How to care for an aging parent and keeping my sanity?

2 answers | Last updated: Sep 17, 2016
A fellow caregiver asked...

I have been taking care of my mother for last 4 years. She has M.S., high blood, cholestrol, obesity, just to name a few. She stays with my father and he is trying to keep it toether, but he keeps saying it's getting just a bit too much. She wont try to help herself, only to do what she wants to do. She goes to the day center for seniors, drive herself then comes home and expects to be waited on. I work all day and checks on her 2 days a week, and makes sure she has her medicines which I cant trust her to take her insuline correct which makes her bottom out B\C she does not take it on schedule and eats everything that comes down the pipe. Oh did I mention stubbrone mean and nasty. Feet and ankles swollen like bricks, but don't want to take fluid pills. My stress level is down to( 0). She is my mother but my patience is wearing thin. She forgets what she wants and remembers what she wants. Any suggestions to help me keep my sanity



Community Answers

Sho b answered...

Hello Anonymous, Thank you for posting your caregiving challenges with our community. One suggestion would be to seek support from other caregivers in our community through our online Support Groups at https://www.caring.com/support-groups. Here, you'll be able to connect with other caregivers in our community to talk about daily challenges, vent, laugh and share advice to help "keep your sanity" 24/7.

You may also find some useful information in the following resource centers:

  1. Caregiver Stress Solution Center: https://www.caring.com/caregiver-stress
  2. How to Avoid Caregiver Burnout: https://www.caring.com/caregiver-burnout

I hope some of these links are helpful. Don't hesitate to contact our team if you need help finding additional resources for you and your loved one - we're here for you!

Kind regards, Sho of the Caring.com Community Team


Patv answered...

You are in the difficult position to remember all her ups and downs. While she is only seeing what is right in front of her. (Sometimes having a good memory is our own worst enemy as a caregiver.) I want to encourage you. You are in a position of strength. I would suggest discussing "things" less with your mother, and your father as well. Just do whatever you have planned for your mother, less said the better. She probably isn't able to rationally see her needs, thus having a discussion will be fruitless. Hopefully you have been able to get them to sign a Power of Attorney for financial and medical, which makes it so much easier to make the right decisions. I have found that making decisions for my mother works better if I don't talk it over with too many people. And I step away which she becomes angry - that "count to ten" works well too. You are doing great, even if it doesn't feel like it.