Carol O'Dell

Caring.com Contributing Writer

About

Carol D. O'Dell is the author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter's Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir , about her experience caring for her mother through Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and coronary diseases. A creative writing teacher and inspirational speaker, O'Dell is often featured at spiritual retreats and conferences of caregivers and health care and geriatric professionals.

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Recently Published on Caring.com

Saturday November 14, 2009
1. Is it selfish to not want to move in with a boyfriend whose live-in mom is old and sick?
  Blog Post - Fifteen years ago I had a romantic relationship overseas that my boyfriend ended abruptly because his mother threatened to commit suicide if he continued seeing me. (She even threatened to burn his motorcycle because I sat on it!)
Saturday November 07, 2009
1. Mom can't live alone but blows off my attempts to help
  Blog Post - My diabetic mom is unable to take care of herself and her home, but she refuses my help. She even makes jokes about the situation or claims her feelings are hurt when I point out she needs assistance! The house is falling apart around her and poses a health and safety risk. (She has rats!) Her diet is terrible... 3 Comments
Saturday October 31, 2009
1. I'm wracked with guilt for enjoying life again now that my husband is in a care home.
  Blog Post - I recently had to place my husband, who has Alzheimer's, in a nearby care home. I could check on him every day, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. When I leave, he gets teary and begs me to move in with him. He initiates sex, but maybe because of the dementia, he no longer feels like my husband that way... 3 Comments
Saturday October 24, 2009
1. My mom says my dad isn't my biological father -- and I can't tell if it's the truth or her dementia talking.
  Blog Post - My mother, who has vascular dementia, confessed to me that she had an affair years ago -- with an old high school flame -- and that I'm their child. I'm devastated. I don't think Dad knows, and I'm sure my siblings don't know. I'm wondering if it's even true.
Saturday October 17, 2009
1. I'm afraid my husband, who has a terminal disease, is suicidal
  Blog Post - My husband has liver cancer, and the doctors have given him less than a year to live. He's completely given up hope. I came home from shopping to find a giant hole in our wall. He said he was cleaning his gun and it accidentally went off. I'm not sure I believe him. I live in constant fear... 2 Comments
Saturday October 10, 2009
1. My sister won't care for Mom even though she lives in the same town. I do everything, but I live 800 miles away!
  Blog Post - How can I get my sister to help care for Mom? I'm the oldest and single, and I became the main caregiver since both folks were hospitalized at the same time about five years ago. I coordinate home healthcare, bookkeeping, medicines, nurse visits, home repairs, pet care, and so on. But I live 800 miles away... 3 Comments
Saturday October 03, 2009
1. I'm your classic burned out caregiver and don't know how much longer I can do this.
  Blog Post - My mother-in-law has lived with us for 17 years; for almost a decade she's required 24/7 care. My husband promised her he'd never put her in a nursing home, and with the help of my husband and three teenage sons, I've been able to keep her at our home. (My brother- and sister-in-law don't help... 5 Comments
Saturday September 26, 2009
1. My adult son, who's supposed to be helping me with his dad's care, is a mooch!
  Blog Post - Our adult son lives with us and is supposed to help me care for his dad, who's wheelchair bound. I hate to say it, but our son is mooching off of us. His two sisters pay him to help care for their dad, and he lives with us for free -- room and board. He drinks so much that some nights he just passes out on the floor... 5 Comments
Saturday September 19, 2009
1. Is it ever okay to just end your sibling relationships? We've been pushed to the brink.
  Blog Post - My husband's siblings have taken complete control of his mom. How do we end rare phone calls from them in a peaceful, adult manner? Whenever we talk, it turns into false accusations, frustration, anger, and disappointment. 5 Comments
Saturday September 12, 2009
1. I know my dad's endless rude behavior and repetition is the Alzheimer's talking, but it drives me crazy anyway.
  Blog Post - My dad has Alzheimer's, and as a result, he's belligerent, rude, and asks a million questions all day long. I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I've snapped at him so many times. And I swear, at times I think he knows he's irritating me. Is this possible? 13 Comments
