Cancer Support Group
Welcome to this online support group for caregivers, family, friends, and others with an interest in cancer care! Please introduce yourself - Ask for advice - Share your experiences caring for a loved one with cancer. Talk about symptoms, treatment options, side effects, daily life, your tips for others. Vent, laugh, and come back as often as you need to feel less alone.
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What's New Today
19 days ago
It has been 13 months since my dad passed away from lung cancer. He went in to the dr to see if they could help with his back problems and that is when they found out he had stage 4 lung cancer. He still wanted to try radiation and fight but 2 weeks later they found out out the cancer had spread to his brain. He passed away about a month after we discovered he was sick. He was 66 years old. The reason I'm writing this post is because I feel like I'm having such a difficult time moving on or even not crying when I think about him. I feel like my other family members were able to cope much easier than me. I tried counseling but I only went once, cried the whole time and was too embarrassed to go back. I'm wondering if anyone can tell me their experience and how they handled it and if counseling helped or maybe other suggestions. I appreciate it.
19 days ago
For 3 generations my husband's entire family has died from some sort of cancer. Last week, he developed diverticulitis and was hospitalized. During his hospitalization it was discovered he has a large pelvic mass. They did 2 biopsies of the mass and an MRI. We will know the results next week.
Things had been "off" with him for quite a while. His legs swelled and wouldn't go down. He had been working with his primary doctor on his kidneys and high blood pressure and was to go to a specialist for his kidneys later in October when he was hit with this diverticulitis. He had been feeling tired and run down for the last 6-7 months and although he's been overweight for many years, he's been looking more and more pregnant these past six or so months.
We've been told whatever is in him, it needs to come out and as it currently is, we are talking major surgery for the removal. With his family history, he's wondering if it's worth it and feels that he's going to die no matter what. He scared for our 20 year old special needs daughter and 15 year old son because he knows my health is not the best.
So we have a week to wait and probably more waiting after that. We're not sure what we're dealing with yet and it's hard to fight something that you don't quite know what it is yet or what to focus on. He's home and hurting still but I have to keep working for the money and the insurance and also because right now, I know things could get much worse and I need to conserve my own leave for worse days ahead. But how do I get him out of his funk?
20 days ago
My mom (age 65) has been fighting stage 4 metastatic breast cancer for a year and a half, and just started her third different chemo, The cancer has gotten very advanced recently, and her doc told her that all the awful symptoms she's feeling now are from the cancer, not from the chemo, which I think has made her lose hope. She's barely making an effort to eat- has about a bottle of Ensure and a couple crackers per day (she says these are about the only things she doesn't throw up), and barely gets out of bed. What can my dad and I do to inspire her to keep trying things to eat, and to make her feel more hopeful? I live about 40 mins away and have no childcare for my almost 2-year-old, so I can't be there to offer my mom meals 6 times a day. My dad is a faithful, caring husband but he waits for her to tell him what she wants, i.e. "What can i get you from the grocery store?", when she doesn't even have the energy or will to think of ideas. Any thoughts?
21 days ago
My friend who is in 19 yes old has been a brain tumour patient ever since he was five. His tumor spreaded in his body,due to that he got blood cancer, the doctors are trying to help but every time some recovery happens, a new problem develops. He attends college in unbearable pain and suffers from depression I am his only friend, no one else knows about his condition. To add to this, his family is unsupportive, even in medical emergency he has to travel in public bus to get to hospital, his mother was a school teacher, he loved his family a lot and practically lived for them, but his parents got divorced, with all the family and relatives blaming him. He stays with his dad and his aunt who beats him up and abuses him for being a cancer patient,she starves him, still he cares for her. His mother is a heart patient and had a major heart attack when she got to know about cancer. His cancer spread to the brain and he has brain fever now, behaves abnormally sometimes, when his mother got to know about this, she went to shock, her brain got damaged and Is mentally disabled now. My friend is shattered and so am I, I don't know how to help him, please anyone help!
29 days ago
When there are no answers…
My boyfriend of 15 years was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and he actually has nine tumors across 5 areas of his body. He was diagnosed in May, but we knew in the beginning of the year. I guess sometimes knowing and admitting are two different things.
He has opted to not have any treatment, other than pain management. We have one of the most renowned cancer research facilities in our own back yard. While they openly admit there is no cure and any form of treatment would merely buy him weeks, they keep pushing him to join one of their research studies which he has declined numerous times. I honestly believe he is more afraid of chemo side effects than he is of dying. They have been relentless in their mission, but he has stood his ground. We have both experienced many friends and family including my dear sister, that have painstakingly went through chemo, suffered financial loss because of it and the outcome and quality of life wasn’t successful. I stand by and support his decision not to have treatment. We feel like we are in a conundrum, after he expressed his decision, we feel completely dismissed by the doctors and nurses and believe we have been left all alone. We have no quality of life at all right now. He is a prominent business owner, and he tries so hard to go to work; which for a man who has worked six days a week his entire life, makes it about 2-3 hours a day and then retreats to his couch or bed. His mother is still alive at 87 and lives in another state, so he is also determined to make it through this without her ever finding out. He can’t bear the thought of breaking her heart. His affairs are in order and we are ready for the inevitable… but right now we literally just stare at each other saying “now what?” Given there are no more doctors appointments scheduled, no family or friends that are aware, no actual documentation that I can find that helps us understand the road ahead… we are just simply in limbo. His pain management NP did give him something for anxiety… unfortunately, I am not lucky enough to get a prescription and my stress, anxiety, and depression are through the roof! He’ll turn 60 next month and I have just spent the morning cancelling what was supposed to be the best vacation ever.
