After losing a parent
Advice given and seeked for what happens after you lose a parent.
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24 days ago
We found out my father had pancreatic stage 4 cancer on April 6, 2016 and he passed away May 1, 2016, less than a month later. He passed at home surrounded by all his Ioved ones. He was a wonderful person and father. He had such a giving heart. His family meant everything to him. We were very close. He was actually my stepdad but I never thought of him for one second like a stepdad. He raised me since I was one yrs. old. He was very special to me, he was my dad and loved him more than I could ever say. When he passed I couldn't cry. I remember having a panic attack because I couldn't believe I saw my farther take his last breath in this world. My legs and body just gave out. I felt like I was in shock. I was able to cry in the days that followed. I moved my family in with my mother 2 months after he passed to help her through the transition. I thought I was handling everything pretty well, maybe too well until February. I became very fearful and full of anxiety. I couldn't sleep. The insomnia then triggered panic attacks. I couldn't cry like before and everything just changed. I went through a period that nothing looked real to me. I feel like the light in me is out. I feel wierd all the time and feel disconnected to what was once my home. Like something is missing. I know I have been living there since July but theres disconnection since Feb. Recently, I have been able to cry again but it's uncontollable at times. I am sleeping again, but sometimes wake up disorientated. I fight these feelings that nothing is real. I look at my fathers picstures and I just can't believe my dad is no longer here with us. I miss him so much and life will never be the same. I fear that I will never be the same again. I just want to feel like me again. How do I get back to being me again?
about 1 month ago
I lost my mom in 1969 when I was 5. Life has been rough to say the least. I was pushed through foster care and adopted into an all BUT loving home. They did everything they could to rob me of my identity. Without going into a whole long story, I have spent my life looking for my mothers grave. I believe I have finally found it. I am told she was cremated and buried with my grandmother who had also been cremated 6 months earlier. My grandmothers grave is recorded and marked. But not for my mother. No record at all. Could this be true?! Would it be possible for someone to mix the remains and bury both together and only pay for one burial? I just want to find my mom.
5 months ago
My mother has been gone for 2 months and my husband and I travel the state's for our job and have been back almost a week and I didn't want to come back because I knew it would be extremely difficult to come and know that the last time I saw her was at the funeral home and going to the house she once shared with my dad would be hard knowing that she wouldn't be there. I pulled up to find my dad and other relatives outside and looked at my dad and all I could see was pain. After 50 years of being married to the same person and losing them 6 months after finding out they had cancer will make you feel like you are alone (even though your not) but that part of your life is gone and I know he feels part of him went with her. I hurt so much and miss her terribly and I am so mad that she was taken from me (us) and I am full of anger that sometimes I just want to scream, hit something or someone and I am miserable without my mom and bestfriend.
6 months ago
My life has been a hot mess the past year, and I'm not really sure what I'm looking for, but all of my emotions came to a head last night when I finally had a moment to myself and realized I am lost. I started googling things like, "what do i do after losing my mom" to simply "grief help," and that's how i wound up here. I'm 26. My mom was diagnosed with stage 3A lung cancer in April 2015 and passed away in July 2016 at the age of 55. We were best friends and I've been lost without her. My parents would have been married 30 years this year, and while my dad is amazing, he's foreign and my mom took care of paying the bills and the house and the plans. Because of this, I planned the funeral, the wake, and have been helping out around the house. My grandma--my mom's mom--passed away suddenly last Saturday after I put her in Assisted Living. I found her not taking her meds, covered in bodily fluid, and completely disoriented, so I knew she couldn't live alone. She had lost all three of her children in less than five years, my mom being the last. I have been so caught up in trying to take care of everyone--my dad, my grandma, my brother--all while also working full-time and maintaining my relationships. After my grandma's funeral on Thursday, I just dont know what to do with myself. I can finally focus on me again, and when I look at myself, I don't know who I am.
An anonymous caregiver said...
7 months ago
After losing my mom at 22 from cancer. I have found myself at a stand still. While grieving and coping I feel like I'm losing not just my mother, but my sister is distancing herself as well. I feel like I'm preparing to lose my whole family. My dad is grieving in his own way. Starting a new life. While my brotwr is only 15, and won't tell a soul what he's going through. He tries to act tough about it but I knows he's lonely. My mother and I had a different relationship then most. I felt like a guardian always trying to make sure she wasn't getting into anything bad, so much I lost who I am. Although after all of my experience I think I have a great list of think to do and not to do as a parent. I'm just not sure how to get through all this. I'm only 23 and have a 3 year old who depends on me, and a lot more life to live. How do I do it without constantly thinking about everything. It drives me bonkers sometimes. I want it to shut off and go away!!!! At least for bedtime:(
An anonymous caregiver said...
12 months ago
I was financial and health care POA for my mother until her death on March 13th. She was on Medicaid, and had Social Security, and with her pension she paid roughly half of the total liability for her stay there per month.
My question is this; If she didn't have enough money for me to accrue a savings for her final expenses, and Social Security pays backwards, not forward....am I personally liable for those last 13 days of her stay at the nursing home? If she left me with no money due to no fault of her own, nor mine, but the money just wasn't there at the end, can the nursing home legally bill ME for those expenses?
about 1 year ago
My mom passed away unexpectedly 11 days ago. She was in a nursing home in SC and I live in NY. One sister lives near her and went to see her a couple of times a week, i talked to mom on the phone every day. My goal was to bring her home but that didn't happen. I am wracked with guilt and anger. I truly know the nursing home contributed to her death. They withheld medical care and water from her. She died of a urinary tract infection and dehydration. I looked into sueing the nursing home but I signed an arbitration agreement when she went in which negates a court trial and I do not think our family can withstantd the emotional distress involved so we decided not to proceed in that manner. howerver, I WILL be reporting this nursing home and contacting the local newspaper about this danger. Needless to say, my father will NOT be going anywhere near a nursing home no matter what I need to do.
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