Saturday September 05, 2009
1. I've sadly and painfully decided it's best to end treatments for my sick wife. Now I face telling my children.
  Blog Post - My wife has had dementia for about seven years, and now she has breast cancer. I had to place her in a care home last year because she was constantly hitting me and sneaking out of the house. I lost her for two days and that did me in. I don't want her to get chemo or have her breasts removed. It would scare her and be so hard on both of us... 2 Comments
Saturday August 29, 2009
1. My sister didn't call in time for me to say goodbye to my mom, and I can't get over the hurt.
  Blog Post - It's been six weeks since my mom died of a stroke, and I just found out from another relative that my mom was in the hospital for three days before she died and my sister informed me of her death. I had moved a state away to take a job a couple of years ago, and my sister apparently resented that she was left to handle caregiving... 6 Comments
Saturday August 22, 2009
1. I need a great gift for sick parents who have no material wants.
  Blog Post - My mom has vascular dementia, and my dad is her primary caregiver. It's their anniversary, and I'd like to get them something meaningful. Dad is obviously under much stress, and Mom doesn't respond to anything. It's impossible for me and my sister to help much because I have multiple sclerosis and live an hour away from them... 1 Comment
Saturday August 15, 2009
1. My father sounds like a naughty child when he makes excuses for his sexual advances to caregivers.
  Blog Post - My 94-year-old father has lived with my brother and sister-in-law since my mother passed away nearly two years ago. Lately, he's begun making sexually inappropriate advances towards his home caregivers. Mentally, he's still sharp, although he's had a number of mini-strokes.
Saturday August 08, 2009
1. I have cancer and am ready to let go, but my daughter wants me to fight.
  Blog Post - I'm 78 years old, and this is my third bout with breast cancer. I just don't have it in me to go through all the treatments again. My daughter, who's 52 and newly divorced, wants me to fight. I know she'll miss me, and we're very close, but I also know she'll be fine -- she has two college-age kids... 1 Comment
Saturday August 01, 2009
1. My sister won't forgive me for breaking a promise to our dad that we'd never put him in a care facility.
  Blog Post - I'm the youngest of three. My brother and sister moved away, and Mom died of breast cancer at 69. Dad is 80 and is in a nursing care facility after breaking his hip. I can't see him moving back on his own, and I have three kids and no extra room, plus a job. I visit often and think he'll be happier there than living solo... 1 Comment
Saturday July 25, 2009
1. I don't want to move in with my adult child. How do I say this without hurting her feelings?
  Blog Post - I'm in my early 70s and other than a mild heart condition controlled by medication, I'm in good health. My oldest daughter just had her third child and I spent three months helping out. It was a great experience, but honestly, I'm worn to a frazzle. After I got home, my daughter called and asked if I'd consider moving in with them... 1 Comment
Friday July 10, 2009
1. I'm afraid I've become a caregiver by default.
  Blog Post - I am a neighbor to a dear elderly woman. We've become close over the years (I'm about 20 years her junior), and I haven't minded doing little things for her. About six months ago, she broke her hip and I recently learned from her daughter (who lives in a city about two hours away) that my neighbor won't be driving in the future... 1 Comment
Saturday July 04, 2009
1. My mother-in-law needs to have her own place, rather than live with us -- but my husband disagrees.
  Blog Post - How can I convince my husband to let his mom get a trailer or apartment before we end up divorced? We've been married for almost two years and have a baby. I'm the wife and mom, so I want to be the one to take care of everyone. His mom meddles. She loses my stuff (just mine) or throws it away... 4 Comments
Saturday June 27, 2009
1. My husband refuses to listen to me or follow the doctor's advice. How can I be a caregiver if he fights me at every turn?
  Blog Post - My husband is recovering from back surgery and is currently in physical therapy. All the way through this process, he's argued with me, avoided taking his medication, and ignored the doctor's instructions. Now he won't do the "homework" his physical therapists recommend so he can get well and eventually return to a normal life...
Monday June 15, 2009
1. I'm falling in love with my dad's home health aide, but Dad has a crush on her, too. It's really awkward.
  Blog Post - I've never seen this problem addressed before. I am a single 29-year-old guy, and my dad is 75 and has dementia and a heart condition. He lives alone but I check on him every day, and he has an aide who comes daily to take care of him. I'm falling in love with the aide, Marilyn, and think she feels the same way but is nervous about dating a client...
