How can I control the urge for sex when my partner is not well?

A fellow caregiver asked...

How can I control the urge for sex when my partner is not well?

Expert Answer

Kelly Connell is a sexuality educator and consultant with more than 18 years of experience in the field of sexuality. She is the owner of Kelly Connell Consulting, an organization that provides sexuality education and consulting services, and she engages in public speaking and educational programs and writes for various organizations. Connell recognizes that sexuality is an important quality-of-life issue and has provided sexuality education programs to college students and adults, healthcare providers, patient support groups, senior citizen centers, and other organizations and populations.

I am not sure controlling the urge for sex is the answer. Our sex drive ebbs and flows throughout life and is sometimes related to life circumstances. While it is normal for someone to have decreased interest in sex when they are ill, it can be frustrating for both partners. The answer lies in finding ways to express intimacy with your partner that does not necessarily include intercourse. It may be mean just holding each other in bed, massage or any number of non intercourse related activities. Let your partner be your guide about what they feel comfortable with. This can be very important to someone who is ill. You can find release for your sexual needs through masturbation which is a normal, healthy sexual activity and a great option when one partner is not up to sex. You can't force your sex drive to decrease or your urges to go away. I hope this helps.