Connie Matthiessen

Caring.com senior editor

About

Constance (Connie) Matthiessen, Senior Editor of the Life channel, has worked as a healthcare and environmental journalist at the Center for Investigative Reporting, and has written for WebMD , Consumer Health Interactive , the Washington Post , the San Francisco Chronicle , BabyCenter.com, San Francisco Magazine, Mother Jones and other publications. Connie's background also includes a B.A. in literature from Evergreen State College and an MFA in writing from Warren Wilson College. She has been interested in eldercare issues since shortly after college, when she spent a year caring for elderly people in a nursing home.

Connie, who lives in San Francisco with her three children, considers herself lucky that her parents are still healthy and active as they approach their 80s. They both continue to pursue their passions, including fishing, horseback riding, travel, and spending time with their children, grandchildren,and great-grandchildren, providing living proof that growing old -- for all its challenges -- can be a time of inspiration, connection, and adventure.

Recently Published on Caring.com

Friday October 02, 2009
1. 8 Ways to Assess Your Parent's Driving
  Article - It isn't always immediately obvious when an elderly person begins to have trouble driving. Your parent may not notice that her driving skills are deteriorating or may not want to acknowledge it -- and you may not care to either. Of course you want your parent to maintain her independence as long as possible...
Friday September 04, 2009
1. 8 Ways to Prepare Your Young Child for a Grandparent's Death
  Article - 8 ways to prepare your child for a family death, like that of a grandparent. Help children by talking about death and letting them spend time with grandparents.
Monday August 24, 2009
1. How can my brother and I convince my aging parents to move closer to us?
  Answer - You may not be able to persuade your parents to move, if they really don't want to. All you can do is make your best case, and then it's up to them.
Friday August 14, 2009
1. Keeping Older Drivers on the Road: Limiting Driving
  Article - When and how to convince an older adult to consider limiting driving to certain conditions -- rather than giving up driving altogether.
2. Driving Safety: Getting Professional Assessments
  Article - How do you know if an older adult can still drive safely? Turn to these experts who can help assess driver safety.
3. Warning Signs of Driving Problems: Quick List
  Article - Know the warning signals that mean an older adult may be having problems driving safely.
4. Keeping Older Drivers on the Road: Driving Refresher Courses
  Article - Sometimes an older driver who's a driving hazard just needs a refresher course in driving. Where to find classes for older adults to polish their driving skills.
5. Giving Up Driving: Easing the Transition
  Article - How you can help an older adult make the transition to life without a car and find alternatives to driving.
Thursday August 13, 2009
1. Four Signs of Unsafe Driving
  Article - Watch for these signs that an older adult you're close to is becoming a dangerous driver:
2. Medical Risk Factors for Older Drivers
  Article - The following factors should not rule out driving, but they can elevate risk and warrant monitoring:
3. Driving Safety: Using State DMVs
  Article - Using state DMVs to make sure an older adult can drive safely is now an option. State DMVs offer several resources for older drivers and their families.
4. Driving: Get Help for Older Adults by Using Authority Figures and Friends
  Article - Enlisting authority figures is a way to convince an older adult who drives poorly to give up the keys. Authority figures might be seen as more knowledgeable.
Thursday August 06, 2009
1. How to Talk to the Elderly
  Article - Knowing how to talk to the elderly is not obvious. To talk to the elderly effectively, understand that they have their own developmental agenda. 5 Comments
Friday July 31, 2009
1. Caregivers' Concerns About Older Adults Driving -- and What to Do About It
  Article - As an older adult starts to lose driving skills, people close to him start to worry about whether he should drive. How to handle this sensitive issue.
Wednesday July 29, 2009
1. Creating a Lasting Legacy
  Article - How to help someone accept and be proud of all she's accomplished in her life.
2. How to Help an Older Adult Create a Lasting Legacy
  Article - Practical projects and treasured memories to help older adults accept and feel proud of all they've accomplished in their lifetimes.
Monday July 20, 2009
1. Caring for Elderly Relatives: How to Handle Family Conflicts
  Article - Family conflicts and sibling rivalry often arise when caring for elderly relatives. Find ways to share the caring burden and resolve family conflicts. 5 Comments
Friday July 17, 2009
1. When One Older Adult Is Caring for the Other
  Article - If one of your friend or relatives is caring for another older adult, your involvement is essential to help her avoid burnout.
Thursday June 18, 2009
1. How to Approach Older Adults With Concerns About Their Driving
  Article - Giving up a driver's license is likely to be difficult for older adults. Learn how to approach and talk to older adults about driving safety. 2 Comments
