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Combatting Loneliness When Living Alone

Community to encourage ways of living alone and having someone to reach out and say hello and I care. Many of us have lost loved ones with no replacements to connect.

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What's New Today

4 days ago

I have been very lonely and sad since my dog passed a couple months ago. It's a horrible existence. I'm trying to settle in Hbg with a stable job. I have no support system whatsoever. My dog made me happy. He was my only source of joy. I can't stand the way things are now. I have a need to connect. My life sucks though I keep trying to turn things around.

emptynest said...

4 days ago

4 days ago

I have been very lonely and sad since my dog passed a couple months ago. It's a horrible existence. I'm trying to settle in Hbg with a stable job. I have no support system whatsoever. My dog made me happy. He was my only source of joy. I can't stand the way things are now. I have a need to connect. My life sucks though I keep trying to turn things around.

Joygo0510 said...

4 days ago

I am lonely. I enjoy being around people, being busy doing positive things. I can't stand feeling like this every day. I had my dog until a couple months ago and he was my source of joy. We walked alot and he was a presence I could rely on. I miss him terribly. I need to connect with others.

RainyOne said...

3 days ago

RainyOne said...

3 days ago

15 days ago

I'm realizing that I don't know what it is like to have a friend or be a friend. I've always been friendly with my coworkers, but never a let's go shopping or out to lunch type of relationship. I was perfectly happy spending every single moment that I wasn’t working at home alone with my husband. We did that for 40 years. He died a few months ago. I have had terrific support at work and find that I enjoy spending some time with a few of the women. I realize there are different levels of friendship, but do best friends talk about or share really intimate details of things that happen or things you think about? Can you be best friends with someone who has another best friend? Very strange to be trying to figure this out at 60.

LAJ2012 said...

12 days ago

RainyOne said...

11 days ago

JenW said...

20 days ago

Home with a cold, but lonely so I logged on to work remotely. I sit here with my 2 dogs, and have no one to talk to unless I go to work. I cry a lot I have epilepsy, and am medicated and miserable. My life is just not what it used to be. I know it will help when it gets nice out, and I can soak up some sunshine. I can't finish my MBA bc of the epilepsy, and my dr. says no more aqua aerobics. I am barely working, and I don't think my boss trusts me to not have a seizure. I don't really have any friends outside of work, so I just sit here, waiting for bedtime... so I can go to work.

JenW said...

17 days ago

RainyOne said...

17 days ago

RainyOne said...

20 days ago

I haven't posted for a while and thought I'd share another quote and how I personally relate to it. I do this because when I find a good one, it's like moving through an open doorway into a memory or current feeling, and I know that at least one person sees it the same way... and I'd like to know how others see it.

So anyway, this quote is about something I think about a lot: boundaries. I intensely dislike all the fuss about them, and yet when talking with someone I don't know well, I often worry about whether my boundaries are too closed or too open with them. I work at being aware of whether or not I'm taking care of myself in the conversation, because when I was younger, I tended not to. I know that some people never, ever (at least consciously) think on that level and would call me a worry-wart. But when I'm aware of these things either in the moment or afterward, it is like walking through one of those open doorways and seeing the situation in a new way. I like the writer's idea about flexible boundaries. It means I can be what I need to be in the moment.

Here is the quote: “Few of us have a healthy sense of boundaries. We either have rigid boundaries (“No one is ever going to get close to me”) or weak boundaries (“I’ll be anything anyone wants me to be”). Rigid boundaries lead to distance and isolation; weak boundaries, to over-dependency and sometimes, further abuse. The ideal is to develop flexible boundaries, boundaries which can vary depending on the circumstances.” from Laura Davis, Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Is a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

Mama#1 said...

about 1 month ago

Many don't understand if they have never been a caregiver, and family members are so easily judgmental when they truly have no clue and not involved. Mama has declined so rapidly in the nursing home and so many falls and injuries. They keep her so drugged up I don't know what is the disease and what is drugs. I also never knew there could be so many stages of grief before the death has even occurred. Wow . It is a very difficult journey and I pray for all of you Who are caregivers. You, we, are true heroes. ????????

