Dealing with your family can be challenging to say the least. Got a brother who won't help? An unsupportive spouse? A sister who tells you how to do your job? An aunt that just won't stop nagging you? Come to this online support group to vent and find creative solutions to your toughest family issues.
Help spread the support to more people in need -- Please tell a friend or two. Thanks!
What's New Today
13 days ago
How does one handle having a mentally ill parent, in this case mother, and still manage to live with the psychological and emotional wounds they inflict? My mother is very mentally ill but refuses treatment and does not seem to understand the depth of the crazy. I am the oldest of two and my entire life I was the favorite punching bag. with every bad episode I was always sought out to be punished for whatever imaginary scenario happened to be playing in her head at the time. I am now 29 with two beautiful children of my own but my toxic relationship with her is always in the back of my head and shapes how i view my self and my outside relationships and i am daily terrified that I will one day turn out like her and screw up my babies that I love more than life. For mothers day she informed me on one of her manic tirades that she has always hated me and that she was disowning me and my children and my father had been instructed to do the same and that it was all my fault and demanded I go and tell my 4 and 3 year old they will never be loved because their mother is a horrible person. All I said before this rant was happy mother's day and I have you a present if I can come by. This is just an idea of what day to day life is like living with someone that has an illness like this. How do I ever learn to heal after a life time of pain, frustration, and anger? Why do I always feel like I am guilty of something?
20 days ago
I'm hoping someone can help me to be able to help my mother. You see in the passed 4 years our family has had a lot of losses. My younger sister passed away a few years ago. Then six months later my mother nephew passed away, then unexpectedly my mother's husband goes into the hospital and never came home. He passed away while at the hospital. She became very depressed. But about 9 months after he passes my other younger sister passes away unexpectedly. Her grieve became worse. We moved her in with us for about 5 months. Watching her grieve everyday was almost to much for me. I did take her for help several times and we did move her back to her home. Only to find that she was robbed of all her valuables. That sent her over the edge. She ended up in the hospital several times. She financially is barely able to make it each month because she is on a fix income. She wasn't able to take care of her home and I live over an hour away, worked full time with 5 children. I finally moved her closer to me and in an apartment that goes by her income. The problem I'm having now is she has become very selfish. It's got to be her way or no way. If my youngest child wants to talk to me and my mom is on the phone with me or is with me. She becomes angry and will say "mama, mama, mama, that's all she wants" that really bothers me. I have explained to her that my child has just gotten home from school she wants to tell me about her day and I want to hear it. She will become very angry. My daughter see this and it hurts her. When I tell my mom she gets mad and will say. Well I want what I want and she can have your attention later. That's just one example. When I go over to see her and get ready to leave. She will want me to stay longer. I explain I need to fix supper and help the kids with their homework. She gets angry and doesn't feel she needs to share me. Also all 5 of our children are in sports she rarely goes any sees any of their events. If she does and anyone there talks to me after the event is over she explodes and does this loudly. There are so many other problems right now and it's ruining my relationship with her. She constantly will say "you don't love me" . I will reply back " yes I do if I didn't I wouldn't be here, I would help with your bills, your groceries, do your hair, take you places, come when you call me, etc" When I do explain these situations that bother me she becomes very angry. Last week I was trying to explain it to her and how it makes me feel and she hung up on me. She hasn't called me since. I tried calling her several times and she will hang up on me. This has happened before and she usually ends up in the hospital because she does that to get my sympathy and my attention. I have told her she's being very selfish and should understand being a mother. Her reply " well I want, what I want!" I've taken her to therapy, grieving groups etc. It's hard to find help when the only places that take Medicaid are far away. I desperately need advice because it's destroying our relationship, my positive attitude, it affects my life, my husbands and our children's. Can someone give me advice that can help me help her. She needs to learn how to also live on her own. Because she also depends on me for the simplest things. Sincerely, Frustrated depressed daughter!
about 1 month ago
My sister went and purchased a headstone for our mothers gravesite (our mother passed soon to be 6 months ago). She never consulted any of the siblings as to what type or what to have engraved on it or what photo to have embedded into it. Actually she never even told any of us that she even did this, we did not know until it was placed on the grave. Several of us helped in paying to keep our mothers life insurance current so that she wouldnt lose the coverage. We would thought that all of us would come together and decide on the headstone. We are angry and hurt by her self centerness in making all the decisions about this and not consulting us to be apart of this. How do you do such a thing? How can she be so self centered about something such as this?