Friday June 12, 2009
1. Helping an Older Adult Stay on the Road -- and Preparing for the Day He Can't Drive
  Article - How to help an older adult stay safe when he's behind the wheel -- and prepare for the day when he can no longer drive.
Sunday May 10, 2009
1. Taking Away the Car Keys: Last-Resort Tactics
  Article - Is it time for last-resort tactics to keep an older adult from driving? If he's a hazard but won't give up the keys, last-resort tactics are merited.
Thursday May 07, 2009
1. Family Counseling: Does It Help?
  Community Discussion - I'd love to hear from readers who've tried counseling or mediation to deal with family conflicts over caregiving issues. As the discussions here show, family conflicts are common between elderly parents and adult children, but also between siblings and other family members...
Wednesday May 06, 2009
1. Demystifying Your Aging Parents' New Stage of Life
  Article - Communicating with elderly parents may seem tough. But communicating with elderly parents shows you that they're still developing, even late in life. 10 Comments
2. How to Know When Someone Should Stop Driving
  Article - How to Know When Someone Should Stop Driving. Risk factors and warning signs that tell you it's time for an elderly person to stop driving. 5 Comments
3. What to Do About a Dangerous Senior Driver
  Article - How to keep a dangerous driver off the roads and out of harm's way -- what to do if your parents refuse to stop driving. 6 Comments
4. A Step-by-Step Guide to Writing a Eulogy
  Article - Here's how to write a eulogy: Before you begin to write a eulogy, take the time to gather the raw material and talk to friends and relatives. 1 Comment
5. Talking to a Loved One About Death
  Article - Guidance for talking to a loved one about death, from what issues you might want to discuss to being a good listener. 2 Comments
6. How to Deliver a Eulogy
  Article - Find helpful information on creating a funeral eulogy, including how to write a eulogy and how to deliver a eulogy at Caring.com. 1 Comment
Tuesday May 05, 2009
1. 8 Life Issues You're Bound to Face When Caring for an Aging Parent
  Checklist - Facing life issues when caregiving is inevitable, but you can be ready. Here's 8 life issues you're bound to face when caring for aging parents. 19 Comments
Tuesday April 28, 2009
1. Caring for a Difficult Older Adult
  Article - If you have a troubled relationship with a relative or other loved one, try these strategies to help you function effectively and remain sane -- as a caregiver
Wednesday April 22, 2009
1. Why Giving Up the Car Keys Is Such a Loaded Issue
  Article - Why giving up the car keys is so traumatic for older adults, and how to help prepare them for the day when they have to stop driving.
Tuesday April 21, 2009
1. How to Help an Older Adults Cope When They Can No Longer Drive
  Article - Practical tips on how to help older adults cope when they can no longer drive safely -- and how to help them get around without a car. 1 Comment
Monday March 30, 2009
1. The Best Way to Talk to Aging Adults About Driving
  Article - You're worried about your parents' driving abilities but don't know how to tell them. Tips for talking with elderly parents about driving.
Wednesday February 11, 2009
1. Marriage and Relationships: How Caregiving Couples Can Make It Work
  Article - Even the strongest relationships can be pushed to the brink when one or both members of a couple are caring for an elderly relative. Stress, lack of privacy, financial pressure, and simple exhaustion are common complaints of caregivers, as the results of Caring.com's recent caregiver survey make clear...
Thursday February 05, 2009
1. Love and Marriage (and Caregiving): Caring.com's Marriage Survey
  Article - In honor of Valentine's Day -- and all those couples in the caregiving trenches -- Caring.com decided to find out how caregiving affects a caregiver’s relationship with a spouse or partner. While we knew that this was a charged issue, we weren't expecting such an extraordinary response. 4 Comments
Tuesday January 27, 2009
1. How do I become a caregiver?
  Answer - Most people become caregivers not out of choice but necessity. Becoming a caregiver is not like becoming a nurse; one chooses to become a nurse, and goes to school to learn how. Caregivers, on the other hand, are usually thrust into the role when a loved one is unable to care for himself.
Monday January 26, 2009
1. Dealing with a spouse's drug addiction
  Community Post - I agree with Melanie that it would be great if you can open lines of communication with your mother-in-law's physician, and make sure she or he knows what's going on, and can hopefully get involved.
Monday December 29, 2008
1. Middle-Age, um, Moment
  Blog Post - Changes in the middle-aged brain complicate caregiving. 1 Comment
Friday December 12, 2008
1. The Secret Life of Parents
  Blog Post - Keeping secrets from loved ones keeps us from getting valuable support at a time when we need it most. 2 Comments
Friday December 05, 2008
1. Stepfamily Issues Make Caregiving Even More Complicated
  Blog Post - Caregiving pressures can threaten fragile stepfamily bonds
