Caregiving Wives of Stroke Survivors
This group is created to provide a place to encourage, give or ask for advice, or just vent to other wives who are full time caregivers to their husbands who are disabled by massive strokes.
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My husband just had two mini strokes last week at 53. It took doctors 4 days to figure out what they think caused it. He has so far no side effects. But it is now just hitting me. We do not have children by our choice. We have spoiled each other and I have never know someone so generous as he is before. We have been married almost 26 years. I am just now starting to get weepy and scared this is going to happen again. I am so afraid of losing him. He is so afraid that he will have more that might be serious.
My husband had a stroke at 57 2 1/2 years ago, I am 4 years older been married 26 years, I have always wanted to find a website of other caregivers to compare stories. Our life before was fabulous he always treated me like a queen was successful, funny we have no children so we have always catered to one another. The hardest part of all this is he has dysarthria two paralyzed vocal cords and crushed voice box so His communication is not good we use a alphabet chart and he gets so upset when he can’t make me or others understand him. I can’t imagine feeling like your trapped in your own body unable to walk on his own or communicate like he used to. He was very depressed saying he wanted to die...I talked to his dr and he put him on a mild antidepressant what a difference it made for him he is pleasant we laugh allot (half to better than screaming at each other). I know I have severe bouts of depression to but have to put it aside to do all the things we have to do to keep the day going. My question to anyone that can relate we are barely surviving on disability and early social security. I want to work from home so I can care for him and earn some extra money any suggestions besides Ebay?
Omg! So glad I found this group!
My husband had his stroke 7 weeks ago (he's 62 and I just turned 40). It's funny that the night he had it I had come home to discuss relationship issues (I work in another city and travel back on weekends). If we couldn't come to an agreement to work on issues, then I was going to break up with him. Well... I was about to tell him when he started slurring his speech.
Trying to make this short, the Drs found a clot in his brain in the area for speech and memory. On Plavix to try to dissolve. He has no mobility issues but doc took drivers licence away because of loss of vision on right side (that he's regained now). He spent the first 3 weeks angry with me saying I took EVERYTHING away. He still brings it up, but he's not capable of looking after paying his own bills. I'm crossing my fingers he gets better.. but signs are pointing to NO. I haven't seen any improvement in condition in weeks. He can't read and all he does is watch TV and smoke cigarettes (I've at least convinced him to go outside for that) and doesn't want to do amything. Then complains to me he has nothing to do.
I feel so trapped in this life with him. I'm not heartless and feel like I can't leave him when he can't even manage his own money. And has too much pride that he won t ask his family for help.
It's not like I don't have another home to stay at and he can stay alone and doesn't need 24/7 care.
Thanks for reading my vent.
Any insights? I still want to leave.. but.. how do i leave someone that needs that kind of help?
Vent...I want to F'ing scream...it was a year since my husband's stroke, March 28 and I beyond frustrated !!! All he wants to do is sit in front of that damn TV and smoke ....That's it and my husband's only 54 years old, I'm 57 and fed up. To top it off he's started having seizures, we or I should say I sold the house and I bought a condo because I can't do this all by myself anylonger. So now I'm trying to pack this house, work on the condo, run us both to the dr. get boxes, get prescriptions,....ect ect. He had a seizure at home last week, his second and then one in the er and started to have a 3rd so they put him in ICU, which meant I couldn't stay with him and the next night he got moved to a regular room and I didn't stay with him that night either. My husband's non verbal so communication with anyone but me is difficult..I'm to the point Oh well you better learn to communicate with others because if I drop dead your screwed !!! We have no marriage, I'm his caregiver and that's it...he could do more for himself, he showers, dresses himself, feeds himself, go's to the bathroom himself...!!! Now they tell me I can't leave him alone for 3 months since the seizures. ..ya really !!! He refuses to go anyplace with me because he would have to leave that freaking ass TV and that's not going to happen..!!! So I'm to the point,...I have to do what I have to do...what other choice do I have ??? He's stubborn and has started screaming at me !!! That's not him, the screaming at me has just started, I'm suspecting it's the Keppra. He actually grabbed and pushed me one day and I straight up told him..I will knock you on you F'ing ass if you ever put your hands on me again. His Labido is gone, the dr gave him Viagra but he has No desire at all...I'm 57..Now what?? Is my life over ? I was a caregiver for my job for 25 years, Now don't even feel like a women anymore...
Is there anybody on herr that has domeone who had a stroke in their late 40s? My husband had a small vascular stroke. Though hes got most of his physical stuff back, his cognitive part is on the decline. He has early onset dementia now too. He has days where he has energy but most days he doesnt. And he obsesses and disappears into his head now. His labido has pretty much disspeared and hes depr ssed snd angry all the time. At night he gets up and wanders and paces. I will as an rca so i know what is happening. Hes changed and only close friends and family know at yhis point. Their must be someone on here that has a spouse with what mine has.
I haven't been on in a while. Thank you all for sharing. I have been feeling so alone. Everything is so hard. I try to just push myself each morning to get started and throw myself into the day. Going to work provides some solace. Meanwhile I pray that my husband who I have left at home alone will make good decisions throughput the day. I have decided what he really needs now is a life coach that would come help him daily while I am at work. It is not affordable or realistic so instead I treat it like I have left a child at home alone and pray. His neuropsych test results came back last month with cognition and comprehension on a 5th grade level. I am still struggling with where to set boundaries for him. He doesn't believe he is disabled. Hard to tell him what to do. It is all so tiring.....I am sad and lonely. My kids seem better than me. I try to hide my tears. I want so much for them to not be brought down by this. I miss my husband and the father he was.
about 1 month
It's been nearly 4 years since my husband had his strokes. He has gone through physical, occupational, and speech therapy. He still receives therapy, which we take care of. He lost control of the hamstring in his left leg and wears a brace on that leg. He just can't get it in his head how to compensate and walk with it. I'd gone through other physical issues with him before (broken leg, torn achilles tendon) and he always worked hard to get back. He just doesn't seem to want to work to get back from this. He won't do the exercises given him to do at home. I had made a checklist for him to look at as a reminder, but it didn't help. He just doesn't bother. When I say something to him about it, he gets mad. We have both said things to each other that we wouldn't have said in a million years, before this happened. I kept believing his personality would improve over time-that he'd come back. He just isn't the same person I was in love with for so many years. He was such an active person. We did so much together and had so much fun. Our children are grown and we had so many plans for our retirement years. I now feel that I am living with a stranger. I don't feel like a wife anymore. I don't feel the love I had before. It's as though the joy of life has been sucked out. I'm trying to deal with this as best I can. I don't want to leave him.
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