Monday June 08, 2009
1. My parents' caregiver veers between being unresponsive to the rest of the family or freaking out that nobody helps.
  Blog Post - How do you deal with a caregiver who refuses to provide information? My brother looks after my parents, as my other brother and I are 400 miles away. Dad has chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and Mom is a diabetic, and they live next door to him...
Monday June 01, 2009
1. Ever since my dad died, Mom reads negativity into everything and explodes at me. After she vents, she's fine.
  Blog Post - We just lost my dad to pancreatic cancer. My parents were married for 64 years, and for the last 27 they were with each other every day all day. Now I'm taking care of Mom, and I can't tell whether it's grief, diabetes, or something else that triggers her angry outbursts toward me... 1 Comment
Monday May 25, 2009
1. Where does family obligation begin and end? My cultural background says "go help mom," but my life is here.
  Blog Post - My mom wants me to move back home and care for her even though she's not really sick. She's going through menopause, and is demanding and self centered. She and my dad are retired and live in China, while I live in the States. Recently, she has complained that if my dad died, she wouldn’t be taken care of because she doesn't get along with my husband...
Monday May 18, 2009
1. My husband's dementia causes him to make sexual advances toward others -- and it's turning me off from wanting to be his caregiver.
  Blog Post - My husband was recently diagnosed with dementia. But already he's begun sexually inappropriate behavior that's a 360-degree change from the man I married. He acts out in stores to strangers and at home to other women in the family. It's devastating me and hindering my desire to continue caring for him... 1 Comment
Monday May 11, 2009
1. I'm so angry at how Mom fawns over my brother, the superhero who swoops in, while I do the grunt work of caregiving.
  Blog Post - My brother is the executor of my mother's estate, and I vehemently disagree with how he's handling my mother's money. He's using it for his own gain and allowing my mother to squander what little she has left, fixing up her house so he can profit from the eventual sale and so gambling thousands away each month... 5 Comments
Monday May 04, 2009
1. "I do all the caregiving for my parents, while my deadbeat sister takes all their money."
  Blog Post - Please help! I am the sole caregiver to my dad, 87, and mom, 84. My sister has depleted their money to almost nothing. My dad insists on paying her rent, car payments, utilities, pet expenses, and everything else. It's almost criminal, but I cannot stop it. My father runs the house and will not change; my mother has no say... 3 Comments
Monday April 27, 2009
1. Mom is guilt-tripping poor Dad that he broke his "till death do us part" vows by putting her in a nursing and rehab center.
  Blog Post - After Mom's fourth hospital stay in a year, we decided to keep her in the nursing and rehab center, as Dad could no longer handle her care needs -- bathing, cooking, cleaning, walking, toileting. She thinks my cousin and I have "brainwashed" him into thinking he can't care for her anymore... 1 Comment
Monday April 20, 2009
1. Since Mom moved in, she's been trying to take over as the "woman of the house"
  Blog Post - My mom, who has diabetes, moved in with my family because she can no longer walk -- her leg was amputated -- has trouble with her eyesight, and can no longer drive.
Monday April 13, 2009
1. My sister says I'll regret cutting off my father, but I think I've earned the right to protect myself.
  Blog Post - My father, who's approaching 80, has gotten meaner and meaner over the years. As kids we were scared of him, and as young adults we just tolerated or avoided him. But now that I'm in my 40s, I'm no longer willing to put up with his abusive behavior... 3 Comments
Monday April 06, 2009
1. I think my husband is using caregiving as an excuse to distance himself from our marriage.
  Blog Post - My husband moved back to his mother's house several states away a year ago to help her prepare to move, and then things went downhill. His mom fell, needed rehabilitation, and now says she wants to stay in her own home. For months my husband or I traveled to see each other (I work full-time and need my job and insurance); lately, we're not even doing that... 1 Comment
Monday March 30, 2009
1. My mom gets wildly jealous when I spend time with my husband!
  Blog Post - I can handle my mother's early-stage dementia, but her jealousy is hard to take. She lives with us. And she doesn't like to see my husband and I spending one-on-one time together, whether it's kissing or even sitting next to each other on the couch...
