Barbara Kate Repa

Caring.com Senior Editor

About

Barbara Kate Repa, a lawyer and journalist, has devoted her career to editing and writing about legal issues for consumers. Shes the author of WillMaker (Nolo), best-selling software that enables consumers to write their own wills, healthcare directives, powers of attorney, and final arrangements. Shes also an instructor for AIDS caregivers, teaching about legal end-of-life issues and funeral planning, and she recently wrote the content for a website for those searching for long-term care in California.

Early in life, Barbara Kate forged a deep relationship with her grandmother, who taught her the enduring and addictive skill of knitting. New to California twenty years ago, she sought out friendships with older people -- and found hundreds of them when she became president of the Bay Area Funeral Society, a feisty consumer group aiming to stamp out abuses in the funeral industry. She is the resource to whom friends turn first for advice on dealing with legal and personal care issues for aging parents and disabled spouses and partners.

Recently Published on Caring.com

Friday November 06, 2009
1. How to Arrange for a Body Donation
  Article - Body donations: How to arrange for a body donation for medical purposes.
Thursday November 05, 2009
1. What to Write in a Sympathy Note
  Article - Writing a sympathy note can feel awkward. Try these tips for expressing your sympathy sincerely and appropriately.
2. FAQ: How Is a Muslim Funeral Service Different From Other Funeral Services?
  Answer - Although there are some variations due to regional interpretations and customs, Islamic funerals follow fairly specific rites that include washing and shrouding the body, funeral prayers, and burial.
Wednesday November 04, 2009
1. How much power comes with a durable power of attorney?
  Answer - It sounds as if what’s at the heart of your question is not so much what power a particular legal document gives over a person in a nursing facility, but concern that the resident is being treated badly—or even abused. It is the duty of the facility, not the person who admitted him or her, to make ske sure that residents there receive good and fitting care...
2. How much do lawyers typically charge for estate administration?
  Answer - The laws in just a handful of states—including Arkansas, California Florida, Iowa, Missouri, Montana and Wyoming—allow lawyers to charge a percentage of an estate’s value as a fee.
3. Is marriage to someone with Alzheimer's legal?
  Answer - The legalities in the emotionally laden situation you describe depend on one thing: your father’s actual mental competency.
4. Do I have to have guardianship to file bankruptcy?
  Answer - It is possible.
Friday October 30, 2009
1. What rights do I have if I feel my stepfather is mistreating my mom?
  Answer - Your stepfather’s behavior may be partially explained by age and stage. It’s understandable that a person growing up during the depression—not this one, the last one—might seem tight-fisted with the family funds.
Thursday October 29, 2009
1. Am I responsible for my father's nursing home bills?
  Answer - The IRS has been known at times to work in strange and confusing ways -- and this seems to be one of them.
Monday October 26, 2009
1. Is court my only option when facing a conflict with my father's power of attorney?
  Answer - As a family member, the concerns you raise about your father’s quality of care will usually trump the opinions of a caregiver who is not related. And now that your father is being cared for in a nursing home, the former caregiver you describe may hold even less sway.
2. If there's a family conflict over power of attorney with my sister, can she stop us from visiting our mother?
  Answer - If your sister has merely threatened to keep the other siblings out of the information loop and to ban you from visiting your mother, her threats are probably empty. Unless there is evidence that you have physically or financially abused your mother, most nursing facilities will actively encourage visits and the free flow of information...
3. Template for Writing a Sympathy Note: When You Didn't Know the Deceased
  Article - If you need to write a sympathy note to the survivors of someone you didn't know, and you aren't sure what to say, use this template as a guideline.
4. Template for Writing a Sympathy Note: When You Knew the Deceased
  Article - When you need to write a sympathy note to the survivors of someone you knew, but you aren't sure what to say, use this template as a guideline.
5. Sample Sympathy Note: When You Didn't Know the Deceased
  Article - Use this sample of a sympathy note, to the survivors of someone you didn't know, to help write your own sympathy note if you're not sure what to say.
6. Sample Sympathy Note: When You Knew the Deceased
  Article - Use this sample of a sympathy note, to the survivors of someone you knew, to help write your own sympathy note if you're not sure what to say.
Wednesday October 21, 2009
1. Why does body transportation cost so much?
  Answer - Most funeral homes charge a set amount to transport a body within a designated area, then tack on an additional amount per mile for lengthier journeys. The $2,000 price you were quoted does sound expensive. But you may have some less costly options.
2. Can a brokerage control Mom's money?
  Answer - It would be unusual for a brokerage firm to insist on a guardianship on its own volition, particularly if there is a legally effective power of attorney for finances that empowers you and your brother to act as agents on your mother’s behalf.
Tuesday October 13, 2009
1. How do I protect myself from my sister, who has durable power of attorney for our parents?
  Answer - It sounds as if the estate planning documents that were supposed to provide peace of mind and certainty for family members have only served to create some angst and distrust—at least between you and your sister.
2. Can I distribute personal property after Mom's service?
  Answer - Your plan sounds sane and sensible—and may even save on shipping costs and provide for some touching moments and memories.
Monday October 05, 2009
1. FAQ: How can I get a free HIPAA release form?
  Answer - Two places: directly from the medical provider or from this website.
Tuesday September 29, 2009
1. How do I protect my daughter's portion of my estate?
  Answer - You can best protect your daughter’s interests by being as specific as possible about your wishes and recording them in estate planning documents, such as a trust or will.
2. Is Mom incompetent to handle her finances?
  Answer - You’re describing a number of specific concerns that point to one larger one: that your mother may not be able to live in her current situation safely.
3. Can I legally get Mom's boyfriend out of her life?
  Answer - Any advice you get or take must be tempered with a dose of uncomfortable reality: Unless your mother’s boyfriend is truly acting fraudulently or abusively, it may not be possible to remove him from her life.
4. How can I find information about a trust fund?
  Answer - The thing that you are finding so irksome about a trust is the very thing that makes trusts attractive to many people: The person who established the trust need not make the terms of it public—and is free to change his or her mind about potential beneficiaries at any time.
5. Can I stop Dad's irresponsible spending?
  Answer - If your dad is legally incompetent or his ladyfriend could be guilty of financial abuse, there might be legal steps you could take to protect his assets. But it doesn’t sound as if wither of these are true.
Monday September 28, 2009
1. How do I sign documents if I have power of attorney?
  Answer - Your question points up one of those interesting legal conundrums: You go through the hoops to take care of business, then no one quite explains the fine points about how to put your power into place.
2. If we suspect foulplay from a distance, how can we help?
  Answer - It may either help or hurt to know that the situation you describe is a common one: When one family member has a serious brush with a health problem, it often triggers a chain reaction of actions and emotions among those who are related—some of them helpful, some of them confusing, some of them downwnright irksome...
Thursday September 24, 2009
1. If my uncle dies, will they notify family first or the POA?
  Answer - The health facility in which your uncle is being treated should maintain a list of people to be contacted in case he is transferred or dies. Contact the administrators there and ask to be put on it.
2. How do I prevent a probate battle before Mom's passing?
  Answer - There are already two hopeful signs in the hard situation you describe: You brought up the tough topic of your fears about an unfair distribution of the estate with your mother and sister—and they were open to discussing it.
3. Is a separated wife still responsible for funeral?
  Answer - This question sounds simple, but it raises a number of issues that may complicate its answer.
Friday September 18, 2009
1. Can I take legal action to move Mom?
  Answer - It sounds as if you and your siblings have some honest negotiating to do about where your mom should ultimately stay and live. As difficult as it may be, try to continue to talk about it, with all of you in the same room or on the same phoneline while honoring the controlling thing: your mom’s best t interests...
Thursday September 17, 2009
1. 7 Important Instructions to Include in a Health Care Directive
  Article - An advance health care directive -- a legal document that tells caregivers and care providers how your parents want medical matters handled -- should be as specific as possible. Help your parents think through all of the issues that might come up in connection with their future medical care.
2. Can I view my parents' financial information?
  Answer - Unfortunately, the tension-filled scenario you describe is a common one. One sibling—perhaps the oldest, or the most aggressive, or the most martyrlike—steps in to assume responsibility for taking care of the parents—to the exclusion of others.
Wednesday September 16, 2009
1. How can we handle finances if there is no appointed power of attorney?
  Answer - You may be able to proceed informally for a short time—that is, pay bills and necessities if there is a co-signor on your mother-in-law’s bank or checking accounts or if they are jointly owned,
Tuesday September 15, 2009
1. Can I sign a check made out to Mom after she died?
  Answer - As you seemed to intuit, you cannot sign your mother’s name after her death—and doing so might raise some legal complications that you’d rather avoid.
2. How do I begin working through Mom's estate?
  Answer - It really can feel overwhelming to act as the executor of an estate, even when there is another sibling to help with the job.
3. Which is better? Power of attorney or guardianship?
  Answer - Both legal arrangements—naming an agent in a power of attorney and setting up a legal guardianship—accomplish basically the same thing: They authorize a person to manage and control another person’s finances and sometimes medical care for another person.
4. Can my husband be added to Mom's POA?
  Answer - You are to be applauded for going the extra miles to make sure your mother’s powers of attorney are as complete and effective and up to date as possible. However, whether your husband can be added as a back-up or successor agent depends on your mother’s specific mental condition, since she must finafinalize the document...
Thursday September 10, 2009
1. FAQ: What Is a "Green Funeral?"
  Answer - A green funeral involves conducting final arrangements and disposing of a body in ways that restore and conserve the environment, without using the harmful chemicals and nonbiodegradable materials commonly used by the funeral industry.
Sunday August 30, 2009
1. How to Write a Long Obituary: A Sample Obituary
  Article - How to write an obituary: A sample of a detailed obituary, including the most important kinds of information to include.
2. News Obituary: A Sample
  Article - When a person of local or widespread importance dies, local or national newspapers may write a news obituary. Here is a sample of a news obituary.
3. How to Write a Short Obituary: A Sample Obituary
  Article - How to write an obituary: A sample of a short obituary, including the most important information to include.
Saturday August 29, 2009
1. FAQ: How Do I Obtain Power of Attorney for Someone Who Has Been Diagnosed With Alzheimer's?
  Answer - The answer depends on the person's specific mental condition. Bear in mind that the person who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's (or some other form of dementia), not you, must be the one to finalize the document. There's a legal requirement that the person making a power of attorney must be "of sound mind...
Thursday August 27, 2009
1. Can you transfer power of attorney for Alzheimer's patient in late stages?
  Answer - Unfortunately, if your mother lacks the capacity to give her legal consent to the change, it is probably too late to take this action. Your only option may be to secure an adult guardianship or conservatorship for her, asking a court to appoint you as her conservator. You may want to hire an attorney to help with this transaction...
2. How do I transfer power of attorney to a sibling?
  Answer - Unless your sibling has been named as an alternate agent in the original power of attorney document, your father is the only one who can change the choice of agent. And to make that change, the law requires that he must be mentally competent—that is, to understand the nature of the document and whatat it means...
3. How can I go about as power of attorney transferring guardianship of my mother?
  Answer - You can end your duties as the agent under your mother’s power of attorney if you’re no longer able and willing to perform them. But the local court—usually the superior court—will need to know that there is someone who is able to attend to her needs if she is unable to do that herself.
4. What must house deeds say to prevent probate after the death of a spouse?
  Answer - There are a few different ways you and your spouse may jointly own the house—and all of them will allow you to avoid probate. The exact phrasing required depends on the state in which you live.
Wednesday August 26, 2009
1. Does my father still need to file a federal return of estate taxes?
  Answer - Since your question involves taxes and titles, matters which often need direct eyeballing to coordinate and interpret, I must give you a bit of an honest but frustrating lawyerly hedge: It’s hard to say without looking at the documents involved.
