What to do I do now I am destitute?

4 answers | Last updated: Sep 16, 2016
A fellow caregiver asked...

I am now destitute and without a car after caring for my mother for 3 years. Attorneys took car on Friday. What am I to do now? My mother had a will my sister would not sign and now there is a mediator involved he said it was part of my mothers assets.I sold my car in those 3 years my mom would not ride in it. I have no money no car and no job my mother needed 24/7 care.What do I do? I need help asap



Community Answers

Sho b answered...

Hello "DestitudeGA," I'm terribly sorry to hear about the caregiving situation you described. Consider contacting the local Area Agency on Aging to find free and low cost care programs that are available in your area: https://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging

I also encourage you to write and rate any care providers, including Area Agencies on Aging, In-home care agencies, etc., for our Senior Living Directory if you end up using them for your mother's needs. You can write and rate providers here: https://www.caring.com/review_submissions/new?utm_source=community

I hope you are able to find some helpful information, referrals and resources in your area.

Kind regards, Sho of the Caring.com Community Team


Destitudega answered...

Thank you for your answer Sho B ...I was not clear in my Question my Mother passed on Dec.11,2011 and I am now alone and destitute with no car. I have less now than when I moved here to care for her. I have no means to even find a job now car is gone. Attorney said car was part of her estate. I really need help asap before I loose my home as well.


Djopgenort answered...

The whole thing about your sister not signing your mother's will is a bit vague, but it sounds like nothing is likely to be solved immediately. It also sounds like relations with your sister not the best, & you can't FORCE her to do the right thing. Short term -- You may want to find a place as a live-in caregiver with someone -- goodness knows you are qualified! 24 hr caregivers often do NOT need their own car (the elders often have a car, just like your mother did). In our area there's a non-profit that matches seniors who would benefit from a "roomate" with people who would benefit from a place to live. Terms in each situation are negotiated ahead of time (our particular agency requires "roomies" have income, to reduce the chance of financial abuse of the elderly). Figure out the bus system, go on Craigslist. The next 6-months/year or however long it takes to hash out the legal probate stuff won't be fun, but they ARE survivable.


Rescottii answered...

DestitudeGa, I am in much the same situation. For 15 years I was primary caregiver to my parents. Dad passed on in Feb, 2001, Mom was already having serious problems. In 2008 Mom had a stroke which paralyzed her entire left side and left her with swallowing problems. In August 2010 I brought Mom home from the nursing home and had her here at home for just over 2 years. She passed away October 10, 2012. During most of that time I handled their daily needs and care all on my own. As an only child who never married I had no one to fall back on. During most of that time there is no way I could have done what I did for Dad and Mom and at the same time been employed. I now have no job, no income, I'm many years out of the job market, burned out from caregiving, and fscing losing everything I have including my home. I'm trying to find a job but that's not easy. In addition to that, Mom and I have had twelve and a half years of total living hell one thing after another and another each thing as devestating and stressful as Mom's stroke. This goes back more than 8 years before her stroke. I have come up with a proposal for those cases where a caregiver is left in or near destitution due to caregiving. In those cases where a caregiver is left in or near destitution due to caregiving, after the elderly parent or grandparent dies, allow the destitute former caregiver to continue receiving the elderly parent's full retirement income (both Social Security and pension) with COLA's for the rest of their life. They would be living independently in the community as a participating member of society, paying income tax on that income, real estate tax on their house if they own one, participating in the economy buying goods and service like everyone else, After healing from their grief and caregiving experience many will want something to do and some will find ways to volunteer and give bakc in that way. It could be a win win situation not only for the destitute caregiver but also for society at large. It would also cost far less both in dollars and cents and in human costs that how we handle those destitute former caregivers now. I understand that many find themselves in a care facility themselves because they have nowhere else to go. I have put this proposal into an editorial which I have sent to 22 newspapers around the USA. I have also sent my proposal to President Obama, Both of my US Senators and My US Congressman, Gov. Mitt Romney, and to The National Alliance For Caregivers. By keeping an elderly person out of a nursing home the caregiver has benefited not only their elderly loved one but also society at large. We need a Destitute Caregiver's Act to take care of those caregivers left in or near destitution due to their caregiving, and I have taken on the cause of getting a Destitute Caregiver's Act.