Monday March 23, 2009
1. My widowed dad lives alone and isolates himself too much.
  Blog Post - My dad is elderly and has lost his hearing, but generally he's in good health. My mom died last year and Dad's in the house all alone. He won't learn sign language, and all he does is read the newspaper and sit in his recliner all day. I love my dad dearly and would welcome him into our home, but he says he doesn't want to be a burden... 1 Comment
Monday March 16, 2009
1. I can't convince my brother to let our mother, who's in the late stage of Alzheimer's, go peacefully.
  Blog Post - My mother is in the later stages of Alzheimer's. She doesn't talk anymore, just babbles a little, and my brother insisted a couple of years ago that she have a feeding tube put in because she forgets to chew and swallow. I was against it. I felt it was more honorable for mom to enter hospice and go naturally... 5 Comments
Monday March 09, 2009
1. My parents can't bear their new reality of not being able to live together
  Blog Post - My siblings and I have come to the conclusion that our dad, who has Alzheimer's, needs to be placed in a memory-assisted care home. But my mother (who had a heart attack two months ago and has been in a rehabilitation center ever since for pneumonia) insists that she can go back to being his caregiver...
Monday March 02, 2009
1. My mom's in hospice and I'm already grieving -- for her and my identity as a caregiver
  Blog Post - It's natural for a caregiver to experience grief and grieving for someone on hospice. 1 Comment
Monday February 23, 2009
1. My sister is ruining her kids' childhoods by expecting them to care for our sick mom
  Blog Post - Advice on how involved children should be in a grandparent's care
Monday February 16, 2009
1. The family of a recent widower is glad that he's transferred affection to me, his nurse -- but I'm not!
  Blog Post - When someone with dementia transfers affections to a caregiver, boundaries need to be drawn.
Monday February 09, 2009
1. I feel cornered: My siblings assume I'll look after our parents simply because I live the closest.
  Blog Post - Advice on how to not become the default caregiver in a family if that's not a role you want. 2 Comments
Monday February 02, 2009
1. My father wastes money on younger women who are just taking advantage of him -- then he moons like a teenager over breakups, and blames me
  Blog Post - Advice for handling a father experiencing a second adolescence and wasting money.
Monday January 26, 2009
1. My father killed someone in a car accident -- and I can't stop blaming myself for not having taken away his keys earlier
  Blog Post - Coping with the guilt when an elder parent has a car or driving accident 1 Comment
Monday January 19, 2009
1. My sister is tired of caregiving and wants to put our mother in a home -- but I don't.
  Blog Post - Advice on what siblings can do when they disagree about how to care for a parent and whether the elder should live at home or in a care facility or nursing home.
Monday January 05, 2009
1. My mother insults my father's home aides and I don't know how to get her to stop.
  Blog Post - Carol O'Dell the Caring.com Family Advisor explains how to intervene and help when a parent is rude to the other parent's aides and other professional
Monday December 15, 2008
1. My husband with dementia still has sexual desires for me, and I'm not sure what to do.
  Blog Post - Advice to a woman about whether and how to satisfy the sexual needs of her husband, who has dementia and lives in a nursing home.
Monday December 08, 2008
1. We're not the kind of family that talks about personal issues. But my mother's denial about my father's Parkinson's is keeping him from getting the care he needs.
  Blog Post - My father has Parkinson's and shouldn't be left alone. My mother is working full-time and taking care of him. We (the adult kids) are concerned that she's in over her head, but she's in serious denial about the state of things and even about my dad's disease.
Tuesday December 02, 2008
1. Since my husband, who has Alzheimer's, moved into a nursing home, I've become very close to a neighbor gentleman. Should I keep it a secret or let my family and friends know?
  Blog Post - My husband and I are both 64 years old. I'm healthy -- I take yoga and walk every day. My husband has had Alzheimer's for the past five years. 1 Comment
Tuesday November 25, 2008
1. My nieces constantly prey on their grandmother for her for money.
  Blog Post - My mother was in business for herself for 60 years. Now it's just her and me, and I own a small business and work five days a week. My nieces know the situation, but they still sneak in under the radar and hit their grandmother up for money. Last week it was for $500...
