Caregiving Wives of Stroke Survivors
This group is created to provide a place to encourage, give or ask for advice, or just vent to other wives who are full time caregivers to their husbands who are disabled by massive strokes.
What's New Today
Been dealing with a lot lately and decided to go to the place that helps me sort things out, my fellow caregivers! I think reality is starting to set in & I am fighting depression over it. I am realizing that my husband isn't any different than any of your spouses. Wishful thinking my husband was going to get better. I see so many of you write that all your spouses do are sit and watch tv. That is what mine does. He is capable of being active, but it's like something won't trigger that though in his brain to get him to do it. He won't interact with the other residents at the care facility, prefers to lay in bed or sit and watch tv.
My son lives 11 hours away and my husband keeps talking of going to visit him. My reply is always when you get to where you can help me help you we will go. I see that as never happening now. I need to go visit, but the guilt sets in ... Do any of you go to counseling? Talking to you has helped me so far, but I wonder if I am getting to that stage where I need more. All of this has effected my health and finances, so I am not sure I can even afford getting that kind of help. Where do I turn? What do I do? The thought that the next 20 years I can't go visit my son without feeling guilt or hanging out with my daughters just for the heck of it, but that I will work every day and than visit my husband at the care facility is overwhelming right now.
Stumbled on a video of my husband...singing...dancing...2 months before the stroke. No warnings that I would loose him. Now...hes just vegetative in a bed. I try to find and focus on the positives and small things but its hard. Hes not coming back. Married 10 months lost now forever. I feel divorced already. I feel angry at life. Life moves on...but it took my heart with it.
March will be 2 years since my husband's stroke, a year after his stroke he started having seizures. He is on seizure meds..has gone from 250 pds, he's 6'3, down to 160 !!! He was in a size 36 jeans and now he's down to a 32 !!! I believe it's caused by his seizure medication. Plus he doesn't want to do anything but watch TV. ..I mean nothing. We have nothing that resembles a "marriage " I am only his caregiver, the person who talks for him. Has anyone noticed this with there husband's on seizure medication and what have you done ???
Happy New Year, I know it is so damn hard. I really hate holidays and group events.
I could have sworn I posted a message to all of you ladies on Christmas Day, but it doesn't seem to show up. I also wanted to reach out to everyone. Christmas was a sad day for me. It helps to stay connected with all the other ladies on this site dealing with the same situation. My prayer is that God sends each of us just a little peace and comfort. Elizabeth
It's difficult when the wife feels vibrant and the husband walks and acts like 100 years old. It's difficult when the wife is stuck doing everything and the husband does nothing or whatever he does do, she has to finish it. It's difficult when the wife is dealing with all the stress, driving, shopping, repairs, etc. and the husband want's to share his YouTube watching. It's difficult when the wife has to lead her husband in the stores & watch him as if she has a little boy again to take care of and he doesn't mind.. It's difficult when she has to stand & wait what seems forever while he walks toward the car or gets in the car. It's difficult when the wife see's other couples twice the age enjoying things while she is stuck in the elderly world way before her time. It's difficult going year after year after year living in this way. It's difficult when the wife wishes she had never chosen the role 'wife' and the husband is enjoying his role. It's difficult when the wife has to make sure her husband is taken care of in family get togethers while her husband just sits there telling jokes.. It's difficult when the wife realizes family members don't get it or understand when she tries to explain how miserable her life is and the husband sit's and smiles. It's difficult when the wife want's to run away but financially is attached to her husband and can't. It's difficult when the wife feels she is in a prison with a life sentence while the husband feels he is living in retirement.
about 2 months
Does anyone have young adult children, 25-30,? I have 3 sons who all live far away and have no family here as we moved here years ago for my husbands. Job long before his stroke. When the one son coed into town to see us he usually ends up spending quite a bit of time seeing friends va being with us as a family. This upsets his younger brother who is closes to him and I feel hurt that he feels the need to be with them even though he has been with them more recently than us. He is a good son except this but I feel he is a little clueless. He got married 3 years ago, makes a very high salary and they literally travel the globe so money is not the issue. Am I wrong for feeling hurt ? I understand that friends are important and happy he has a full successful life. I also know that prior to the stroke I did not feel ‘this way. My younger son will complain to me and I do not want to be in the middle of this but we do seem to have the same feelings about the situation. Thanks for listening.
about 2 months
Here's what I think is the worst aspect...that I am the one doing all the work to try to keep this marriage going. Is it that he's too tired? Too oblivious? Has the stroke damaged his ability to understand the significance of things? Does he no longer have the insight and maturity? I feel taken for granted. I'm tired of this being all too much work! I want to feel like I matter. I want to believe that this marriage means something to him...that it's worth working at! Can anyone relate? We used to be sooooo happy and in love. The two and a half years we had before the strokes were the happiest of my life. Is that all I get out of a whole lifetime? Just two and half years?
about 2 months
So...Im the one who was married for 10 months before the stroke which caused my husband to be vegetative. Doctors recently did a MRI to show the damage is more intense. The entire right side is severly damage and theres some fluid on the brain. His prognosis is tired and they expect no recovery from years to come until God calls him home. During this now 2 year journey....I and an old friend of 5 years has been there to support me. We always had feelings but never pushed the issue. He is aware of my situation and has expressed his love for me. I truly care and love him too. We are going to see where this leads as I still support my husbands journey...however I am looking to shift as a wife but commit to care for him as a caregiver. He is already in a facility as home could not accomodate his needs. Im sure I will be judged and its ok. I have one life. I looove my husband. The stroke has destroyed our marital dreams and the reason I married him...but I will be sure hes always taken care of. My friend will too. Thanks for letting me express.
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