Caregiving at Home
This online support group for in-home care discussions connects caregivers, family, friends, and others with an interest in aging in place. Get tips, advice, and support for your in-home care questions or concerns. Post best practices and success stories. Share about your in-home care experiences or challenges with others who understand. Ask for feedback or exchange ideas to help optimize aging in place for older adults.
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Kathryn whittaker said...
about 7 hours ago
Presently I am "caring" for my mother who has recently been diagnosed with LBD.
My frustration is:
Mom can do mostly for herself EXCEPT when she has mental moments,dizziness, and sleep 24 hours at a time. When she gets out of these times she becomes ANGRY with ME. I am trying to take over etc. She DOES not do this to my sister.
My "issue" is then I begin 1 to doubt her illness's severity. 2. The thought she has to have someone with her all the time Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
1 day ago
I have been taking care of an 86 year old male with Alzheimer's 24/7 for the past 10 months now. I agreed to be paid free rent and electric plus 200 a month. I didn't realize I was going to have to pay for his 4 pack a day cigarette habit, all of the cleaning supplies, his copays on his meds, and all of the repairs on the home with the small amount of 200 a month. Plus out of the 200 I make I have been paying part of the electric too. There was one month that i didnt receive any money. Does someone have any suggestion on what I should do about this situation or if there is any legal action I can take. I feel my kindness has been taken advantage of
7 days ago
I am a part time caregiver for my sister and my elderly parents. I live out of town (two hours away) but travel to help 2-3 days a week. I worked full time but recently retired because the weekend travel was becoming too much. My adult daughter lives at home. She has mental and addiction problems. My other adult sisiter works full time and lives with my parents. Since retirement, I have more time to help wth my daughter and other members of my family. My biggest worry is my brother-in-law who is my sister's full time caregiver. She was diagnosed with lung cancer and a metasized brain tumor. She needs total custodial care and is at home. My brother in law quit has job to take care of her. He is totally devoted to her and is extemely burnt out (as expected) For the most part, he has refused any kind of assistance from most agencies and friends. He is very angry, depressed and does not take care of himself. We all love him and encourage him to do other things when we are there to help. He takes much of his frustration out on me when I am there. I pray every time I go to remain patient with him but by the 3rd day, i give it right back to him. I feel quilty and ashamed and dread going back to help. But I will continue to go. I love her too. My heart is broken too. She was given only weeks to live 2 years ago. He has agreed to a hospice nurse 1 day aweek and an aide for a bath 2 times a week. We are grateful for his loving care of her but would take any suggestions on how to help him and how I can deal with his anger and criticism 0f me! (I know I need a thicker skin)
15 days ago
I need some help from someone. I'm 6 years into taking care of my mother and almost walked out today. I've been preparing her taxes every year to take to the tax man. She is insisting that one of her tenants paid her rent last year when in fact, they stopped in 2015. I am trying to keep her from paying a bunch of extra money to the IRS. She is fighting me tooth and nail even when it's showing in black and white that the last check from that tenant was in 2015. I try to do her a favor and she fights me and fights me. I feel like I'm giving up my life for someone who is not only sucking the life out of me but causing me a lot of extra stress. My therapist said that I'm giving so much, it's pathological. I don't have anyone I can turn to. I just feel like I want to die. Is it common for elderly to be so adamant about what they think? I welocme any feedback. Thanks.
22 days ago
Information, that may benefit you. Medicare DME (durable medical equip). signed for my doctor, one will find that competetitive bidding may be involved from contract suppliers. As my wife with dementia, fell broke her hip, the 30+ days she was in the hospital/rehab, was informed that with the physical/and further mental acuity loss, that I my caregiving was about to get much, much more difficult....... Now home required, transfer chair from stool to shower, walker, transport chair, hospital bed, lift chair. Now going to the medicare listed supplier, discovered that the transfer chair, was over $500, walker $95, Transport Chair $350, Electric Bed, $1600, lift Chair $1300......then you submit bills for medicare's percentage of re-imbursement........ Went to Amazon, for 5 foot transfer chair, $308, Walker, at thrift store $5, Transport Chair, Walgreens online $130, Craigslist, Drive electric bed $475, Lift Chair, Penny's $500. So just on one transaction of the lift chair, if I would have purchased at $1300, Medicare would have refunded me around $500, do the math. Good Luck.