Tuesday August 25, 2009
1. How do I get power of attorney after a stroke?
  Answer - Even though your father has suffered a stroke, you may still be able to obtain a power of attorney for him if he has the legal capacity to order one. In the eyes of the law, this means he must understand the nature, scope and effect of the document.
Monday August 24, 2009
1. How do I access my mother's medical records?
  Answer - As you noted, the Health Insurance Portability or Accountability Act or HIPAA, which protects patient’s medical records, sometimes also has the unintended effect of denying family members information they might find useful in making decisions about their own medical care.
Friday August 21, 2009
1. Health care agent or trustees, who wins?
  Answer - If your mother is still as spry and able as you describe, then she should be the one who is controlling her own medical care.
Wednesday August 19, 2009
1. FAQ: Is Embalming Necessary?
  Answer - Rarely. There's a popular misconception that embalming, in which a body is treated to slow its disintegration, is always required by law after death. In fact, no state requires routine embalming and some don't require it at all. Embalming is legally required only in special circumstances, such as:
Tuesday August 18, 2009
1. What rights do I have in a shared POA role?
  Answer - Rankling as it may feel, your sister and step-sister’s actions and inactions may well be perfectly legal. But you describe an estate plan that seems to involve a lot of different documents, powers, and people named to control, so getting to the bottom of who controls what may take some patience and d sleuthwork...
Friday August 14, 2009
1. What Is a "Good Death"?
  Article - Certain emotional and physical factors help define a "good death": having affairs in order, little pain and discomfort, few regrets, and good care. 5 Comments
2. Religious and Spiritual Guidance: Resources for the Dying and Grieving
  Article - Religious and spiritual guidance and teachings offer strength and affirmation to many facing death themselves or caring for someone who's dying. 1 Comment
3. Buying a Casket or Urn
  Article - Purchasing a casket, coffin, or urn can be an emotional experience. Know the rules and costs of caskets and urns, and avoid predatory sales pitches. 1 Comment
4. FAQ: How Does Cremation Work?
  Answer - When a body is cremated, it's heated intensely -- at 1,800 degrees Fahrenheit or higher -- in a retort, or ovenlike device, until it's reduced to ash and bone fragments called "cremains."
5. Can I get my brother off Mom’s bank account?
  Answer - If your mom is mentally capable of making decisions and directing her own financial affairs—and it sounds as if she is—then she should act at once to regain control of them. That may mean making a trip to the bank and closing down her old account and opening a new one; she shouldn’t be held hostage stage...
Thursday August 13, 2009
1. FAQ: Can I Pay for a Funeral in Advance?
  Answer - You can, but it may not be a good idea.
2. FAQ: How Does Embalming Work?
  Answer - Embalming is a process in which blood and gases are removed from a body and replacement fluids are pumped in to temporarily retard its disintegration.
3. How Much Does Cremation Cost?
  Answer - The cost of cremation typically ranges from $2,000 to $4,000 if arranged through a funeral home and from $1,500 to $3,000 if arranged directly through a crematory. Although the cost of cremation differs depending on locale, it's almost always substantially less than the cost of a full body burial --...
Wednesday August 12, 2009
1. 10 Things to Consider Including in a Will
  Article - Wills are generally the centerpiece of an estate plan, allowing people to direct how their property should be divided and who should get it after they die.
2. Is a spouse responsible for medical bills?
  Answer - Your instincts and advice to your mother to proceed slowly and cautiously in paying your father’s final medical bills were sound.A recent study revealed the scary statistic that about 90% of hospital bills contain errors, mostly in the hospital's fav...
Tuesday August 11, 2009
1. How to Get a Physician's Certificate and Death Certificate
  Article - What you need to know about a physician's certificate and a death certificate -- when and why to get them, how to get them, and how much they cost.
2. What Is Embalming?
  Article - What embalming is, why people choose to embalm a body, when embalming is required, and what embalming costs.
3. How to Arrange for Organ, Eye, and Tissue Donations
  Article - Organ donations are helpful to medical schools. Here's how to make an organ donation.
4. Am I liable for Mom's nursing home costs?
  Answer - Neither you nor your sibling is required to sign to become financially responsible for your mother’s care—and it may even be illegal for the nursing home to require it. It’s time to slow down and carefully read the document before picking up a pen.
5. Does a revocable living trust have to be notarized every 5 years?
  Answer - No, there is no such requirement.
6. How can we claim stock that we just discovered my parents had?
7. Must I keep a guardianship/conservatorship?
8. What are the steps to obtain guardianship?:
  Answer - When your aunt files papers to become your dad’s legal guardian, the court is supposed to notify your dad’s close relatives about the possible new arrangement—and you will likely be on that list. It is then likely that a judge will ask you and some of the other people who are close to your dad for y...
Friday August 07, 2009
1. How to Arrange for Cremation
  Article - Six steps to affordable and legal cremation -- how to find the cremation services you need and how to handle the remains.
2. How to Arrange for Body Burial
  Article - A complete guide to preparing a body for burial: How to choose a mortuary, get a grave marker, deal with embalming, avoid added costs, and more.
Thursday July 30, 2009
1. How can I pass responsibility of an estate?
  Answer - From all you’ve written, it sounds as if your part in your aunt’s affairs IS over—except for the unfortunate matter of getting the mail and notices, which likely stirs up some grief and angst and anger and other confused and confusing thoughts for you.
2. Do we file taxes on income for caring for Mom?
  Answer - It’s understandable that you worry about the IRS coming after you: It is widely known to be a diligent and threatening agent in chasing down funds—and getting them.
3. Can an ex-wife be held responsible for the home loan if their name was left on loan?
  Answer - Unfair and unfortunate as it may seem, your mother may remain responsible for the mortgage on the property, even though she understood that she was free and clear of any obligations on it after signing a quitclaim deed.
4. Can non-POA review parent's accounts to stop sibling's power of attorney abuse?
  Answer - The question/answer by Anonymous points up something that might be of help to sdroads .
5. I want to care for my mother in law, but her other children say no. What can I do?
  Answer - It’s hard to say just why the other family members are turning deaf ears to your generous offer of help. Guilt? Resentment? Fear that you’re already overtaxed with caregiving duties?
6. We feel dad's CPA took advantage of him by adding himself as a trustee. What can we do to protect him?
  Answer - Your father-in-law is the only one who can change the terms of his trust, so you’d need to concentrate first on him. You might want to ask outright why he made the change and listen to the answer he gives. He may feel he is already overburdening you with all the bill-paying and caretaking you’re alr already doing on his behalf...
7. Can I make a property transfer as POA?
  Answer - Reverse mortgages are rarely a good option if a homeowner is likely to enter a nursing home in the near future—or anytime within three years or so, so that may not be your best route.
8. Can my aunt take all my dad's stuff?
  Answer - It sounds as if your aunt acted so quickly that she alarmed a few people, including you. But perhaps she was just trying to be helpful, and to stay busy during this stressful time. Whether it was rude or premature or even mean-spirited doesn’t matter now. The deed has been done.
9. If I declare my mother as a dependent am I liable for her credit card debt?
  Answer - Not likely. You are generally responsible only for credit card debts on your own accounts or arguably on accounts where you have accepted and used a card.
Friday July 24, 2009
1. Does life insurance cover funeral expenses?
  Answer - Many people are able to do just what you want: pay the costs of a funeral with life insurance proceeds. The policy will generally state that a particular beneficiary should get the proceeds at death. But if you are the beneficiary and choose to spend them that way, that is your option.
Thursday July 23, 2009
1. Could my brother swindle Mother's money?
  Answer - There are a couple of pesky legal terms to clear up here—and perhaps that will help ease your mind.
Monday July 20, 2009
1. What Is Hospice Care?
  Article - Learn about hospice palliative care, where to find hospice services, and when to use end of life care for loved ones at Caring.com. 3 Comments
Friday July 17, 2009
1. Who should be the will executor for my mom?
  Answer - Your mom is wrestling with a common problem. Just as she didn’t want to show favoritism among her daughters during her lifetime by consistently giving one of you the biggest piece of pie or the latest curfew, she wants you to feel equal—or at least equalish—treatment coming from her after her death.death...
2. Can a lawyer deny changing of a trust?
  Answer - Your mother has the legal right to change her will and trust provisions as long as she has the mental capacity to do so. To pass the test for mental capacity, the law requires that she must know:
3. Do I have financial liability for my life partner's debt?
  Answer - You should not be responsible for your life partner’s debts unless you agreed to be liable for them-by being jointly listed on the account, for example, or signed an agreement with the doctors or hospital that you would pay the bills.
Thursday July 16, 2009
1. What happens if a power of attorney dies?
2. Does state residency affect power of attorney?
  Answer - I’m hoping the power of attorney your mom completed a while back will suffice for your long haul, too. The realities and legalities make your situation a bit murky.
Saturday July 11, 2009
1. Is a senior legally responsible for the funeral of an adult child?
  Answer - Not usually--although you may be asked to cover the bill, at least temporarily.
Thursday July 09, 2009
1. FAQ: Who's Responsible for Paying for a Funeral?
  Answer - Final expenses, including the costs of a funeral and burial or cremation, are generally paid out of the estate of the person who died -- if there's enough money and property of value to cover the bill.
Tuesday July 07, 2009
1. Probate: What It Is - and How to Avoid It
  Article - Find helpful probate information, explanation of wills and inheritance, and other helpful elder law resources. 1 Comment
Thursday June 25, 2009
1. Does a child have any rights to a life insurance policy if they are not named in it?
  Answer - The child not named as a beneficiary will probably not have any rights to the policy proceeds.
2. What to Wear to a Memorial Service?
  Answer - The fact that you've asked the question signals that you're not likely to offend anyone by showing a lack of care or disrespect when choosing your attire for the event.
Friday June 19, 2009
1. Planning Ahead for Final Arrangements
  Article - How you and the person you're caring for can plan ahead to ensure the kind of funeral or memorial he wants -- and keep his family from paying exorbitant costs.
2. How can I protect my grandfather's assets?
  Answer - Any advice you get or take must be tempered with a dose of reality: Short of getting your grandfather a personality transplant, there may be nothing you can do to change his wily and unpredictable ways. After all, he’s had them for 93 years.
3. How do we resolve a dispute over inheritance of Mom's rings?
  Answer - If your mother’s will specified only that her property should be divided among her children—a common provision for parents who live and die in hope that they’ll all get along peacefully—and left no specific direction for who gets the rings, then you must wrestle over how to distribute them.
4. Is there a CD penalty for withdrawing money at an early age?
  Answer - The answer is an encouraging but ungrammatical one: very probably yes.
5. Can a caregiver be held liable for a patient's death if they refuses medical care?
  Answer - As you know best, you’re pinned in a tough spot—living with a person who doesn’t seem to want you there, watching her deteriorate—and presumably, trying not to antagonize your future relatives.
6. Does you have to live in the same state to perform legal executorship?
  Answer - No, but depending on the state law that applies, there may be some restrictions and added qualifications about who can serve and how they operate.
Monday June 15, 2009
1. How do I get financial POA for my mother?
  Answer - The legal answer to your question may depend on where the account is held. Some state statutes—Florida is one example of this—specifically give the agent of a power of attorney the right to access a joint holder’s account, even without the consent or knowledge of the other account...
2. Back taxes and refinancing to pay for care?
  Answer - What you’re feeling is true: You are at a very sensitive and confusing point in taking over many of the caregiving duties for your mom.
