Handling Difficult Behaviors
Join this online support group to discuss the difficult behaviors your loved one is exhibited and discuss ways to handle them.
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An anonymous caregiver said...
3 days ago
My mother (who I never got along with, she's been verbally, & physically abusive my whole life) I survived by leaving quickly & far away most of my life... is showing signs of dimentia, inisists that I help her & dad who is in hospital, He;s 90 shes 88. I have been helping for 2-3 months now. I feel totally trapped. I want to return to my own home, but feel guilty about leaving m Dad in hospital. I hate almost every moment in my Parents home, I feel like I am in some velvet jail. Nothing, not one room is in my control, not one moment of my life is peaceful . I feel badgered, put down, pushed toward financial poverty & totally disappearing from my normal happy self. Because i am over 1000 miles away from my own residence, work, & store....my friends are also hard to contact or communicate with...plus who wants to even hear MY problems....... DO I HAVE TO DO THIS I don't want the final years of my life wasted by my awful Mother......
3 months ago
Hello,God Bless anyone who takes the time to read this long post. I am writing today about my brother and my parents. I'm so worried and concerned I don't know what to do and I hope and pray that someone reading this can offer some kind of guidance in this situation because I honestly do not know what to do. Here's the situation; my 39 yr. old brother still lives at home with our parents. It's like he got stuck in adolescence mentally. He has never been able to work because of these issues so zero work history.Also, zero friends, social life or anything outside of my parents home since he was a early teenager and his only friend moved away. My major concern is his violet outbursts with my parents who are in their mid 60's each with health issues of their own. My dad can not walk without a cane and still he stumbles around from the neuropathy in his legs/feet. My brother fights with them daily and he has torn up a lot of stuff in the house. Like I said he behaves as if he is an out of control teenager. It has got violet in the past and over the years between my dad and him.. My mom says she believes he could be schizophrenic.too.. I .really fear for their safety because I know my mom doesn't tell me half of it but my dad has told me a lot more that's why I fear he will hurt my parent's one day. There are also complicated layers to this also. Having no income my parents have always supported him however they can not afford his care and theirs too on their little SS check and he has not been cared for properly because because of it. They have tried before to get welfare for him it's not available according to the Dept. of social services of Gaston county for adult males. He has gone before to health dept for his mental health issues but does not/will not keep appts. or take the meds proscribed. He now has dental health issues and medical issues of his back but there has been no insurance for him since my mom worked for a company back in the 90's. (after that she owned a business for about 10 years but struggled always just to keep it afloat so never could afford any insurance for them) What resources are their to help a situation like this? They need financial help and help with my brother's care. I think my parents need to get some kind of help but what steps need to be taken because thus far their efforts for getting help from social services have failed.
A little back story, we are the only two children of my parents. I'm 46 and my brother and I are 7 years apart. We were never close and I moved out from my parents when I was 17 and have been married now for for 26 years.It's weird but my brother doesn't show this side to me he acts quiet and reserved around me but I do remember a lot of mental health issues with him and also he use to threaten suicide all the time with my parents. Please, if you know of anything they can do to get help I would love to know and be able to help them. Thank you so much for reading!
4 months ago
My 83 year old mother was diagnosed several years ago with frontal lobe dementia. She is no longer able to verbally communicate. After my father passed away three years ago, mom required full time care. We hired two sitters, who alternate weeks staying in mom's home, to assist my siblings and I in caregiving. Over the past several months, mom's combative behavior has increased significantly. Her medication has been adjusted in an attempt to address the behavior, and it has helped, but mom's moods continue to fluctuate quickly and when she's angry, she pushes, slaps, and hits. In fact,mom's behavior has become so erratic, that one of the sitters actually feared for her safety at times and recently quit. We have visited several assisted living and nursing home facilities in our area, as we were told by mom's neurologist that there would come a point in time where in home care would no longer be an option. Because of mom's combative behavior, we realize we are now at that point. We had hoped that an assisted living facility with an Alzheimer's/dementia unit would be a viable option. However, the director at the facility explained to us that if a patient becomes combative, the family is contacted and required to bring the patient to an ER or a behavioral facility, so the behavior can be addressed medically. Only then can the patient be readmitted to the assisted living facility. Our family did not want mom to have to go back and forth between facilities due to her behavior; therefore, we are now only considering nursing homes. I am really struggling with this. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
5 months ago
Hi. My mother is schizophrenic and no real studies or how to handle her. I've been trying my best for over 20 years to just be her friend and I'm her daughter. She was in independent living for about 6 or so years and then went into assisted living for about 2+ years and now in complete care facility. She has deteriorated and I know she is dad, but puts on a happy face for me.