Thursday December 04, 2008
1. How do you resolve family conflict over caregiving issues?
  Community Post - I'd love to hear from readers who've tried counseling or mediation to deal with family conflicts over caregiving issues. As the discussions here show, family conflicts are common between elderly parents and adult children, but also between siblings and other family members...
Friday November 28, 2008
1. National Day of Listening
  Blog Post - Creating a family oral history is a gift for the ages.
Friday November 21, 2008
1. Creating a Family Oral History: Asking the Right Questions
  Blog Post - The key to creating a memorable oral history: asking the right questions.
Thursday November 20, 2008
1. How can we help my mother who is struggling with loneliness in the assisted living facility?
  Answer - You didn't say whether or not you've approached facility administrators to discuss your concerns about your mother, but if you haven't, I think you should do so immediately. They should be doing more to keep your mother engaged than simply shuttling her to the bingo hall -- particularly if she has no interest in bingo...
Wednesday November 12, 2008
1. Oral Histories: Preserving Your Family's Stories
  Blog Post - During the holidays, make time to create oral histories by recording your relatives' stories. 2 Comments
Monday November 10, 2008
1. How can I get my father, who lives with us, to respect the rules of our household?
  Answer - If your father has Alzheimer's or some other type of dementia, this could be causing -- or exacerbating -- his irrational behavior and bad temper. Be sure that he is under a physician's care, and that his physician knows about the behavior you describe. His physician or a dementia specialist will likely have advice for how you should handle the situation...
Friday November 07, 2008
1. Final Messages
  Blog Post - Listening to dying loved ones can help us gain a better understanding of their experience and our own mortality. 3 Comments
Monday November 03, 2008
1. Can physical activity help depression?
  Answer - I agree with Missy that you should take your father-in-law in for a physical exam as soon as possible. As she pointed out, he may be suffering from other, undiagnosed health problems. At the least, the physician should be able to offer suggestions for more effective treatment of his depression.
Friday October 31, 2008
1. It Takes a Neighborhood: Epilogue
  Blog Post - Two women helped an elderly neighbor remain -- and ultimately die -- in the house where he grew up. 3 Comments
2. How do I encourage my father without being a nag?
  Answer - Of course you want your father to eat right and get regular exercise; you love him and want him to be healthy, and to live as long as possible. But while it's great to offer an encouraging word once in awhile, there's a fine line between encouraging and nagging. Besides, it sounds like he's not listening, so what's the point...
3. How do I deal with my anger and resentment toward my older...
  Answer - I'm consumed with anger at my sister, who has a drinking problem, and leaves all responsibility for my mother's care to me.
Tuesday October 28, 2008
1. How can we persuade my father to talk to us about his health and other issues?
  Answer - If you can, try to persuade your father to see his physician for a medical check-up as soon as possible. You should also talk to his physician yourself, and explain your concerns. You said your father is showing signs of mental decline. It's possible that his behavior is being caused, at least in part...
Thursday October 23, 2008
1. Scenes From (Caregiving) Marriages
  Blog Post - How caring for a disabled spouse changes your relationship. 1 Comment
Thursday October 16, 2008
1. Gone But Not Forgotten: Rituals That Honor the Dead
  Blog Post - Rituals can help you keep your dead relatives' memories alive.
Tuesday October 14, 2008
1. Should we bring my 100 year-old grandmother to a family reunion?
  Answer - A few details would help me answer your question. First of all, does your grandmother want to go to the reunion? Secondly, does she have many other opportunities to see family members? Finally, how long and taxing will the trip be?
Thursday October 09, 2008
1. Silence Not Golden -- Or Helpful -- For Dying Patients And Their Families
  Blog Post - Talking about end-of-life issues benefits both patients and their families.
Thursday October 02, 2008
1. Understanding What It Means to Be Old
  Blog Post - Mary Pipher's book, Another Country, helps the reader understand the experience of growing old in America. 1 Comment
Thursday September 25, 2008
1. A Grandchild Steps in to Help Her Family: The Sequel
  Blog Post - Caregiving by a twenty-something grandchild does wonders for her elderly grandparents.
Saturday September 20, 2008
1. How do I get a break from caring for my mother?
  Answer - You have two different problems, it seems to me, and both need addressing. The first problem is that you need regular breaks from your caregiving duties. The second problem is that your mother's behavior is unacceptable. 1 Comment
Thursday September 18, 2008
1. Hospice: Comfort for Patient and Caregivers Alike
  Blog Post - One family's experience with hospice during a mother's last weeks of life.
