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Caring for a Spouse with Mental Illness

Mental Illness is different than cancer, Alzheimer's, diabetes, or other conditions that society accepts as organic and 'real'. Have you chosen to stay with your spouse or care for someone who suffers from a mental illness? This groups is here to support you.

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What's New Today

7 days ago

Hello. I am a caregiver for my boyfriend who is a veteran that suffers from PTSD and a mild TBI, as well as depression and anxiety. I have been with him for 4 years, and also knew him before he went into the military. His PTSD has gotten worse over the last year and he is trying to push me out of his life. He has done this two times before in our relationship, but has always broke down and told me he was wrong and that he wanted me in his life, and that he needed help. He goes through the same phases that span over a month usually of being happy and nice to me, then sad, and then extremely distant and mean. It has been extremely hard to deal with in our relationship and we been through couples therapy for PTSD but that only made it better for a short time. We ave talked about serious future plans together like marriage and family and different life goals that we want. He used to tell me all the time how much he loved me and wanted to be with me and I want the same with him, However these last few months have been different. He has been like a ghost in my life and it has been really hard to deal with. He has been consistently upset and mean and rude to me and is not acknowledging it or apologizing. The difference is that out of all the times we have been through this cycle he doesn't seem to be coming out of this one. I have done everything in my power to try and be there for him, help him, and show him support in all ways, but nothing is working now. I don't know if I should let him push me out this time or if I should try and make it through this with him. I love him and I don't want to give up our dreams and life plans that we had but I don't know if he can act like he loves me again. Everything is very inconsistent within his life but I have always been a constant. I just don't know if I should walk away and let him push me out or not.

CanadianMom said...

12 days ago

Today is my brother's wedding. So far my husband has forgot to pick up his suit and told me I should have done it (even though I talked to him about it and he never gave me the ticket to go get it). We have two children and I've done EVERYTHING to get ready for this wedding. He has started a fight about the fact that his mother wasn't invited to the wedding and that sexual abuse survivors are just "looking for a spotlight". I have to play and sing the ceremony and cocktails and now he is insisting he also play at cocktails but we have no childcare during that time. How do I not kill him today? How do I go about celebrating the wedding of my bother and new sister in law and not want to have a mental breakdown? I've been incredibly sick all week and he hasn't done a thing to help me. How do you continue to support someone who is just an abhorrent person to be around? He literally blames me for everything. Like everything is my fault and if we have a horrible time today its my fault. I'm supposed to be helping him but NO ONE helps me.

14 days ago

My husband, we have been together for 11 yrs, has PTSD, anxiety, and acute depression. He is currently on the highest dose of antidepressants you can give a human. He struggles everyday with feeling worthy/strong enough to continue to live. I’m the past year we have moved for his job, and he has lost three friends, two to suicide. Now he has run out of one of his depression meds because the doctors around here are so over booked he hasn’t been able to get a refill. The past two mornings he has woken up having panic attacks and his level of physical pain is almost unbearable. On top of all this, this weekend is the Anniversary of when his mom died from cancer and his new job is starting to worry about him. While he is able to work from home, we moved so he could go into the office. We are still trying to recover financially from our move and money is tight. I’m so scared that this is like “the perfect storm”. I haven’t been able to make new friends here yet and I don’t want to worry people “back home” so finding a place like this site where other people are fighting the same fight as me and understand is a good thing.

Chhavi said...

21 days ago

Hi, my husband has depression but I dont think the medicines are helping him, he has started to instigate our young kids with provoking and negative thoughts, he wants to control my life according to his own convenience. I am dependent on him financially and I am not able to find some peace or solace. He gets violent and is very suicidal, His mom supports him in his deeds. I am feeling very helpless. I think its more than depression, may be narcissism. Any help will be appreciated thanks

24 days ago

My husband is in a bad place at the moment. He has bpd depression and anxiety. He wakes up most days suicidal. His doctor said medication won’t help so has discharged him. He’s lost hope and I’m scared. I’m unsure what to do about it

24 days ago

My spouse has ptsd and diassaciative disorder. They have been in therapy for 10 months. We have moved from a very happy and loving couple to me being hated at times. It is hard to understand. They drink more than usual and at that point I am unsure as to who/what will happen after. I believe they do not remember the next day or several moments later. What/how do I effectively communicate with them? Anything contrary to their thoughts is taken as an argument.

26 days ago

Hi...I'm brand new here. Just looking for support. My husband is very depressed. Meds help a little biy. He has suicidal thoughts almost daily and often states that he can't stand being with me and wants a divorce. Is this typical behavior? I want to believe it's just the depression talking....praying for endurance. Thanks.

2 days ago

foreverthere said...

2 days ago

29 days ago

Meet my husband in 2011. He was going through a divorce ( 15 years of marriage and 3 girls) according to his stories his ex-wife had "issues". Narcissist, depressive.. etc. I believe him as I witness behaviours myself that could attest to his accusation. We married a little over a year and a half ago. Shortly after I discover that he had lied to me on numerous subject. Having a conversation as partners is impossible has he automatically put his back up. Claim that I am being mean, he shuts down and become as cold as stone. And this state remains for days or weeks. Only to be blame again as the cause of his reaction if I am trying reach out to him. There is no relationship. I suggested he seek help but that was not receive very well. I am at my wits end. I can’t keep living has the made, the cook, the companion sitting on the opposite couch while he watches sport. I do not know where to turn. I am ready to file for divorce…. How can you help someone to accept they have issues? How to guide him to get help? Is there anyone out there that can give me a glimpse of hope? Am desperate! Everything he blamed his ex wife to be I am now realising he his himself. Someone out there? Help?

about 1 month ago

Thank you, internet, for showing me this site. My husband is in therapy, thankfully, and has committed to keep it up for as long as he needs it, which we agree could be forever. I'm so thankful for that and all the ways he's worked to recover from his childhood trauma and overcome PTSD already. That said I'm so glad to have this group because I'm finally accepting that It's ok for me to feel overwhelmed in this situation and that it's not my fault that I feel like I can't handle it by myself. I feel like I need therapy myself just to center myself around his disability. It's been such a huge part of my life for so long It just feels like it's supposed to be this way.... but then I see other families with fathers that are calm and caring and consistent and I just want to scream, "Why can't that be us?!" I'm running out of tools in my toolbox to deal with his behaviors, and I can't just "well he can't help it" all away. I've been with him for 13 years, and I remember struggling when dating him and always just thinking that he'd grow out of it. I want to help and encourage but it often feels like I'm holding him back - that I've created this life for him that just adds stress and burden to his already fragile mental health. I just need to know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing this space with me!

Rmperron said...

about 1 month ago

My spouse has been struggling with depression and anxiety for years in part related to gender dysphoria. They've recently started transitioning from male to non binary (somewhere between male and female) but is still struggling greatly with they're depression. Some days are better than others. My spouse is in therapy, on an antidepressant and trying to get better which is great. But there are still at least a few times a month where they are completely inconsolable. They hide in our room and leave me to do everything on my own. I'm home with the kids during the week so by the weekend I need just a little time to myself or at least as a family but sometimes they aren't able to give me that and is hard. I try to be really patientbut some days I just want to scream at my spouse because I can't hear yet again how horrible they think our life is. We're working to make things better and to minimize stressors but what if we can't. I don't know if I can be on a regular emotional roller coaster for the rest of my life.

I love my spouse more than anything but sometimes I'm just so tired.

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