An anonymous caregiver said...
over 5 years ago
Stressed and Confused
I live in the same city as my 85 year old mother who has Parkinsons. I have an older sister who lives out of state and a brother who lives 4hrs away from mother and I. Since my fathers death, 13 mos ago, I have stepped up the time and care I give mother. I go to her home directly after and 8 hr work day and stay with her 3 hrs M-F and I spend two nights and days with her every other weekend. She has a hired caretaker who stays M-F from 10pm to 12pm the next day.
My sister and brother have a totally different type of relationship with my mother than I do. I have unresolved issues with her that have left me with low self esteem, but I have been able to resist her negativity and spend large blocks of time with her...until we had a problem with her hired caretaker which I had to correct. I talked to her caretaker and corrected this issue which was in a forceful but caring way. My mother totally freaked about me doing this and started to call me and tell me that I cannot speak to her hired caretaker any more. This creates a problem for me as I am the person who lives close to my mother and needs to be more in control of her life than my brother and sister. My brother and sister are happy to let mother dictate this order to me and support her in this.
This incident has pushed my stress button and I contacted my brother and told him that I could no longer spend a large block of time with mother. That was experiencing burn out and needed a break. I am limiting my time devoted to her to an evening phone call and a pop in visit to fix her medications.
The thought of returning back to the amount of time I spent with her prior to my respite makes me sick. I am not sure I can do it again and I feel so much like a failure. My mother does have enough finances where she can hire another companion for each evening but she is money urgent and will not agree to doing this. My sister and brother are so into making her happy that they do not want to press the issue of hiring someone to fill the void of me not spending with her.
I am lost...lost and feel hopeless in this situation. I am ready to just run away... Any thoughts or opinions would be greatly appreciated.