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Handling Difficult Behaviors

Join this online support group to discuss the difficult behaviors your loved one is exhibited and discuss ways to handle them.

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Steer said...

about 1 month ago

Hi. My mother is schizophrenic and no real studies or how to handle her. I've been trying my best for over 20 years to just be her friend and I'm her daughter. She was in independent living for about 6 or so years and then went into assisted living for about 2+ years and now in complete care facility. She has deteriorated and I know she is dad, but puts on a happy face for me.

about 1 month ago

Forestchild said...

3 months ago

Hello, I'm new to this group and need some practical advice, especially from anyone familiar with the laws in Oregon. Here's what is going on: My husband and I separated several years ago. Since then he has lost first a middle toe and then the opposite leg to diabetes. When his leg was amputated, he contracted pneumonia in the hospital , had a heart attack in ICU, and crashed. He was on life support for 72 hours and we (myself and our 3 grown kids) didn't know if he would ever regain consciousness - it was all pretty traumatic. Thankfully though he did come out of it. (This was three years ago.) He came home with what seemed to be some signs of mild dementia. These always get worse if he is injured or ill. (One problem is, I'm always the last person to know if he's injured or ill, because he keeps things from me and often outright lies.) Skip to today - he is back in the hospital with an infected big toe and foot, and today or tomorrow he's having the toe amputated. He knew for days that if he had to return to the hospital due to infection, this would be happening. I had no idea that this was the plan with his doctor, until today - he called and said good morning, they're removing my toe today or tomorrow. (This is a typical shock in my life these days.) I (and the rest of his family plus our kids) understood the plan to be, the hospital would give him IV antibiotics to kill the infection, then send him home to await the date of his surgery. I apologize for rambling - what I actually need, is to find out if I have any rights to information about his care plans and his his health conditions. We are still legally married though separated; I am not officially his caregiver but guess what I am actually his caregiver; I don't live at his house (formerly our house) but I spent so much time here that my own place is an expensive closet. I realize I'm being codependent with him, but at this point I am not emotionally prepared to set firm boundaries and watch him break down and cry. I do still love him, I'm afraid of losing him (which is already in the cards if nature takes its course) - and this is just hard. I'm searching for a local support group and trying to set up some counseling for myself - does anyone know what agency or person I might turn to for information about any legal rights I might have ? BTW a huge complicating factor is, his GP doc is a monster that neither one of us trusts, but this doctor is also in charge of my husband's pain meds. So my husband is afraid to approach this doctor about anything, afraid he will either lose his pain meds or be ordered into a nursing home. The whole nursing home thing against his will, is one more thing I don't have legal information about.. Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you.

AnnieLake said...

8 months ago

My husband has TBI & stroke. He is verbally abusive and refuses to comply with doctors and therapists. It's his way or the highway. I'm very tired of hearing people say, "it's the brain injury" when he was very self-centered before the accident......which was his doing. Why have I stayed over the years? 4 kids, 14 grandkids & 8 great-grands. Kids are unaware of his previous bad behavior. I'm stuck, financially. Was told we had a robust retirement fund, through his work, which we didn't. I cannot afford to put him in home under medicaid as he has ruined us financially and I would not be able to live. My health is doing down the drain. Any words of wisdom?

NeedHisStrength said...

7 months ago

LilaJ said...

10 months ago

Until recently I have know my mother with I think average relationship. Family visits and dinners. When my father became ill our contact became daily and long term. I started to notice some behaviors that were perplexing to me. I have not purchased the book "Coping with Difficult Older Parents". Has anyone else read the book and have any input. I

about 1 year ago

Hi, this is my first time on here. My mom, 87, had a heart attack 7 months ago. She had 5 stints put in, it was pretty major. She was in rehab and is now in a long term care facility. Before the attack she was having some dementia issues as well as problems walking. Since the attack her dementia has worsened some and she cannot walk on her own or for very long even with help. My dad, 91, lives at home and although he is in pretty good shape, he cannot take care of her. Everyone at the facility loves my mom and tell us how sweet she is. However when Dad visits her, which he does almost every day, she turns on him. While I never heard my mom cuss when I was growing up, she began cussing when she started getting dementia. She now cusses quite a bit when Dad is there. Also, even before the attack, she has begun to say how she wants to die and if God won't do it she will do it herself. That is said more frequently now. In addition, she gets really angry at Dad and tells him he had better get her out of this blankety blank place or they are through (after over 60 years of marriage), Even though Dad knows she isn't in her right mind, all of this really bothers him. He is losing weight and having trouble sleeping and it is really weighing him down. Any suggestions on ways he might cope with this behavior?