Tuesday November 18, 2008
1. My know-it-all sister will be here for ten days at Christmas, and I can already feel my stress level rising.
  Blog Post - My mom lives with my family and me. She's 82 years old and uses a walker. She also has lung problems and needs breathing treatments. My sister only visits twice a year, but you'd think she deserved a Congressional Medal for it! She waltzes in with her husband and their little dog (without even asking... 4 Comments
Monday November 10, 2008
1. How can I keep my husband, who has Parkinson's, from burying us in debt?
  Blog Post - Advice to a woman whose husband has Parkinson's and is confused but still insists on being in charge of the family finances.
Monday November 03, 2008
1. My husband and his siblings want me to quit my job and be their mother's caregiver -- and I don't want to!
  Blog Post - My mother-in-law recently fell and broke her hip, and her doctor is recommending that she no longer live alone. 2 Comments
Monday October 27, 2008
1. My sister and her family moved in with my mom, and now they're spending all her retirement money.
  Blog Post - About three years ago, my sister and her husband showed up at Mom's house unannounced and said they had to move in with her until their tax refund check came. They never left. My sister has never worked, her husband finally works, and they have three kids in their 20s and various pets living there as well... 3 Comments
Monday October 20, 2008
1. How can I get my elderly friend's children and sister to help take care of her?
  Blog Post - I am guardian and conservator of a very dear friend, Dorothy. She has a son who lives locally who makes no effort to see or call his mother. The daughter lives in another state, doesn't call often enough, doesn't send a card or call on her birthday... 1 Comment
Monday October 13, 2008
1. I'm thinking of leaving my spouse, who has Parkinson's.
  Blog Post - My husband and I have been married for 42 years, but it hasn't been a loving relationship -- ever. He hasn't always been faithful or provided well for us, has always drunk too much, and he hasn't told me he loves me in decades. Now he has Parkinson's and he's in a wheelchair... 1 Comment
Monday October 06, 2008
1. My sister's refusal to communicate with me about our father's care has brought back to mind years of mistreatment by her. What can I do?
  Blog Post - My sister is 14 years older than I am and has full power of attorney over the estate of our father, who has Alzheimer's. I live 6,000 miles away, in the U.K. She doesn't communicate with me about anything and hasn't rung me in the 15 years since I moved there...
Monday September 29, 2008
1. My parents, who have dementia, flat-out refuse to move into assisted living. How do I get them to move without making them hate me?
  Blog Post - Advice on how to move parents with dementia into assisted living when they don't want to move. 2 Comments
Monday September 22, 2008
1. I feel guilty about it, but I can barely stand the sight of my mother, who wants to live with me. What do I owe her?
  Blog Post - My mother is only 61 years old, but she may as well be 90. She and my father divorced five years ago, and since then she has simply given up on life. She rarely even leaves the house, except to buy beer. Her alcohol abuse has brought on some early signs of dementia, and she is very clearly depressed and has been for many years... 1 Comment
Monday September 15, 2008
1. My father is in failing health and financial ruin, living with a woman who is bipolar, and refuses my help. What can I do?
  Blog Post - My father is 69 years old and in failing health. To make matters worse, he's currently in financial ruin and living with an opinionated woman who is not qualified to take care of him. She's also bipolar and demeaning to my father. She complains that she pays for everything and does everything for him, and he's just a burden...
Monday September 08, 2008
1. How can I stop my brother from taking power of attorney for my mother away from me?
  Blog Post - I'm having problems with my brother and his family. I have power of attorney for our mother's health and all other matters. My sister-in-law is trying to get my mother to change things. My mother has short-term memory loss and at times doesn't remember things she said five minutes before... 1 Comment
Monday September 01, 2008
1. My fiance broke off our engagement because he said caring for my mom has taken over my life.
  Blog Post - Caregiving has destroyed my personal life! I know that sounds dramatic, but last year my mother, who is 69, was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia, a "reverse Alzheimer's" that takes away behavioral and social skills and later attacks the memory. 3 Comments