Thursday June 11, 2009
1. FAQ: Should I Bring a Young Child to a Funeral or Memorial Service?
  Answer - Take your cues from the child. A child who is four to nine years old or so, who has formed a relationship with the deceased person, will also be likely to grieve the death. Depending on the specific age, maturity level, and emotional makeup of a particular child, attending a funeral or memorial service may be extremely helpful or unduly frightening...
Wednesday June 10, 2009
1. Can I refinance Mom’s house to pay for care?
  Answer - To find out the answer to this question, you will have to do something that may seem a little distasteful: Make a close reading of the document that appointed you to act as the power of attorney.
Tuesday June 09, 2009
1. Hospice Resources: Where to Find Help
  Checklist - Use our free hospice resources list to help guide you in decisions concerning hospice care.
2. How do I help my mother become independent of my sister?
  Answer - From what you describe, your instincts sound exactly right: The time may be nearing when it is no longer possible for your mother to live more or less independently with your sister. And because it often takes a while for all the pieces of the long-term care puzzle to fall into place, you are wise to start planning for it now...
Monday June 08, 2009
1. Am I legally responsible for my brother's bill?
  Answer - The fact that you were authorized to act for your brother in his advance directive does not make you personally responsible for his debts. About the only way you would be responsible is if you signed on as your brother's personal guarantor when he entered the nursing ho...
Saturday June 06, 2009
1. Should I help my mother, who has Alzheimer's, change her will?
  Answer - You are right to balk at changing your mother’s will to give you a bigger share. That would leave the will open to a legal challenge from your sisters, who could claim that you exercised undue influence over her when making this change.
2. Can a power of attorney be revised after a dementia diagnosis?
  Answer - It sounds as if you and the other family members have given up in exasperation due to your sister’s actions and inactions—and that is understandable.
3. What are the advantages or disadvantages of adding my name to my father's home?
  Answer - First doublecheck the trust document. The prime reason most people set up living trusts is to pass valuable assets free from probate—and their houses are usually included as one of the most valuable assets they possess.
4. Who has authority to make medical or financial decisions if no power of attorney has been assigned?
  Answer - Your situation underscores the importance of having a signed power of attorney or advance directive in place and the confusion and hurt that can occur without one. But you know that—and the best we may be able to do is take a lesson for ourselves and be prepared.
Friday June 05, 2009
1. Who has a legal right to my father's cremated remains?
  Answer - You raise a very interesting question—and one that is not squarely addressed by the laws that regulate cremations and burials.
2. How can we get power of attorney over my wife's uncle when he's incapacitated and has no active identification?
  Answer - Even though your wife’s uncle has suffered the effects of strokes, you may still be able to obtain a power of attorney for him if he has the legal capacity to order one. In the eyes of the law, this means he must understand the nature, scope and effect of the document.
Tuesday June 02, 2009
1. What specifications can I make in my will to be sure my disabled son is cared for?
  Answer - Your legal instincts are good. A special needs trust may be the best way to accomplish what you wish: providing for your son’s care and comfort while assuring that he does not lose eligibility for long-term assistance from government programs.
2. Is Mom liable for Dad's credit card debt?
  Answer - This sticky but not uncommon situation is handled slightly differently under differing state laws.
3. Can I be held liable for Dad's auto debt?
  Answer - In general, you would be personal liable for another person’s debt only if:
4. Does a Power of Health Care Agent supersede a Power of Attorney?
  Answer - The first step in determining which of these two documents may control and when is to take a hard look at them both, side by side.
Friday May 29, 2009
1. Should mom jointly own her assets?
  Answer - The transfer on death designation is a nice and clean way for your mother’s house and car to pass to the next owners without going through probate. But the arrangement only goes into effect at her death, and will not be a bit of help should someone need to step in and sell her assets before she dieses...
2. Can the pay-out terms of a trust be changed?
  Answer - Lawyers are only human—some even say subhuman—and so we make mistakes. But it’s rather a concern here that not one but two lawyers have actually eyeballed the documents that control your situation and have come to the same conclusion. Ask them to clarify and explain exactly how and why they came to me...
Thursday May 28, 2009
1. What are legal guardian responsibilities?
  Answer - There’s something confused and confusing about the terms you’re using—and while words can sometimes just be words, they most often have loaded meanings in the legal world.
Monday May 18, 2009
1. End-of-Life Arrangements: A Resource List
  Checklist - Quick summary 1 Comment
Thursday May 14, 2009
1. Must I share my mom's finances with my brother?
  Answer - Depending on what kind of power of attorney you have and where you live, your brother may or may not be legally entitled to an accounting from you. A minority of states impose that requirement on agents who hold a power of attorney for another person...
Wednesday May 13, 2009
1. Do children have family decision-making rights over a spouse?
  Answer - That depends on whether your father is competent, has finalized any legal documents directing decisions—and most importantly, on what you want to decide.
2. How can I get guardianship for a friend to prevent abuse?
  Answer - It sounds as if someone is currently legally charged with caring for your friend—as what is called either a guardian or conservator.
Tuesday May 12, 2009
1. Can my grandfather be legally made to stay with my sister?
  Answer - This may be one of those times where collective knowledge of the masses doesn’t point to the truth.
2. Can a cemetery reject a burial wish?
  Answer - Unless your father previously signed a contract or other document giving him the legal right in the cemetery—such as by being a member of a local funeral or memorial society, for example, the new private owners are unfortunately able to set their own rules.
Monday May 11, 2009
1. Can I keep my Mom from giving away her money?
  Answer - It probably won’t make your life seem that much easier, but the truth is that many people do what your mom is doing—especially older people who want to establish or remake their generosity in their legacies by leaving bequests to a number of people, and often changing their minds abou...
2. Are an executor and co executor the same?
  Answer - If two people are named in a will as co-executors, there is no difference between their rights and responsibilities. They are both charged with the legal duty of accounting for and managing the willmaker’s property at death and for distributing it as the will directs.
3. How do I find someone to be my power of attorney?
  Answer - While it must feel a bit lonely to be in your position, the truth is that you are far from alone: There are many people who can’t find a person they know and trust or who is willing or able or well-suited to act as a medical agent and make decisions on final medical care for them.
Sunday May 10, 2009
1. What Is an Autopsy?
  Article - What you need to know about autopsies: when are they required, how much do they cost, and how to get a copy of an autopsy report.
Friday May 08, 2009
1. What happens if death of beneficiary occurs before an estate is settled?
  Answer - The important thing to pay attention to is the gap of time between when the willmaker died and when the beneficiary died. That is what will help determine who gets the property left to the beneficiary who died.
Thursday May 07, 2009
1. Estate Planning 101
  Article - Estate planning involves managing money and property during life and passing it to survivors after death. Know what the basic estate planning documents can do. 2 Comments
Wednesday May 06, 2009
1. Can funeral plans be changed without power of attorney notification?
  Answer - Probably. The law gives individuals broad discretion to change their minds when setting out one of the most personal decisions imaginable: what to do with their bodies after death.
Tuesday May 05, 2009
1. What To Do When Someone Dies
  To Do List - Here are the steps to take -- both practical and legal -- when someone dies. Consult this checklist of 22 actions to take after a loved one's death.
Sunday May 03, 2009
1. How to Plan A Funeral or Memorial Service
  To Do List - Review our funeral services and memorial services to-do list and related funeral services and memorial services tasks at Caring.com.
Friday May 01, 2009
1. Can Dad dictate my stepmom's heirs?
  Answer - Where there’s a will—or a trust—there’s a way to do this. You might imagine that you are not the first to want an arrangement that would reasonably provide security during a stepparent’s life, then allow it to revert to the other parent’s natural children.
Thursday April 30, 2009
1. 6 Estate Planning Questions Your Parents Should Answer
  Checklist - In deciding whether they need to do any estate planning, the key questions your parents should answer are whether there is any property they would like a particular person or charity to receive after their deaths and whether they have strong opinions about their medical care and final arrangements... 1 Comment
Tuesday April 28, 2009
1. What do we do if we suspect fraud by the power of attorney?
  Answer - The agent named to act in the power of attorney document has the legal duty to act in your family member’s best interests. While that is a little muzzy as a legal standard, the greater practical truth is that you know fraud when you see it — money being siphoned from a bank account and not used to pto...
Friday April 24, 2009
1. How do you know if you were left anything in a will?
  Answer - When a person dies, leaving behind a will, the executor named in it is responsible for notifying all the beneficiaries mentioned in the will and for distributing the property to them as directed. The executor can be anyone the person decided to name, not necessarily a spouse.
Thursday April 23, 2009
1. Of an executor and power of attorney, who has more authority?
  Answer - Neither one has more or less power than the other. A more accurate way to look at it is that they have different kinds of power—and are authorized to act at different times. An agent named in a power of attorney document to handle another person’s finances or oversee medical care is authorized to ...
2. What options exist for a spouse of a dementia patient needing to make financial and healthcare decisions without a power of attorney?
  Answer - Practically speaking, in some situations, a spouse need not take any additional steps to make such decisions. This is especially true if most financial accounts are held jointly—and if the doctors and other health care providers are turning regularly to the spouse for advice and consent on the patieient's care...
Monday April 20, 2009
1. Does a name on a deed override the name in a will if the deed is dated after the will?
  Answer - Sounds as if the deed rules here. If your mother changed the legal owner of the house to your sibling, then the property was not in her estate when she died, so what the will states about it no longer has any effect.
2. When can a widow collect her husband's retirement?
  Answer - I’m assuming there are no other lump sum assets—stock, bank or savings accounts, bonds—that he owned alone and to which the widow may be entitled now.
Thursday April 16, 2009
1. Do my sisters have to involve me in settling our dad's estate if I'm also a co-executor?
  Answer - Except for the very rare circumstances in which a will spells out specific duties for each co-executor, all of those named are supposed to agree on how the property is managed—and are equally responsible for distributing it as the will directs.
2. Can I use my power of attorney to deal with my ex-husband's alcoholism?
  Answer - It sounds as if you and your former sister-in-law are in a difficult and uncomfortable situation—especially you. In a number of states—including Alabama, California, Colorado, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin—a divorce usually revok revokes a power of attorney...
3. Is it legal to ask a stroke patient to change his or her will?
  Answer - There’s nothing illegal about asking.
4. Can you withdraw house from trust without legal help or paperwork?
  Answer - Your grandmother should be able to do this easily. One of the beauties of a living trust is that it allows people to have complete control over the property in it—and to sell or give it away as they see fit. When selling the house, your grandmother can transfer it to the buyer in her capacity as grarantor...
Wednesday April 15, 2009
1. How can I get a copy of my father's will?
  Answer - It might be easier than you think to get a copy of your father’s will. When he died, his will should have been filed with the local probate court—and it then becomes a public record, free for anyone to see.
2. What are the burial laws for a person to be buried on family property?
  Answer - If you want to proceed with burying your father on the family property, it is wise to make the effort to learn about the specifics of related legal controls—and those are different in every state.
3. Can family members sell property without the signature of the executor of an estate?
  Answer - Once a person dies, the executor of a will is responsible for taking over care and custody of all property subject to the will and then distributing it to the people or places that the will directs.
Wednesday April 01, 2009
1. Is it illegal to bury someone without a vault in West Virginia?
  Answer - West Virginia laws do not require a vault or liner, but many cemeteries require some type of outer burial container to prevent the grave from sinking in the future, so you’ll need to check with individual cemeteries.
Monday March 30, 2009
1. Can a stepmother take all assets if the siblings were excluded from the will?
  Answer - The law allows people to leave their money and other property to anyone they wish—and also to exclude those that the world might normally assume would get some of their riches, such as children.
2. Can a stepmother take all assets if the siblings were excluded from the will?
  Answer - The law allows people to leave their money and other property to anyone they wish—and also to exclude those that the world might normally assume would get some of their riches, such as children.
