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almost 2 years ago
My father recently passed away. We had been estranged for the past twenty years seeing each other two or three times. After his passing, I found out that he had taken out a reverse mortgage with the value of the house being considerable less now than when he received the money. He left no life insurance( cashed that out) and the house is in a state of disrepair. I received a letter from a lawyer in the mail that my name is being added to a lawsuit by the bank to try to recover some of the losses. They have not yet foreclosed on the house. I do not work and am in the process of separating from my husband. i am terrified that I will be ordered to pay back money for a man that was not part of my life. Has anyone gone through this or has any advise?
almost 2 years ago
Its coming up on the two year anniversary of my grandfathers death. Our family was close when he was alive. We shared all the holidays together sometimes there would be over 20 of us. Cousins, aunts. uncles ect. I'm the oldest grandchild (I'm 45) and was blessed to have both grandparents for so many years. Since his death, my two uncles and my mom are not as close, we no longer have those big celebrations, I haven't seen some of the cousins since the funeral. My only sibling, my brother, packed up his family and moved 700 miles away. My mom and I feel shell shocked. My grandmother is lonely, bitter, critical and I understand her grief but my mom says she was always like that, my grandfather did a great job of keeping her from displaying those characteristics. Yesterday was Easter and I felt so alone. My mom spent the holiday with my grandmother, my uncles did their own thing with their families and unfortunately I'm sick so I couldn't be around anyone. I thought our family would always be close. My mom and I have talked last night about starting new traditions and trying to make new memories. Its so apparent that we will never have what we had. My papa was one of a kind. His loss has created this gaping hole in our lives.
about 3 years ago
I am 59, and since my earliest memory, my own life has been he-- on earth before, and since age 14, when, even with an IQ score of 185, there was no help for me. I had dreams. Still do, and since I was last on this site, here is my life in a nutshell. I was a teen Mom (16 & 17) and was beaten, suffering numerous broken bones, for 22 years. I got many of the shattered bones during my two pregnancies. Threatened with my life if I left, I stayed. My cousin was enduring abuse also and ran away from her abuser. He found where she was hiding, and blew her head off with a shotgun. I had nowhere to turn. Neither Mom nor Dad ever wanted me, and thankfully my maternal Grandparents raised me. We were poor as dirt, but I never realized this until 4th grade when the mill school closed, and I went to city schools. My grades put me in classes with the kids of very wealthy parents; sons and daughters of doctors, attorneys, Senators, Large scale business owners and such. I was their equivalent in smarts and high grades, but I fit in like a mud turtle in a Hollywood pool. I had no way to paarticipate in sports, nor anything else. GrandDad worked 2nd shift, and Gran did not drive. I looked 18 at 13, so, bored and lost in my heart, I met an older guy, (18) and my son resulted from our union. Years rolled by. At age 19, I was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease. My back was ruined. All it took was a difference of opinion to get beat senseless. There was no family violence act in the 70's. Local law enforcement officers were the husband's football buddies. I escaped at age 37, with a worsened back, and with time came every problem one can have with a bad back. Anklyosing Spondylitis, stenosis, severe at C3 and L2-L3, and far more degeneration. Even the facets are degenerated. To top this off, I battle Fibromyalgia, COPD, Raynauds Syndrome, ultra severe chronic pain, with terrible pain management; Osteo and Rheumatoid Arthritis, and only my beloved Lord knows what else. My son wiped my cars out every time I mamaged to acquire one. I will be very honest. Jesus Christ has became my best friend, the most powerful love I have ever felt- is for Him. When I am not reading and studying my Bible, I am praying. My daughter has became my care giver. My greatest needs are given to Jesus, and if you believe in the Supernatural, Christ gives it a whole new meaning. I have studied medicine alone with the aid of College textbooks, and in the 1980's, the computer. I have been told that my knowledge of medicine is amazing by those whom I open up to, mostly doctors. It is one of God's gifts to me. If I had not studied pharmaceuticals, and holistics, to a large extent, some doctors would have killed me with some of the prescriptions I have been given. If any of you suffer from any one, or all of these conditions, my heart goes out to you, and I pray for all of you. May God be your first line of defense, for he will never forsake you, or hurt you, beyond the chastising he does to all he loves, to help you on the road to being able to repent, forgive, and be forgiven. If anyone of you pray, please remember me. With love and prayer for all. I am still a sinner whom God had mercy on, and I judge no one, my job is to love, and tell all who will listen what God has done for me. I welcome all helpful and kind words and advice., for I certainly do not know it all. May God's blessings be poured out upon you. Gaelic Lady
An anonymous caregiver said...
over 3 years ago
the woman I have called Mom for 30 Years has been diagnosed with cancer i'm still on light Duty for my work injury and I'm worried about losing my job due to the Fact off having to call in so much ,Please put Mom in your Prayers and me also
over 4 years ago
I need help and feel like my marriage is falling apart. I have 2 daughters one is 3 and we just had another baby 2 months ago. I am the only provider in my family and my wife says she doesn't want to put our kids through day care. I get it she wants to raise our 2 daughters. She is a great mom and teaches and educates them very well. In the mean time my wife said raising our daughter was too much and requested we have our in-laws move in with us. Here is what is happening now. My brother in law moved in with us too! I basically had to support him for a year while he was on supposed hunt for a job. It got to the point where I had to tell him that he was taking advantage of the situation and he ended up moving out. Now I am stuck with the in-laws paying for just about everything. We even give them a $500.00 allowance for helping us. Considering they have no bills and claims they are working to move out all I see them is going out every week with friends and spending money. I have gotten to the point where I am sick and tired of this situation and my wife feels compelled to help them out no matter what. She says what I am suppose to do just kick them out on the streets. Another reason I am so resentful is because the father in law doesn't help to much around the house. He makes a mess everywhere he goes and doesn't clean up after himself. Any suggestions?