Wednesday September 10, 2008
1. Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life
  Blog Post - Laura Juel had to advocate for her mother during her final days to help her get pain relief. 2 Comments
Thursday September 04, 2008
1. A Grandchild Steps In to Help Her Family
  Blog Post - A young woman with both a big heart and streak of cynicism steps in to help her aging grandparents 2 Comments
Thursday August 28, 2008
1. Sandwich Generation: Dispatches Part 2
  Blog Post - Sandwich issues take a toll on the families and colleagues of caregivers. 1 Comment
2. How can I stop my father driving?
  Answer - It sounds like you're doing your best in a very difficult situation.
Monday August 25, 2008
1. Sandwich Generation: Dispatches From the Front
  Blog Post - Members of the "Sandwich Generation" face many emotional as well as practical challenges
Thursday August 14, 2008
1. Watermelons for Healthy Living -- and Loving
  Blog Post - Watermelons can improve everything from your circulation to your love life.
Monday August 11, 2008
1. How can you help convince a caregiver to stop focusing exclusively on caregiving?
  Answer - It's not uncommon for caregivers to become totally absorbed in their caregiving duties to the exclusion of everything else. Over time, most caregivers learn to pace themselves and pick up the previous threads of their lives. If they don't, they risk losing relationships, friends, jobs -- and their own health...
Thursday August 07, 2008
1. Prescription Addiction Part 4: One Family's Story
  Blog Post - Prescription medication causes a senior to become addicted. 1 Comment
Thursday July 31, 2008
1. Prescription Addiction Part 3: No Magic Pill
  Blog Post - Prescription drug abuse and addiction by the elderly, and how to help them avoid it.
Thursday July 24, 2008
1. Prescription Addiction Part 2: (Grand)Mother's Little Helpers
  Blog Post - Prescription and other drugs are commonly abused by seniors. 1 Comment
Thursday July 17, 2008
1. Over-The-Counter Driving Hazards
  Blog Post - Even simple cold medications can undermine the driving abilities of elderly people.
Thursday July 10, 2008
1. Prescription Addiction: Are Your Parents at Risk?
  Blog Post - Prescription drug abuse and addiction is a growing problem among the elderly. 1 Comment
Thursday July 03, 2008
1. Does Older = Wiser?
  Blog Post - Help for caregivers who are having conflicts with elderly parents and other relatives.
Monday June 23, 2008
1. Behind-the-Wheel Safety for Older Drivers
  Blog Post - Car makers and others are gearing up for an increase in the number of older drivers over the next decade.
Thursday June 19, 2008
1. In Defense of Older Drivers
  Blog Post - Statistics show that older people, in general, are safe, responsible drivers.
Tuesday June 17, 2008
1. Help for Elderly Drivers -- On and Off the Road
  Blog Post - California's Senior Driver Ombudsman program helps seniors and their families negotiate the whens and hows of giving up driving. 1 Comment
Friday June 13, 2008
1. Driving: A Love Story
  Blog Post - Giving up the car can be devastating for the elderly, but you can help your parents make the transition to life without a car.
Thursday June 12, 2008
1. How can I ease tensions between my grandmother, myself and my roommates?
  Answer - Your situation sounds difficult, and I'd be willing to bet that tension among the roommates is the least of your problems. For instance, how do you feel about giving up your room and sleeping on the couch indefinitely? If your grandmother can't contribute to the household expenses, does that mean you have to pay her share...
Wednesday June 11, 2008
1. Parents' Driving Worries Baby Boomers, But No One Wants to Talk About It
  Blog Post - Survey finds widespread concern among Baby Boomers about their parents' driving -- and reluctance to talk about it 1 Comment
2. How should I handle brothers who are upset about me taking care of my dad by scheduling doctor appointments and being present durning exams?
  Answer - It's very hard to answer your question with so little information. You don't explain what exactly is upsetting your brothers, or why. Do they disagree with your decisions about your father's care, or do they object to the fact that you're the one making the appointments and accompanying your father...
Saturday May 31, 2008
1. How do I encourage my father without being a nag?
  Answer - Remember the old saw, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"? You can encourage your father to eat well and exercise, but it is up to him to follow through.
Thursday May 29, 2008
1. Aging Artfully - Part II
  Blog Post - Research shows a powerful link between creativity and healthier, happier aging. 1 Comment
Wednesday May 21, 2008
1. Aging Artfully, Part 1
  Blog Post - How you can age artfully by pursuing your passions 1 Comment
Monday May 12, 2008
1. How can I carve out time for myself without feeling guilty?
  Answer - It sounds as if you don't have a lot of support in caring for your mother.
2. How can I persuade my mother to attend a support group for chronically ill people?
  Answer - Your situation sounds tough. I think that you're right that you would benefit from support, and I recommend you join a caregivers support group as soon as possible.