3. How do I get power of attorney and Medicaid for my mother, who has Alzheimer's?
  Answer - You have every reason in the world to feel overwhelmed given all that’s on your plate. Fortunately, you live in a place that offers good help for your needs—and you should be able to access it all through your computer, without having to leave your home, stand in lines, or wade through much red tapetape...
4. Can a doctor have influence reversing power of attorney over a parent?
  Answer - What you describe is very unusual. Doctors rarely intervene in changing the authorized agent in a power of attorney; such changes usually occur only if the person for whom the document was made orders the change, or if it was clearly shown that you were “unable or unwilling” to do the job.
Thursday March 26, 2009
1. How can I get financial assistance with cremation?
  Answer - Yes, there are a number of places that may offer financial assistance in covering the cost of cremation, likely to run from about $1,000 to 2,000.
2. If my sisters have power of attorney for our mother, can they insist we give up our keys to her house?
  Answer - There are no easy or legal answers to the problems you describe. They seem to be more about hurt feelings and anger than about specific rights and wrongs. And so it is likely that you all will need at least a brief cooling off period before you all can agree on, or even discuss, the best course of action to take for your mother’s care...
Wednesday March 25, 2009
1. Which takes precedence? A living will or power of attorney?
  Answer - Your first concern seems to be power of attorney misuse. But first, a word about when the legal documents you mention take effect: As agent named in your mother’s living will, you are empowered to make medical decisions for her only if and when she is unable to express her own wishes due to a comatotose condition, for example...
2. What steps do I need to take to get the mediation process started?
  Answer - It sounds as if your own gut is already suggesting a solution: Try calling in another person to help break the logjam between you and your brother—and mediation is often ideal for this. In mediation, an impartial person, or a panel of them, will work with people having a dispute to work out a suitabable solution...
3. Can my mother's doctor drop her as a patient if we don't agree to a DNR?
  Answer - The physician can indeed “drop” her if his ideas for her best care conflict with what she wants or what you direct, if you are her agent and your authority has kicked in. This is not as painful as it sounds, however, since the physician will be obligated to first find or refer your mother to a doctooctor willing to carry out her wishes...
4. How can I find out if I'm legally entitled to inheritance that would have been my father's?
  Answer - When your father died 15 years ago, he ceased to be your grandmother's beneficiary, so you have no legal claim to her property through him.
Tuesday March 03, 2009
1. Is there a way to get power of attorney back after it has been revoked?
  Answer - The best resolution for this problem may also require the most angst and energy to pursue: Get clear with the two daughters why they changed the power of attorney in the first place, since that doesn't seem to mesh with the caregiving reality you describe...
2. Where can I get free legal help with estate planning?
  Answer - There is some free good help for you, but as with most things, you usually get what you pay for. Your best bet for a free power of attorney for health care is the local hospital, preferably the one in which your mother might be hospitalized if needed...
Friday February 20, 2009
1. When does a power of attorney take effect?
  Answer - First, know that there are at least a couple different kinds of powers of attorney, and lots of confusion over the semantics and meaning of all of them.
Thursday February 19, 2009
1. Can my sister and I both hold the power of attorney for my father?
  Answer - It’s possible, but may not be wise or what you all intend.
Wednesday February 18, 2009
1. Why can't my sister deposit a check made out to the estate of my father?
  Answer - For better and worse, the law requires people to go through some hoops and red tape when handling property made out to a deceased person’s estate.
Tuesday February 17, 2009
1. While my mother was very illl, she changed her will. This was not her real intent. What can I do?
  Answer - It’s true that you may be able to contest your mother’s will as now written, despite that no contest clause in it, but be prepared that it’s likely an uphill battle.
Monday February 16, 2009
1. Can I get irrevocable POA over my brother who abuses drugs?
  Answer - The irrevocable powers of attorney you describe that give a person absolute authority to deal with another's property are rare.
2. Do we have to confer with our parents when making health decisions for our grandparents?
  Answer - It’s possible for grandchildren to take over caring for their grandparents, but easiest and best if they secure legal authority to do it.
3. Can a will alone cover my dad's estate planning needs?
  Answer - For many people who have straightforward property ownership and straightforward plans for how they want the property they own divided when they die, a will may be sufficient to do cover that task. This is true because many assets, such as retirement funds and often bank and other accounts, can pass directly...
Tuesday February 10, 2009
1. My father didn't leave a will, and I live in his house. My brother wants to divide it. Can I make it solely mine?
  Answer - Because your father died without a will—or “intestate” in legal jargon—his property will be divided up and distributed according to the formula set out in state law. These state formulas specify that the property goes to those most closely related to the person who ...
2. How can I buy my mom's house from my siblings without going through a bank?
  Answer - You are absolutely free to proceed with this plan, free of bank and loan paperwork, which may be the best solution for all concerned. Such an arrangement is particularly compelling where all the children agree to it. But beware that lingering property issues can sometimes chill even the warmest relationships...
3. Does a written guide exist for trustees to refer to?
  Answer - There is. The best one I’ve seen after perusing dozens is The Executor’s Guide: Settling a Loved One’s Estate or Trust, available in bookstores or online from Nolo.
4. How can I convince my stepchildren to help pay for their father's funeral?
  Answer - It sounds as if you have done all that’s humanly possible to coax money from your husband’s kids, but your pleas have fallen on deaf ears and your emails have gone to blind eyes. You may want to make one more pitch to them—particularly emphasizing what their father would have wanted or expected fromd from them rather than how their refusal to pay affects you...
Monday February 09, 2009
1. Is there burial assistance available from the state?
  Answer - You are wise to plan ahead—and at least be able to offer the best information available to your husband and his family when the time comes.
2. How is incompetency determined and how is it made a legal point?
  Answer - It sounds as if your bottom line concern is whether there is a legally valid power of attorney for finances in place—and when it might take effect.
3. When there was no estate planning what happens to the estate?
  Answer - Because your grandmother died without a will—or “intestate” in legal jargon—her property will be distributed according to the formula set out in state law: mostly likely, divided equally among the surviving four children.
Wednesday February 04, 2009
1. How do I determine "reasonable" trustee fees?
  Answer - Most trusts explicitly provide that a trustee can receive a "reasonable and customary fee" for administering the trust -- and it sounds as if the one you're administering is one of them. The problem with this muzzy language, as you're finding out, is that it doesn't provide any specific help when you...
2. What are the amounts of trustee's fees that must be paid?
  Answer - A testamentary trust is established in a will or living trust and funded upon the death of the person who made it.
Saturday January 10, 2009
1. Should we try to get a competency hearing to overtake my partner's father's care?
  Answer - You can try involving the legal system, but you should know from the start that it’s likely to be an uphill battle.
2. What rights do I have to see my father?
  Answer - Practically speaking, your best chance to visit with your father will be to try to smooth things over with your sister. It sounds as if the two of you are on a rocky path—and in truth, may never see eye to eye or become buddies. But she may be able to be convinced that you have your father’s best int...
Thursday January 08, 2009
1. How can we protect my father-in-law from financial scams?
  Answer - What you may need to do to ensure your father-in-law’s well-being is to get a conservatorship, sometimes called an adult guardianship.
2. How do I go about getting a conservatorship?
  Answer - First make sure you really need one. A conservatorship, also called an adult guardianship, gives a person the legal right to make necessary decisions on behalf of another adult who cannot live independently. It would allow the person appointed to oversee or personally be responsible for the other’s s care, custody, and control...
Tuesday January 06, 2009
1. Are there legal steps we can take to find out if our parents have wills?
  Answer - The ironic and practical reality is that you might have an easier time locating your parents’ wills and other estate planning documents after their deaths, when you would logically be expected to root through desks and drawers and safe deposit boxes in search of those documents.But that would be cononsidered plain bad behavior while they are still alive...
Friday January 02, 2009
1. Where can I find Dr. Fordyce's article on dehydration and dying?
  Answer - An article titled "Dehydration Near the End of Life" was originally published in the Annals of Long-Term Care in 2000—Volume 8, Issue 2. Unfortunately, the archives of the publication’s website do not go back that far. So if you are intent to find that particular article, you may need to go throughough your local library or university medical school...
Wednesday December 31, 2008
1. How can I be made a beneficiary on my deceased mom's estate when none was named?
  Answer - Your predicament is the perfect illustration of why it’s preferable for a person to plan ahead and leave a will or other estate planning documents that specify how their property should be managed and divided when they die.
2. My grandfather left is land in trust to myself and 3 other...
  Answer - Probably not. It's important to read the language of the trust to figure out what all of you have the right to do. But unless the gas rights were deeded to one person in particular, the beneficiaries should share the income from the leases equally...
3. What can I do to stop my brothers from commiting fraud against my mother?
  Answer - Unless your brothers have a power of attorney authorizing them to sign your mother’s name to transfer ownership from her to their own names, they aren’t likely to be able to get a loan.But if they did deed the properties to themselves, your mother needs to act qui...
4. If I have power of attorney for my mother, does she need to be with me to close credit card and other financial accounts?
  Answer - If your mother has appointed you the agent in her power of attorney, you should not need to have her with you when you close the accounts; that's one of the reasons people give someone a power of attorney—to assist them when they can't do things themselv...
Saturday December 13, 2008
1. My stepmother place my dad in a facility over a year ago and...
  Answer - First, know that there may be a good resource for help and advice right in your current front yard: the patient ombudsperson at the facility. He or she may have good fingertips about your dad's relationship with your stepmother, and whether it is likely he needs some legal insulation from her reaches...
Friday December 12, 2008
1. Can my sibling sue me for visitation rights for our mother?
  Answer - Truth is, in our sadly litigious world, anyone can pretty much sue anyone else for pretty much any reason. But whether or not a lawsuit succeeds depends on the specific facts involved, the specific laws that control—and sometimes, something as arbitrary as the mood of the judge hearing the ca...
Thursday December 04, 2008
1. Can legal documents be changed after an Alzheimer's diagnosis?
  Answer - The power to create or change a legal document such as a will, advance directive or power of attorney comes from the person whose property or medical care will be affected by it. Caregivers need not be consulted first.There is a legal requirement, however, that the person for whom such documents are made must be "of sound mind...
2. How do you get a conservatorship reversed ?
  Answer - It is much easier to end a conservatorship than it is to secure one in the first place. It must be terminated by the court that authorized it—most likely, the local probate court, which should be listed on the official paperwork.Your quickest route is simply to call the clerk at the relevant court a and ask about the procedure followed there...
3. Am I responsible for my mother's medical bills if she passes away?
  Answer - Even if you are the one who helps admit your mother to the hospital, it is not likely that you will be legally responsible for covering her medical bills.In general, you would be personal liable for your mother's debts only if:
4. What do I do when a health care directive is challenged by hospital doctors?
  Answer - Laws in most states obligate doctors to honor a valid advance directive—or else transfer the patient to the care of a doctor who will honor it.But as you might already have discovered, it can be difficult indeed to break through the unwritten Physicians' Code of Silence and find one who will act agagainst the express lobbied wishes of another...
Tuesday December 02, 2008
1. Should we get my father's inheritance from my grandparents even though he died before they did?
  Answer - Few things feel as sticky as being in the midst of a family rift over property, especially one connected with distributing an estate, which also stirs up hard internal questions about morality and mortality.One tough legal truth in your situation is that people are entitled to write and rewrite their...
Tuesday November 25, 2008
1. How do I distribute our parents things equitably among siblings?
  Answer - You are right to feel a bit adrift in dividing the estate, since one sibling's treasure may be another sibling's trash.The value of the estate is what must be divided, but there are different ways to value and divide each asset. Clearly, the “value” of a sentimental object is determined subjectivelyvely...
