My Mom has AD. I am her caregiver. I get little help or support from my sister who lives locally. She brings her a fast food dinner about three times a month. That is it. Absolutely no help comes from my brother. He lives about an hour away but he travels through here at least once a week. On a good month he might spend a total of an hour with Mom. The only thing he has done since my Mother's diagnosis was to try to get her to change her will and POA, making himself executor and giving himself POA for finances and medical. Luckily, Mom did not understand the documents and would not sign them. She received a bill for $600+ from the lawyer my brother hired to rewrite the documents, which she ended up paying.
My brother refuses to speak to me or respond to emails. My sister has taken my brother's side and has become very cold towards me. They say I turned our mother against my brother.
I was made POA and executor for both parents more than 15 years ago and before my Dad passed away. I now consider myself an only child and act accordingly. (Although I still notify both of my siblings of important changes, etc.) I have come to realize that neither my brother nor sister REALLY CARE about Mom's well being or what happens to her. Examples to back up my assumption: Last summer my sister asked why I was doing yard work for Mom. I told her that if I didn't do it Mom would and I didn't want her to get hurt. She had already fallen twice in 6 months and has severe osteoporosis. Sis responded with, "Let her fall; she will then learn not to do the work." SHOCKING!!! There are many examples, over the more than 40 years that my brother has been an adult, showing his lack of caring, besides his infrequent visits. On one visit after Dad died, when Mom asked him for help with some minor carpentry work, he told her to do it herself.
I feel so lucky to be able to care for my mom and believe that everyday I spend with her is a blessing. Knowing this helps me to not allow resentment of my siblings to occupy much of my thoughts. Their attitudes are accepted as part of my Mother's and my reality.
Thanks for letting me vent. I will not identify myself as I think my sister actually sometimes reads caring.com.