Caregiving Wives of Stroke Survivors
This group is created to provide a place to encourage, give or ask for advice, or just vent to other wives who are full time caregivers to their husbands who are disabled by massive strokes.
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27 days ago
Looking for some advise. In August of this year, my 42 year old husband suffered 2 ruptured brain aneurysms, resulting in a stroke in the front left brain. After spending 31 days in a neurosurgical ICU, 30 days in an LTAC, he is currently in a skilled nursing facility. His recovery is slow, but consistent. He cannot walk, talk, etc... but he can move his extremities, chew and swallow (though he still has his PEG as his main source of nutrition), and is aware and responds appropriately to family, friends, and staff (smiles, laughs, smirks, etc). Therapy continues to work with his daily. My issue - I'm having a hard time separating my role as care giver and my role as his spouse. I spend early mornings with him, go to my full time job, take my lunch to help with his therapy, then back to work until 5. Afterwards, I head back to the facility and stay until around 7 - when I go pickup our 10 year old daughter from her sitter and head home of dinner. This goes on 5 days a week, and we spend the weekends with his at the facility, I help out all I can, but I find myself getting frustrated and depressed. I miss our talks and time together as a couple and as a family. I know things will never be the same again, but will it get any easier? I wish I could go back to just being his spouse.
29 days ago
I just found this site. I have been dealing with the fallout from my husband's stroke the past several years. No one seems to understand the impact because he wasn't paralyzed and there is nothing obvious to the casual observer. The personality change, depression, memory issues, etc. are wearing me down. I want to be supportive and I try to be, but I am starting to wonder if I can continue. I love him but feel like I'm developing resentment. Ugh, does this ever get better?
3 months ago
I feel so guilty. My husband had a bad stroke July 1 and lost most of his left side. He had been getting some feeling back, but in the meantime, I am packing up our home as its up for sale now. I have had to start working more hours – and I am starting to dislike him. For decades, I asked him to stop chewing tobacco and lose some weight – he just ignored me – well not that those two reasons caused the stroke but they didn’t help. I am so angry. I am so lonely. He doesn’t remember and the personality he has is not his old one. How do wives get through this? I feel so guilty – sometimes I just wish he would die so I could make plans and get on with life. I know that is awful and I am only thinking about myself, but I miss being a wife. I miss love. I miss my husband!!!
4 months ago
It's been 15 days since my husbands massive left side cellebrum stroke. Multiple surgeries, coded, and trach placement. I went from emotional to angry. I'm 7 months pregnant with our first son, battling his family, & raising my two daughters. I lay alone at night, it's beyond upsetting. I go to the hospital- he keeps his eyes closed constantly.. as if he doesn't even want to be bothered with me... so devastated. ......
4 months ago
I am so lonely. My soulmate of 42 years had a massive stroke on July 2 . He is 60 years old. He lost his speech, has a feeding tube because he swallow. Right side is totally disable. He was on a ventalotor for 3 weeks. In August of last year, he had a stroke on the left side. He regained the use of his left side and returned to work by December. He has been in five facilities since July. He is now in a skilled nursing unit at a nursing home. Today the director called me in to say he would probably not regain his speech and probably have the feeding for the rest of his life. He also, he wa not sure that he was losing his determination to get better or if all then emotions have been due to the part of the brain controls crying, depression, anger, and the ability to stay on task. We have never been apart except when we had children. He had non-hodgkins lymphoma in 2002. How much more can his body take? They fear because he can't swallow he could aspirate and get pneumonia. He tells me "his not a man anymore" I am sorry, Why?, and the fear I won't want him anymore. We both cried for what we had, what we have lost, and fear the fear of the future. I want him to come home and the goal was on a walker. Today, they told me the PT, OT, and speech therapy would be come to our home to make coming home safe. We have steps and will need ramps, wheelchair access to the bathroom. My mind is on overload, I cry because I miss him, and I fear I would be able to care for him when he finally comes home. HELP with ideas, expectations for the future. I had a left arm replacement, two neck surgeries, and last year back surgery, I fear I won't be strong enough to keep from hurting him or me.
5 months ago
My husband had a stroke caused by a motorcycle accident. Along with the stroke he broke the back pelvis and crushed the front pelvis. We feel very blessed with the improvements he has made. His injuries could have been SO much worse. However, he is unable to work. There are things that are hard for him to do. He is on disability.. He worked very hard to rehabilitate after the accident. Now, he feels he won't get better (some things may not improve) . The reality of his situation has really hit him hard. He tries to deal with being in pain every day but won't take pain meds. He is, unable to work, no longer able to do simple activities like gardening without more pain. So, I am patiently trying to let him figure out what he can and can't do. While trying to encourage him and provide some mental stimulation. It is hard to watch him withdraw from life, not read, not exercise and go no where. I keep reminding myself these are his choices to make. He talks to our daughter , a registered nurse. We are concerned but don't know what else we can do for him.
Susan W B said...
5 months ago
My husband suffered a stroke in February. He has been in a nursing facility since April. He has lost his right side and the ability to speak clearly. I am considering bringing him home, but am afraid that if I do and I can't handle this on my own I will have no where to turn. (He was turned down by 10 different facilities in the Atlanta area after his stroke and he ended up in a facility an hour and a half away.) I would like to bring him home for the holidays to see how things go before committing. Is that wrong?
5 months ago
Sometimes I feel smothered by my husband who had a stroke. I understand his fear, his frustration, his sadness in losing everything in his life, his depression but I feel so stuck and sometimes resent the fact that I just don't want to give anymore, am tired of being a caregiver and then I feel guilty when I feel that way. He was so emotionally abusive before the stroke and now the irony of all of it that I have to take care of him. I don't want anything bad for him, I really try hard to make sure he has everything he needs, that his medical needs are met, to get him out among people, etc. but I don't sleep well and at times I just want to run away.
An anonymous caregiver said...
5 months ago
My Grandpa has had several strokes over the past few years. The family had to move him into a home recently because of his violence and new found hatred it seems for my Grandma. Not many people witness the way he verbally abuses her so she feels like everyone is on his "side" (counselors, doctors, and other residents).
He calls my Grandmother begging for her to take him home and asking what he did to deserve this. It breaks my Grandma's heart to hear that but when she does go to see him, he is nasty and calls her the worst names. Everyday, she leaves crying and he just isn't able to understand. Anyway, I just wish I could help in some way when she calls me crying. I honestly believe the counseling is making things worse. I know she is extremely upset because she doesn't call as often as she used to and I think it's because she doesn't want me to hear her cry .
Does anyone have any advice on how I can help comfort my Grandma when distance doesn't exactly make it easy to be there as much as I'd like to?
As the caregivers yourselves, what are some of the things you would appreciate or help you cope?
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