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Caring for a Spouse with Mental Illness

Mental Illness is different than cancer, Alzheimer's, diabetes, or other conditions that society accepts as organic and 'real'. Have you chosen to stay with your spouse or care for someone who suffers from a mental illness? This groups is here to support you.

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What's New Today

11 days ago

My husband is bipolar/ adhd and has cluster b personality disorder. I met him and married him before his diagnosis even knowing his flaws. It is hard not knowing if I will get called horrible names or how his mood will be getting through the days. He can't keep a job even though he is incredible at his trade on good days. I have no privacy. He checks all my messages and if I leave the room to long or go out of the house without him he checks up on me because he constantly thinks I'm cheating on him even though I have given him no reason to think these things. In our town his doctor sucks. We beg for help when he gets to his lowest but the doctor just turns him away. I ended up taking him to emerg after him cutting his wrists in front of me. I called mental health and all they do is put him in support groups that make him very uncomfortable. When I looked for help for myself I was told that I needed to leave him. How does a mental health worker find it better to leave someone mentally ill when u love them so much? Sometimes I feel so alone because I deal with him alone.

16 days ago

My wife of 6.5 years left me a week before Christmas. She has been depressed since we met nine years ago. She hid her depression from me until we moved in together 6 months before we got married and she was flunking out of college as she slept into the afternoon everyday. I did everything I could to support her, but the financial strain of her spending and lack of gainful employment put a constant strain on our marriage. She withdrew from all conflict letting sentiment build between us. About twice a year I would push when she withdrew during conflict raising my voice at her. She is very sensitive and would react as if I had physically struck her. I feel so ashamed of my anger, but could never express any discontent. I did all of the cooking, major cleaning, finances, life planning, and started a business three years ago which she owned half of, but didn't participate in unless pushed to. I did everything I could to salvage our relationship. Every winter she would fall deeper into depression and become angry if I asked for simple things like dropping off trash while I was at work. I did everything I could the past six months to help. I avoided conflict, did the grocery shopping, cleaned (as I always did), cooked and came home from work every afternoon to try and get her out of bed. Now she left because I raised my voice in an argument we had on election night when Trump won. I had phone banked for Hillary and we both voted for her. She was devastated by his win. She moved out with her Mom (who had just gotten divorced from her father who she is estranged from) while I was working. I came home right as she was leaving and she cried and hugged me as she said she needed a few months to clear her head at her Mom's house. We have talked and texted since she left. She has said she sees more clearly how outside influences had hurt our marriage, but still blames everything on my reaction to her in conflict. She takes no responsibility for how hard it was to deal with her depression or how much effort I put in. She says she will need at least a year or more before we might come back together. In the meantime she has said I love you at the end of our few phone conversations and even texted me a podcast about marriage counseling. She says I need to move on, but she was my best friend and the love of my life. She has completely cut off all of her friends and family except her mother since she left and continues to avoid taking any responsibility for her own life, like getting student loans taken care of and helping me file taxes. She quit the one job she had for nine months (the first job in two years) when she moved and isn't looking for another job. She has fallen back into her old routine of sleeping late and staying up late.

Is there any hope of a depressed spouse such as her coming back or agreeing to work things out? My heart is broken into pieces. I'm working on myself and going to anxiety group while taking a new anxiety medication. I also canceled my home internet and got a 24 hour gym membership. She has added to my stress by claiming I owe her alimony and separation support even though we have no children and we are in our early thirties. I am at such a loss. She was my best friend. I have taken credit for my anger and am working on it. I have apologized, but all she can focus on is me while taking no responsibility for her actions. I still have hope as I am a very resilient and persistent person. In our state we have to be legally separated a year before being able to divorce. I plan to continue to reach out up until the day she files the divorce papers. I just don't know what else to do.

Davis78 said...

