My mother needs assisted living but my sister wants her to continue to live with her so my mother can pay her mortgage. How can I deal with this?

3 answers | Last updated: Nov 28, 2016
Dee ann asked...

My mother needs assisted living and has enough income to go into a nice facility. My sister wants my mother (age 84) to continue living with her so that she (my sister) will still get income from my mother to pay my sister's mortgage and my mother will continue to pay for her car. My brother has already blown my father's life insurance so he is not worried about the situation at all. What should I do?



Community Answers

Missy answered...

Maybe you can talk to your sister about how not having the responsibility of caring for your mother will free up some of her money and it will all equal out.  Less food to buy, more time to work, one less person in the house using electricity and water, for example. 


A fellow caregiver answered...

No one knows how hard it is to take care of an elderly parent and should be grateful if a sibling wants to care for mom it is the best place mom can be especially if that is where mom wants to be. Believe me it is well worth mom paying the mortgage and car payment. I think there is some jealousy here.


First born child answered...

Although it may sound like the best solution is to keep mom at home there are several dynamics at work here. *The elderly parent is still supporting the child. The adult child should not be dependent on the parent. Only by changing the dynamic here will the child grow to accept her own responsibility. This is best accomplished before the crisis of the death of a parent comes into play. * There is the stress of being a 24 / 7 caregiver, which is never easy and not good for either parent or adult child. Everyone needs a day off. * By having another caregiver available, especially a professional, there are needs that the adult child may not see and cannot recognize and solutions to those needs. * The home may not be conducive to mobility and good care, consider accessibility and air quality concerns. * There is also the role playing of good child carried through to adulthood. Understand that someone can be a good child without the monetary reward that comes from financial dependency.