Monday August 25, 2008
1. My brother won't share financial information about our dad's assets, and it's tearing the family apart.
  Blog Post - My brother has durable power of attorney for my dad, who has dementia. There are seven other siblings. My brother has not and will not provide financial information about Dad's assets and resources. He isn't forthcoming with the money to fund our dad's professional care nor to reimburse expenses incurred... 1 Comment
Monday August 18, 2008
1. I can't stop feeling that I was an inadequate caregiver to my mom.
  Blog Post - I am a 56-year-old registered nurse. I took time off work to care for my 81-year-old mother when she was dying of lung cancer. I had little support from my husband or my siblings: "You're the nurse" was their attitude. I was very close to my mother and talked with her every day. But I feel my care for her was inadequate and I wish I had done a better job... 1 Comment
Monday August 11, 2008
1. I took the brunt of my dad's nastiness my whole life. Now I am his caretaker and I resent it.
  Blog Post - My dad has been a handful all his life -- prone to making demeaning and very sarcastic remarks. I am his oldest child, and my mom and I took the brunt of this as I was growing up. Now he is almost 90 years old and has vascular and frontotemporal dementia. Since my mom died four years ago, my husband and I have been his primary caregivers... 1 Comment
Monday August 04, 2008
1. I was the beneficiary of my mother's trust deposit until that was changed to her husband's name a couple of months before she died -- and I think it was done illegally.
  Blog Post - My mother moved from Orlando (where I live) to Miami about eight years ago when she remarried. She died three months ago, and she had a certificate of deposit in trust for me that she gave me a copy of about six years ago. 1 Comment
Monday July 28, 2008
1. Should I be responsible for my father's funeral bill when he never paid child support for me?
  Blog Post - Learn who is really responsible for paying funeral expenses, and what resources may be available to cover funeral costs.
Monday July 21, 2008
1. How much say do I have in determining who is guardian over me and my affairs?
  Blog Post - Do I have any rights in determining my care and who is guardian over my life? Family interactions are making it impossible for me to determine who's involved and the extent of their involvement. Family members will not discuss these important issues with me -- I can't seem to get any solid, reliable answers to my questions... 1 Comment
Monday July 14, 2008
1. I need to rescue my grandmother!
  Blog Post - What to do if you want to take care of an elderly family member at home, but her legal guardian has put her in a nursing home. 5 Comments
Monday July 07, 2008
1. I can't get over my resentment at my sister and brother for not being there when my mother was dying of cancer.
  Blog Post - How to deal with resentment toward siblings who don't help, leaving all the parental care giving to you. 7 Comments
Monday June 30, 2008
1. What can a hired caregiver do about a woman who threatens her grandmother -- who has Alzheimer's -- that the family will send her away if she doesn't take her medicines?
  Blog Post - I have been a part-time caregiver to a woman with Alzheimer's for about six weeks. Her granddaughter is also a caregiver to her. The young woman is in her early 20s and grandma is in her 80s. The lady's doctors have changed some of her medicine due to side effects, and she is becoming less social, wants... 1 Comment
Monday June 23, 2008
1. My mother says she's lonely, and it's heartbreaking for me to hear her crying at night. What can I do to help her?
  Blog Post - My father died seven years ago, and for quite some time my mother -- who is 90 years old and has a heart condition -- seemed to be coping pretty well. But since she was sick for two months last year, she has seemed lonelier. For the last two to three months, she has been crying frequently and saying how lonely and tired she feels...
Monday June 16, 2008
1. My mother gave power of attorney to her new husband, who is putting her life in danger. How can we get it away from him?
  Blog Post - My mother's new husband has power of attorney for her, but I feel he puts her life in danger. How can we get her to reappoint power of attorney?
Monday June 09, 2008
1. My mother, who suffers from dementia and alcoholism, wants my sister and me to be her caregivers, so she keeps sending away the one we've hired.
  Blog Post - My sister and I hired a caregiver to come into our mom's home once a week to cook, clean, drive, and generally keep things going. We have taken over the management of our mom's money, as she couldn't cope with it anymore, and we did a careful budget so that we could afford this...
