Will this feeling of despair ever ever allow me to live ?

I don't know how to do this. I was way too close to my dad and now I am wondering if that has hurt me rather than help me. I feel like I am dying each day. I am 38 years old and my daddy was 66. He has had CHF for 10 years. He has five daughters and a very devoted and loving wife. My father has fought to live since his diagnosis. Me and my family took such good care of him that he was ahead of the disease and the doctors were constantly baffled. I have been engaged to marry the love of my life for over a year now but I could not seem to plan the wedding as my dad had a tough year with his illness. on 7/11/2012 he was admitted to the hospital and never got out. He eventually contracted an infection through his pic line and never fully recovered. Ultimately he got another infection which led to his kidneys being infected. He died of septic poisoning on 9/15/2012. My dads wish was to see me marry so I did on 9/13/12 in the ICU. Him and my family around, I exchanged vows with my fiancé. At this point they said my dad should be good to go and home but I got married that day due to my dads persistence because he knew better. He died two days later. Fast forward to today, 10/1/2012- I am in shock still and very very depressed. I feel as if I need to follow him as I have done since I was 2. I am having obsessive thoughts related to his hospital stay and I have a picture of his face lodged in my brain 24/7 therefore I cant seem to concentrate on anyone or anything else. How can this be normal? I am terrified that this will trigger a depression in me that I will never be able to come out of. I have a huge supportive family but I do not seem to SEE anybody. I want my daddy and only my dad! I hear stories all the time of how people got over losing loved ones or just "learned" how to move on. He was the most amazing presence in my life and I have made EVERY decision in my life to please or displease HIM! Can he still hear me? Memory eternal I understand, but I feel like somebody ripped me physically.
My father lost 3 other siblings to CHF and 2 others have it now. There should be more research on this disease and the genetics behind it. I am 38 years old and have been told that the chances that I carry this gene is high.
I pray for strength and I pray for all you on this forum Rania