This online support group for assisted living discussions connects caregivers, family, friends, and others with an interest in assisted living care. Get tips, advice, and support for your assisted living questions or concerns. Post best practices and success stories. Share about your assisted living experiences or challenges with others who understand. Ask for feedback or exchange ideas to help optimize assisted living for older adults. Find information that will may you manage financial and legal matters for your loved one in the Caregiving Money Matters Resource Center.
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2 months ago
IN NEED OF HELP.... MY NAME IS KARLA IM 20YR OLD ,,MY MOTHER AND BROTHER ARE DISABLED DO TO ME HELPING THEM HAD TO QUIT MY JOB PEOPLE HAD TOLD ME I CAN GET PAY FOR HOMECARE JUST DNT KNOW WERE OR HOW IM IN CHICAGO ILL IF SOME ONE CAN TELL ME WERE TO APPLY WILL BE MUCH HELP THANK YOU MUCH...
3 months ago
Hello ~ First timer on this site. Thanking you in advance for any and all information.
Mom and Dad entered an Assisted Living Facility together. Their finances were reviewed and just made the financial criteria to enter. Their promise was ~ all residents will be able to stay even if their money runs out before they pass (funded through a Benevolent Fund.) There can also move to their dementia unit (also under the benevolent fund promise) or skilled nursing care unit as necessary and they take medicaid. Since we have had to pay for 2 people, we have paid over $350K so far and have only $200K left. We will be out of money is a year or so. Dad is 97 and still in good mental health but physically struggling. Mom is 87 and currently has advanced dementia and being evaluated in a hospital behavioral unit.. .So far, Doc's say medication trials the last 3 weeks have not had any effect on her restlessness, tendency to toss a few objects, yell and uncooperative moods. The pattern is she is good for 2 days then has bad behavior for one, Nothing seriously wrong with her physically. The home she was in is now saying they do not have a bed available in their memory care unit. They also say they won't take anyone who is violent or a danger to herself and others. What happens now? We don't have any money to spend on private care dementia units and their money must be used for the homes costs as agreed, And if the Home won't take her back because of her behavior and no bed available, what are we to do???
3 months ago
I have been taking care of my mom for years with no support, no help at all, no breaks, I can;t do it anymore taking a toll on my health. She had a brain anurysm in 2001 and she actually recovered well with speech issues. The problem is she wont admit she needs any help, wont use a walker and falls all the time. has copd and wont quit smoking. She treats me like crap its so hard for me because my dad died when I was 14 he was 43 so I clung to my mom then my stepdad came along and took care of us all. He passed away in 2014. It started a family feud no one speaks to each other and I am the one on the hook. Im 49 and feel I have spent my whole life worried about my mom. she has had a quadruple bypass pacemaker now they say she has kidney disease. Im worn out thinking about all the drs appt and paperwork coming my way. then when she says nasty thngs to me it pushes me closer to a nervous breakdown. I have no friends no one to give me advice. I am trying to get her into assisted living but I don't know where to start. im so tired I cant even keep up with my own life so half of hers slips thru the cracks. If she stays here with me ill just be watching her die. I know she needs to be with others her age and around people she will listen to but i feel so bad. I keep changing my mind but the dr told me friday she needs to be placed she misses a lot of appts runs out of meds doesn't eat wont shower and im so beat down i cant make her. where do i start??? why do i feel so bad when she is so mean to me anyway?? my health has been put last for so long im scared to go to a dr for myself. i have no life at all..
A fellow caregiver said...
3 months ago
HI I am 75 yrs old woman. I have parkinsons disease. but i don't have any tremors or any thing that makes people think that i have any thing wrong with me. except that i fall a lot i have dislocated my hip twice and i am in rehab right now. i don't really want to go to assisted living but my children think that i should. also the physical therapist here thinks that i should go.what do you guys think. i really don't have any thing else wrong with me.
3 months ago
My sis was in assisted living about a month before passing. While she was there. I was told that nobody was available at one point when she needed to use the bathroom, and so she tried to get there on her own; inevitably, she slipped and hit the floor, draining her ankle. I only recently learned she had a huge bedside on her backside. We all know that translates to sheer neglect. What can be done (reported and to whom) so this never happens to anybody else's loved one? I still cringe when I think about it. I would have been there every day if I were 1200 miles away. Feeling bad.
4 months ago
Moved Mother to Assisted Living about a week and a half ago. She doesn't understand and is very negative in her attitude. She has some age related dementia and doesn't understand why she's there doesn't remember eating, etc. She seems to be better off at home! Is this normal, How long does it last? How is best to deal with her anger and forgetfulness?
4 months ago
Probably typyical stuff we all are concerned with. My wife died in April, 2008. I live alone and am basically isolated from freinds & family. Don't want to be a burden on anyone. Not sure what to do. Spent my life in corporate America. Moved around. Thought I was an important person. Guess what... I am not. Voted Republican most of my life. Vote Democrat now. I don't like the Clintons. Can't stand Trump. Thought I would be sitting on a beach drinking a cervesa with my sweetie now. Not happening. Miss my girl, but can't get her back.
5 months ago
My aunt is in the later stages of dementia. I was visiting and taking her to lunch once a week. I find myself going less often and with dread. I love her dearly, but it is so hard to have a conversation with her. She knows that she knows me and seems to enjoy our visits, but it is a totally one sided conversation. She doesn't remember my name or who I am exactly. I can't ask her any questions because she doesn't remember. I tell her about my children, my husband, my grandchildren but she doesn't really remember who they are. What do you say to someone who practically thinks you're a nice stranger who comes to take her to lunch. I believe family visits are good for her. Any suggestions? .
5 months ago
My father suffers from late stage Alzheimer's and has been living in a residential care home for nearly 3 yrs. His money will run out in about a year. We thought we would have to place him in a nursing home and apply for Medi-Cal (Medicaid), but the woman who owns the care home said if we starting paying her a higher monthly rent, she will accept Dad's Social Security income as payment in full for her services when Dad's money runs out. Our attorney is working on a contract for this arrangement and it will have to pass muster with the court, as my sisters and I are his court appointed conservators. I was wondering if anyone else has transitioned to Social Security/pension as payment to a care home when the assets have run dry.
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