Monday June 02, 2008
1. I constantly feel guilty because no matter how much I do for my parents, I know it's never enough.
  Blog Post - My mom has advanced Alzheimer's and my dad is 92 and bedridden. They live at home with round-the-clock caregivers. I do all the grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, and various errands. I pay the bills and deal with financial matters -- and see them once a week. (They live an hour away)... 3 Comments
Monday May 26, 2008
1. My mother's caregiver is too controlling and won't take direction from us.
  Blog Post - My mother has Alzheimer's and has had a live-in caregiver for seven years. He has been excellent with her, but he's quite eccentric and has put demands on our family that have become more and more restrictive. Recently he added a "no talking" rule, meaning that we're not allowed to talk to him in her... 2 Comments
Monday May 19, 2008
1. My mother has asked not to be resuscitated if she has a medical crisis, but my siblings disagree on what constitutes a medical crisis.
  Blog Post - Before she showed signs of dementia, my mother decided she didn't want extreme measures to be taken to save her life, and she authorized a Do Not Resuscitate order. Now my siblings can't agree about when we should honor it. Some don't want to call 911 if my mother becomes unconscious or shows signs of... 2 Comments
Monday May 12, 2008
1. My dad wants to double-date with me!
  Blog Post - What to do when your elderly dad starts dating -- and he wants to double-date with you and your spouse. 2 Comments
Monday May 05, 2008
1. My mother is gambling away every last penny -- and her financial independence. What should I do?
  Blog Post - Since my father's death two years ago, my 75-year-old mother's casual interest in bingo has turned into an obsession. Now her life revolves around bingo and casino gambling. She lives in Florida, where there's no shortage of gambling seniors to keep her company. And it's not a matter of if this situation will damage her financial independence, but when... 1 Comment
Monday April 28, 2008
1. My mother's growing needs are putting a strain on my marriage, and I find myself wondering which will fall apart first -- her, my marriage, or me. What can I do?
  Blog Post - Since my dad died five years ago, my mother has had hip-replacement surgery and been diagnosed with early-stage bladder cancer. I quit my part-time job to be available for her. Every day, it seems, I spend more hours transporting her places and comforting her until late evening. When I'm not with her, I'm rushing around to care for my two teenage girls... 9 Comments
Thursday April 24, 2008
1. I'm not close to my dad's new wife, and that's keeping me from caring for him as much as I'd like to (he has Alzheimer's). How can I step in and help him more?
  Blog Post - What to do when your elderly father's new wife comes between you and him. 2 Comments
Monday April 14, 2008
1. My father's racist and inappropriate remarks have gotten so bad, I don't want to take him out in public.
  Blog Post - How to understand and deal with an elderly parent's racist or offensive remarks. 1 Comment
Monday April 07, 2008
1. My father seems interested in moving in with me -- and I don't want him to.
  Blog Post - At 81, my dad has Parkinson's, three heart stents, a history of hernias, kidney stones, and depression. He lives alone and has about seven hours of in-home care a day. He's fallen once and ended up in the ER twice, and my brothers and I have tried to talk to him about moving somewhere else -- by which we mean an assisted-living situation... 5 Comments
Monday March 31, 2008
1. My parents are begging me for an occasional drink or cigarette -- even though it's against their doctors' orders.
  Blog Post - Advice on whether it's okay for elderly parents, one of whom uses portable oxygen, to occasionally smoke or drink.
Monday March 24, 2008
1. How can I deal with my mom's anger at me for urging her to move my dad to an Alzheimer's residence, where he fell in love with another woman?
  Blog Post - My mother, who took care of my father through the early and middle stages of Alzheimer's, is brokenhearted because he's fallen in love with a woman at the assisted living facility where he now lives -- and she blames me for the whole mess! In the early stages of his illness, Mom insisted she was in love... 1 Comment
Saturday March 15, 2008
1. Help! My mom's in hospice and my sister and I are arguing about her funeral.
  Blog Post - Our mom has said she wants to be cremated "so you don't have to waste your money on hair and makeup," and my sister says we should abide by her wishes. But I think Mom is just being her frugal martyr self to the end, and she deserves to be properly laid out. I also think an open casket is helpful in the grieving process... 8 Comments

Carol O'Dell

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