Monday November 24, 2008
1. Where can I purchase software for wills and trusts?
  Answer - First, in the interest of full disclosure, I must divulge that I am one of the authors of such a product, WillMaker, by Nolo. That divulged, and without tooting any merits of that particular software program, I can vouch that it can help you produce legally sound documents...
2. Can my aunt get power of attorney for my grandmother's finances without her other siblings' authorization?
  Answer - The power to name your aunt as agent in a power of attorney for finances would come from your grandmother—and she is free to name whomever she wants in this role, as long as she is mentally competent to do so. No one else would need to be consulted or to authorize the arrangeme...
Monday November 17, 2008
1. How can my sister get her property back from her deceased husband's son?
  Answer - While my usual advice is to see a lawyer only as a last resort, in this rare instance, I would urge your sister to see a lawyer as quickly as possible. There's just too much at stake: loss of her home, money, and history. And there could be good substitute for getting an experienced body, mind, and pair of eyes on the situation...
Tuesday November 11, 2008
1. How can I protect my mother from being taken advantage of by my brother?
  Answer - It's time to steel yourself for a frank talk with your mother, letting her know your concerns and framing them in terms of the need to protect her and her money, rather than a desire to see your brother get cut off. Be as specific as you can about how and why funds are being squandered or stolen and what this might mean for her...
2. Can an assisted living facility force a person to sign off on funeral rights?
  Answer - Most assisted living facilities will want to ensure that their residents have put their wishes for their final arrangements in writing, so many have policies requiring them to attend to this detail.Residents are always free to make their own sort of arrangements, though, and need not accept any terms that a facility may impose...
3. If there's no one to care for a person with dementia, what happens then?
  Answer - In the sad situation you describe, a court--usually the local probate court--will appoint someone to act as a legal guardian or conservator, and that person will become responsible for the elderly person's care.Your first best stop for information on this would be the local probate court...
4. How do I get power of attorney for my mother with dementia?
  Answer - Whether you can obtain a power of attorney for your mother may depend more specifically on her mental condition. There is a legal requirement that the person for whom a power of attorney is made must be "of sound mind." This mental competency requirement isn't too onerous to meet, but can be elusive to some people suffering from dementia...
Friday November 07, 2008
1. How do I get power of attorney for my dad, when his will specifies my sister in this role?
  Answer - Something seems amiss.
Tuesday October 28, 2008
1. Who is responsible for funeral costs?
  Answer - Burial costs are generally covered by the estate of the person who died if there is enough money and property of value in the estate to cover those costs. Survivors are often asked to pay the costs to a funeral home before or soon after goods and services are provided, then those costs are reimbursed to them from the estate...
Monday October 27, 2008
1. Am I responsible for the debts of the person for whom I have durable power of attorney ?
  Answer - A little bit of relieving news in your rather complicated picture: Being named the agent in your aunt's durable power of attorney will not make you personally responsible for her debts.While I am the last attorney to recommend running to an attorney for help -- there are very often less expensive and...
2. Can we remove my sister from having POA over our father?
  Answer - First make sure that your sister has the powers she claims to have. Make sure the power of attorney document entitles her to act at once, before your father is unable to act on his own. If she truly does hold the broader power to act at once, there are still some legal rules and regulations that control...
3. How does an executor get hep paying for bills after death?
  Answer - A short certificate is usually the local probate court's certification that an estate proceeding is on record, and most courts will issue them only after the probate is complete, so the paperwork you were issued here is a little confusing. First, the easier news: As executor, you should not be legally...
4. Am I responsible for my father's debts if I have power of attorney?
  Answer - If you haven't done it yet, your first order of business should be to check with the NYC authorities and unravel what went wrong with the disrupted benefits. Arm yourself with patience, perseverance, and politeness. Getting to the bottom of the mistake will likely require all of them...
Wednesday October 15, 2008
1. Who should I see to set up an irrevocable trust?
  Answer - While most lawyers would argue that you need to hire them to write a trust, the truth is that only you can do the hardest part of the job: understanding what your property is and deciding who should get it.If you're willing to do a bit of brainwork, you can get lots of good guidance from some self-help products out there...
2. Who can I hire to help me do the paperwork for my father's estate?
  Answer - Before giving in to that boggy feeling, take a deep breath and ask yourself whether you really do need to hire another soul for help. If you're willing to do a bit of brainwork, you can get lots of good guidance from some self-help products out there...
Tuesday October 14, 2008
1. How do I close the credit card accounts associated with my mother's estate?
  Answer - It could just be a matter of confusing legal semantics, which are admittedly awfully confusing, but having a power of attorney does not entitle or obligate you to deal with your mother's estate. In fact, the power in the power of attorney ends at the death of the person for whom it operated...
Wednesday October 08, 2008
1. How can I get conservatorship over my boyfriend?
  Answer - While you may now be sorry you alerted your boyfriend's kids about his medical problem, it was the right thing to do, and earns you lots of good karma points.A conservatorship, sometimes called an adult guardianship, gives you the legal right to make necessary decisions on behalf of an adult who cannot live independently...
2. Is there a way of taking back power of attorney and returning it to a spouse?
  Answer - Yes, a power of attorney can be rescinded and changed, but the change must come from the principal -- in this case, the wife and mother of the two souls who are disagreeing over her care. And it sounds as if her advanced Alzheimer's may prevent her from having the legal capacity to make this change...
3. If I am named as having power of attorney over my father's affairs, is it legal for me to use his money to pay for my expenses incurred while caring for him?
  Answer - So glad you're finding the website to be helpful. And sorry to learn you're pinned in a difficult spot.What you are asking seems completely reasonable. And you are wise to keep the receipts and be organized about the money spent in carrying out your duties as your father's appointed agent...
Tuesday October 07, 2008
1. My mom is not executing her trustee duties and the beneficiaries are suffering. Do I have to take her to court?
  Answer - Touchy indeed. And your instinct to avoid court intervention is probably right: That would likely embarrass or antagonize your mom. But if all else fails, you may not be able to avoid it.The first step is to give one last try to The Difficult Conversation: Sit down with your mom and the trust document...
2. Who can initiate the Baker Act in Florida?
  Answer - As you seem to know, but other readers may not, the Baker Act is a Florida law that controls mental health services -- including voluntary admissions, involuntary examination, and involuntary placement.The requirements for initiating the act are a little different, depending on the process being called...
3. I have terminal cancer. Is there any way to gain early access to the money in a trust?
  Answer - Your potential right to receive trust money early depends on the exact wording of the trust defining your interest and your uncle's discretion to dole out the trust money.Given the complex possibilities, and the added reality that it is a wise idea to have an advocate in your corner just now, it might...
Monday October 06, 2008
1. Can a power of attorney give me the ability to make any decisions on behalf of my spouse?
  Answer - Your guess was right: A power of attorney generally empowers a person to make decisions for another person. There are two types of powers of attorney: one that pertains to finances, and the other to medical care.
2. When parents move to a new state, are their wills and trusts valid in the new state?
  Answer - A will or trust valid in one state is, broadly speaking, valid in all. But there is a big difference in laws that control how married couples own property. In community property states, they share most property, but are free to leave their own half by will or trust...
3. How can I find out if my father has created a will?
  Answer - I assume that you have access to your father's property, but were not able to find a will in the more obvious places at your his home and office: desk drawers, file cabinets, closets.If that has left you empty-handed, there are a number of other places and people you can try...
Thursday October 02, 2008
1. Do living wills have to be updated?
  Answer - It is always a good idea to review and update a living will, caled an advance directive in most states – and best to do that every year or so. That is because lots of things related to it may change: individual preferences about medical care, available treatments and procedures that seem more or lesess...
2. Can I transfer my mother's vehicle after her death?
  Answer - Being appointed your mother's agent in a power of attorney document does not authorize you to make this transfer, since your authority there ended when she died.If your mother left a will, the duty to transfer the car title will likely be left to ay executor named in that document...
Monday September 29, 2008
1. What is a durable power of attorney?
  Answer - There are two types of powers of attorney: one that pertains to finances, and the other to medical care.
2. Is it possible to get paid from your parents' assets if you have power of attorney and manage their affairs?
  Answer - You probably need two documents to accomplish what you wish to across the miles: a power of attorney for finances and a power of attorney for healthcare.A power of attorney for finances is a document in which a person -- or sometimes an institution such as a bank or trust company – is designated to o handle another person's financial affairs...
Wednesday September 17, 2008
1. Will I be held responsible for my mom's credit card debt after she dies?
  Answer - What usually happens to a person's debt at death is that all creditors are notified -- and the outstanding debts are ranked in a hierarchy set out in state law and paid off from remaining estate property.If there isn't enough property to satisfy the creditors at the tail end of the list, they are usually simply out of luck and out of pocket...
2. Will I as executor pay for funeral and burial expenses for my father?
  Answer - Possibly two different questions here, with possibly two different answers.When a person dies, all of his or her creditors are notified -- and the outstanding debts are ranked in a hierarchy set out in state law and paid off from remaining estate property. And that happens before beneficiaries are entitled to take any property they may be left in a will...
Tuesday September 16, 2008
1. Does a sibling have any say in her mother's burial planning if she does not have power of attorney?
  Answer - Any power the sister holds by dint of the power of attorney ends when your friend's mother dies. So that will not likely be the sticking point in their situation.But to avoid an unpleasant psychological wrestling match when death does occur, you should urge your friend to put a few safety guards in place...
2. How can we get my stepmother to divide my father's items equally among all of his children?
  Answer - The answer depends on whether your father left a will indicating his wishes -- or on where he lived and died and how he held the property.If he left a valid will, then it rules -- and the property must go to the people or places he indicated. But I suspect you are asking the question because there was no will...
Thursday September 11, 2008
1. Is there a best way to have a memorial service before my husband's death?
  Answer - This is a beautiful idea, and I applaud you for embracing it. There are no absolute rights or wrongs here, but I have been to a few such events, and can offer only the advice that you already know: Make it a gathering that will have special meaning to your husband...
2. What is the difference between durable and general power of attorney?
  Answer - The biggest difference is in when the power ends.A general power of attorney ends when a person becomes mentally incapable because of sickness or injury to handle his or her own affairs. A durable power of attorney does not end in these circumstances. It is, in a word: durable...
Wednesday September 10, 2008
1. Where do I get the paperwork for a power of attorney for my spouse who is currently in a mental health facility?
  Answer - Most mental health facilities will have the forms for powers of attorney for healthcare on hand. If you are visiting your spouse there, ask the patient representative or someone staffing the department of social services for the forms used you seek. The friendlier types may even help provide advice for completing them if you get stuck along the way...
2. If all the siblings agree on splitting their parent's assets equally, do we still have to go through probate?
  Answer - You probably will need to proceed through probate, although that should be fairly simple, since you siblings have the good hearts and the good sense to agree on what needs to be done. The reason is that courts and banks and pension plan companies and such need to be sure that there is no fraud being committed when title to property changes hands...
3. Is there financial assistance for funeral expenses?
  Answer - First of all, consider less expensive options such as a graveside service only or cremation, which generally costs between $1,000 and $2,000. While that's a fraction of the cost of most traditional funerals, it's still quite a chunk of change.There are, however, some places to which you can turn for help in paying for funerals...
4. Who should you call first when someone suddenly takes ill or dies at home?
  Answer - The answer is a bit different, depending on whether a sudden illness or sudden death is involved.If a sudden illness strikes and the goal is to get quick medical help, it is usually advisable to call 911, where operators can usually dispatch the nearest ambulance service...
5. Who gets to determine when my terminally ill mother, who is on life support, is allowed to pass? My aunt, who has power-of-attorney, or her children?