Thursday May 08, 2008
1. Sex for Life
  Blog Post - New research shows that many people are sexually active well into old age. 1 Comment
Wednesday May 07, 2008
1. Can you advise me about how to talk to my grandmother's doctor?
  Answer - It's important for you to talk directly to your grandmother's physician and explain your concerns about the effectiveness of her current medication. It sounds as if you're hesitant to interfere with your grandmother's medical treatment, but you'll likely discover that the physician welcomes your feedback...
Thursday May 01, 2008
1. The Mother's Day Gift That Keeps on Giving
  Blog Post - Spending time with your mother on Mother's Day is the best gift of all. 6 Comments
Thursday April 17, 2008
1. It Takes a Neighborhood (Part II)
  Blog Post - Taking care of an elderly neighbor can enrich the lives of everyone involved. 2 Comments
Thursday April 10, 2008
1. It Takes a Neighborhood (Pt. 1)
  Blog Post - Neighbors pitch in to help an isolated elderly neighbor so he can stay in his own home. 3 Comments
Wednesday April 09, 2008
1. How can I get a break from caring for my mother 24/7?
  Answer - It's good that you recognize that you need regular breaks, because as a caregiver, you are at high risk for burnout.It's difficult to advise you without knowing the details of your situation or the services available in your particular area, but I do have a few suggestions...
Tuesday April 08, 2008
1. My parents are having marital problems. How can I help?
  Answer - Your parents aren't too old for counseling -- or for separation, if it comes to that. But with luck -- and some sessions with a good marriage counselor -- they'll hopefully be able to get their marriage back on track.
Monday April 07, 2008
1. How can I get help for my ill sister, who doesn't have any family nearby?
  Answer - Caring.com isn't (yet) able to provide information on local eldercare resources, so we can't put you in touch with any specific organizations to help your sister. We suggest that you contact the Area Agency on Aging in your sister's community. They should be able to give you the names of local programs that could help your sister...
Friday April 04, 2008
1. How do I keep my spirits high when caregiving in a challenging situation?
  Answer - You're in a very tough situation, and I hope I can offer some encouragement. There is no question that caregiving is challenging, and it sounds like your situation is made worse by the uncertainty of your mother's condition. It must also be frustrating to be working so hard and making such tremendous sacrifices, and to still feel that you aren't doing enough...
Thursday April 03, 2008
1. Caregiving: Does it Have to Be This Hard?
  Blog Post - A summary of caregiving in the U.S. in 2008: some statistics and how it got this way
2. How can I help my mother if she refuses my help?
  Answer - You are in a very frustrating position, but I think you answered your own question when you said "I can't help her if she won't let me." It sounds like you've tried in good faith to offer help, and your mother doesn't want it, for whatever reason, so there is nothing else you can do at the moment...
Wednesday April 02, 2008
1. How do I get my siblings to realize that it is important to be with our parents during the holidays?
  Answer - You didn't give many details, for example, do your parents routinely ask your siblings to come for the holidays? Do your siblings live far away? Are they not coming because of bad feelings, or for some other reason? Of course, you can't force your siblings to visit, whether you think they ought to or not...
2. How do I cope living with an aging parent?
  Answer - You're in a difficult situation, but don't wait until you develop an ulcer to do something about it. Your mother has no right to make you unhappy in your own home, and you need to let her know that her behavior is unacceptable. In a quiet moment, sit down with your mother and in a nonconfrontational way, tell her how you feel...
Tuesday April 01, 2008
1. What can I do about my emotionally dependent mother?
  Answer - It sounds like your mother is lonely and depressed, and you are the easiest, most accessible target for her frustration. I suggest that you sit down with your mother and talk about the situation before matters grow worse. If communicating with your mother is likely to be fraught, you may want to see...
2. How can I get my father to stop yelling at me?
  Answer - Before you do anything else, it is important for you to talk to your father about his behavior, and it's effect on you. He may be elderly and unhappy, but that does not give him the right to abuse you. Unless he is suffering from some type of mental illness, there is absolutely no excuse for his behavior, and you should not tolerate it...
Thursday March 27, 2008
1. Is It Time For Your Parents To Give Up The Car Keys?
  Blog Post - Tips for how to know when it's time for your elderly parent to stop driving -- and what to do about it. 1 Comment
Thursday March 20, 2008
1. Caregiving Isn't for Sissies
  Blog Post - Caregiving requires courage, compassion, resourcefulness, and an open heart -- qualities that most of us would use to describe a hero. 2 Comments