RainyOne said...

about 1 month ago

Skymother said...

about 1 month ago

I came on here today for the first time.... so today found a little gem.... even while relating to "esmee33", for her post took me straight to the dimmed area of my heart where I still long to be at one with family, even though it is better to stay away, or be destroyed over and over again by its toxicity.

Having lost my father, the parent I took after, when I was 14 years of age, and finding myself left in a family group where I no longer fitted in, I became the scapegoat because of secrets and collusions that I disagreed with. Loving each member of my family, as much as I did, meant that I couldn't hurt them back, so I became an object that they each mocked when together, in order to strengthen their face in the secretive group they aligned to.

Even then, I believed they each hid a deeper secret, that of not being happy with their conscience, not genuinely wanting to be that kind of person, but fearing being the isolated one like me. I realised, on a basic level at that age, that that fear came from them seeing the results of disagreeing with a parent and dominant favoured sibling who were the two weakest characters.... suffering from an inability to face life without someone else to prop them up and someone else to blame when props failed.

Whatever conclusion I came to, I hated myself anyway, for having the strength not to go against my inner self, no matter how much I loved them. Although I hated myself for not naturally pleasing those I loved most, I gave 100% of myself to pleasing them in every other way as long as it did not compromise my values. Their demands I always met, but always after contemplating how to in my own way. They mocked my love whenever they were together, and ridiculed me. The more they saw me sobbing the more they seemed to strengthen, and..... the more they laughed at me!

My strength came from writing my feelings in a creative way that I knew they could not destroy. In the written word, I removed from within myself all that mattered most to me, and I kept my writings in my room confident that they were safe there.... because, as I held no genuine interest for them, neither did my room. This meant that when I was out of my room and with my family, the best of me was untouchable and the shell they saw in front of them was less able to be hurt.

So, esme33, I wanted to encourage you to write. Lonesome creative pursuits can get us through isolation / ostracisation and develop our human nature in far more character strengthening way than empty pleasure seeking collusive relationships.

I would like to recommend an excellent book to everyone, called "Solitude" by Anthony Storr. For those who have reading difficulties, visual impairment, I will, now and then, share some of the insights from this book, which expounds the virtues of solitude in a world where it is often portrayed as a sign of mental illness. This book strips away all false portrayals of solitude and, indeed, shows all the wonderful benefits of lonesomeness.

For all who feel low at times without a smile, a light touch on the skin, a knowing glance of unspoken acceptance, I wish to say thank you for being here. I send my love and prayers out to all of you.
Skymother

esme33 said...

about 1 month ago

RainyOne said...

about 1 month ago

RainyOne said...

about 1 month ago

Here is a quote I found from a book titled, Snake Charmer, that talks about being able to be ourselves around others. One of the characters is talking about her mother: “I’m never more proud of my mother than after seeing her handle her parents that year. She’s finally learning to be herself around people who’d like to keep her in a box of their expectations.” Bijou Hunter, Snake Charmer

Even though this quote may be referring to someone whose family had big expectations of her, I think family expectations can go either way. I always felt that my extended family had put me into a box of their expectations, a limiting box that they could keep the cover on... that would define me in ways I didn't want to be defined. I found it very difficult not to define myself the way they saw me. I had to separate from them and found that years later when I tried to connect with some of them, it was evident that they still defined me the same way, without wanting to know more. I think that has been a dark shadow on my life, even though I may not have wanted to admit it. I wonder if anyone else out there has had a similar experience? Did you have family who defined you in ways that you didn't like, and how did you cope with that?

esme33 said...

about 1 month ago

RainyOne said...

about 1 month ago

RainyOne said...

2 months ago

A quote that I sometimes find to be true, in myself and in others. Anyone relate?

“When I was going on one day in the car about not having any close friends - using my favourite metaphor: the cage of glass between me and the rest of the world - she just laughed. 'You like it,' she said. 'You say you're isolated, boyo, but you really think you're different.” John Fowles, The Magus

RainyOne said...

2 months ago

esme33 said...

about 1 month ago

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