  Answer - If the document your aunt holds is specifically a power of attorney for healthcare, and your mother formally appointed your aunt to act as her agent for medical decisions before she became unable to make them for herself, that might trump any rights you and your sister may have to direct your mother's final care...
6. Do you need a power of attorney if your spouse dies without will?
  Answer - The power of a power of attorney ends when the person for whom it was made dies, so will be of no help in managing affairs, getting access to money and accounts, or transferring property when a spouse dies.Unless a spouse is a joint tenant to the property, as is often the case on the title to a house...
Tuesday September 09, 2008
1. Am I responsible for my mother's medical bills after death?
  Answer - It is not likely that you will be legally responsible for your mother's final medical bill -- although the doctors and hospitals may attempt to collect from you.In general, you would be personal liable for your mother's debts only if:
2. Will my current wife still be able to collect survivor benefits after I die if my ex-wife holds a lien against my finances?
  Answer - To get an accurate picture of the possibilities, you may have to do a bit of investigating, digging up the relevant paperwork and contacting agencies that may be involved with any benefits to which you nay be entitled. For example, your current wife--and perhaps the previous wife, too, if that marriage...
Wednesday August 27, 2008
1. How can I get emergency guardianship of my adult son who has a mental illness?
  Answer - As noted below, there are advantages and disadvantages to setting up a conservatorship, but in your son’s case, it might provide the best protection against medical treatment that you feel may be overzealous.
2. How do I know if I'm entitled to a family member's inheritance?
  Answer - Whether you are entitled to take any property depends on the order in which your relatives died and whether they had any estate planning documents that specified who should get their property and how.
3. How do we, with a power of attorney, take control of a credit card account in the cardholder's nickname?
  Answer - You're in a rather unusual position, and very well may fear that there are other debts looming out there to be paid.What will get the credit card company's attention the fastest is to take action to close down the account now in the principal's nickname, which is probably a good idea anyway...
4. As trustee for my parents' living trust, can I manage their affairs if they're unable and do I still need power of attorney?
  Answer - Your role as trustee of the living trust is a big one, but it only authorizes you to manage the property in the trust should your parents become incapacitated.You would still need to be appointed their agent in a durable power of attorney for finances to handle income likely to be outside the trust ...
Monday August 18, 2008
1. How do I get adult guardianship in Georgia for a dependent adult son?
  Answer - First make sure you want and need what you seek. An adult guardianship or conservatorship is a fairly drastic measure, but can be set up after a judge decides that a person can't take care of individual personal care and finances.The person or people named to act as a conservator on behalf of the incapacitated...
2. How do we deal with my brother who has taken over our mother's life and finances, convincing her we don't care anymore?
  Answer - Sadly, you may be right. But first, it may be worthwhile for the two brothers who feel they’re being shut out to pay a joint visit to mom, not to attempt to convince her that their brother is a meddlesome troublemaker, but to show her they are genuinely concerned and care about her future. Reinforcicing this with the brother may also make him less aggressive...
Friday August 15, 2008
1. What property do children from my husband's previous marriage take if he dies without a will?
  Answer - The answer depends on who is alive when your husband dies and whether the property he owns at death is considered community property or his separate property. There is a presumption in Texas that all property acquired during marriage is community property...
Friday August 08, 2008
1. Do I need to take legal steps to take over my sister's finances?
  Answer - The one thing you do need is your sister's consent. Then she could appoint you her attorney-in-fact in a durable power of attorney for finances, and you would be legally empowered to handle her finances for her. You may be able to accomplish this without a lawyer by purchasing some reputable forms or software...
Wednesday August 06, 2008
1. Can a probate ruling be appealed?
  Answer - While your question is tough to answer without seeing the actual order you want to contest, the short answer is that most probate rulings can be appealed. To find out the exact wording of the law in your state, do a search for "probate court" and also type in the name of the county in which the order was issued...
2. How to divide personal items and estate when there is no will?
  Answer - Unfortunately, when someone dies without a will, or "intestate," a surviving family member cannot simply declare himself or herself an executor and divvy up the property. A probate court has to appoint a person to do the job. While this may seem like an unnecessary bunch of legal gobbledegook, you can...
Monday August 04, 2008
1. How can I ensure that my domestic partner will be empowered to handle my medical care and financial decisions?
  Answer - You have taken good solid steps to ensure that your wishes are protected from a legal standpoint. Check the ownership designations on other types of property or benefits you may own. You may also be able to name your partner as immediate beneficiary of property such as pension rights and the pay-on-death...
2. How do we get guardianship of my mother-in-law, who lives in a care facility and is out-of-state?
  Answer - First make sure you want and need what you seek. An adult guardianship or conservatorship is a fairly drastic measure, but can be set up after a judge decides that a person can't take care of individual personal care and finances.The person or people named to act as a conservator on behalf of the incapacitated...
Thursday July 31, 2008
1. How long does a legal guardianship last, and how can I get access to my mother's medical records?
  Answer - A legal guardianship or conservatorship of an incapacitated adult generally ends when the person for whom it was created dies. Your question seems to imply that you don't feel your brother did the best job as your mother's guardian. You should be able to check the reality of this, as most state laws...
2. Can checking accounts be set up to avoid probate?
  Answer - Check with the bank officer’s to be sure that you are either on the account as a joint owner, or that your mother has designated you as the "pay-on-death" beneficiary. If either of these is true, you should get the money in the account immediately when your mother dies, without the need for it to papass through probate...
Friday July 18, 2008
1. Who has legal rights to cremains?
  Answer - Your state, Illinois, has a very specific law controlling who is entitled to control a deceased person’s cremated remains, also known as cremains.It provides that the following people, in the order listed, have the right to control them:
Tuesday July 15, 2008
1. How do you go about declaring parent incompetent?
  Answer - I'm assuming you're asking because you want some document or device, such as a power of attorney, advance directive for healthcare or conservatorship giving another person legal power to deal with your parent’s care or finances or both.In all such cases, state laws require that the decision must be e...
2. How do I obtain forms to initiate a durable power of attorney for finances?
  Answer - First, figure out what you want to accomplish with the power of attorney. And beware that there are two different kinds of power of attorney for finances: those that take effect immediately, and those that take effect only after a doctor or two certify that you are incapacitated.
Saturday July 12, 2008
1. How can we arrange a nonreligious funeral?
  Answer - While it must be a struggle, especially while you are grieving, you are so right to put some time and thought into honoring your mom in a way that fits her best. You are already taking a big step by observing her wishes not to have a religious official involved if that was her wont; many people just...
Friday July 11, 2008
1. What is the difference between a guardianship and a conservatorship?
  Answer - In some states, it is a distinction without a difference. The two terms mean essentially the same thing: that a person is appointed to take over for another who is judged to be mentally or physically incompetent. But some states add a twist, using the term conservator to refer to arrangements for...
Thursday July 10, 2008
1. Does an advanced directive for health care agents supersede a durable power of attorney for medical decisions, if you have both?
  Answer - Take a close look at both documents. It may be that they were intended to work together. Sometimes, an advance directive is used to specify what type of medical care a person would want to receive if he or she became unable to specify it, and the power of attorney is used solely to designate a person to supervise those wishes...
2. If I do not have guardianship, do I have any say over where my grandmother lives?
  Answer - Guardianships are generally not given lightly. So before your grandmother's son--your uncle?--was authorized to become her legal guardian, it is likely that a court was convinced that he would act in her best interests. Some guardians, however, after being appointed, realize they are not good candidates for the job...
Tuesday July 08, 2008
1. I'm spending mother's day with my mom for the first time in years. We plan to open a trunk that's been unopened since WWII. How about you?
  Community Post - My mom's a feisty 86 1/2 -- and lives half the country away in the land of Wisconsin. And while she's feisty and plucky and the type of soul who never met a stranger, she's living alone since my dad died about 5 years ago.
Tuesday July 01, 2008
1. Why does my oldest sister get automatic power of attorney?
  Answer - She doesn't. The person who makes a power of attorney to oversee financial or medical matters is free to name anyone he or she chooses. While some people assume that the oldest child would be the logical choice, that person may not have the temperament, time, or patience needed for the job...
2. How can I obtain the forms required for a free living will or advance directive?
  Answer - Your best bet may be to head for the nearest hospital -- or the one in which you would likely receive treatment -- and ask the patient representative or someone staffing the department of social services for the forms used and accepted there. The friendlier types may even help provide advice for completing them if you get stuck along the way...
3. Can you provide me with a list of "end of life" questions to address with my family?
  Answer - How wise you are to plan ahead for these life and death matters. And your question prompted us at Caring.com to get to work on fashioning this very thing. So I thank you -- and many other future users will thank you, too. And sorry to toot our own horn, but in the meantime, you can get a good jumpstart from several of the articles already on the site...
4. Who is responsible for my brother, who has severe dementia, if the nursing home asks him to leave?
  Answer - There is no law that specifies that a particular person must be responsible for taking care of another -- and it sounds like a fairly onerous task in the case of your brother. So while you surely did much soul-searching to reach the decision you did, you are wise to recognize and admit when you are no longer the best fit for the job...
5. How do we include adopted relatives in an obituary?
  Answer - You are pinned in rather a delicate spot. But because you seem to be so sensitive and attuned to the feelings of all involved, it is unlikely you will make a serious misstep.In penning the obituary, the most important thing is to make it the most fitting for the person about whom it is written...
Wednesday June 25, 2008
1. Can my sister put my mother away in a nursing home without asking the rest of the children?
  Answer - It almost doesn't matter what is legal in your situation. It is unclear how or why your sister took the action she did -- apparently, without discussing it with other members of the family, first. She might have been legally authorized to do so by being appointed to act as your mother's guardian or conservator, for example...
2. Do I still have financial power of attorney after the death of my mother?
  Answer - Your power in the power of attorney ended when your mother died. And banks have slightly different policies about who they will allow to get access to a deceased person's account. If the bank has no separate authority to give you access -- for example, your name with on the account as a joint owned or...
3. Is there any software available to help track and organize yearly costs for a guardian taking care of a parent?
  Answer - I know of no tested and true software to track guardianship expenses, although another Caring community may have had experience with one or more and can give a thumb or two up or down. It should not be too difficult to set up your own separate account, though, using software that has an expense tracking feature, such as Quicken...
Tuesday June 24, 2008
1. Is there a time limit on distributing trust money?
  Answer - â€¨A true family trust takes the meaning of "trust" to its outermost limits -- usually naming one or more people to act as trustees, and giving them the discretion to distribute trust income in any way they see fit. â€¨Such trusts are usually set up as rather sophisticated tax managing devices, as tes...
Monday June 23, 2008
1. How can a durable power of attorney be ended?
  Answer - Couldn't quite tell from your question whether you were worried that someone else might want to step into the role of serving as attorney-in-fact for your mother -- or whether you wanted to be relieved of the duty.
Wednesday June 18, 2008
1. Is a conservatorship formed in Arizona valid in Utah?
  Answer - Many people complain that getting a conservatorship is complicated and expensive -- and now you can add your name to the list of Justified Complainers. The rationale offered, should you decide to accept it, is that the state and court authorities want to be completely sure that the arrangement is a fitting...
2. How do you move a body to be buried in another state?
  Answer - You were right to connect up the dots between transporting a dead body and embalming, as it is one of the rare occasions in which the law may require it. Most states do have laws that require that a dead human body must be embalmed by a licensed embalmer before it can be transported to another state...
Tuesday June 17, 2008
1. Can you go from durable to irrevocable power of attorney?
  Answer - Irrevocable powers of attorney -- those giving a person authority to deal with another's property -- are rare animals. Courts generally require that the person appointed to act must have an interest in some underlying property, so that if the power were revoked he or she "would be deprived of a substantial right...
