Cancer Support Group
Welcome to this online support group for caregivers, family, friends, and others with an interest in cancer care! Please introduce yourself - Ask for advice - Share your experiences caring for a loved one with cancer. Talk about symptoms, treatment options, side effects, daily life, your tips for others. Vent, laugh, and come back as often as you need to feel less alone.
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What's New Today
5 days ago
How to handle angry, reactive family members.???? My 86 year old mother in law was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer in February 2017 and started double chemo, no surgery. The 1 PET scan showed metastases to liver, spleen and various pelvic implants. A more recent CT with contrast should slight improvement in liver and spleen and stable disease of pelvic masses . I adore her and have known her for over 40 years. She and Pop live in Florida, my BIL and SIL live close by the rest of us in New England. At the beginning, I suggested that we all keep in close touch through texting and I was very impressed how they all came together- impressed because the family has few communication skills to deal with bad/negative info. I have a background in medical research and saw both of my parents through cancer. I let them decide if they wanted me to be the medical translator. No matter how careful or gentle I am with mom's condition, it is frequently met with disbelief, denial and hostility. During text conversations about worries over her weight, nausea, etc., I offer what I know, have experience with and only evidence-based information. It is taken as criticism or a direction, not simply as offered- hey here is some interesting info on how this or that might be approached. Even with my husband (supposedly) talking directly with all of them when visiting FL along with his sister, it has only gotten worse. I asked how I might relay info better- SIL texted (HER capitals) that I made her feel STUPID, and she is NOT stupid. Of course I apologized again, told her that I do not think she is, acknowledging that she is doing such much of the work and doing it so well.... had to block their numbers so I wouldn't text (G_d how I hate texting at this moment) something in snark mode. Any suggestion ??
22 days ago
Hi, My 77 year-old mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. A stage 2 carcinoma in her right breast which has gone from the size of a golf ball back in January to about the size of a handball now. Thankfully it has not metastesticized. It's at 5cm.. They are recommending a mastectomy. But it would seem my dad and sister are not willing to agree to it. She also suffers from alzheimers and lives with my dad. I've set up and have taken them to all the appointments and even went to Sloan Kettering for a second opinion. They all agree that she needs a mastectomy to have it removed. Chemo will not even be necessary. Thankfully all these appointments have been quick in succession. But now. It would seem my dad wants to wait and seems as if he does not want her to have surgery and is afraid of the risks. Also adding that we should have faith. No matter what questions I answer. No matter what reassurances I give concerning the risks, I'm not getting anywhere. I'm trying to get this going because I know she will have a chance of survival rather than leave it alone or waiting till it spreads. I've tried everything. But at this point my dad is like., worry about your own problems and family and don't keep interfering. I certainly can't drag her and have her get surgery. I'm at a loss and feeling helpless.
25 days ago
Hello my disabled Hubble was diagnosed with prostrate cancer 7 years ago ,been in hospital for 2 months he came home a month ago and won't eat me and our children tried everything ,sleeps most of time only awake 3 hours a day at most ,cancer nurse says prepare for worst but we can't give up gets so hard at. Times
Pat and Peter said...
29 days ago
Hi. My name is Pat. My husband was diaganosed wth stage 3 non small cell lung cancer last March. The doctors were encouraging about the cancer being in remission. However, the chemo brought out a incurable disease called idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. Which is incurable.. This has been difficult to deal with . He was a strong healthily looking man prior to the cancer diagnosis. After chemo. (Which had to be stopped short because it gave him such breathing difficulties. He now needs 6 liters of oxygen to move. His attitude is incredible.. We got a call today from his ongolgist saying that he needs aPET scan after a suspious cat scan that was preformed yesterday.. So scary, we were /are learning to manage the IPF . I cannot believe that cancer might be on the table again as well.. This disease is just so scary. So many ups and downs...physically and emotionally. We both retired to fight this disease together but it is a really tough fight. His motto is to defy the hand you're dealt but it'really hard. I get so emotional with every set back.. How do people stay strong for their partner???
about 1 month ago
My girlfriend has inoperable stomach cancer, a hernia that rest on her kidney that cannot be operated for fear the cancer will spread. Her kidneys are beginning to fail and she has frequent mini strokes and minor convulsions usually in her sleep. She has narrowing of the spinal column and a slipped disk in her upper back which will probably require surgery. She is 5'2" and weights 315 and suffers from mild depression but she won't take her anti depressants. Amazingly her blood sugar and blood pressure are not a problem. No matter what happens she will not go to the hospital as she prefers to die at home in my arms. We have been living together for 1 1/2 years. When I met her 2 1/2 years ago i didn't think she would live 6 months with all of the pain she was in. Her cancer has been in and out of remission since then and is active now. She will be getting blood work soon to verify the status. Most of the time I am good with her. I don't want to lose her but I don't want her to suffer either. It is a balancing act.
