COPD Support Group
Welcome to this online support group for caregivers, family, friends, and others with an interest in COPD care. Please introduce yourself - Ask for advice - Share your experiences caring for a loved one with COPD. Talk about symptoms, treatment options, side effects, daily life, your tips for others. Vent, laugh, and come back as often as you need to feel less alone. You can also find information that will may you manage financial and legal matters for your loved one in the Caregiving Money Matters Resource Center.
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An anonymous caregiver said...
2 days ago
As I have explained before on this site my husband is 73 years old and has end stage COPD and has had it for about 10 years. Lately he has become very argumentative and wants to argue about everything. He tells me sometimes he does things just because he knows it will piss me off. I try not to let it bother me but it's getting real hard to just ignore him. He has become rude to my family and friends, I think to make them feel uncomfortable to come over. My husband receives a retirement check and a little from Social Security which goes into a joint accounts and I pay all the bills and do the grocery shopping but now he is talking about having my name removed from the accounts by opening new accounts with just his name. I can't tell you how much that hurts that he would even threaten me with such a thing. This all began with his son calling and requesting private information on me and my children and their families for a security job he was applying for, I have been married to this man for 16 years and I have known him for 17 years and in all that time my husband and his son have talked twice. Once at our wedding and once when he called and asked for the information. But my husband doesn't understand why me or my children won't give him the information. I tried to explain to him that we don't know him and in all reality he doesn't know him either because they haven't been in touch for a long time and we don't know what he is going to do with the information. He keeps saying it's for a government job. I explain if it's for the government than I am sure they can get the information needed. He sees it as a betrayal to him so to fight back he is talking about removing my name from all accounts so I won.t have access to any money. I just feel (like the saying goes) stuck between the rock and a hard place and don't know what to do. .Can I get some advise or something from maybe someone else who is going thru a similar thing, Any advise will be helpful. Thanks.
12 days ago
My husband, Dave, passed away 11/30 at 1:30 pm.......He was in no pain and passed peacefully. I had just returned to his room at Hospice care center from closing a mortgage loan for a buyer, his mom was in bathroom......I felt him leave but did not tell his mom until nurse confirmed it....
.I could not have made it without the help of his mom's friend Shelley. She stayed with us at the care center for 8 days. She is an Empath and psychic. She saw him walk with his dad into the light and he was healthly like he was when I met him The reason I believe her is that the day before she and I were sitting on the couch and she asked me my mom(who died in 2008). She asked me if my mom wore white shirts with bright flowers on them, which is exactly how my mom dressed....she said my mom was sitting next to me and was asking me to forgive her for the way she treated me, that I did nothing to deserve how I was treated by her. I had not spoken to my mom for 4 months before she died because she started to treat my kids like she treated me and I was not going to allow that.
I don't think it has hit me yet...that he is gone
Edna G said...
14 days ago
Hi all, my name is Edna. My husband was diagnosed with moderate-severe emphysema/copd a month ago. The first part of Aug he developed a sore on top of his foot which turned into an ulcer. He was put on bedrest for 2 months. He had home health coming in, He began to swell and have lots of shortness of breath. Home health called his primary and he was diagnosed with the emphysema and possible congestive heart failure. The primary put him on symbicort and albuterol. Now here we sit waiting for him to get into see a cardiologist for testing on the 11th of Dec. They tell me if his breathing gets worse or he has chest pain to go to the er.
14 days ago
A lot of the community did not have a chance to meet my husband, David, as he has been ill since we moved into the park in 2013.....His health has declined and has been in hospice care at home since April 2017....I have spent the last 9 days with him at the hospice care center. He was not expected to live more than a few hours after cpac was removed on 11/22.....It has been a long week, I am running on very little sleep and having to deal with his mother, who insists on having the light on in his room even though it agitates him...I am a breaking point....My husband is pain free and not responsive for the past couple days...
16 days ago
I'm so sad and hopeless. My boyfriend of 18 years, lived in CA. is now in a hospice room in Rhode Island, getting morphone to hasten his death. We habe am 11 year old son together. His mother threw out VERBAL power of attorney. Said his doctor witness this chat they had in the doctors office a few weeks prior to going into the hospital. I've been challenging his Dr., the Nurses , ANYONE as to what was going on the course of treatment all of that because he was a very complex chronic medical patient. ICU ventilator were not scary for me he woukd end up there. This man got sick years ago I've always been his wife (we said we were married) I was paid by the county to be his caretaker. But his mom decided it's up to her. I've devisated (less)
21 days ago
I finally took advantage of the respite care....my husband went in on Saturday. Last night at 12:30 the nursing home called and said he had fallen the bathroom. At 4:22am they called and said he was in respiratory stress and did i want them to call an ambulance. I went to the hospital. They had a cpac on him as his oxygen level in his blood was at 77. They did a ct scan and he had broken his hip. He is in such bad shape that there is nothing they could do for hip....The hospice nurse came to the hospital and we talked about our options.....the hospital didn't want to give him pain medicine as it would lessen his breathing. I didn't want him in pain so we arranged for him to be taken by ambulance to the hospice care center.....i wanted him to stay on the cpac until they had him really medicated. We took him off the cpac at about 6 tonight and he is on oxygen condenser. He has been talking since 5 am this morning....calling for help and calling for his brother....the nurses just came in and gave him some more atavan. He is so stubborn...we keep letting him know that we love him and we would all be ok....but he is still here. It is going to be a long night
25 days ago
Well.....Finally did it and got my husband to a respite care facility today...... I had a new inhaler and told him he couldn't have it until he was checked in and in bed at the facility. I told him i would not be taking his calls or visiting him at all... .when i left , i didn't even get 30 feet from his room and he called me rwice
Now i have 5 days without taking care of him. I came home and took a nice long shower and then laid on the couch i watched 2 movies.
