I understand so much of what is being said on this post. I moved down to live with my dad and help with my step-mom who had Alzheimers and was in a nursing home. She died three years ago. I stayed because dad is totally blind, 80% deaf, and diabetic. It tried for four years before I moved to get dad and mom to move up to where I was as it had good medical and public transit. I am legally blind and do not drive either.
So now I live four miles outside the nearest town with no transit. To do anything means first finding a driver and then paying for their time. Dad has developed dementia. At times he gets very negative and "picks" at me. He says this is how he shows he loves me. I told him that doesn't feel like love to me, but he says, "that is how I am so you just have to deal with it." Some times I get so mad I just go to my room or the computer room and stay there until I calm down. Unfortunately I have blown up at dad repeatedly.
My pastor suggested that when dad is being negative to tell him that I need to hear something positive. He also suggested that when dad is being negative about his life. saying things like, "this is a sighted hearing world and I don't want to live in it without either" that I just tell him that he has chosen to feel that way; I choose not to and not to listen or talk with him about it. I just got the advice yesterday so have not had time to try it out as my aunt came for a visit and dad is on good behavior.
One thing that has helped is that I have another aunt whose husband had alzheimers for 14 years. He had a gentle personality, which makes a big difference. But, I can talk with her and know that I am not going crazy. I also contacted a christian counselor who did not have any openings, but gave me the number of another client who was having similar issues. Having someone to talk to who is going through something similar is wonderful. She has made some very good suggestions.
As to the suggestions about support groups and getting people outside to come in and help. Being in a rural area there are no support groups, even if I could drive to them. Being on the computer for too long is exhausting. I use a screen magnifier but my eyes get exhausted and my dad fusses if I use the screen reader. And dad will not have people he doesn't know come into the house because he says they will just steal everything. Since he is totally blind and 80% deaf I can't argue with that.
I am praying for you. Sometimes it helps just to know that you are not alone in the midst of this crazy time of life. It also helps me not to look to far ahead as I get depressed thinking, "this will never end." Hang in there. If you didn't love them you wouldn't be doing this, but remember like they say on the airplanes, "If you are traveling with someone who needs help put your own oxygen mask on first, then help them." You can't give what you don't have. I have trouble with this concept, but I am learning and I believe you can too. Don't feel guilty for taking a little time each week for something that recharges your batteries!