Monday June 16, 2008
1. What does the term "new trust since PPA" refer to?
  Answer - The bit of legal hieroglyphics, PPA 2006, stands for a specific law: the Pension Protection Act of 2006. If you saw a document marked "new trust since PPA 2006," it was likely amended after or established since the law took effect.
2. How can I help an elder die?
  Answer - First, make sure your mother-in-law is thoroughly evaluated for depression. Many older people are coaxed out of despondent states through the power of antidepressants -- and there's a burgeoning number of effective ones out there these days -- and through talk therapy. Or some combination of the two...
3. What is the specific wording to use when excluding children from will?
  Answer - You are legally free to disinherit children if you want to do so. But as you seem to have sensed, it is best to add specific language to your will that removes all doubt about your intentions. That's because there's a legal rule that holds that if you forgot to mention a child in your will, that child may be entitled to a certain percentage of your estate...
4. What will happen to my brother's share of inheritance if he cannot be found?
  Answer - Most probate courts operate under the rule that the executor, or person who is named in the will to round up and distribute the property as it directs, must make a "reasonable" efforts to locate all beneficiaries "within a reasonable time."If the court is satisfied that your brother cannot be found,...
Friday June 13, 2008
1. How do I gain power of attorney?
  Answer - A power of attorney won't likely help you out of your particular thicket. Securing one would require your mother to do exactly what she seems to be dreading most: signing papers authorizing another person to make medical decisions for her. Your first hard order of business is to sit down with your mother...
2. Does a beneficiary have to pay finances charges on property?
  Answer - In two words: quite possibly.A finance charge, while annoying, is quite simply the amount the car seller will impose for the privilege of buying the car on credit. Terms vary wildly -- and are negotiable, with few legal restraints on the final agreement...
3. As my father's guardian, am I responsible for his financial needs if he is unable to meet them?
  Answer - Your father's debts will remain his debts.In general, as legal guardian or conservator, you will be personal liable for debts you officially incur on his behalf only if:
4. How do we know when the end is near?
  Answer - Because dying is as unique as living for every individual, no one can know the answer with certainty. Even seasoned medical experts who have a long professional relationship with a particular patient have been known to be off by months -- or even years -- when asked that poignant question about estimating the time left to live...
5. When can I expect payment from my father's estate?
  Answer - The law does not impose a specific deadline on executors, but generally requires them to administer a will and distribute the property it covers "within a reasonable time." What's considered "reasonable" depends on how much property is involved, how complex the plans for leaving it -- and in this case...
Thursday June 12, 2008
1. Is it better to leave my property by will or living trust?
  Answer - The first step for you to take is to look closely at the documents specifying how the title is held to the property you mentioned. Generally, property that you own with another person -- in joint tenancy, tenancy by the entirety, or community property with right of survivorship -- passes directly to...
2. Is it true that an irrevocable trust does not take effect for five years?
  Answer - Get some peace of mind for your friend during her final months by finding the original trust document. Concentrate on her concerns -- and how you can help relieve them. There is no blanket rule that irrevocable trusts do not become effective for five years, but there are many different kinds of trusts...
3. Can my stepson petition for guardianship of my husband?
  Answer - Unless your stepson's name is on your husband's credit card account, he has no legal right to use his charge card. He does, however, have the right to go to court to petition to become your husband's legal guardian -- although that doesn't mean the arrangement will automatically come to pass...
Wednesday June 11, 2008
1. What happens to elderly credit card debt at death?
  Answer - What usually happens to a person's debt at death is that all creditors are notified -- and the outstanding debts are ranked in a hierarchy set out in state law and paid off from remaining estate property. If there isn't enough property to satisfy the creditors at the tail end of the list, for example, they are simply out of luck and out of pocket...
2. What is the best way for my five brothers and me to contribute toward paying for my mother's care?
  Answer - First, I must commend you on the spirit of cooperation that your family seems to have embraced. Getting any five people to cooperate seems like a superhuman task, much less five brothers, much less for such a grandly altruistic cause. And I'd like to cooperate with a simple answer to the question you pose...
3. If I have durable power of attorney for my mother, how do I get access to her medical records?
  Answer - If you and your brother have been named as agents in your mother's power of attorney, the hard part has already been handled for you, as it gives you the same rights to the records as your mother would have. As a first step, contact her primary care physician if she has one and explain your needs...
4. How can I get a guardian removed from the position?
  Answer - Before you take any specific legal action, zero in on the specific concerns you have about the guardian's treatment of your mother-in-law. You might get the best treatment for her and help salve your own concerns, by having an informal conversation with the guardian -- and in any case, you should gather...
5. What are the requirements for an open coffin viewing for someone who wants to be cremated?
  Answer - There are no specific laws or regulations that control this. Such arrangements are up to the survivors -- or must be carried out according to the wishes of the deceased, if he or she left binding wishes.If the deceased or survivors wish to have an open casket viewing, you should be able to arrange one...
Thursday June 05, 2008
1. Are there any programs that help with funeral expenses?
  Answer - All states -- and many counties and municipalities -- run programs that offer financial benefits for funerals, burials, and cremation to families with low incomes.Unfortunately, there is no good central resource that tracks all of them -- and what is available varies widely, depending on where you live...
2. Can my husband and I be reappointed as caregivers?
  Answer - In most areas, the resource you mentioned -- Community Options Program Entry System, or COPES, is the single best source of help and information for people with disabilities and their caregivers. Since you have already been part of that program and functioned well within it for a time, it may be worth...
3. How can I can my mother to talk about end of life planning?
  Answer - Sometimes hidebound family dynamics can get in the way of talking about tough issues -- especially touchy end of life topics that often bring up laden thoughts such as mortality.Take an honest look at what has you most concerned, what is causing you the greatest stress and strife for you and your other family members...
Tuesday June 03, 2008
1. What if we suspect a trustee is mismanaging a trust?
  Answer - You are living proof of a difficult truth: Money and aging and the fear of death can disrupt the peace in families that seemed to operate as lovingly as the Waltons -- and can quickly bring out the worst in a family with even the slightest dysfunctional tendencies...
2. How do I make my two daughters guardians of their sister if I can't serve?
  Answer - The laws in all states provide a legal fallback position for just the situation you describe. Depending on your state law, you can authorize your two other children to act if you are unable to do so in a limited, interim, or standby guardianship. You can find out the requirements and procedure for such an arrangement through your local probate court...
3. Is guardianship recognized across state lines?
  Answer - Check the documents you have in hand authorizing you to act on your uncle's behalf. If you have been empowered as his legal guardian or conservator, then a court has agreed that it is in his best interests to have you serve.If your uncle remains in the New York facility, the roadblocks you may face may not be legal ones, but practical ones...
4. How do I find out if my father qualifies for a veterans funeral?
  Answer - As a starting point, contact the United States Department of Veterans Affairs. Its website provides a fairly comprehensive Q and A section on burial benefits -- along with contact information should you need additional guidance. A word to the wise: Not surprisingly, the representatives at the VA...
5. Does my girlfriend need her dad's permission to receive property left to her in her grandfather's will?
  Answer - Your girlfriend's grandfather might have been trying to be crafty from the grave by imposing this requirement of cooperation. But how and whether that will work depends on the exact wording of the will.If the will simply left the entire estate to your girlfriend AND her father, the law will imply that the two of them should divide the property equally...
6. How do I set up a business as a guardian for the elderly?
  Answer - As you might imagine, courts are very careful in appointing guardians and conservators to make decisions for elderly people -- and are careful to protect this often needy and vulnerable population.So there are hidebound procedures and hoops to jump for becoming a guardian or conservator, especially for...
Monday June 02, 2008
1. How do we convince our mother to allow in-home help to care for our dying father?
  Answer - In truth, you may be attempting the impossible. If adult children could be flies on the walls of their parents' homes, what many would hear most often would be the lament that their kids have become overly bossy or controlling -- a perception that can prevail even when all concerned have loving care and best interests in mind...
2. How do I get legal guardianship for adult child?
  Answer - A guardianship, sometimes called a conservatorship, gives you the legal right to make necessary decisions on behalf of an adult child who cannot live independently. It allows you to oversee or personally be responsible for the child's care, custody, and control...
3. Are we entitled to my great-grandmother's property?
  Answer - People must be alive to inherit property, which is why the term "survivor" so often appears in estate planning documents such as wills and trusts.Whether you are entitled to any of your great-grandmother's property depends on two things: what kind of estate planning your relatives had in place and who else was alive when they died...
4. How can I get affordable legal help with a guardianship?
  Answer - By getting the doctor's report that will be required to get a legal guardianship, sometimes called a conservatorship, for your son, you have already done a part of the legwork for the proceeding -- and that should help keep down any legal costs. There may be a few places you can turn to for help instead of paying the high fees the lawyers are quoting you...
Friday May 30, 2008
1. How do I monitor a caretaker's effectiveness?
  Answer - Before you call in any investigators, zero in on the specific things you are concerned about your aunt doing or not doing. You might get the best peace of mind, and the best treatment for your grandmother, by having an informal conversation about the situation with your aunt and other family members...
2. How do I go about finding a funeral director?
  Answer - You are wise to do some planning for the expense that too many people overlook: the high cost of dying. Making some arrangements for it now can not only help assure you will have the most fitting treatment at your death, it can also be a huge relief for your survivors...
3. What are the West Virginia burial requirements for burying someone on my own?
  Answer - The law in West Virginia, like the law in most states, does allow you to act completely on your own in handling these matters. And there is no set time limit on burying a body without embalming it, first. Embalming is generally only required if a body will be transported out of state or is infected with...
Thursday May 29, 2008
1. Am I entitled to property from my brother's estate if both of my parents are alive?
  Answer - Whether you are entitled to any of your brother's property depends on whether he had a will when he died. If he did -- and you are named in it as a beneficiary, then your mother or whomever has been named as executor must carry out those wishes...
2. Is there anything I can do if I've been excluded from a trust?
  Answer - In a true family trust, the person named as trustee has the discretion to distribute trust income in any way he or she sees fit -- and if the trust provides the widow with this type of broad discretion, she would be free to exclude one of the children...
3. My father has had a stroke and has no will. How do I ensure his things are taken care of?
  Answer - It sounds as if you're most concerned about how your father's property would b distributed at his death. Under Colorado law, if he dies intestate, or without a will, his property would go to his spouse. If that is not your father's wish, it may not be too late for him to make a will including others in the plan to receive his property...
4. My dad just died, what do I do?
  Answer - Sorry for your loss. For better and worse, the first week or so after a death are often filled with attending to many details -- most of them related to tending to final details of securing end of life paperwork and final disposition of the body...
5. Can I amend a life estate?
  Answer - To backtrack just a bit, while you may have a good reason for wanting to change the title to your house this way -- and it may actually be the very best option for you -- many estate planners would warn against this approach in many situations...
6. What are the benefits of putting a house in trust?
  Answer - For most people, the single biggest advantage to placing a home in such a trust occurs after they die: It allows their survivors to save the cost and time of putting the property through probate, which is the common court proceeding required to transfer the title to it...
7. How can I get a check cashed that was written to my deceased mother's estate?
  Answer - You are learning the hard way why so many people advocate how wise it is to put your affairs in order during your life to avoid such profound hassles after death.If the car payment is the only thing that is left unsettled, you may consider contacting the company that issued the check to explain your predicament...
Saturday May 24, 2008
1. How can we find out if my mother-in-law had a will?
  Answer - Assuming that you or your relatives were not able to find a will in the more obvious places at your mother-in-law's home and office--desk drawers, file cabinets, closets--there are a number of other places you might try.Some people lock away their wills in safe deposit boxes, even though survivors often...