about 1 month ago
Hi im carrie. My husband has had horrible head pressure for about 3 years now. When it started he had an MRI done and a tech told him as he was leaving to make sure he asked about the spot he noticed on the back of his head. We did of course and were told he had a sinus infection. So times goes on until Feb of this year and he goes to the Er while out of state working and they do a ct scan and the now large black area is being questioned as to how anyone would think a sinus infection was the problem. The Dr proceeds to inform him of the mayo clinic and give him pamphlets. But when she left the room to check on something he left. He had heard enuf. He has been weighing out everything. We don't even know what it is for sure but he doesn't want to find out either. His grandmother has fought and beat breast cancer twice giving up both her breasts in the process, his dad just had some polyps removed - some he claims "tested bad" and his sister had some removed as well none positive for her though. He said he was ok with dying up until last week I told him I didn't believe there isn't marriage in heaven. That it is just a happy place. That we would know each other when we met again but it isn't marriage there. Now he isn't ok with dying. He still doesn't want to know because then he would have to deal with it i guess. But I want to know - I want to know what time I have left, if it be that way. I want our 3 children (ages 5, 10 & 11) to have the best memories they can if time is limited. Shyly I feel bad for making him find out. I finally forced him to the Dr yesterday only for us to have to be referred to the neurologist but its one step closer, should I not have him go and follow his wishes? What if it is something simple and not the worst like we predict? All he does is sleep anymore - maybe awake 5 hrs out of the day on a good day. I can't just watch him die and deteriorate in our bedroom - I wont be able to carry that weight the rest of my life. What do I do? I am so torn right now.
Red Rae said...
about 1 month ago
Hi let's say my name is Samantha-I'm at a loss. I don't know how to help. My mom was diagnosed Jan 2017 with stage 4 non small cell carcinoma. It is inoperable and matastisized to both adrenal glands. She started chemo and had radiation on her lung and the tumor shrunk tremendously but a few days after we found out she developed a staph infection and was hospitalized for a week. That has been all cleared up but now she won't take any phone calls or texts and even quit her social media. I try and go see her and when I'm there she won't talk and now says she doesn't want anyone around her. But even before her hospitalization she wouldn't talk to me. We've never been close but I'm the only one around that can help. I lost my job right before her diagnosis and don't want to go back to work since I may not have much time with her, so I am completely available to her. I was hoping maybe this would be our time to, I don't know, get closer maybe. I feel like I'm being selfish and constantly feel guilty. She just sits here all day like she's waiting to die....what can I do?
about 1 month ago
My husband has small cell lung cancer. He was diagnosed last August. It has been almost nine months of chemo,radiation,and emotional battle. We are loosing the fight. Three weeks ago tests show this monster has spread virtually everywhere. Doc says to continue treatment is an option but would not change the outcome. He was given 3 to 6 months as a timeline. He said no more chemo and we began hospice care. Every day things get worse. Pain is awful. Eating is an issue and now depression is waging war. A pill for this or that. It helps but as the care giver i feel like an emotional mess inside. Of course i hide it. Of course i maintain a smile and positive attitude. Of course i encourage and support and do all the things i need to do for him. There are just days like today when i want to run away. Anyone else feel like that? Watching him get worse is devastating. Not being able to change it is even worse. I wont run away and i wont stop caring and i wont let him down. I guess i joined this group to find others like me who feel lost in the battle. Who dont know how to come to terms with it all.
about 1 month ago
My Mom is older (82). I am 37 years old. We just found out last Wednesday that she has a glioblastoma in her brain. Two neurosurgeon's told her that removing the tumor would be extremely unsafe and would most likely kill her. She was told this Tuesday that they cannot biopsy the tumor because it is too vascular and would bleed and even the biopsy could kill her or put her in a coma. I am not getting all her information to Hackensack Cancer Center in NJ where we live. She is currently at a sub-acute care facility because she can't live alone or at my townhouse because I have no bedrooms on the first floor. She is mostly cognitive but showing some symptoms. I have read about the treatment standard and it is 6 weeks of daily radiation and 5 days of chemo pills then 28 days off 5 more days and 28 days off for a year. That seems so hard for a younger body let alone an 82 year olds. I don't want her to suffer but I don't want her to feel she isn't fighting either.
In the middle of all this I am trying to plan a wedding. My fiance's grandfather just passed of a stroke at the end of this January. We are getting married in October and my mom got ordained so she could perform our ceremony. I know I have to keep pushing through and fight and be there for her but some moments I really just want to just curl up in a ball and cry my eyes. I feel so helpless at some moments. Others I feel so angry. Cancer is such a life sucking monster. All I can think to say sometimes is "UGH!!"
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