Caregiving Wives of Stroke Survivors
This group is created to provide a place to encourage, give or ask for advice, or just vent to other wives who are full time caregivers to their husbands who are disabled by massive strokes.
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2 days ago
It’s been 6 yrs since my husband had 2 major stroke and it only effect his brain. If you didn’t know about them you would not see anything wrong. But been married 31 yrs. and there is much more damage and I️ have lost a big part of him. We fight over sex cause he is not who he was. Doesn’t kiss the same. Etc. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME ON HOW TO TALK TO HIM WITHOUT EVERYTHING COMING OUT WRONG. HOW DO I️ TALK TO HIM.???
7 days ago
I’m new to this group, so excuse me if you have exhausted this topic. My Husband had a severe Stroke in December, three years ago. He can’t walk or communicate. He requires 24 hour care and that’s me. He has two older siblings in two different states. His brother refuses to visit, claiming “I can’t stand to see him this way.” His sister has many ailments and is unable to visit, All of a sudden, about a month or two ago, his sister wants to know everything I do all day. I’m sure her intentions are good. I don’t dwell on our everyday life. I dont see the purpose. I can only leave a couple of hours in the morning when he is asleep. My income excludes me from hireing any help, but is not enough to pay for someone to come in and care for him on a regular basis.. I have to save that money for emergencies. I had to retire to care for him. I wanted to. I wouldn’t want anyone else to care for him. I live Day to Day. If I have to write about each day, I’d get depressed. This is not how we planned our retirement, but it’s the retirement we got. And, honestly each day is pretty much the same. Any advice on how to kindly tell the sister I don’t need or want to discribe each day to her?
15 days ago
- They say, "Don't take it personally."--I know, it's the stroke yelling and cursing at me, but it still hurts and makes me feel bad.
- They say, "Find a support group."--There are none out in the boonies where I live, and I don't feel comfortable yet sharing such negative information about my husband's behavior with friends and family because if he improves they might not forget and forgive him.
- They say, "Take care of yourself."--How, exactly? What works to erase the dark negativity and the cuts and bruises to your emotions? I can talk on the phone with friends, go out to eat with them, involve myself in a hobby, but those are just bandaids on a deep bleeding wound.
- They say, "It's ok to grieve the loss of your loved one while he's still breathing." But there are still tiny glimpses of the man I loved that surface sometimes, and I don't want to give up hope.
15 days ago
My 68 yr old husband had a stroke in March. Recovered mobility, but still has numbness, tightness, and tingling on left side that he says nearly drives him mad. He had triple bypass 3 weeks ago. After the stroke we noticed he was more impulsive, more irritable, less filtered, and had trouble processing new information. All this was magnified times 5 after the surgery. Since surgery he has been rude, hateful, angry, and generally a jerk to me. He seems able to restrain himself with everyone else. I am having trouble reconciling my desire to care for the man I love, to be sweet, patient, and understanding--with my feelings of revulsion, hurt, and anger at this man who is constantly criticizing me, yelling at me for trivial things, and pleased with absolutely nothing. I have done a fairly good job of not responding negatively toward him, have made sure I did all I could to see that his needs are met and that he is as comfortable as I can make him. But, now that he can get up and down out of the chair by himself, I've taken refuge in the bedroom most of the time just to get away from his extreme negativity that is directed at the tv, at me, and is his reponse to everything. I don't want to be the wife who couldn't "stand by her man", but I"m having migraine headaches, my blood pressure is up, and I feel like my body may crash before I give up on trying to be a good wife. When the thought of living this way for 20 more years creeps in, I feel almost like I've been captured and put in a prison where I'll be denied sunshine forever. How do you other wives deal with trying to love this repulsive man you brought home from the hospital who only looks like the man with whom you once had a loving relationship?
17 days ago
Happy Monday Caregivers Sunflower here. Well, we made it through the weekend. Dealing with a brain damaged patient forces us to live in the right now. I can not talk to my husband about any of the 20 plus cruises we enjoyed or most of this life we have shared for 18 years of marriage. Thankfully, that nasty C.Diff infection has finally ended and I still feel like Andy in Shawshank Redemption but Andy did make it through those sewers under the prison. I am an English teacher so I tend to create metaphors as part of my plan to maintain my sanity. As I read the posts I see that each of us have been on this caregiving path for various periods, but our common factors are the frustration, the anger, the loneliness, and the feelings of helplessness. This support group is a blessing where we can vent and know that we are not alone. Peace and blessings upon each of you and your families.
21 days ago
Where do i go for help to sort out all my random thoughts? I'm 64 years old who's husband is 66 we have been married 48 years and have 5 grown children all married and have 24 grandkids. I find myself the wife of a stroke victim. There down't seem to be a clear path to find answers to my questions and help me sort out the path forward
22 days ago
I’m 40 years old. My husband(41) of 22 years, just had a stroke 3 weeks ago. He has been home from the hospital now for 1 week and it’s been a nightmare. He yells and is very impatient now. He used to be a very loving partner. I’m told I’m nagging when I remind him to do the excerices or to take his meds. I keep trying to tell him he has to relax but he doesn’t listen. He isn’t supposed to be driving yet but the other day he took my keys and left. I had to hide all of our car keys from him. He’s very young and I believe he thinks he is invincible. I just want my feelings validated by him. I’m scared of another stroke. We have 2 young kids and after seeing my husband almost die, I don’t want to see that happen again because of stubbornness. I don’t know where to turn, and honestly feel like giving up. He isn’t appreciative of everything I’ve sacrificed these past few weeks. I’ve stopped working to take care of him. I’ve went from being a wife, to being a nurse. Maybe I’m resentful. I’m just scared, confused, frustrated.
24 days ago
My husband had a mini stroke 8 months ago with no detectable physical damage except that he has developed tinnitus in both ears that is bothering him immensely. His personality has also changed. He was a wonderful husband before and now he has become obsessive - constantly ranting about his job and verbally lashing out at me. Over the weekend, he spent the entire day working outside doing yard work, washing windows, etc. I made him lunch and asked him if he needed some help, if he was ok...... in the evening he yelled at me and wondered why I was constantly searching for him! He also accused me of constantly contradicting him and being difficult. I can't express how much he has changed since his mini stroke and it's not getting any better. I don't know what to do or who I can contact for some help.
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