21 days ago

My husband is going through depression, he makes me feel he doesn't love me, and he makes me feel he is not attracted to me, he knows he is going through depression and currently going through therapy, He and I have no emotional connection in my eyes but in his everything is still there. He wants our marriage and I do to but this is so hard. He don't love himself so its hard for him to show me love I feel so alone.

Davis78 said...

16 days ago

Davis78 said...

16 days ago

Greg S said...

21 days ago

My wife has battled bi-polar, anxiety and manic depression her entire adult life. She seems to be at a breaking point and I don't know where to take her for help. I can't just sit by and watch her suffer any longer and her doctors have done virtually nothing for her. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Davis78 said...

16 days ago

Greg S said...

14 days ago

CMG02 said...

about 1 month ago

My husband has depression. He takes the brunt of it out on me by being verbally abusive. I'm done. Don't want him around anymore. Little afraid of him though.

KristaLN said...

about 1 month ago

CMG02 said...

about 1 month ago

Bob McKnead said...

about 1 month ago

Greetings, my significant other for 28 years has a significant struggle with depression which shows itself in epospdes of acute anger directed towards me. We are close. But I'm not thinking I can go on as it is. In my mind I don't think this illness should end our relationship but storage bank of love is running out. Would anyone out there like to provide some insight to the experience I'm having? Can we keep the exchanges down to a couple of paragraphs ???? Thank you

Mskimberlydn said...

about 1 month ago

I'm new to this. I feel so lost right now and I don't know where to turn. My fiancé is the most loving and caring person that I have ever known. She would give you the shirt off her back in the dead of winter without a second thought. For the last month or so she has been changing and for the last week it's gotten seriously worse. She has anxiety and feels completely worthless. She tells me that she is going to leave because this is too much for me To deal with and it's not fair to me. She is getting rid of things and has become aggressive. Not Towards me but throws things. For example The other night she shattered her new laptop into pieces then threw it away just because it asked for the wifi password. I love her and won't abandon her but right now I feel so helpless. What do I do? I have N appointment for her to see a psychiatrist on Wednesday but she's convinced that it's not going to help. Last night she told me that she feels like she's losing herself and that she's afraid that soon she won't remember anything or anyone. She told me that she didn't think she would be here next year. I feel completely lost right now and I don't know how to help her. The only thing I'm certain of is that I won't leave her. She has been abandoned by the people who supposedly love her all of her life and I won't do that to her. Please tell me what to do. ????

KristaLN said...

about 1 month ago

Bedrock said...

about 1 month ago

I need some guidance. My amazing, loving husband was in a near fatal car accident 2 years ago. Since then he has been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, Insomnia, High Blood. He has a drinking problem and uses it as a coping mechanism. His doctors say he is NOT an alcoholic. He goes a few weeks without drinking a drop, but then buys a bottle, hides is from me, forgets that he took his sleeping pills (Lunesta). He has promised me, our children he would not drink hard liquor. Every other week I find a bottle hidden. When he has 1 glass of wine, he cannot stop. He has to have the bottle or two, I want to be supportive, but I am tired. He is also on Cymbalta and we had to deal with very odd, relationship destructive behavior with that. It has been a living hell for over a year. I am not sure what to do... He has the right doctors, he is on the right meds, work is amazing, but he is still drinking. Is this common aftermath with GAD?

KristaLN said...

about 1 month ago

Gracegirl said...

about 1 month ago

Can someone recover from borderline personality disorder

Kamkelsey said...

about 1 month ago

Gracegirl said...

about 1 month ago

KristaLN said...

about 1 month ago

My best friend of 15+ years and boyfriend of 2 years has hit a huge hole of depression. It started out with anxiety that was being treated for years. He suddenly hit this dark place over the last few months falling farther and farther in. His family has a history of mental illness and he recognizes that something is wrong and he needs help, but this past week it has pushed him to the point of telling me that he doesn't know if he wants a relationship with me any longer, but he can't answer because he's not sure if it's the depression or his heart talking. I'm not sure what the best think is for me to do.

Kamkelsey said...

20 days ago

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