Youdontknowme said...

about 1 year ago

I am a live in caregiver and I have a difficult resident as my first case what are some tips and suggestions that you may have to help me calm the resident down

about 1 year ago

My children and I moved back "home" with my parents when my husband and I were having financial problems, he choose to go home to his parents in another city. He later divorced me. I returned to school and will be graduating this December. My ex filed for disability and our two minor children receive money from SSI. I lost my job two years ago, so their support money is all that we receive. My father has had three strokes and is unable to care for himself. I help by changing his diapers, etc. My mother acts as if my children and I are free-loaders, nothing that I do is ever good enough. Mother has raised my brothers' three teenage daughters and spoils them rotten. My children are second-class citizens in the house, but at the same time, I have "spoiled" my 8yr old son so badly that he will "turn out just like his father". Did I mention that my mother literally hated their father from day one? I feel so trapped and am at the end of my rope.

grk said...

about 1 year ago

I've been a caregiver for all kinds of clients for over a decade. However my current client is 98YO woman who seems frustrated and angry with her life. She is not satisfied with her care; if we are out of sight cleaning, she wants us watching tv with her, but if we are keeping her company then she says we "sit around and do nothing all day!" She also seems to need some drama in her life and creates it if life is too boring. I've worked with her for 3 years but today when she started complaining that I hadn't done anything for her for hours I just told her what I really thought - that she was ungrateful, disrespectful and in denial of her own issues such as forgetfulness, inability to walk on her own, incontinence, etc. I don't know why I talked back in such a blunt, rude way. I guess I am on the verge of burning out or maybe my time there is just done. She is always a little hard to get along with but is usually not yelling like today. My response definitely escalated the problem and she is having more cognitive issues in the last year that are increasing her frustration. My question is: If she can remember that she is mad at me and continue fighting with me for 4 hours, then how can I believe that she can't remember the nasty thing she said 30 secondds ago or the accusations from 10 minutes ago? She aways seems to remember negative things but not positive ones. Is this possible? Or could it really be an act?

cjgbrown said...

over 1 year ago

LOC: - Loving On Caregivers

Our meeting last month was on "Dealing with Other Family Members". It was very informative and relative. We will definitely be revisiting this topic many times. Our Base Scripture is James 2:26 "For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also." When caring for a loved one or maybe your job is being a caregiver, this scripture must be put into action every day and on many occasions, several times in one day. The person being cared for may have unthinkable words come out of their mouths. When this happens you must make your mind be clear that this is not normal and don't take it personal. Yes, it is very hard to do when it is your parent, child, sibling or grandparent even saying things that hurt you deeply. We must, more than ever, apply this verse and walk in faith and ask God to help you through this time. Also a great support group is a safe place to go to for the love and care that you yourself need while going through this very difficult time in your life. At "Loving on Caregivers" we are that support group. We want to encourage you. Even if you are not able to attend in person. You can post your comments here (anonymously if you want) and someone will give you words of encouragement and maybe you have words of encouragement for someone else. We can't do this alone without being hurt or wounded and we need each other. Our topic this month will be "Dealing with Personalities".

Full House said...

over 1 year ago

My daughter is 40, was diagnosed with stage II astrocytoma two years ago. She had radical surgery to remove 98% of a 9.5CM brain tumor. The remaining tumor is diffuse, the prognosis, well, we know what the averages are but one never really knows. J's behavior has become more hostile. I'm sure a portion of her hostility is just her situation, part her experience with a NASTY step mother, part she just got a tough deal in life and the rest is from the disease. Her ability to reason, think things through, make meaningful decisions went south so long ago I can only see in hind sight the tumor took her life a long time ago. She finally admitted she needs help but still would not do anything about it; I can't make that call for her because then it would change from her going to me making her go, and that won't work. It wasn't until I promised to have her teenage daughters removed from our home that she actually went for help. (The situation is out of control and it is an extremely unhealthy environment for the kids, especially the 13 year old.) So, I want so badly for her to come to some kind of terms and find some joy while she still has health but I also want some (expletive) peace for myself. A long time ago, before this was part of my life, I decided to be happy. No one will hand it to me so get busy being happy or shut up! I have never been a WHY ME more like, why NOT me? If not me then it would be someone else and I'm tuff enough to take it however, I'm tired. When it isn't hard it's impossible, when it isn't either one of those things I'm just waiting for the next blow up. I'm well educated about mental illness, I'm bi-polar, my father was bi-polar, and my eldest sister suffers from major depression. My disease has been under control for 20 years but I'm not immune to getting depressed. I have a doc appointment soon, so I'm on the right track there. Here's my question; how in the world do you keep from losing your temper when faced with the same, irrational, hostile, and foul actions? The 13 year old has learned it's OK to flip me off when I'm not looking AND it will be over something that makes NO sense what so ever. Do I need a pill? Oh, and she drinks A LOT. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame her for things she can't help but I just don't know how to keep my sanity! Venting is goood............

behavior help said...

over 1 year ago

cjgbrown said...

over 1 year ago

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