Hopeful Daughter 251 said...
about 1 month ago
My mother is 73 yrs old. Back in 15 years ago or so she helped my brother by deeding him an acre of land to use as collateral to purchase some land. They agreed that when he paid the land off he was to deed the land back to her, in which he did exactly as they agreed he would do. Well 15 years later he divorced remarried and again needed mom's help as he had in the past. He needed to use the acre of land again to purchase a home for him and his new wife so that his kids would have a place to live as well and since mom had done it in the past and ge did right by her and their verbal agreement she did it again and deeded him the same acre under the agreement that when he paid his home off he would then again deed it back to her. Well he has paid his home off actually 2 years ago but has not deeded the land back go mom and now has a judgement against the land and says he can't because he has a judgement against it and not able to pay it off. My momvis crushed and don't know what to do. All of her children know this was the agreement and he did right last time and we are all lost on what to do. Does anyone know if there is anything we can do to help her get her land back?
Lori Matson said...
2 months ago
I'm new to this site but am very excited that I have found a place that I can go to for support. I am my mother's caregiver. She has dementia and epilepsy. It seems that her memory gets worse daily. My issue is my sister. I have two sisters, one in California and the other in Michigan. My sister in MI is supportive and comes here to Florida as often as she can to give my husband and I a break even though she has family of her own to tend to. My CA sister ACTS as though she is supportive but is actually very critical of me and my decisions as far as mom's care goes. She is single, travels the world, able to work (online) from anywhere, no children but still finds it difficult to fit mom into her schedule. She's now upset with me for having a reliable, responsible, family friend (whom she knows and loves) come stay with mom while we're gone for a few days. I'm just upset by her reaction because I feel that she is not much help with mom but is quick to criticize my decision. I'm angry because she has no clue what I deal with on a daily basis. Can anyone advise me on how to deal with a family member such as this?
4 months ago
I have a grandparent in a nursing home it is horrible. I would like to take her out and care for her in my home but another relative has POA can any one give me information on how to contest POA. I don't feel the facility is adequate and she deserves to be with family. we took very good care of her children and grandchildren and others that were unrelated ..please help please
5 months ago
I was a caregiver to my grandfather for 2 years while he battled liver cancer. My uncle, who lived with him and my grandmother, worked during the day but took over in the evening when he got off. My mother still worked for a while after he was diagnosed, but then retired a year before my grandfathers passing. Although she only lives 20 minutes away, she only came and gave me a break once a week. I had to ask her to please come twice a week. At that time I was only 34 years old with a 6 year old and a husband. On the weekends my uncle would take off to his cabin (about an hour and 10 mins away), and my mom stayed home. My husband and I, along with our daughter, always had to stick around the house incase one of my grandparents needed help with something. After my grandfather passed, my mom went back to barely coming up and I was left to stick around my house and go to my grandmothers a few times a day to do for her before I had to get my daughter from school. At the time she was simimobile. She was on a walker, but fell quite a bit. I couldn't make any plans to do anything for myself. About 8 months ago my grandmother ended up less mobile and stuck in a wheel chair. I told my mother that my time of caring for her all the time was up. I told her she needed to step in and take over that role since she is retired and has no one else to care for except herself. So now it was her coming Mon -Fri during the day, and my uncle still being around for the evening and night. They rotated who stayed on the weekends. I still help once or twice a week, and rotate taking my grandmother to the beauty shop on Fridays with my mom. My mother has only been doing this for 8 mths and she has already told me how depressed she is. She keeps fighting with my uncle and causing so many problems with the whole situation. She keeps coming up with medical issues she has, which we don't even know whether to believe or not, and I'm just so sad because I feel like if I was just doing it all again there would be no issues. She really wants my uncle to put her in a nursing home, but none of us feel that is necessary yet.... She just doesn't want to deal with taking care of her anymore. I don't know what to do. This whole things is tearing the only people caring for my grandmother apart. It's tearing me apart. I feel like any relationship I had with my mother is being destroyed because I can't help but resent her for possibly laying all of this back on to me.
