Siblings can help or hurt you. They can encourage one another, but do they? How do you deal with them?
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about 1 month ago
I don't know if I'm in the right topic here but I do know my world has come apart. I'm the full time 24/7/365 sole caregiver for my elderly aunt for the last two years. Eight months ago, my brother/teacher/best friend/co-caregiver, who also lived with us, died very suddenly of undiagnosed cancer. At 5:30 am we were chatting; by eleven that night he was gone. I'm not absorbing it well. We're still in the house we all shared and I hate it; we're planning to move soon. After an initial period of shock and hysteria, during which I had plenty of support, I became determined to "keep myself together" for my aunt's sake. I think it's backfired on me. My siblings and other family have been very supportive and helped as much as they can. But when they ask how I'm doing I usually lie because I don't want to burden them with the fact that I'm crumbling slowly inside. I've resisted grief counseling because I don't want to leave this bubble of denial, and face the fact that he is gone. I take good care of my aunt and I'm afraid that if I allow myself to grieve I'll break and be unable to care for her at all. I don't know what to do.
3 months ago
What is an appropriate way to deal with your siblings children,when you are not close to that sibling? What has your relationship been like with your nieces and nephews over the years? I don't want to feel unappreciated.... The only time I see my aunt's or uncles is if the matriarch of the family is involved.
5 months ago
My sister moved back home many years ago. She has a combination of a rheumatic disease and severe obesity. During her lifetime my parents tried many things to help her - in patient rehab, over-eaters anonymous, therapy, even gastric bypass. Nothing has worked. She's been on disability for a long time and hasn't worked. Daddy took care of her. If she would get her weight down below 250 she could have her joints replaced and maybe become a productive person again.
Sadly, my father will be passing away soon. He is leaving her the house, and supposedly the income off of the trust until she gets "on her feet" (which I don't believe will ever happen). My question: She may have a mental disease but she is not mentally disabled. Her brain works fine. What responsibility do I have to finically provide for her once my dad is gone? I cannot afford to keep up the house she is living in. I may be willing to pay her property taxes for her, but she's about to undergo a HUGE change in lifestyle and she's done ZERO planning for it. I'm afraid that things will reach a crisis and she will come to me for help because she thinks I'm rich. I'm more afraid of her at this point than I am of my father's passing.
6 months ago
I have 4 brothers and 2 sisters. I am the oldest child. I am 60 years old and am taking care of our 88 year old dad. After getting out of the hospital in 2007, the doctor said he could no longer stay home alone. So I quit my job to stay home and take care of my dad. I have had no income since May 2007. My dad pays all overhead and I take care of him and everything else. My brothers and sisters do not help. They tell me I chose to take care of dad; they would have put him in a nursing home. I have never been married and do not have any children. I have not been able to work since 2007, so I woun't be able to get much social security. Some day my other siblings will be knocking at my door with their hands out wanting their share of things. They feel they deserve it just because it is their dad. The youngest sister will call or visit but will come over and sit and talk while I do most of the work with dad myself. This causes me stress and anxiety to think that some day I may be kicked out on the street for quitting my job to take care of our dad. I don't know if I explained my situation well because there is so much more involved than I can put into words here. Please let me know what you think--am I justified in thinking that the house should be left to me for taking care of dad so I'm not out in the street some day or should we all share equally.
7 months ago
SMH my brother decided to call 911 said his bp is high he had a seizure & told them he didn't know where I was now he admits he knew I was in house he could slightly raise voice, call me, hit safety alarm it's just to beep for doors or windows opening or to get attention he could have used 2 way radio or numerous other ways ohhhhh that thing where I foot goes in front of the other til you get from point A to B what's that called hmmmm WALK TO ME but he said I would have told him to let me check vitals call dr then decide but then I guess that would have been fun free and a way I could do that spoiled rotten thing I love called rest but that would have been stress free soooooo yayyyyy the insanity continues let the good times roll smh
8 months ago
I will start by saying I'm the baby sister of 2 older brothers. Growing life was great. They loved me and protected me ( even at times when I felt it wasn't needed). My oldest brother Jimmy was a father figure and he would do anything and everything for me as long as it was in my best interest. I never really appreciated it until I got older. My other brother Jason the middle child was my partner in crime. As years went by and we grew up things began to change. As I began to resent Jimmy for trying to control me, my relationship with Jason became closer. The closer we got the more I could see. When we party Jason always had to out party everyone. Sometimes going for days. It got embarrassing being associated with him because he always took things to far, but regardless I had his back. More time passes and I see him getting out of control, I see the drinking becoming a problem but have no control or any idea how to stop it. Eventually I remove myself from that life and move 6 hours away. Out of sight out of mind right? Wrong!!! I get random phone calls during the night telling me how awful I am for leaving home, sometimes the calls leave me so distraught I question my decision. Then August 2 I get the call. My brother MY hero Jimmy has passed away. He had an aneurysm and was found that morning by his wife. To say I was devastated is putting it mildly. Jason is at this time married with children, he is a closet acoholic and an EMT. He was on call when the 911 call came in. Yes he worked the scene. HHe was told not to go in, he did anyway. Now his drinking has gone from mildly everyday to full blown hard core. His wife leaves him, he continues to drink. He can't see his beautiful daughters he continues to drink. He breaks my mothers heart he continues to drink. He goes to rehab gets out 1 day and continues to drink. He now has advanced liver disease, hep c and everything else that you can imagine that goes along with those and he continues to drink. The doctors have told him it will kill him yet he still does it. Now here is where my problem lies. I know what I want to do in my head and that's just cut ties, but my heart won't allow it. I carry so much anger now because why does he who obliviously doesn't care get to be here and the straight laced one doesn't. I get so frustrated when talking to him. I can't stand it. My mother constantly worries, he will put her in the grave before it's all said and done. How do I forgive him? How do I find peace? I feel awful for feeling like this. The guilt eats me alive. Any advice would be helpful
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