23 days ago
My elderly mother in law moved in with us about 6 months ago. She was in the hospital for an extended period of time, then rehab then she moved out of her condo to come live with my husband, two sons and I. She has a developementally disabled son in his forties, who my husband and I will take over care of as well. So, he moved in as well and I've been taking care of his arrangements to get him set up in day programs here in our town. I work full time and so does my husband. My mother in law had fallen and broken her ankle shortly before she moved in. I took her to all her appointments, helped her with personal care, I'm a nurse. My husband converted our family room into a spacious bedroom for her that includes a sitting area for her. She has since recovered from her injuries, she's still older, but she can drive and get around for the most part. She gets social security and pension checks. About $2300/month in total. Our agreement was for her to pay $600/ month for room and board, even her cell phone I pay for her. She has a few credit cards she has to make payments on, but she likes to gamble at little casinos here locally. She drives herself there on almost a daily basis. She has $325 a week to spend after all her bills, contributions are made. She does hardly any cooking, probably like 10 times in the past six months she's been here, does almost no cleaning, except for putting clothes in the wash and leaving them in there until someone else takes them out. I was cooking nightly at first, but only to get much Crititism from her about my cooking. I don't cook much anymore. We order out and maybe I cook a few times a week as does my husband. She has completely taken over my house phone, I just use my cell phone. I help her take showers and do her hair, I pick up all her medications and fix them for her. I've wrapped her wounds, taken her blood pressure, even cleaned out / packed up her whole condo when she was moving into our house. I buy all the groceries here, my husband tunes her car up and fills it with gas, and we run errands for her as requested. Her disabled son makes her breakfast, coffee, lunch and makes her bed for her. He does help fold clothes and with little chores around the house. Now, like I said, she goes gambling almost daily. She's capable of driving herself there and staying for hours. She walks unassisted and is capable of doing things around the house, she chooses not to. I don't expect her to really do much anyways, however, she doesn't even try. She complains about everything here. Expects us to wait on her hand and foot. Skips her meds and complains she doesn't feel good. We bought and installed a shower bar in our bathroom for her. Now, she says that she can only contribute $300 a month to the house. I'm not trying to take advantage of her but, she has a gambling addiction. She wants more money to do that! She is not aware that I know exactly how much money she gets monthly. If she really was put in a position not to do the things she enjoys, I would understand. But, like I said, it equals out to like $325 per week that she has to gamble, shop for clothes, whatever! I don't have $325 week to do that! Help! What do I do? What do I say? It's very upsetting and feels like a slap in the face for all that my husband and I have been doing for her. Maybe if she DID cook on a regular basis and try to contribute to the household it would be a different story.
An anonymous caregiver said...
28 days ago
I brought my mom home to stay with me for the time being. She has had difficulty walking for the past couple of years, but has been very independent up until recently. She used to take long walks on her own without a walker, but now needs one. We got her a rollator. She's very new to a walker, and at first would complain about it and often would rather use me as her walker. I had to put an end to that quickly. She's getting there, and doesn't ok with short distances. She can use the bathroom on her own. Wiping is a bit of an issue probably because of her size. She needs me to shower her, however I believe she can do most of it on her own but chooses not to. I'm still battling that one. Basically I've been waiting on her hand and foot, and I'm calling it quits with some things. She can stand, even without the walker, but she's not completely stable. So I had to tell her that she can make her own meals. Simple stuff like sandwiches, cereal. I finally got her to wash her own dishes. Although I think she's avoiding using dishes because the paper towels are running out faster. I'm just irritated that things she still can do, but with more effort than before, she would rather someone else do it. She's not 100% dependent, so it feels kind of inconsiderate. That's that. I'm picking my battles wisely I hope!
One of the things that bothers me the most is that she treats my house as if it were her house. I'm reasonably clean, not the obsessive type, and she kind of isn't. She doesn't wash her hands. Or when she has something stuck in her teeth and she dislodges it, she'll spit it out wherever. She's a creature of habit. It doesn't matter how many times I ask her to wash her hands, stop spitting, she'll go right back to doing it or get mad at me for bringing it up. It's driving me nuts!
I'm also a private person. I don't like having people over. Just a few of my friends and family know where I live. I've always been this way. Growing up, whenever there was a family get together, I rarely went. I'm not the social type, unless I have to be. Shortly after mom moved in, she told my uncle and cousins that they can come and visit her but they would have to get the directions to my house from me. !!!!!!!!!! She didn't ask if it were ok to invite them, she just did. So when I reminded her that I don't like having people here, or for anyone to even know where I live, she got defensive and said for me to call them and tell them not to come. The thing is, she knows how I am, so for her to even offer for them to come to my house pisses me off. She could've told them that we could stop by their place instead. Which I offered to do, but she is now choosing to not see anybody. One day I asked her if she wanted to swing by uncles house. She said she didn't want to, and just wants to be by herself. I don't know what to do.
about 1 month ago
Hi! I'm Scott the "Hippie Juice Man" a survivor of stage 3C Colorectal Cancer (5/14 surgery, 12/14 ended chemo) and I take care of my wife (Steffi) whom suffers (disabled) with Rheumatoid Arthritis (20+yrs). I do work 4 nights in a restaurant as the "Kitchen Ambassador" my SOCIAL LIFE (LOL). Since we moved to Washington State back in 2012 Steffi has majorly gone down hill. She is now bed ridden and mostly able to walk a short distance to the bathroom or the front door with my assistance (I'm her walker). She can't understand why I don't spend more time with her in bed, it's hard on me. I do all the housework, cooking, etc. I love her so much!!!!, we have been together going on 30 yrs and married the last 3 of them (since my cancer). I tell her that I need to unwind after work, get stuff done, but she doesn't want to accept it. Any ideas? Thanks, Peace Out! Scott
about 1 month ago
UPDATE: Since my original post, my aunt has had an examination by her primary doctor as I was advised to do. Her Dr said her as a Dr was to work to try to keep loved ones with Alzheimer's in the home as long as possible for everyone concerned. Auntie has been prescribed medication that took a lot of the edge off her severe Sundowning behavior. The con to the medication is that she is less self-mobile. She needs a lot more assistance now. That's OK for me based on where she was. I later had to put in another call to the same Dr because Auntie was waking up throughout the night. She now has another medication for that. I have also hired a caretaker three days for 18 hours a week which is wonderful rest for me. I was mentally and physically exhausted. Thank you for all your advice and support! I really needed it!
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