I am an ex-wife who has remarried so I'm in a position to see both sides. My ex-husband has also remarried. While my ex and I were married, we are not now. Both of us now have a spouse and that is where our priorities lie, to our respective marriages, not our exes. While we have a grown up son, we are nothing to each other anymore. While I may feel a sense of loss when my ex dies, my grief should be private and not impinge upon his wife and their marriage.
I hear a lot about ex spouses still trying to make a claim on their former partner's life. This is unacceptable. When you were married, how would you have felt if a former girlfriend/boyfriend of your spouse was given equal status to you? To me, this is plain jealousy and I wish people would stop using their children as a means of maintaining a connection to your ex and their family. When a couple divorce, of course the parent/child relationship continues but the parent/parent relationship is over and all entitlements that go with it.
When my son's father dies, in no way do I expect to be mentioned. Not as an ex wife, survivor or whatever else that may be attributed to me. That is his wife's privilege, not mine. Likewise, when my husband dies, his ex-wife (or any former partners) will not be included in the obituary. This is political correctness gone mad.