How do I get my spouse to stop hiding wet adult diapers?

A fellow caregiver asked...

How do I get my spouse to stop hiding wet adult diapers?? HELP!!

Expert Answer

As Founder and Director of Circles of Care, Ann Cason provides caregiving, consulting, and training services to individuals and public and private organizations involved in eldercare. She is the author of Circles of Care: How to Set Up Quality Home Care for Our Elders.

The answer might be in the question! The phrase, "hiding wet adult diapers," might be like saying hiding her pride. (Or his?) Nowadays, for adults, we have incontinence products or pull ups or special underwear. We don't use diapers for adults. Also, this dear elder, whether he or she, may be trying to communicate somehting to you for which there are no words. She or he may want you to know that something in your relationship or within your circle is hidden. Maybe you are being kind to your spouse, but she or he might feel your frustaration. Is their something you are trying to hide.
Caregivers do need support and someone to share caregiving concerns with. If you can get clear in your own mind what it is that your spouse is trying to communicate, then you can address the issue. It could be that the relationship has grown too serious, perhaps the illness has created a feeling of burden. Hiding the underwear might be an attempt to be playful. Spend some time to contemplate what it is? Does this person that you have married need more attention, more entertainment, more authenticity> Do you need more help with the valuable job of caregiving that you are doing? Be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Please get some support from a support group, a minister, nurse or social worker. A Geriatric Care Manager, in person, could HELP.