Men's Caregiving Support Group
The Men's Caregiving Support Group is for men caring for their wives or other loved ones in various health conditions; stroke, cancer, Parkinson's, Allzheimers or other health.
Help spread the support to more people in need -- Please tell a friend or two. Thanks!
What's New Today
4 days ago
I think I've gotten to the end of my rope. My wife has been chronically ill for 30 years. She is an astonishing survivor! But now that I have reached 60, I've got about nothing left. Basically, I see myself living with a sloppy room-mate who provides nothing for my aging self, but requires that I remain at 100% usefulness. Any men out there with recommendations for managing a sexless/affectionless/maintenance marriage?
Compasionate Concern said...
over 1 year ago
I am a first time caregiver and am in my 5th month. Karen is my fiance and was an RN for 30 years. She is now 61 and a amputee due to diabetes, completely bedridden with multiple other medical concerns including end stage renal disease which requires dialysis 4 times a week, We have never lived together but when she was discharged from the hospital I was the only one willing, able and available to take care of her. It has become overwhelming. I have worked from home for years and now I am not able to due to the constant attentive needs required. I am 58 years old and have not prepared to retire. I need guidance on what to do
over 1 year ago
I am helping my wife take care of her mother who is 85 and she has Alzheimer's and can't even remember eating breakfast, lunch, dinner. The days are long and becoming more and more depressing. I feel sorry for her but not bad, she has just 3/4 of one kidney and had the other taken out when she much younger and still to this day doesn't want to drink water. I have been dealing with this the last year and a half out of the last six years and it is getting tiring for me. there are somethings one can say to the wife but outside of that I really have not many people to talk to about what's going on with me.
over 1 year ago
My wife has been diagnosed (informally, though by a family therapist) with a mild case of Borderline Personality Disorder, part of her genetic makeup. Life with her is very difficult. She has alienated our children, been thrown out of stores, etc. Of course, she has no idea and, should anyone suggest it, she would react defensively, perhaps even with suspicion and anger. Over the years she has improved, thanks to my constant care (my family therapist has been very helpful) and even assistance in the workplace (she has seldom been to a therapist). She is very successful in her profession, so I must always protect her reputation. (More below.)
I am pushing 70 and I am a special needs person (ADD, mild depression). I raised two special needs children and I have realized over the years that I am the caregiver of a special needs person, my spouse, who is nearly a decade my junior. It took me years to realize, because I identified myself as a professional, a family man and bread-winner, a retiree, etc. I am often emotionally exhausted. I have become isolated over the years, have few friends and, on bad days feel like I have little or no family (both children have inherited/taken on many of her insensitive traits), no life partner (I am always aware that she is ready to strike out at me in anger at any moment, though I love and adore her when she is at her best), no life of my own, no past and no future (having systematically given up my own identity over the years to focus on my special needs family). Sometimes I feel like a nobody. I dread thinking about what will happen to me when I become too old to care for myself and will have only three genetically insensitive family members around me. I could use some help. (More below.)
I am now at a point where I have decided that I will continue to be my wife's caregiver for as long as I can and in whatever way I can. However, as I age, I find myself more impatient and having more needs of my own. So, I am now in a mode of taking care of myself first. My first step is to recognize that I am primarily a caregiver to a spouse with mental illness. I have decided that I will strengthen my supports in that area, even if I have to risk her reputation at times by reaching out. I am reaching out now. Suggestions? Advice? Words of courage? Etc. Thank you.
An anonymous caregiver said...
almost 2 years ago
Being a caregiver and working full time is tough for sure, non stop. I think what is most difficult is the loneliness at times when your spouse struggles with early Alzheimer. My wife is very easy going, but she doesn't talk a great deal anymore. I try to encourage conversation , but this is a challenge for her. I do attend a monthly support group, but it does get quite lonely at times. I know it must be equally difficult for her as well , since she is aware of what is going on with regard to her short term memory loss.
about 2 years ago
This Nov. I will have been a caregiver for my T4 paralyzed wife for 10 years. We've been married since 1971 and I turn 65 this month. She was an RN and has had an amazing attitude considering her dilemma, I've dedicated myself to her, but it becomes a struggle with ever increasing care needs, and taking care of every other item needed to run a household and keep our vehicles running. I've taught myself to control my anger over what we have lost in our life expectations, but it does boil over at times. When it does, I take it out on her
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