Friday May 23, 2008
1. How much money is allotted for burial services?
  Answer - California's Public Guardian-Conservator Programs are run by county offices, all of which operate a little differently. For direct and specific information, go to the website of the California State Association of Counties and find the link to your individual county.
2. How do I go about notifying creditors of a death?
  Answer - Assuming you are the executor of a will that is being administered in the United States, the law provides a fairly forthright procedure for notifying creditors and potential creditors. First, you must send notices to all creditors you know about, as gleaned through a search of their personal papers and bills...
3. How much is the lawyers fee to settle an estate?
  Answer - Lawyers generally charge for probate work, including settling an estate, in one of three ways: an hourly fee, a lump sum for the whole job, or in some states, by a percentage of the estate's value.Hourly rates commonly run from $150 to $250--but they differ by locale. They're generally higher in urban areas, lower in smaller towns...
4. Do we need to inform the first attorney that we wrote a new will with another attorney?
  Answer - You might assume that the second attorney made sure that all formalities were followed to make your second set of documents legal and effective. But you must also want to heed that life adage about when you assume something, it risks making an ass of "u and me."From a legal standpoint, the will with the more recent date supersedes the older one...
5. What can I do if I think the trustees are acting illegally?
  Answer - These are serious charges. Trustees have a number of legal duties--including one big one: to keep each beneficiary reasonably informed of the trust and how it is being handled. Trustees are also required to file accounts with the beneficiaries--and must usually do that annually...
Wednesday May 21, 2008
1. How can I transfer power of attorney from my brother to make caretaking decisions?
  Answer - If your brother holds a valid power of attorney, then he is the one legally responsible for making the decisions--and the nursing home personnel will be required to do his bidding.
2. How can we protect our elderly mother from being taken advantage of?
  Answer - There is, of course, a chance that true love has bloomed between your mother and this fellow, in which case you may want to rethink your concerns. But it sounds as if you and others are pretty well convinced that it's money rather than love that's the prime motivation. And it sounds as if talking honestly with your mother has not changed her mood or mind...
3. Can all children see their parents' living trust?
  Answer - First, just a brief note on some confusing legal terms. A living will is a document that allows people to specify the kind of medical care should be given or withheld if they became unable to express those wishes. A living trust is similar to a will, as it specifies who should get property after death--and it sounds as if that is the topic of your concern...
4. What is my mother's legal obligation to pay donation pledges she has given over the phone?
  Answer - An annoying legal loophole--that one about charities. But the theory was that philanthropists should continue to be philanthropic, which is usually a good thing.
5. What is my first step in administering a will for my mother?
  Answer - As executor, the bulk of your job will be to round up your mother's assets and distribute them as the will directs.
6. How can I persuade my mother to sign a living will?
  Answer - Your mother's resistance is common--and often based on an interesting psychological block. Many people feel that if they sign such a document, they are giving up on life and on their own self-sufficiency.But if there's one true thing that might help ease your mother's particular concern about living...
Monday May 19, 2008
1. Do executors have to give out copies of wills?
  Answer - Since wills become public records after a person dies, you can see them--but how and where depends on the executor's willingness to show you the document.
2. Can I safeguard my mother even if I'm not designated her guardian?
  Answer - First, be sure your brother has true legal authority to care for your mom. If he has been appointed her conservator, which is the name for a guardian of an adult, it means that a court has determined that your mother is incapable of managing her own financial or personal affairs, or both--and that your...
3. What is the legal cost if a court appoints a non-relative to serve as conservator?
  Answer - The conservator of an estate can be responsible for handling a number of tasks, from the simple to complex--including collecting the person's assets, paying bills, making investments, buying or selling real estate, borrowing money, or giving assets to others as gifts...
4. What can I do if co executors will not meet with me?
  Answer - Most probates, even if there is considerable property to be administered, are closed within a year or so. So it's rather mysterious how and why your situation has dragged on for four long years. One would expect that beneficiaries and creditors would be nipping at your heels by now to nudge the probate process along...
Friday May 02, 2008
1. Are guardians required by law for mentally incompetent elders?
  Answer - Here's some unexpected legal advice: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
2. Are living trusts and living wills the same?
  Answer - Although they have similar names, these are two very different animals. Both are documents you might encourage your parents to consider in setting out their wishes for their property and final care as part of a comprehensive estate plan.
3. Are online estate planning documents legal?
  Answer - First, be aware that your question concerned several different types of documents: a will, a healthcare directive, and a living trust. Complete estate plans often include all of them, but they are different things. Wills and living trusts allow you to direct how your property should be divided and distributed at your death...
Thursday May 01, 2008
1. How can I direct my mother's medical care if others are named in her power of attorney?
  Answer - You are probably feeling a bit slighted because you weren't the one named to supervise your mother's medical care. And that would be natural.But you don't mention whether you think your aunt and uncle are making bad decisions on your mother's behalf. If you feel strongly that they are, there are a number of steps you can take...
Wednesday April 30, 2008
1. How do I set up a real estate trust?
  Answer - First, let's be clear as possible about semantics, which have a funny way of changing the legal meaning of one thing to some completely different and sometimes unexpected animal.
2. What is the meaning of dying?
  Answer - This is the hardest of questions -- made especially hard since your mother isn't sitting beside you to give you an easy answer, like she probably used to do.
3. When you have a living trust do you need a will?
  Answer - Living trusts and wills function almost the same during life. The difference is that when you die, the title to the property in your trust will pass automatically to those you named to take it; wills must generally go through a court's probate process...
Friday April 25, 2008
1. When do you call in hospice?
  Answer - Hospice care is generally reserved for those who are diagnosed to be near death. But other options for help with care may be available.
2. What do I say to my dying father, from whom I'm estranged?
  Answer - You have a long and strained history to overcome when you make this hard call. But you will never be sorry that you did it -- and would surely regret the opportunity you could miss to get what the shrinks sometimes too glibly call "closure." Make the call to your father about him, not about you...
3. How do I handle finances when I share POA with my sister and both parents have dementia?
  Answer - Someone appointed to act in a power of attorney document usually has the job as long as he or she is willing and able to do it.
4. Can my half-brother keep me from seeing my mother, who is in a nursing home?
  Answer - Make sure you've tried to get to the bottom of a family member's attempts to block you from seeing your ailing mother. Then, you may need to take matters in your own hands.
5. How do I get a power of attorney without my parent's signature?
  Answer - The answer depends on why you can't get the signature. The law in every state requires that a person must sign a power of attorney authorizing another person to act on his or her behalf.
6. How do I help my mother cope with my father's death?
  Answer - As you know too well, you are pinned in a difficult spot. At 91, your mother may not be amenable to traditional kinds of treatment such as grief therapy. And she may lack the energy for activities such as volunteering or exercising that help many people get new perspectives on mourning and loss.
7. How do I get my mother to update her trust and power of attorney?
  Answer - Sounds as if your mom has met your gently nagging approach with resolutely deaf ears.
Tuesday April 22, 2008
1. When making a minor change in a will, do I need to have it done by a lawyer?
  Answer - The lawyerly answer is: It depends.
2. How old must a child be to get money at a parent's death?
  Answer - The answer depends on where the money came from, how it was left to him -- and where he lives.
3. Can a Wisconsin resident disinherit a spouse?
  Answer - Merely making a will that's mum on leaving property to a surviving spouse will not accomplish the mark you wish to hit.
Monday April 21, 2008
1. Are family trusts public documents?
  Answer - People often set up trusts for the very reason that they want to keep the contents private.
Friday April 18, 2008
1. What is the difference between a will and a trust?
  Answer - Both documents transfer property when a person dies.
Thursday April 17, 2008
1. Are powers of attorney different from state to state?
  Answer - In a word: yes.
2. Will healthcare directives from one state be honored in another?
  Answer - Florida is in many ways a friendly state -- and its law controlling advance directives is an all-inclusive and welcoming one. It specifically provides: "An advance directive executed in another state in compliance with the law of that state or of this state is validly executed for the purposes of this chapter... 1 Comment
3. How do I enroll a terminal cancer patient in hospice?
  Answer - Most hospice services require a doctor's certification that death is likely to occur within six months before they will make their services available. To find the specific requirements of the nearest hospice providers, check out the "Hospice Search" function at the American Hospice Foundation website...
4. How do I find out if I will inherit property?
  Answer - Time will provide the answer for you -- although you may need to be a bit patient.
Wednesday April 16, 2008
1. What do I do when my mother seems to have lost the will to live?
  Answer - It must be very difficult for you to watch your mother in such a sad and listless state. But it is not unusual for older folks who feel lonely and isolated to act this way.
2. In Ontario, what happens if a spouse dies without will?
  Answer - What happens to the property the spouse owned at death depends upon who is left surviving. The property is then distributed according to a specific hierarchy set out in a law called the Succession Law Reform Act.
3. Does a trust need to be registered in Illinois?
  Answer - Charitable trusts, which are generally established to help those in need, are subject to some registration requirements under Illinois law.
4. How does property not covered by a trust get divided?
  Answer - The situation you describe is a common one, since many people put only their most valuable property in a trust, or acquire property after a trust is set up but neglect to transfer it into the trust.
5. Does self-help software produce legal documents?
  Answer - First, in the interest of full disclosure, I must divulge that I am one of the authors of such a product, WillMaker, by Nolo. That divulged, and without tooting any merits of that particular software program, I can vouch that it can help you produce legally sound documents...
6. What is a sibling's role in a conservatorship?
  Answer - It sounds as if you already know that a conservatorship proceeding begins when a petition is filed to have a person called conservator appointed to manage a person's personal needs or finances, or sometimes both. At that stage, all close relatives of the person, including siblings, must be notified of the petition...
7. Why do I need a living will?
  Answer - You need a living will -- also called a healthcare directive, directive to physicians, or a declaration, depending on your state -- if you have strong feelings about the type of medical care you would want withheld or provided if you became unable to express those preferences...
Wednesday April 09, 2008
1. Use of Restraints in Nursing Homes: Down But Not Out
  Blog Post - The law limits how and when nursing homes can use restraints. What to do if your parent is confined by belts or bed rails. 1 Comment
Wednesday April 02, 2008
1. Dr. Death Wants Your Vote
  Blog Post - By throwing his hat into the political ring, Jack Kevorkian has stirred renewed debate about doctor-assisted suicide.
Wednesday March 26, 2008
1. Tune in to PBS for Help and Hope on Caregiving
  Blog Post - A new PBS documentary, "Caring for Your Parents," is Reality TV of the purest form -- recognizing that family members now provide 80% of the eldercare in the United States.
Thursday March 06, 2008
1. Would my mom's power of attorney and living will have to be changed if she moves to a different state?
  Answer - Unlike may laws, the laws controlling advance directives can actually make life easier. Your parent may not need to write up new documents if he or she moves to a new state.
2. Does a joint will have to go through probate?
  Answer - Simple as this question sounds, it actually raises a couple of issues. First, if the husband and wife actually own property jointly -- that is, it is designated as "joint tenancy with right of survivorship," "tenancy by the entirety," or "community property with right of survivorship" on the deed or...
Wednesday March 05, 2008
1. Parents Are From Venus, We're From Mars
  Blog Post - A simple online test promises to assess your "conversational relationship" with your parents. The bottom line: If you're not talking about the big stuff now, you'd better start.
Monday January 28, 2008
1. How can I help my father, who is bedridden and has numerous health problems, face the end of his life?
  Answer - Facing death is one of the biggest challenges we all face in life -- and you can help your dad best by making sure his physical and emotional needs are met during the process.First, make sure he's getting the highest quality and most fitting medical care possible...

Barbara Kate Repa

Caring.com Senior Editor

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