He has been getting so dependent on me. He won't go the bathroom without me in the room.
Hear is to 5 days of rest and relaxation
30 days ago
So, this past Friday, we had a date night, first time in forever. We met my brother, that I haven't seen in forever, his girlfriend, my nephew and his wife at a nice restaurant for dinner then off to hear some live music. Sounds good right? Well, not so much. He hated every minute of it and made sure I was miserable. The ride to the restaurant, he never spoke a word. At dinner, maybe he said 2 words. Music show was over and they were going to do an encore, he jumps up and says, "I'm not staying for any damn encore." I jump up and follow, telling everyone goodbye and hurrying out the door. He was about to die for a freakin' cigarette! Once in the car, he says, "you drive." A mile down the road, he says, "pull over, I'm driving!" Apparently I was not going fast enough so he could get home to his smoking and alcohol drinking! By now I was furious, but didn't say a thing. Next morning, I couldn't hold it in any longer. He's sitting there complaining about how his head was hurting and how bad he felt! I said, "Ya think!" Then for the umpteenth time, I ask him why, why are you doing this? You're going every 4 days to buy a carton of cigarettes and liquor! I told him I was disgusted, I'm done and I will not feel sorry for him. He yells, "I'm doing it cause I want to." Please pray for my patience, I'm at my wits end. I can see him getting worse everyday. He quit pulmonary rehab, said he could do that at home, yea right, that was months ago and he's done nothing. All he does all day is sits in his recliner in front of the t.v., smokes, drinks and naps. I never thought we'd ever be in such a horrible situation. He refuses to stop and help himself. He refuses to listen to the doctor, his children and God forbid ME! We had a good life, good kids, 5 grandchildren and it's like now he doesn't care about any of us or himself. Sorry for the vent, I'm just tired!
about 1 month ago
So it has been a month since the Hospice Dr came and.said he has less than 3 months. I really don't know how much longer i can do this..Every 5 minutes he wants me to do something for him and when i don't jump right up, he gets an attitude.i have been breaking down a lot lately because it has been over a year since i had more than a few hours break from him,
i am exhausted. I have finally started using the volunteers to come sit with him for 2 hours twice a week
Our social worker is trying to find him a bed for respite care so i can get a 5 day break. He does not want to go but i told him i need a break....he asked me to promise i would not put him in respite care and i said absolutely not..that this wasn't about him, it was anout me getting a break. He asked the social worker if they could make him go to a nursing home if he gets a lot sicker and she said that they couldn't make him go if he didnt want to go. He turns to me with a smug smile on his face..i told him that even though he could chose to stay home did not mean that i would take care of him. If it got to the point where i couldn't physically and mentally that i would walk out the door.
I was outside weeding the front flower bed today and he calls me on my cell, telling me he needs a breathing treatment and he needs me to empty the bedside commode. I go inside thinking he is on the couch and nebulizer is next to the hospital bed.. Nope.....he is in the bed and the nebulizer is literally 6 inches away from him on the bedside table and is bedside commode is only 1/4 full. I did those things and he says that i can the tv if i want....told him i was going back outside to weed. He wants me to be in the same room as him 24/7, he told the social worker that i should want to be with him 24/7 because he is dying. I told him that was very unfair to me
My aunt who is a nurse says that the medication he is on is enough to knock a horse out but he hardly sleeps and wants me running around to his every request
We talked with his hospice nurse last week about his medscand she said he is on the max meds and suggests that he go into care center so they can moniter his meds to see what changes they can make. I got him to agree to go tomorrow but he will probably change his mind or the portable oxygen isn't working properly.
Some times i get so mad at because he sits there telling me over and over how he is sorry he makes me mad.....but him talking about it makes me lose it because he is acting like a martyr ( i know his mindset and actions very well).
He is never happy with anything i do for him. I don't want to sound mean but i so wish this was over.
I know he is getting worse every day.. I see it in what he says and does..i just wish he could find peace and let go
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