POD "A" (Parents of Disabled Adults)
POD "A" (Parents Of Disabled Adults) forum/online support/shared advocacy network/information exhange for parents of adult children with mental/learning disabilities.
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My23 year old daughter on the autism spectrum has left with a guy she met on the internet and after a few days will not come back home. Will the police help in a situation like this
Hello, Parents of Disabled Adults.
I'm not exactly a parent of a disabled adult. I have a 21-year-old daughter of my own, but she lives independently. During my previous marriage, I was a stepfather to a boy with borderline intellectual disability, and I grew very attached...to both of my wife's boys. Now I am in a long-term relationship with someone whose daughter has a more severe intellectual disability. Her physical abilities are pretty normal except for one: She cannot speak intelligibly; she has severe speech apraxia; she can be understood sometimes, usually helped by familiarity and significant effort (on both sides). Her father lives in Hawaii and she rarely sees him, so I have, in essence, become her surrogate father. From the start, I have striven to advocate for her and to be involved in her IEP and other meetings. I even thought I would teach her sign language, but I don't know it myself and I found learning it in order to teach her while trying to focus on my own obligations--mainly, beginning graduate school--was just too difficult. I also tried to enlist the help of some education/speech professionals to get her an augmentative communication device she would use, but, although we were able to acquire an updated model, I don't think she's used it even once.
Despite her communicative and cognitive challenges, in some ways, she seems to thrive at school. I must qualify that statement because her mother and I have accompanied her to football games and the like, and she doesn't appear to have a lot of friends with whom she can socialize. Luckily, though, she's generally outgoing and upbeat, and she just seems to roll with it, sitting in the midst of a group, not talking to those around her but cheering along with the crowd, just the same. She certainly has the school spirit, though. She and her classmates often work the concession stand, and we've been repeatedly told she is an excellent worker.
However, her behavior at home is much different. She sometimes does what is asked of her, but not always. Sometimes she complains about having to carry her dirty dishes from the living room to the kitchen and putting them in the dishwasher. She has even refused to do so on at least one occasion. She also leaves behind a mess quite often. Her bathroom sink is never clean, she leaves the cap off the toothpaste with some oozing out the end and drying up. She drops things or leaves empty wrappers and used containers and does not pick them up. It's nearly impossible to step anywhere in her room without stepping on an article of clothing or some other item. Her mother and I have also tried to encourage her to do be more engaging and/or physical activities during the days she is not in school, like suggesting she walk with us--which she sometimes does--or run with me (to help her keep in shape for track (a sport for which she's found she has some preference and talent), and playing board games with her mother, her sister, and I, but most of the time she declines these requests and suggestions, opting for watching videos on her phone or TV instead.
Individually, of course, these are all trivial problems. But together they paint a picture that concerns me. She will be turning eighteen very soon, and she has acquired very few of the skills she will need to cope with adult life. She still cannot even tell time. When she is left at home alone, she calls her mom often for help or reassurance with seemingly little things. When the time is appropriate, her mother plans on getting her some sort of supervised/assisted living accommodations, but I still worry going out on her own will be a tremendous, even traumatic, shock for her. Might any of you have some suggestions for us as we try to help to better equip her with some of the tools (i.e., internal or external resources) she may and will need for adulthood?
My deepest thanks in advance.
I am stressing out so bad. please help me, how can you get FMLA covered when your child has to attend appts for his condition but is not medical related so the dr refuses. Such as SSI. While he was away for high school, me: mom before he could graduate high school I had to leave work to get his mess SSI overpayment straightened out, and go to his last IEP for his final year. My son is Deaf and cannot drive, he recently graduated highschool we live in sticks with no help or UBER.
Looking for advice on job searching. Have a bright son on the spectrum. Has his Masters in Business, & CPA.. pros & cons of disclosing disability? Thank you.
about 1 month
I'm looking for a family therapist to help my parents deal with my disabled brother. They have a very toxic relationship. My mom feels guilt and spends hours with him everyday, to the point where she & my dad have no life. They need to learn to separate from my brother. Any suggestions on what type of therapist to use?
about 1 month
I am the parent of two adult daughters with significant disabilities. My younger daughter is 29 years old and has a trach, low heart rate, low body temp in addition to CP. She is cognitively like an infant and requires total care. In Feb. she had a health crisis and was put on hospice. I care for her 24/7. I just wondered if there were any other parents dealing with their disabled child on hospice. The doctors feel like her body is shutting down. I am struggling with this. How do you continue with the trivial things each day while wondering if today will be the day? I’m heartbroken.
about 1 month
My 22.year old son has an IQ of 60. He is developmentally delayed but doesn't think he is any different than any other 22 he old. He has had 2 jobs the 1st at a retail store that he had a job coach but apparently they quit using the coach and my son had sex with another lower IQ girl in the bathroom and when he refused to talk to her she reported him to parents who went after the store. He is not in any legal trouble now but no job. We got him a job working in landscaping again he was fired beccause he couldn't follow instructions and bothered the home owners of the association with constant questions and asking for phone use or a drink and he broke several prices of equipment by not p ayong attention etch. Now he lies to us every single day he has stolen thousands of dollars from home and my business the local gas station and I can't imagine who else. He's spending it all on marijuana and when he is cornered he lashes out at me calls me names cusses me and keeps pushing and pushing me by calling me 50 times or more while I'm working until I get angry and tell him to leave. I take his phone away and then worry he will have emergency at home several miles from any neighbours. I have thought of throwing him out but then I know he will be left with no where to go and am worried for his safety, his health or that he will commit a crime and end up in prison and he doesn't have the mind of an adult, his intellect is that of a 12 year old at best. What can I do to get him under control and help him become responsible and some day maybe live in group or alone. My husband his step father thinks I should report his theft to police and elwash our hands of him. With his lack of emotion shown ans zero remorse i am not sure he cares about anuthong or anyone. I know he can't realistically survive on his own there is zero chance he could make a living to pay bills or take vmcanre if himself on his own but we can't have him living with us stealing every some we have or destroying our home and marriage. Any ideas or suggestions are more than welcome.
Laurie Wright said...
about 2 months
I work for a big box retailer and I have an adult son which management is very aware of the caretaker I had caring for my son(while I and his dad work)has to move and I now have to have my days off to be consistent every week and I believe I'm going to have a fight on my hands trying to do so...please I need advice
about 2 months
Finding Love. My son is 23 still in diapers does not speak words has Tantrums wets the bed he's like an 18mo old just much bigger. I'm 44 and want that one someone. Is it possible? I have had several unhealthy relationships but all of them loved my son but not enough I guess.
I am a divorce parent of a disabled adult child. My daughter is a ward of the state and when she became an adult my ex was notified that she would need a legal guardian. He called me while I was managing my overseas business to ask if he should be legal guardian because of his closer location. I said of course, not understanding that from that point on I would not be able to discuss my daughter with any caregiver or educator without his permission. He is not sharing any information with me and all of my emails to her Caregivers are going unanswered - because they do not have his permission to talk to me. My question is about Guardianship, and whether two parents can be granted co-guardianship and if I will need to be approved by him to receive future information. I am seriously not well off to afford a lawyer, but I need to know things about my daughter's progress or regression, and my ex is not willing to offer help in any way. Any suggestions would be most helpful. Thank you in advance for any consideration.
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