5 months ago
I was the POA of my mother and my younger sister was added as a backup if I didnt feel I could handle the situation. Prior to becoming the POA, my sister and I hadnt spoken to each other for 16 yrs. She had refused to forgive me for some ugly words I stated to her 16 yrs ago. I had asked for forgiveness but none given. 4 yrs ago my mother assigned me as POA and a year later diagnosed with dementia. I would run into my sister often during the first few months of our mother's diagnosis and we began to lightly speak to each other. I asked if she would want to help with being the POA and she agreed. So for 4 yrs I made no decision on our mothers care without consulting her first, making her apart of all decisions. I signed all legal papers involved. We began getting along and I had thought she had forgiven me for my ugly words written 16 yrs ago. We would go to each other's homes and have picnics with our mother, attend church services and even hug each other upon each time we met. We cried together through the rough times of the dementia and i truly thought all was fine with us. My mother made her the beneficiary of her life insurance and i as POA kept it that way. Upon my mothers death the very day of it, my sister went back to her old ways. She wouldnt let me have any say in the funeral arrangements, i never even knew what color the casket was going to be until the day of the wake when i saw it. She reverted back to not speaking to me. I have tried calling and texting only for no response. My mother died 3 days before her birthday and she did not invite me to the celebration she planned and went on to celebrate her birthday without me. I have looked back on this and can now see that she pretended to be sister like to me during the 4 yrs so that she can have some say in our mothers life, as even as a child she had to always have to have a final say in everything and i had given that to her by asking if she wanted to help me with mom. Now that our mother is gone, she no longer wants any part of me again. She in fact hasnt forgiven me like i thought she had. I am angry at myself for even asking if she wanted to help and then not making any decision without her approval. Im angry that i fell for her game. I cant believe that she went 4 yrs acting as if we were sisters once again only so she can have control of decisions in our mothers last yrs of life. Im hurt because i feel she was deceitful. Im hurt because now im not only grieving my mothers loss but hers again as well. I cant believe someone can do this to another person, how do you display caring for 4 yrs then shut if off on the same day our mother dies? How could we go thru 4 yrs making decision for our mother and then you dont let me help with the funeral? How can being in control be so important to you that at any cost you will act like you care about me and our relationship to only have a say in decisions? How could i be so stupid to not see what you were doing all along? How stupid of me to think that you cared? How stupid of me to think that you forgave me for the ugly words I wrote to you 16 yrs ago? How stupid of me to think that we together will help each other thru this grieving process? How stupid of me to trust you? I should of known better because she has never forgiven another of our sisters that said things to her over 35 yrs ago and that sister has tried and tried to apologize and was never forgiven to this day. Why did i even think she had forgiven me, how come i didnt see how fake she was those 4yrs? All through child hood we walked on egg shells around this one sister because if she wasnt happy then no one was gonna be happy. So we always sacrificed our well being to please her. I guess that is why she still does this to this day, because we always tried to make sure she was happy or not angry with us because she would hold a grudge even as a small child. We were wrong to create such a monster. The sad thing of it all is that our mother went to her grave thinking that we had made amends with each other when in fact it was noting but an act on my sisters part. I will come to accept that the 4yrs was all a show for her to get what she wanted and she got it. I will come to accept that our relationship will never be ever again and i can now only hope that one day i will forgive myself for giving her apart in our care for our mother knowing now she did it for all the wrong reasons. I know that i will never see or speak with her again because that is how she wants it to be and i will love her from a distance. I will heal from her deceit these past 4yrs. In time i will come to forgive her for her deceit, i know that i will. But now i see her clearly and feel sorry that she must be so lonely inside even tho she has a husband (that she also controls) but she must be lacking something deeply to use people for her own gains at what ever cost. She goes to church faithfully and baffles me how she can use people the way she does. A part of me even wants to get even with. Her for what she has done, but then i wouldnt be any better then her. A part of me wants to tell her that i know now how she used me and how she pretended that all was right with us, just to let her know that i will never allow her to ever do such to me again. But, it wouldnt mean anything to her but i still want to tell her how i feel. But she doesnt care about how i feel so it will all be useless so i will find a way to deal with it all instead.
Load More Conversations