30 days ago
I have been my mothers primary caretaker since 2013 when she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I moved home this past April to care for her full time. I also work three days a week as a server at an upscale dining restaurant. I spend every single day caring for her, meal prepping, grocery shopping, house cleaning, mowing the yard (large yard), manage her finances plus my own, caring for all of her animals, buying everything from detergent, paper towels, cat litter...etc. On Sunday's and Monday's I try to fit all of the above into 48 hours because the rest of the week I'm either working or driving her 100 miles to her chemotherapy appointments each Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm simply exhausted. I have zero time for friends or a relationship. I feel very empty. I find myself turning down every single invitation from my friends out of guilt for leaving mom alone or simply because I feel so out of touch with myself that I have nothing left if I spend it with other people if that makes sense. I'm now 36 years old, at the supposed prime of my life..but single, without children or a family of my own and feeling absolutely drained. Anyone else out there going through this? Any tips or ideas on how to cope?
A fellow caregiver said...
about 1 month ago
Hi, my name is Roberta. My husband passed away in Jan 2017 from prostate cancer. We fought the cancer for over 10 yrs and used about every means available to do so. His PSA started rising throughout the year of 2016 and in Oct the doctors said there was no other medicines to help and for us to prepare for the end, and that we should go on hospice for assistance, That there was only 3 to 6 months for him to live. He survived 3 months. He died at home, as he wished. I feel so alone, and even though it has been 8 months, I feel such grief. I was 18 when we married, and I am now almost 76. We had 57 years together. I do not seem to know how to handle being alone and without friends--we were each others friend.
about 1 month ago
My new husband has male breast cancer, plus while we were waiting for the biopsy results... he herniated a disc in his spine to the sequestrated point ~ which means the nucleus fully popped out and is hanging out drooping and dripping down the nerves in his spine. He could not even walk for quite a while after... he can now due to his pain management medication, but is still in quite a bit of pain constantly. He had surgery to remove the tumor, but he has to undergo chemo and radiation after. He has had his first two chemo treatments and the pain meds add to his nausea, so he fluctuates btw taking them and not. He is nauseous 24/7 after this second round. My reason for writing is I am becoming frightened of him. Not necessarily physically yet, but he can tear me to spreads in no time flat! I thought it was reactions to pain medication, but now am wondering what all is involved and how to make it through the next 7-9 months of this battle ~ if it is this bad now! I also have a disabled daughter who I care for and she is being exposed to all this... she loves him dearly, but he’s becoming snarley and short tempered with her as well. I’ve been walking on eggshells for two and a half months already... I thought it would get better as he switched to better pain management and less opioids ~ but it is soooo much worse! From what I have seen on here, I guess it’s the chemo? I was prepared for depressed, sick, even moody.... but his anger and hatefulness towards me is killing me ~ literally, I wanted to end it a week ago. Nothing I do is right even though I’m doing what he asks me to do nearly 24 hours a day. Every minute I spend along is considered leaving him - not wanting to be with him. I have considerable medical and pain issues myself... he just walked out, so I have to stop writing
about 1 month ago
Husband had a prostrate biopsy today. Won't know results til next week. Started having problems middle of June. Can't do anything physical and can hardly walk now. We are both retired. I am so scared. I have to do everything in. I can't sleep hardly and my appetite isn't good. I'm trying to stay stong, it's hard.
about 1 month ago
Hi my name's denaise and recently my boyfriend/other half as we've been together 14 n half yrs was put in the hospital he has had COPD since 2006 and it caused him to get pnemonia and broncitus .he went to the hospital for what we thought was another routine bronchitis/pnemonia infection but this time they did a CT scan n fount a tumor in his throat they admitted him on 8 of Aug did biopsy on 9th he stopped breathing they had to ventilator n took it out had to get it put bk in with a feeding tube he spent 7 days there anyway to make this short he smoked though begged him not to how do u deal with being angry,hurt all at same time it's not genetic but smoke related I'm caring for him at home now I want to be compassionate but it's hard to be to because he had a choice sometimes I feel bad abt being angry,n hurt he's changed doesn't hold me,doesn't want to talk abt it or what's happened or happening any advice I'm trying my best to comfort him help him care for him it's seems like he doesn't care that our daughter n i are going thru this to and doesn't seem to of changed the man he was before
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