An anonymous caregiver said...
almost 5 years ago
my aunt (86) seemed to be getting forgetful for a couple of years, but was still living on her own. 3 months ago she developed pneumonia, and a couple of other infections and was hospitalized for a couple of weeks then was sent to rehab for 3 weeks. At the end of all this she seemed to be getting better and against the advise of the therapists at the rehab I asked that she be allowed to go home with carers (I am her poa), she was only home a few days when she fired all the carers, refused her medications and called EMS to get her a drink of water. I don't live with her, and because I am in Canada, just across the border from her, I could not have her live with me. After the ems incident I called them again and had her taken to the hospital because I suspected an infection, she was delirious, paranoid and was hallucinating. At the hospital they did all the test to rule out infections, and then did CT scans, neurology reports and a physic evaluation. The upshot was, she has demential with paranoia, delusions and hallucinations. While in the hospital she became extremely angry with me and told me to get out, I was called the next day and told she had agreed to go to a full care facility long term. We went and met with her and the doctors, she seemed ok and even spoke to me. Next day she screamed at me to get out again, now (20 days later) she will neither see me nor speak to me, get really agitated when my name is mentioned and screams if she sees me. I have stayed away and phone every day and ask the nurses to tell her I love her and want to see her, but she says I put her into care, and I am stealing all her money and she never wants to see me again, tells everyone I have listening devises in her room and am spying on her through the window. This is tearing me apart, I feel terrible guilt because I did promise never to put her into care, and I also start to think the diagnoses is wrong, especially when other people visit her and say she appears to be fine. She has refused all her medications, (COPD, congestive heart failure and fluid in the lungs) and all oxygen, but still appears ok. She has stopped therapy so now Medicare will not help with the bills, this is over $7000 per month, she has enough money to last a little while, when that runs out she will have to go into a semi private room. This is all wearing me down, my husband is getting upset with me because I can't sleep properly, feel guilty all the time, and talk about her constantly, even though I try not to.
almost 5 years ago
Dad wears the "pull-up" type Depends underwear because of his incontinence. He is ambulatory and able to go to the toilet by himself in public restrooms, but sometimes after he uses the bathroom, he is not aware that his private parts are not tucked back into the underwear. So, when he has an accident, he will wet his outer clothing. Does anyone have a simple suggestion for Mom & me to solve this problem? Dad still values his privacy and short of following him into the Mens room to check his underwear every time - I'm not sure what to do. Is there another type of incontinence underwear that would be better suited for him?
over 5 years ago
What would you want, or not want, as your life comes to an end.
I want to prepare an Advance Directive to help my children make decisions about my end-of-life care.
I'm having trouble answering my own questions about what I want, or don't want.
My main concern is to make my death as easy for my adult children as possible.
I have a will, a grave site and what to do with my body all written out for them.
If you have details of what you would or would not want, and would be kind enough to share them here on this forum, it may help me, and others, set out their own ideas.
Thank you so much.
over 5 years ago
Just Realized I Need to Go to the Doctor with My Mom
I'm just seeking a bit of support. Yesterday my 92 year old Mom and I went to the hospital after her doctor's office called and said told her to go there that afternoon and bring someone with her. She said she needed a blood test. What they actually told her was that she needed to go to the emergency room to be tested for a possible blood clot. We finally to the right area and thank goodness she didn't have a clot.
BUT, she was so difficult to deal with. Her description of why she was there was always blood test, not blood clot. She sometimes answered a different question than the nurse asked - at length. And they told her to make an appointment with her regular clinic before the Labor Day weekend. When I called her up at 3:00 this afternoon, suspecting she wouldn't remember to make the doctor appointment, I was right.
Anyway, after yesterday I've decided I need to go to all her doctor appointments with her and be sure I know what her condition is and what her instructions are. And that makes me feel burdened and in need of some support myself.
Also, my brother and cousin who both live out of state are working with me to call her on the phone every day, so I do have some help.
Just a bit more. When the nurse saw my Mother yesterday she said she couldn't believe she's that old. She is very healthy for her age and only takes 4 medications: 2 for blood pressure, 1 for water retention and I'm not sure what the 4th is for. She lives alone and drives. For example, she went to her hair appointment successfully today driving herself. While she is having short-term memory loss, I honestly believe that she is OK living alone, feeding herself, caring for her yard and driving to familiar places during the day (which she decided to limit herself to several years ago). But yesterday gives me pause.
Thanks to anyone who takes time to read this and offer a friendly hand.
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