Caregiving Wives of Stroke Survivors
This group is created to provide a place to encourage, give or ask for advice, or just vent to other wives who are full time caregivers to their husbands who are disabled by massive strokes.
What's New Today
about 14 hours ago
I am 42 and my husband will be 43 this August. We have great insurance which is a blessing! My husband's stroke happened a year ago this month. He has complete use of his right side and is verbal. His left leg is coming around but his arm is flaccid. We have two children who are ages 3 and 7 years old. I find everyday extremely challenging. I have no help to speak of and am on constant errand runs.....school, daycare, Pt/Ot etc. I am always exhausted and can't even find the time for a good cry! I'm angry all the time, always apologizing and find that my husband and I have nothing in common.... except for the caregiver/patient communication. I don't know how to save our marriage. There are no boundaries anymore. He's like one of my children. I just don't know how to keep our 21 years together from cracking. To make matters worse. If he doesn't return to work soon he'll end up without that too. Like him, I feel completely helpless. I just want to run as fast as possible, but to where, I have no idea.
8 days ago
I have been searching for a support group for exactly this. I'm the resident caregiver, 70 years old and totally responsible for husband who will be 76 next month. He has excellent medical care through VA, that's not a concern. Multiple strokes starting 5 years ago with the big one. He lost his problem solving and higher function, which put him squarely in my lap since then. We have been a separate couple for years, his travel and working long spells far away was how we stayed married, if you can understand that. So I'm well into 5 years of being sort of his mom, functionally. Our adult kids are busy, try to help when they can, but it's all down to me. I'm frankly pooped. He's had many TIA events and has continued to lose cognizance and ability with each. The latest small setbacks mean he needs help even more. I kind of want to go out on the porch and shriek. How do you all deal with the ongoing losses?
Caregiver 4 greatness said...
16 days ago
I have been a caregiver for 10 years . When my husband had his stroke in October 2016 , my whole world has been crazy . I continue to work because I must, thankfully it was not bad , but it is a serious drain on me . His short term memory is just that , not to mention how he has trouble with forgetting what he wants to say, before he completes his thoughts . I totally feel like I am loosing my own mind .
Virginia semain said...
23 days ago
I too am a wife of a stoke patient. Needs full help, he is paralyzed onright side face. Arm, leg he is a little aphasia in his speech. What I would like to know is how do you women "caretake" my husband weighs 250! I can hardly push his wheel Chair let alone lift him to bed, change his diaper, bathe him, etc. he sits in his wheel chair and watches cowboys tv. We have no long term care, so hired a pvt male caregiver but I'm afraid im going to run out of funds how do you gals do it?? I just turned 80 he will be in Oct. I'm paying About 4800.amonth cash no ins.
24 days ago
My husband had his first stroke nearly 3 years ago and subsequently has had a total of 5, he had excellent help at the VA hospital, was there several months before coming home, he quit doing any and all therapy, and now wants me to do everything thing he wants: get a drink, fix him this, that. He is handicap but not bed ridden, just sits in front of the tv, and smoking like a freight train, no exercising, or nothing, has became a complete slob (he's former military) it almost devistated us financially, he seems to hate our son, nothing he does is right, just don't know what to do anymore. Any suggestions would be appreciated, I believe the only thing left to do is divorce, but I don't want people to be judgemental about what this has done to us!
Leah D. said...
about 1 month ago
Hi. I just found this site. My husband has a massive stroke July 17, 2015 that left him partially paralyzed on the left side. He was 46 at the time and I was 32. Doctors have said that he could recover but of course, there would be deficits to deal with. Prior to the stroke, he was very active but in very bad health. We also have 2 small children together. I'm a very supportive wife and caregiver but I'm exhausted, frustrated, irritated and so much more. At the time, we were only married for 4 years and now I feel my children and I were cheated. I resent him for it taking care of himself better and doing what me and everyone else was telling him to do. At times, I feel like I'm going to just break down because I have no one to talk to and in the midst of his recovery, my mother passed so I'm catching it from everywhere. I can't let my babies see me cry because I don't want them to worry but it's hard not to cry and depression has completely kicked in. Just need to vent.
3 months ago
What's on my mind? Most of my life is comprised of living with a man I do not like at all. He cannot help having had a stroke but he has refused to try to get any better for whatever reason. He would prefer to sit in the wheelchair than to get up and walk with a cane. His doctor has told him he should be much farther along by now but as soon as he gets home, he plops himself right back down in the chair. He constantly whines for me to 'help' with things he should have been able to do two months ago. The tone is leaving his legs and arms rapidly and I imagine he will be to the point where he will not be able to recover as much as if he had tried. Everyone asks me if he is depressed. WHO ISN'T? I'm so depressed I could jump off the roof of the house. He lost several jobs before the stoke - he told our daughter he just wanted to 'do nothing'. Sure, I'd love to do nothing too, but now I can't and because of the financial situation he has left himself in, I'll be working longer than I planned to. If I am doing everything and repairing everything by myself - I'd be happier doing it all by myself. His favorite words for the 30 years I've known him have been 'I can't' and 'I need help'. If I ever get out of this mess, I will go crawl in the bushes somewhere and die when my time comes rather than EVER put myself in this situation again.
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