Caregiving at Home
This online support group for in-home care discussions connects caregivers, family, friends, and others with an interest in aging in place. Get tips, advice, and support for your in-home care questions or concerns. Post best practices and success stories. Share about your in-home care experiences or challenges with others who understand. Ask for feedback or exchange ideas to help optimize aging in place for older adults.
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about 1 month ago
I am a caregiver for my sister. Because I work I have a home health aid for my sister Recently my husband has become ill and we are having to go to doctors 2x a day. My home health agency informed me today that since I am off on FMLA for my spouse they would not be sending my sisters aid. I fell like I have to make a choice stay home take care of my sister and let my husbands health suffer or take my husband and leave my sister alone. My sister is bed ridden and has to ave 24 hour care. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
2 months ago
DISABLED SISTER AND I'M SCARED TO DEATH
I seem to be in a very unusual situation. I am 50 years old and have been married for 28 years. My husband is wonderful. My father died in 2015 of COPD after a year of being mostly hospitalized. Several months after he died, my husband and I moved into my mother's house. (She owns, we were renting.) A few months after my dad died, my sister's husband found out that his cancer had returned. In 2016, when they learned he was terminally ill, she began developing severe physical problems. Because he was sick and my mom was having several health problems, I started taking care of my sister: taking her to doctor appointments, finding the right doctors to see, keeping track of her meds, etc. As her husband became sicker, my sister's physical issues worsened. He died in November 2015. Because Mom's health is better, she is living with my sister and helping her deal with her husband's belongings.
Now, my sister has to have heart surgery (she's 49 now). It's a week away. Because of her other medical issues, they have to do open-heart surgery. And, assuming all goes well, she'll need a series of surgeries that might correct her other medical conditions. Those surgeries likely won't happen until 2018.
I am so freaking afraid that she is going to die during the surgery next week. And if not during that one, during the other surgeries down the road. We are close in age; we were mistaken for twins when we were children. I don't want her to keep suffering. The heart surgery is probably the safest one she's facing.
I feel as though I should have done more when she first developed the physical problems, even though I know she would not have undergone these surgeries while her husband was dying. It hurts so much to see her in pain and not be able to fix it. The thought of losing her just terrifies me to my bones. I pray and pray for her to get better, but I'm afraid that she won't get better on earth. I'm scared that, during her surgery, her husband will ask her to come home to him. I wouldn't blame her for going; she's so miserable now. But I don't want to lose her! I don't want my mom to lose her! We can't handle another death.
I don't think I expect any of you to have any answers. I think I just needed to write this out and cry. My husband is fantastic, but I'm wearing him out. Thank you.
2 months ago
I live with and care for both my Mom and Dad. I also have a full time job. they are 83 and 89 years old. I set up all medication and take them to appointments. I am so depressed I'm having trouble climbing out of bed in time for my 2nd shift job. I've been here for 2 years and my anxiety over what I'll do when either 1 or the other of them needs more care or a nursing home has me at a stand still. They have a small savings just enough to make them ineligible for any kind of aid.
2 months ago
I have been taking care of my grandmother who has multipleedical issues including dementia and Parkinson's and don't know where else to turn she has taken everything out of me. I just got married last week and while I should be extactic I am exhausted and depressed. While my guys and is great I am just at my wits end with her mean selfish acts. I hope I don't sound like a horrible person but at being 23 I have taken on my grandmother full time given up my job, my house, my social life, and well my whole life. I don't know where to turn we've thought about putting her in a home but it is just such a hard decision to make. Honestly I'm lost I'm young and want to be starting a life, but I just feel burdened with hers.
3 months ago
My mother and I have been caring for my grandmother in my mother's home, I live right next door, for almost 3 years now. My grandfather passed away in early 2015 and she had been treated like a queen by himy for 62 years. We had to sell her house for financial and other reasons. She had mild dementia at times and is extremely selfish, demanding, unappreciative, narcissistic, rude and just flat out mean!! She broke her leg 3 weeks after my grandfather died and hasn't been able to walk since. Now she is completely bedridden. Which makes caring for her even more stressful. To the point where my mother and I can't stand to be around her except to care for her, we DO NOT neglect her needs! And have become resentful of having to cater to her. We have NO family to help, her other children were both killed in car accidents back in 2000 and 2002. So, there is literally no one else to help. She has too much income for home care assistance and we have hired private sitters and she pouts and won't eat. When we get back she is even meaner to us. I don't know how much more of this I can take!! It is literally destroying what little life I do have and the relationship with my children, my oldest daughter is a junior in college and my youngest daughter just graduated high school. Which I missed so many events because my grandmother is a needy witch! Help!! Any advice would be great!
3 months ago
Mom has been downright cruel and vicious to me since I was six years old. She told me recently I mean nothing to her. She never wanted me. Yet, she lives in my home (for free) (She has PLENTY of money. She's greedy and a user.) and thinks its just fine to use me. Two nursing homes and one hospital threw her out for being so nasty. If it were not for me, she'd be in a shelter somewhere. NO ONE wants her. Yes, my promiscuous, lying, conning sister received checks from mom weekly for 30 years. I got nothing. I put myself through college working three part time jobs and living on three hours of sleep to pay for it. I was hungry a lot. Ritz crackers go a long way. My sister bought jewelry, roses, steaks and perfume and bragged to me about it. She was "wanted". I'm not doing so well emotionally right now. Every time mom sees me, she's nasty to me. My name is stupid. Mom recently refused to sleep for five days. That was beyond description. Recently mom wanted my daughter's eyeglasses. She said no because she didn't want mom to break them. Mom hit and kicked my daughter over and over again while trying to get her glasses. It was finally the last straw. Either I call the police and have her arrested for child abuse or I call her doctor and leave it in his hands. He upped her Valium and promised that it would stop her violence. I told mom this is IT. I can still file a police report. Last episode mom threw her walker at my husband's beautiful truck. He swallowed really hard and walked away. He's a saint. I am wearing down from her emotional abuse every day. I'm on tranquilizers. My husband is on tranquilzers. All to deal with her. I have a serious question for all of you. Why? Why did she never want me and has been so cruel to me for 51 years? She refuses to tell me and then smirks. Please give me any of your thoughts, suspicions, ideas. You will not hurt my feelings. I really would like your thoughts. Thank you.
A fellow caregiver said...
3 months ago
After caring for my Mother for 7 1/2 years and right before she passed away, I became the total caregiver for her sister 84 yo and her mentally handicapped 64 yo daughter. Mother requested this. During this time I have had a heart attack and been diagnosed with leukemia. My mother was very agreeable. My aunt is not so at all and is very ill with her daughter who is also very disagreeable. My aunt has another daughter living out of state. She has been to see her mother 1 year and 8 months ago. She calls once or twice a month. My aunt had a knee replaced and is going to have the other done in approximately a month. Have I done my share of caregiving for someone who is unappreciative once the second knee is replaced? I think I am being used by the other daughter. I feel that it is time for her to take some responsibility. My husband feels that I should continue looking after them. Please feel free to ask any questions and please let me know how you feel. TIA
4 months ago
I am stuck caring for someone who is not a family member. We used to be in a relationship, he has dementia, lost his home, no job, no money and has been been denied disability benefits two times. I spend money for food, utilities have doubled, everything that comes along with being a caregiver with no extra money. I am at my wit's end,. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
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