How far is my mother gone into dementias?

1 answer | Last updated: Sep 10, 2016
A fellow caregiver asked...

My mother now believes that she has won every prize that comes through the mail and phone.She was a sharp business woman ,but now in completely spiraling down into this fraud stuff that she has sent($20 to $30 dollars) at a time and I found out that she has spent $875.00 on that alone in three months.The phone fraud is a lot worse I have stopped her giving them $9,800, $15,000, and many smaller amounts that I haven't stopped. She has become abassed with this morning , noon, and night. She has stopped eating, and has lost 45 lbs. We take food to her to eat. She is now wearing dirty clothes, and won't let us cut her hair, because she thinks that it won't grow back. She is saying that everyone is stealing her money. She can't even cary on a sentence without forgetting what she wanted to say.She is not taking her meds right, and will not show me what OVC things she is ordering through the mail. She drives 85 mph in 55 zones, so now no one will ride with her. The last straw was this week when she attacked me. I picked up a piece of paper with the mailing address of the crooks on it for her to send them 800.00 dollars, and she came at me , slapped me in the face while cursing at meapper and wadded it up, and put it under my arm. She thought I had put it in my pants. she then pulled my pants down,and feeling me all over. She is 90, so I couldn't defend myself. She then spit on me, tired to spck me in the face and kicked me. I got away from her and called the police. They filed a report, elder abuse on me,I am 68. She will NOT go to a doctor, much less two doctors to get her and me help. She still lives alone, and drives for God sake. but My hands are tied. Help!!!!!!!

Expert Answers

Ladislav Volicer, M.D., Ph.D., is recognized as an international expert on advanced dementia care. He is a courtesy full professor at the School of Aging Studies, University of South Florida, Tampa, and visiting professor at the Third Medical Faculty, Charles University, Prague, Czech Republic. Twenty-five years ago, he established one of the first dementia special care units.

I feel your pain. It is awfully hard to do to your mother but you need a judge to declare her incompetent and become her guardian. You need to take care of her finances and disable her car before she kills somebody. She is in moderate stage of dementia, will eventually need care in an assisted living facility and will need all her money.

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