7 months ago
Hello, I'm new to this group and need some practical advice, especially from anyone familiar with the laws in Oregon. Here's what is going on: My husband and I separated several years ago. Since then he has lost first a middle toe and then the opposite leg to diabetes. When his leg was amputated, he contracted pneumonia in the hospital , had a heart attack in ICU, and crashed. He was on life support for 72 hours and we (myself and our 3 grown kids) didn't know if he would ever regain consciousness - it was all pretty traumatic. Thankfully though he did come out of it. (This was three years ago.) He came home with what seemed to be some signs of mild dementia. These always get worse if he is injured or ill. (One problem is, I'm always the last person to know if he's injured or ill, because he keeps things from me and often outright lies.) Skip to today - he is back in the hospital with an infected big toe and foot, and today or tomorrow he's having the toe amputated. He knew for days that if he had to return to the hospital due to infection, this would be happening. I had no idea that this was the plan with his doctor, until today - he called and said good morning, they're removing my toe today or tomorrow. (This is a typical shock in my life these days.) I (and the rest of his family plus our kids) understood the plan to be, the hospital would give him IV antibiotics to kill the infection, then send him home to await the date of his surgery. I apologize for rambling - what I actually need, is to find out if I have any rights to information about his care plans and his his health conditions. We are still legally married though separated; I am not officially his caregiver but guess what I am actually his caregiver; I don't live at his house (formerly our house) but I spent so much time here that my own place is an expensive closet. I realize I'm being codependent with him, but at this point I am not emotionally prepared to set firm boundaries and watch him break down and cry. I do still love him, I'm afraid of losing him (which is already in the cards if nature takes its course) - and this is just hard. I'm searching for a local support group and trying to set up some counseling for myself - does anyone know what agency or person I might turn to for information about any legal rights I might have ? BTW a huge complicating factor is, his GP doc is a monster that neither one of us trusts, but this doctor is also in charge of my husband's pain meds. So my husband is afraid to approach this doctor about anything, afraid he will either lose his pain meds or be ordered into a nursing home. The whole nursing home thing against his will, is one more thing I don't have legal information about.. Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you.
about 1 year ago
My husband has TBI & stroke. He is verbally abusive and refuses to comply with doctors and therapists. It's his way or the highway. I'm very tired of hearing people say, "it's the brain injury" when he was very self-centered before the accident......which was his doing. Why have I stayed over the years? 4 kids, 14 grandkids & 8 great-grands. Kids are unaware of his previous bad behavior. I'm stuck, financially. Was told we had a robust retirement fund, through his work, which we didn't. I cannot afford to put him in home under medicaid as he has ruined us financially and I would not be able to live. My health is doing down the drain. Any words of wisdom?
about 1 year ago
Until recently I have know my mother with I think average relationship. Family visits and dinners. When my father became ill our contact became daily and long term. I started to notice some behaviors that were perplexing to me. I have not purchased the book "Coping with Difficult Older Parents". Has anyone else read the book and have any input. I
An anonymous caregiver said...
over 1 year ago
Hi, this is my first time on here. My mom, 87, had a heart attack 7 months ago. She had 5 stints put in, it was pretty major. She was in rehab and is now in a long term care facility. Before the attack she was having some dementia issues as well as problems walking. Since the attack her dementia has worsened some and she cannot walk on her own or for very long even with help. My dad, 91, lives at home and although he is in pretty good shape, he cannot take care of her. Everyone at the facility loves my mom and tell us how sweet she is. However when Dad visits her, which he does almost every day, she turns on him. While I never heard my mom cuss when I was growing up, she began cussing when she started getting dementia. She now cusses quite a bit when Dad is there. Also, even before the attack, she has begun to say how she wants to die and if God won't do it she will do it herself. That is said more frequently now. In addition, she gets really angry at Dad and tells him he had better get her out of this blankety blank place or they are through (after over 60 years of marriage), Even though Dad knows she isn't in her right mind, all of this really bothers him. He is losing weight and having trouble sleeping and it is really weighing him down. Any suggestions on ways he might cope with this behavior?
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