Connie Matthiessen

Caring.com senior editor

Recently Published on Caring.com

Friday October 02, 2009

Friday September 04, 2009

Monday August 24, 2009

Friday August 14, 2009

Thursday August 13, 2009

Thursday August 06, 2009

Friday July 31, 2009

Wednesday July 29, 2009

Monday July 20, 2009

Friday July 17, 2009

Thursday June 18, 2009

Friday June 12, 2009

Sunday May 10, 2009

Thursday May 07, 2009

Wednesday May 06, 2009

Tuesday May 05, 2009

Tuesday April 28, 2009

Wednesday April 22, 2009

Tuesday April 21, 2009

Monday March 30, 2009

Wednesday February 11, 2009

Thursday February 05, 2009

Tuesday January 27, 2009

Monday January 26, 2009

Monday December 29, 2008

Friday December 12, 2008

Friday December 05, 2008

Thursday December 04, 2008

Friday November 28, 2008

Friday November 21, 2008

Thursday November 20, 2008

Wednesday November 12, 2008

Monday November 10, 2008

Friday November 07, 2008

Monday November 03, 2008

Friday October 31, 2008

Tuesday October 28, 2008

Thursday October 23, 2008

Thursday October 16, 2008

Tuesday October 14, 2008

Thursday October 09, 2008

Thursday October 02, 2008

Thursday September 25, 2008

Saturday September 20, 2008

Thursday September 18, 2008

Wednesday September 10, 2008

Thursday September 04, 2008

Thursday August 28, 2008

Monday August 25, 2008

Thursday August 14, 2008

Monday August 11, 2008

Thursday August 07, 2008

Thursday July 31, 2008

Thursday July 24, 2008

Thursday July 17, 2008

Thursday July 10, 2008

Thursday July 03, 2008

Monday June 23, 2008

Thursday June 19, 2008

Tuesday June 17, 2008

Friday June 13, 2008

Thursday June 12, 2008

Wednesday June 11, 2008

Saturday May 31, 2008

Thursday May 29, 2008