sister like I always did. Sister started yelling and screaming that i had snuck into town and was taking moms money. I could not get a word in edgewise to let sister know something was very bad with moms stomach. Mom sat on the couch listening to the screaming and was crying. In 60 years I have never seen my mother cry. She had the early stages of Alzheimers. I finally told my sister i was taking mom with me to SF. Mom needed care and I needed to get back home to work. I didn't have time for sisters BS. Mom has been here 5 years since sister cut off communication with both me and mom. When we did exchange a few conversations about mom sister would not cooperate or meet me half way. It didnt' hurt me, it hurt mom.

This was very interesting and hit apon almost all the family dynamics in my wife's family (I may have to go buy one of Dave Richo's books). My father-in-law (92) is relatively wealthy and was a very successful businessman but now is definitely mentally not as sharp as before. Your point #3 hit home, however, anything that he really does not want to do, but at one point committed to the group his response is usually "oh, I forgot," He will also look you straight in the eye and lie, i.e. when the family is in with his estate attorney drawing up some trusts, everyone agrees that it would be better if the attorney communicated with all three (father, son, & daughter) to avoid some misunderstandings (again stuff he "forgot") but, 5 minutes after he gets home, he calls the attorney to tell him "I only want you to communicate with me, do not talk to my children." So how do you deal with someone you know is a habitual liar, and trusts no one, including his children. When he was about to have some surgery and the topic of a living will came up (the doctor suggested it to the family), his comment was "there's greed in this room." Our other challenge with #3, is that besides the father-in-law having slight dementia, his son is ADD and my wife is obsessive compulsive. One hour meetings, tend to stretch to 3 to 4 hours. My one attempt to create an agenda and run the meeting with it was a disaster. My brother in law cannot stay on a topic, my father-in-law will participate in a 15 minute discussion and then vote "yes' on something and then suddenly 20 minutes later, want to jump back to that topic, because he now thinks it is "stupid" even though he just voted "yes" 20 minutes before..

Great article, good 10 tips to following when dealing with extended family, friends, and loved ones. Thank you for shring.