Okay, I'm very frustrated.
My parents are deceased and I am taking care of my older mentally disabled sister. she's 40 years old. Truth be told, I don't want to take care of her but she is my sister and she can't live alone. My father passed this February and he was taking care of her. Ever since we were small, my parents coddled her, did everything for her, made excuses for her and did not teach her to be independent. For the past 25 years, her routine was to get up at 5am and stay in our living room and watch TV, she'd be asleep half the time and not leave until after midnight. She didn't like sharing the TV with anyone. My parents supported this behavior for 25 years, which brings me to this question. they would fuss at her for being in the living room but never made her leave. I've always advocated that she needed to be in a home. After my father passed, I contacted DDA to find housing for her, but more so to get her involved in activities outside the home. DDA informed me there is limited funding for housing so they are only considering those who have no one to take care of them. And I've told her when she moved in with us, that she is an adult, I will not treat her like a child, like mom and dad did.
Here's why I'm done. I have a 12 year old son. This has been an adjustment for him also but he's managing. Before she came along he/we had free reign to our living room. But because she has claimed our living room, he's upset that she is always in there. She'll let him watch TV but she stays in the living room. He said that he wants it to himself sometimes and he's tired of her being in there. I guess this hit home for me as I grew up with her behavior so I guess when she started doing it here, it didn't phase me. Yesterday, we had a family meeting. I told both my son and her that they had to share the TV. I told my sister if she wants to come in here at 5am, fine. She'll get the TV from 5:00 - 2:00 PM, my son gets the TV from 5:00 - 11:00 PM. I also told her she needs to vacate the living room at 7:00 PM. I told her she can go to her room, go for a walk go hang by the pool, whatever, just get out. Well, today 2:00 PM comes, I tell her to give my son the remote, She didn't do it.
I told her again and she threw it at him, barely missing his head. I made her get up and give it to him and she threw it at him again. I told her to apologize, twice, and she said "Sorry!" in a very mean way. So we got into an argument and basically she said that she's an adult an she can have the living room whenever she wants and that my son should go in his room and she doesn't have to share the TV. Of course we argued about that one.
The point is, I don't feel comfortable leaving my son alone with her now. As a matter of fact, when he was 5, we moved back home with my parents and my sister. She was mad then when my son wanted to watch TV in the living room back at our old house. She actually pushed him into the coffee table and he hurt his back, not seriously, thank goodness. But she has gotten violent with him before over the TV and living room and I'm afraid she would do it again. My son is uncomfortable also. He doesn't want to go in there without me. He was apprehensive about coming into the living room after the incident. He followed me around the house after the incident. He didn't want me to tell her to leave the living room tonight because he thought she would get mad.
I emailed our social worker at DDA to ask her to look into housing for her and it is imperative that she gets it. I'm not jeopardizing my son's safety. Nor risk having him taken away from me because of her. (I'm a single parent).She may not do anything to him but I'm not taking any chances. I even feel uncomfortable.
We've also had arguments about money. She gets her SSI check every month and I told her she needs to contribute to the house. Again, because of my parents, she's never contributed anything to them. They never asked her for her money. They felt it was her money and they felt bad taking it from her so she spends as she please. She bought a $500 purse one time. Mind you, she doesn't know $5 from $500. That's when I took her bankcard away. She tells me I'm mean, I'm not going to treat her like a child and let her have her way all the time.
I don't feel comfortable with her in my house but she needs to live on her own and be accountable for something. With DDA funding unavailable, where else can I look for housing? And someplace I can get her in quickly? I'm the only sibling.
Sorry for writing a book. I'm really upset about this but I truly think it's best for everyone invlolved. Thanks for your help.